Have you ever caught yourself rehearsing arguments in your mind before they’ve even happened? Or riding an emotional roller coaster day in and day out? Is forgiveness feeling like an uphill battle?

Could it be that you’re addicted to drama? It’s a tough question, but fear not, because our esteemed guest, and new BFF, Doctor Scott Lyons, has the answers. He’s done the legwork, folks, and he’s here to unpack his enlightening book, “Addicted to Drama: Healing Dependency on Crisis and Chaos in Yourself and Others.”

But before we dive into that, we’ve got a delectable  Dating Dish for you: HuffPost serves up insights on why we’re prone to trying to fix our partners and what we should do instead. 

And, of course, we can’t overlook our Dear Damona question of the week: “How can I attract more culturally open matches?” 

We don’t know about you, but we’re positively thrilled about this week’s episode! So, without further ado, let’s dive right in and start dishing!

DATING DISH (1:36)

A recent HuffPost article addressed a pressing question: Why Do We Try To ‘Fix’ People In Our Relationships? They kick off with a nod to Taylor Swift’s iconic line, “I Can Fix Him (No, Really I Can).”

But can you? And should you? We’ve all felt that pull to rescue our partners at some point. But why? Maybe it’s the feel-good factor of helping someone out. Or perhaps it’s about grasping a sense of control in a chaotic world. But here’s the kicker: our well-meaning efforts can sometimes do more harm than good. It’s a slippery slope, folks. What starts as noble intent can quickly morph into something unhealthy – hello, codependency

To learn more about codependent relationships, tune into one our favorite past episodes on the topic with Kylie McBeth and Mark Groves: Codependent Patterns & Are We Dating The Same Guy

9:52 Dr. Scott Lyons

Dr. Scott Lyons is a licensed psychologist, educator, and author of the best-selling book “Addicted to Drama Healing Dependency on Crisis and Chaos in Yourself and Others”. He is the host of the Gently Used Human Podcast, a delightfully delightful exploration of what it is to be human, and also a renowned body-based trauma expert and mind-body medicine specialist.

13:32 The Drama Lure

We’ve all been there – caught up in the whirlwind of emotional highs and lows that drama brings into our lives. But why are we drawn to drama in the first place? Dr. Scott starts off with a fascinating explanation of the psychological underpinnings of this addiction. He shares that, for some, drama can provide a sense of excitement and intensity that may be lacking in other areas of their lives. It’s a temporary escape that can make us feel alive.

14:14 How Do I Know if I am a Drama Addict?

Of course, Dr. Scott has a quiz to take to see the signs that someone might be addicted to drama in his book “Addicted to Drama Healing Dependency on Crisis and Chaos in Yourself and Others”. He mentioned behaviors such as constantly seeking out conflict, overreacting to minor issues, and thriving on the chaos that drama creates. It was a moment of self-reflection for many of us as we considered whether these patterns resonated with our own experiences.

18:09 Relationship Ripples

Dr. Scott made it clear that an addiction to drama can have profound effects on our relationships: “We’re not looking for relationships. We’re attached to the action of getting there.” He pointed out that when we’re addicted to drama, we often create unnecessary conflict, leading to a cycle of emotional turmoil and instability. This can strain even the strongest of bonds and leave us feeling disconnected from our partners.

39:30 Growth Beyond the Chaos

How do we break free from the grip of drama addiction? Dr. Scott provides practical advice and strategies for reducing drama in our lives. He emphasizes the importance of self-awareness, setting healthy boundaries, and nurturing inner peace. It’s about finding equilibrium and learning to appreciate the tranquility as much as the chaos.

Dr. Scott shares insight into five key milestones for healing from drama addiction. Drawing from the experience of someone who has successfully overcome this addiction, Dr. Scott highlights the shift from using stress as a social adhesive to cultivating a sense of belonging and connection with others without relying on chaos and drama to fulfill that need.

Want to know about Dr. Scott Lyons? Follow him on Instagram @DrScottLyons  and grab your copy of Addicted to Drama: Healing Dependency on Crisis & Chaos In Yourself & Others today!

46:58 Dear Damona

Submit your questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, X, TikTok, or Facebook, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

Text from Angelo:

Hi, Damona. First off, thank you for your wonderful book. I enjoyed reading it and took some very valuable things away. I have a question for you. I’m a very culturally mixed person. I grew up with parents from opposite sides of the globe. I’m finding that in the dating world, I’m often defined by being mixed in communities I’m part of. I’ve gone on first dates where things go well, we keep talking, and right before our scheduled second date, it’s postponed or canceled. And eventually, I get a text saying I’m looking for someone more X or you’re 2XX being one element of my heritage, or even I prefer tall and white. How do I keep attracting those who can’t see past heritage?