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Dating Trends & Ending Ex Talk

Welcome to a very special Valentine’s Day post, friends! Tomorrow’s the big day and many of you are feeling the pressure to be coupled up or get struck by Cupid’s arrow. But we all know the holiday brings up a mix of emotions – from excitement to disdain and everything in between.

Regardless of your date status, we can look to relationship insights to chart brighter paths forward. That’s why we are thrilled to share this conversation with the incredible Dr. Helen Fisher, chief science advisor for Match and renowned anthropologist. Helen is unpacking the latest Singles In America Study just in time to rethink our romantic futures.

We knew Helen’s wisdom would unfold an intriguing discourse with new trends emerging across politics, technology, and intimacy. The insights deliver optimism for love in modern times. While dynamics are shifting, an inherent human drive for meaningful connections endures.

It’s a super-sized interview, so we are skipping the Dating Dish this week. But, we still have a steamy hot Dear Damona: How do I get my guy to stop talking about his exes??

It’s a very F the Fairy Tale style Valentine’s Day episode!

DR. HELEN FISHER (2:36)

Dr. Helen Fisher, renowned as a Ph.D. biological anthropologist, holds esteemed positions as a senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, Indiana Universit and as the chief science advisor to the Match Group.

She has written six books on the evolution, biology, and psychology of human sexuality, monogamy, adultery and divorce, gender differences in the brain, the neural chemistry of romantic love and attachment, human biologically-based personality styles, why we fall in love with one person rather than another, hooking up, friends with benefits, living together and other current trends, and the future of relationships.

She is quoted in Damona’s book, F the Fairy Tale. Damona has worked alongside her and admired her for many years.

(4:44) Singles in America Report

Match Group’s annual survey of American singles, Singles in America Report, reveals intriguing insights into dating trends. This year, some of the most surprising details emerged around three topics: polyamory, AI, and sex education preferences. While the data shows more openness to non-monogamy, most still ultimately seek committed relationships. Match also collected pioneering data on how people use AI in dating.

(8:12) AI as a Tool for Dating

Match’s annual singles study revealed 43% are now using AI to help craft more attractive dating profiles and messages, yielding better connections.

Helen argues this continues the eternal drive to leverage any advice to find mates – previously from mothers and friends, today from algorithms. So while some question if AI detracts from authenticity, Helen views it as the newest iteration of humans strategizing to present their best self when courting.

(11:55) Lonely and Hopeful

While 1 in 4 Americans are lonely, Match’s singles study surprisingly found 20% of youth see isolation motivating their love lives. Helen says loneliness drives connection. She advises meeting more people and focusing on compatible matches. Though modern dating can trigger loneliness, the feeling may also realign singles to relationship fundamentals.

(19:08) Gen Z: Victorians on the Move

“I’m calling them the new Victorians,” says Helen of young singles.

Despite Gen Z’s remote-work enabled nomadic dating, and millennials marrying much later, she argues an extended “pre-commitment” stage nurtures wisdom – allowing more time to self-discover and try partners before settling down. Though modern dynamics grow complicated.

(24:23) Let’s Talk About Sex

Today’s singles are getting intimate faster, with fewer taboos or repercussions. But Helen argues hookups aren’t really “casual” – biologically, sex still sparks bonding brain systems that evolved for attachment. Essentially, the lid is off sexually. Yet our brain wiring remains the same for meaningful connections – even amid freer exploration.

Patience and wisdom remain vital navigation tools on the modern romantic landscape. The terrain may have shifted, but human hearts still seek meaning.

Connect with Dr. Helen Fisher on her website: HelenFisher.com. Be sure to read Match’s Singles in America 2023 report.

DEAR DAMONA (31:00).

Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

Instagram DM from V:

Dear Damona, I love your podcast. Here’s my background and dilemma: I’m 56, my 20-year marriage ended in divorce 10 years ago, and I’ve been actively dating for the past seven years, learning what I need at this stage of life. My dilemma. I’ve been dating a guy for six months. We met on a dating app, and we live two hours away from each other and see each other once a month, sometimes twice. We typically spend the weekends at his place. We are not exclusive. Although I’m not dating anyone else by choice. He’s transparent about having a long-term polyamorous relationship. I know it’s a lot. We get along great, have a lot in common, sex is good, and we practice safe sex, but he constantly talks about his past relationships. I appreciate the vulnerability. But I’m getting tired of hearing about all the women he’s dated. How can I tell him I’m not polyamorous? By the way, I didn’t expect this to go beyond a summer fling, but it’s nice. We have an ease about us. And we really like each other. I’m not trying to move too fast or force anything. But I’d like to let him know the conversations about his past are starting to turn me off.

Dating App Deja Vu & The Tinder Rule

As we approach Valentine’s Day, let’s shift our focus from the idyllic scenes painted by Hallmark, See’s, and Tiffany’s. Instead, let’s embrace the essence of the holiday: LOVE.

Our esteemed guest, MJ Harris, author of “Get The F*ck Out Your Own Way,” joins us to reveal the secrets of empowering your relationships—be they personal, platonic, or romantic. He challenges conventional notions, including the surprising perspective that there might be nothing wrong with ghosting?! As a seasoned world traveler, MJ will also share The Tinder Rule for those navigating the dating scene abroad. Get ready for insightful revelations and a dose of love wisdom!

But first, we have the Dating Dish this week, and it’s right on time for Valentine’s Day!

DATING DISH (2:34)

Damona explores the phenomenon of “avalanching” highlighted by Stylist Magazine – a frantic, quantity-centric dating approach fueled by the pressure of Valentine’s Day. Damona’s upbeat advice centers around intentional dating. She advises singles to avoid the rush and focus on slow love.

Citing Sylvia Liza Loni, an expert from FindingtheOne.com app, Damona shares three quick tips on capturing the conclusion of peak dating season and maybe even a date for Valentine’s Day!

MJ HARRIS (13:36)

MJ Harris is an international speaker, social media celebrity, and the author of the new book, “Get The F*ck Out Your Own Way: A Guide to Letting Go of the Sh*t That’s Holding You Back”. MJ has been featured by Oprah, USA, Today and Black Enterprise. He’s also the CEO and founder of the MJ Harris Financial Group.

(16:20) Are You a Recovering People Pleaser?

People pleasing is a hard habit to break, but being aware of this tendency allows you to pause and respond intentionally. As MJ says, anytime someone presses you to answer right away, that likely serves them more than you. A thoughtful pause is so much better than quick reactions we might regret. Moving too fast or on auto-pilot can mean ignoring our needs and wants.

MJ gives himself space when asked for something: “I am conscious of processing my feelings so my decisions reflect my best interest – not just pleasing others.”

(23:10) No is a Complete Sentence

Saying “no” challenges even the most caring people pleasers. We tend to over-explain, trying to talk ourselves into a “yes” instead of setting clear boundaries.

MJ suggests that “no” can be a complete sentence and it doesn’t have to be blurted out directly. Give yourself permission to phrase it in whatever format feels most comfortable to you. The priority becomes honoring what you actually want or don’t want to do.

(27:50) Ghosting is ok??

MJ doesn’t demonize ghosting. He says that ending communication abruptly causes real hurt, but not everyone has the tools to confront disappointment directly due to past trauma. Rather than excuse it, he suggests accepting that ghosting exists as an unfortunate dating reality.

He says that staying attuned to subtle cues along the way can alert you to a potential situation. MJ shares his own ghosting experiences saying, “there were normally some nonverbal cues along the way that I may have kind of overlooked,” he says. Essentially, if texts decline in warmth and plans grow platonic way before the final silence forms, a fade is brewing.

(37:17) The Tinder Rule

MJ shares his “Tinder rule”. Different cultures find different looks attractive. So vet destinations beforehand by asking locals if your vibe resonates there.

When asked about LDRs, MJ says, “I think that long-distance relationships can work if there is the prospect of you two living in the same place within a very clear timeline.” Most important emotional needs don’t get met without frequent in-person contact, but for busy careers, scheduled mini-reunions help maintain bonds.

Follow MJ on Instagram @MJHarrisSpeaks and grab a copy of his book, Get The F*ck Out Your Own Way, wherever books are sold!

DEAR DAMONA (41:23).

Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

Instagram DM from Pearl:

I’m going back on the apps after having been on and off for a few years now. What do you do when you see men you’ve previously matched with, went on one or multiple dates with, or have slept with?

Dear Damona: Choosing Profile Pics & Dating Younger Men

It’s been just over a month since our last all Dear Damona episode and we’re thrilled to welcome a bunch of new listeners. If you’re new here, we extend a warm hello and a heartfelt welcome. Damona, with over 17 years of experience in Dating Coaching, is your guide through the intricacies of love. Join us for: Dear Damona: Choosing Profile Pics & Dating Younger Men

Now, dear listeners, we don’t mean to add any stress, but the countdown to Valentine’s Day has begun – just two weeks and one day away from the most loved and, for some, the most dreaded day on the calendar. Whether you’re in a new relationship or aspiring to be in one within the next two weeks, this episode is tailor-made for you.

Without further ado, let’s dive into the questions of the day! We’ll be addressing inquiries on dating etiquette when preparing for a significant move, navigating the challenge of matches dating a stereotype, and determining whether an abundance of compliments from a match is a red flag or not. Stay tuned for some love-filled insights!

DEAR DAMONA (2:26)

2:34 Instagram DM from J

I’m over 30. And it’s nearly impossible to find single guys that are older than me now. Can you give me advice on dating younger men?

7:10 Text Message from Anonymous

Hi, Damona I want to start dating again, but I want to move in a year. I’m in Alabama and looking at the West Coast to be closer to my grown children around the Joshua Tree area. How would I update my profile to reflect that? Or would I start looking in the area that I want to go? Help!

14:32 Instagram DM from Gigi

Hey, Damona, you are great on Drew Barrymore. I can’t wait to get your book. Let’s talk about size and women, curvy girls. I feel like there’s a stigma where men are looking for a size 6. I feel like my size 16 isn’t suitable for my dating era. I’m still struggling with men not wanting curvy white chicks.

10:09 Instagram DM from Heidi

Hi, I’m a widow and I’m new to dating sites. I friended a gent recently and he is so complementary it makes me nervous and a little uncomfortable. Is this a red flag?

25:09 DM from CZ on Spotify

I’m stuck on the technical issues of getting good pictures and being able to access them on dating sites. I’m not a photo genius, so I need professional shots.

Do you want to learn more about dating app etiquette? Check out this past episode: Good Jealousy & Dating App Etiquette

Did you like “Dear Damona: Choosing Profile Pics & Dating Younger Men”? Submit your questions for future Dear Damona Episodes:

Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!