Welcome back to our F the Fairy Tale Summer series with bite-sized episodes inspired by the themes of Damona’s book, “F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story.” 

F the Fairy Tale is structured around the four phases of dating that Damona has taught over the last 17-plus years, identifying which myths seem to govern each phase. 

In our F the Fairy Tale Summer series, we’ll cover all of those myths and their fixes, revealing the pillars that are the antidotes to dating frustrations.  

Today, we’re tackling the first myth: The List Myth. This myth is insidious and oh-so-unsatisfying in dating

(1:18) The Longer the List, the More Limiting it is 

Crafting an exhaustive list of criteria for potential partners can create unrealistic expectations and distance you from making meaningful choices. 

A long list offers an escape hatch, preventing vulnerability while also creating a feeling of discouragement when no one meets every criterion. While having some criteria is necessary, too many can turn dating into a frustrating minefield.

(2:33) Get Laser Focused

To break free from the list myth, Damona wants you to get laser-focused on the most important qualities in a partner. 

Narrow your list to three must-haves and one deal breaker to clarify what truly matters to you. This approach helps you make more mindful and meaningful choices in your dating journey.

(2:56) Micro-Choices Add Up Fast

Damona shares “There always comes a point when I have to engage in dating math with clients. As they build their lists, I compute how each selection erodes their dating pool.”

For example, many women want a partner over six feet tall, but only 14.5% of men meet this. Adding criteria like a master’s degree, specific location, race, and income, further limits options. This compounding effect can leave very few potential matches.

(3:58) Damona’s Hot Take

Everyone has something on their list that limits them. 

It’s crucial to ask why those items are there and consider how you want to feel in a relationship. You can check all the boxes and still feel it’s not right. But “if you can drop into the feeling of what it will be like to be in a relationship with this person, you will always know when that feeling is repeated.”

Join Our Book Squad

Follow along with the book “F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story,” available on Amazon and anywhere books are sold!

Have you already read the “F the Fairy Tale”? We invite you to join the Book Squad! If you review “F The Fairy Tale” and submit it at DamonaHoffman.com/booksquad before July 31st, you’ll be invited to an exclusive Q&A session with Damona!

See you next week when we will dive into the Rules Myth!