Tag Archive for: heal

2 Black Girls, 1 Rose & As Seen On TV

The Golden Bachelor premiered a couple weeks ago and the verdict is in – audiences young and mature are eating it up! 

We are seeing a shift towards diversity in the casts of our favorite reality dating shows. People are tired of labels and hungry to see love in all its forms. But there is still work to be done in this space…

And that is why our word of the week is REPRESENT

Damona’s yoga teacher and mentor, Rebecca Benenati, always chooses a word of the year and a few years ago, Rebecca shared this message about the meaning of this word for her:

“It is my wish for myself and for everyone to feel strong, clear, honest and safe to authentically represent who we are. Let the words you say be truthful, let the actions you take be mindful and above all hold less fear about saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Now is the time to speak up, speak out and REPRESENT yourself with great quality. This bold concept may mean that others have to look at themselves and isn’t that the beauty of doing our own work. We can rise together to be the best we can be, not by doing more or saying more but by consciously choosing how to best show our hearts to each other.”

As a DEI exec for many years at CBS and NBC, Damona believes that representation matters – being able to relate in some way to the people we hear or see out in the wide world helps us all live a fuller human experience.

2 Black Girls, 1 Rose (3:24)

Justine Kay and Natasha Scott-Reichel, the hosts of the 2 Black Girls, 1 Rose podcast, are on a mission to uncover what we can learn — if anything — about modern dating, love, and relationships from popular television.

Natasha and Justine have recapped all of your favorite shows including The Bachelor franchise, Love Is Blind, Married at First Sight, Perfect Match, Indian Matchmaking, and The Ultimatum: Queer Love.

Their podcast was named one of the 50 Best Podcasts to Listen to Right Now by TIME Magazine. Natasha and Justine have also been featured on ABC and Lifetime and in the Washington Post, the LA Times, and New York Magazine.

(7:25) Golden Bachelor 

Natasha talks about the amount of content that is available to people and how it is forcing networks to be more innovative. She adds that the Golden Bachelor has been teased for almost 4 years and that there has always been an excitement for it. “The audience is getting older and they need to feel reflected in it.”

Justine says shows like Love Is Blind made way for more cast diversity in the Golden Bachelor. “Love Is Blind, having their first and only king and queen of the franchise be an interracial couple, and be a black woman and a white man, they’re paving the way.”

(12:43) The First Black Bachelor 

Natasha breaks down why she thinks the first black bachelor was done all wrong. “They gave us Matt James but we never got to know him. He never spoke on being a Black man – a Black man dating, a Black man living in the South, a Black man with a White mother. Maybe he had those conversations, and they edited them out, but that’s the problem.”

(22:00) Love Comes In Many Forms 

Damona talks about how some daters falsely believe that if they date someone like them, it will make it easier for them to connect. “It can be a missed opportunity when it is supposed to be a time of discovery.”

 

Justine shares how the differences between her and her husband have been learning experiences. “We could not be more opposite and the way that we learn from each other daily is an incredible thing.”

Nathasha adds, “Some people might have it in their head that they know exactly what love will look like and who it will come from, but that’s doing a disservice to yourself.”

 

Follow Natasha and Justine on Instagram @2BlackGirls1Rose and check out the 2 Black Girls, 1 Rose podcast wherever you listen to Dates & Mates!

 

DEAR DAMONA

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!

Profile Punchup & Text-Speak

We don’t have to tell you that dating today is nothing like it was for our parents. Texting, dating apps, and DMs have forever changed the game and we think it’s safe to say that we are all having to adapt rather quickly. As we’re learning new skills in this arena every day it can sometimes be overwhelming and we may be tempted to push the whole thing away. No more apps, no more texting, no more dating, just no. 

But there are ways to reduce your communication stress and stay in the dating game long enough to meet someone who peaks your interest.

And that is why our word of the week is PROCESS.

When we look at dating as a process and not something that happens by happenstance, we can better chart our path. 

Our guest today, Erika Ettin, did that herself many years ago and now she does it for thousands of fans, listeners, followers, and clients.

ERIKA ETTIN (2:05)

Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, a consulting company that helps people navigate the world of online dating.  A Little Nudge has been featured in media around the country, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, NPR, CBS, and Ask Men.

She is also the author of the book Love at First Site and the co-host of the dating podcast So, We Met Online…

LAY DOWN SOME MESSAGE BAIT (7:40)

Like Damona’s 3 C’s, Erika has some guidelines to the photos in your dating profile, starting with, only post 5:

  • A nice clear shot of your face
  • A full body
  • You doing something interesting (message bait)
  • 2 other pictures of you in your element

Erika breaks down the idea of message bait, “basically someone can ask you a question about it. They feel brilliant because they have asked you a relevant question, but really you are the brilliant one, because you planted it!”

ONLY ONE FIRST IMPRESSION (13:31)

Text speak is when you abbreviate words and phrases in text like HBU, WBU, U. “When somebody uses text speak, it automatically makes the conversation more casual and more casual for more people means it might veer into the sexual.”

Erika says that you only get one first impression, so write in a way that represents your intelligence. 

WHAT TO SAY IN A FIRST MESSAGE (20:13)

Erika offers some scripts to make your first message cute and stress free:

  • You can definitely have the window seat as long as we’re going somewhere amazing. I’m thinking Hawaii.
  • Where is the best Pad Thai in the city? Asking for… me.
  • Curly fries or waffle fries?
  • How did you get into country music? Do you own the boots too?

She explains that it’s as simple as picking up on something in your matches profile and then adding a little humor. 

Damona shares her first message approach – a comment + a question.

CONVERT MATCHES TO DATES (30:24)

Many daters complain that staying in the app once a connection is made is a pain, but Erika says it’s the key to high match to date conversion rates. Her formula:

  1. Set the date in the app.
  2. Confirm the details with “it’s a date:”.
  3. Exchange phone numbers the day before the date with this message
    • “In case you need to reach me tomorrow for anything, here’s my number. What’s yours?

According to Erika, “60% of dates no longer happen if you exchange numbers before you have set the time, date and location of the date because there is no more urgency and sometimes a false sense of urgency.”

 

Follow Erika Ettin on Instagram @ErikaEttin and sign up for her coaching programs at www.alittlenudge.com/coaching_d/!

 

DEAR DAMONA

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!

Age Gap Crap & Solo Mom

Love knows no boundaries, and yet, inequities can rear their ugly heads, even in the realm of romance. It might appear in the form of someone who refuses to date people their age or someone who refuses to date people outside of their race. No matter the origin, it’s important that you don’t allow it to hold you back.

The word of the week is AUTHENTICITY.

Authenticity is your superpower. Embracing who you really are is far more rewarding than trying to fit a mold. 

So be yourself! Step into your true self at any age, any race, any religion. Step into your true relationship goals whether it includes another person, more than one person, or even a child who can help you achieve the goal of being a parent.

Our guest today – Rachel Russo – will inspire us all to trust that our authentic selves are lovable, and to set relationship goals that are realistic and inspiring for us.

RACHEL RUSSO (3:17)

Rachel Russo has been working full-time as a matchmaker and dating & relationship coach for eighteen years through her boutique matchmaking and relationship coaching company, Rachel Russo Relationships. 

Fun fact: She’s also a solo mom by choice and she is loving mom and entrepreneur life! 

CHERRY PICKING CLIENTS (5:14)

Rachel talks about the trend in dating culture and society which seems to devalue women as they age. “The men that are coming to me in the matchmaking world are wanting to date significantly younger women, and when it’s like 20 plus years, I’m not onboard.” 

And with such a significant career, Rachel is able to pick and choose who she’d like to work with. “I mean I can really work with anyone professionally that is respectful and has reasonable criteria, but they don’t always align with my own values, so I’m trying to draw that line in the sand.”

PROBLEMATIC AGE GAPS (6:12)

Rachel describes how she approaches older men who come to her looking for matches 20 years younger. “So I would tell them to put yourself in the shoes of the women that you want to date. In my case, I am the age that they want to date, but guess what, my dad is 72. So why do I want to date you when I can date someone who’s a more reasonable age difference?”

In the end, Rachel turns these clients away with the honest answer that she doesn’t have a database of women who are willing to date that large of an age gap.

SOLO MOM LIFE (23:02)

Rachel believes that being a solo mom can positively impact women’s love lives. “It’s so empowering. It takes the pressure off, they’re happy, and they got what they want. Now they can find someone on their terms.”

However, Rachel’s dating life is currently on hold. “I’ve decided to delay dating until she’s three. I was doing everything to have this baby and I want to put equal effort into finding a partner.”

 

Follow Rachel Russo on Instagram @Rachel.Russo and sign up for her registry at RachelRusso.com!

 

DEAR DAMONA

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!

Dear Damona: Vision of Love & Sue’s Story

If you joined the “F the Fairy Tale” Challenge last week, you might’ve heard a lot about mindset work while dating. But, we can only see a continuous shift in our mindset when we take action. 

So with that, the word of the week is ACTION.

We’re back with another round of questions for this all-Dear Damona episode, AND a special appearance. Damona will be joined by her client, Sue, to share how she learned to love again after losing her husband in 2021 – and why you should never give up on love.

DEAR DAMONA (4:00)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on our next all-Dear Damona episode!

  • (4:00) Voicemail from Faith: Hi Damona! I know you speak a lot on visualization as a part of the dating journey. I was wondering if you have any suggestions for the small population of those that deal with aphantasia. Aphantasia is when your mind’s eye is essentially blind. So if somebody says “picture yourself on the beach”, I just go blank. Do you have any suggestions for how those of us with aphantasia could get clarity, maybe without visualization or with another tool.

**Vision boards can be a really great tool for visualization or for helping you see what you want more clearly. Check out this Vision Board minisode for Damona’s tips on how to make yours!

  • (8:50) Voice Message from C: Hey Damona, loving the new format of the podcast. It’s happened to me a couple of times where there’s a guy who I’m really interested in, we may have been on like a date or two. But then what basically happens is he’s just rubbish at confirming when the next date will happen. Generally for me, if I haven’t heard from someone like two days ahead of time, I forget about them. Am I potentially dismissing great guys because of this? And if that’s the case, because it’s really early stages, am I allowed to ask the person for clarity in advance? Or is this all just a symptom of dating in your 30s?
  • (21:30) Text from K: Hi Damona. I’m over 50, never married, no children, and sometimes think that that’s a red flag for men. I’m also enjoying a middle-aged body that seems comfortable with my apparently futile efforts to change it. I don’t want to release my hope of finding a long term lifetime partner, but I’m barely hanging onto that hope. At what point should a person just accept it’s probably not going to happen?

SUE’S STORY (28:40)

Damona’s client, Sue, talks about how she learned to love again after losing her husband in 2021 and why you should never give up on love.

Unorthodox Dating & Newly Single

We had so much fun bringing you all the “F the Fairy Tale Challenge” last week. We connected with so many of you on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook AND our brand new (well, technically reinvented) Youtube channel! (Check out the Dates & Mates Youtube channel here…)

And with that, today’s word of the week is REINVENTION.

There are certain pivotal moments in our lives. Little windows open up for us to peer inside our hearts and ask, what do we truly want? And are we living life in alignment with our goals and values?

In the face of these challenges, we find our true strength through reinvention. It’s a beacon of hope that says, “You are not defined by your past, but by the potential of your future.” To embrace reinvention is to become the authors of our own narratives. It’s the fuel for personal growth and transformation.

This week, let the word “reinvention” inspire you to chase dreams, break boundaries, and shatter limitations. Go for what you know in your heart is meant for you. If you’re listening today, on the precipice of a reinvention of your relationship future or any other aspect of your life, our guest is the perfect person for you to hear from.

JULIA HAART (2:25)

Julia Haart is a fashion designer, entrepreneur and the current CEO of Elite World Group, a fashion talent management group. However, Julia started out in a very different place in life. She was raised in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish community and was married off to a man she barely knew at a young age. That marriage ruled her life for 23 years before she gained the courage to leave.

Julia joins Dates & Mates today to talk about how she went from ultra orthodox long sleeves to designing lingerie, and how to find your voice and power in a relationship.

(6:41) Shifting into body confidence.

Julia goes into her orthodox background, including the three laws that defined her life for years. Her transition into body empowerment, and consequently starting her lingerie brand, was inspired when her 5-year old daughter asked why their religion wouldn’t allow her to play soccer with the other kids.

(18:12) Don’t take freedom for granted.

Julia details what it was like to start dating for the first time at 52-years old. “The first like nine months, it was more about self discovery than dating. I didn’t really date.” For Julia, one of the most important transitions was experiencing her own sexual freedom for the first time. 

Julia also explains what she’s learned since being on My Unorthodox Life in 2022.

(25:05) Gardeners & flowers…

Damona and Julia talk about what it takes to really create change in your life, and deprogram old beliefs that aren’t serving you anymore. Julia also offers a metaphor that says everyone is either a gardener or a flower. “Gardeners are the people who take care, they nurture, they feed, they support, they help. Flowers are the people that say give me, give me, give me everything… I would like someone who gardens some of the time, and doesn’t always say ‘give me.’”

 

You can follow Julia on Instagram @JuliaHaart AND you can learn more about her sexy shapewear by visiting BodyByJuliaHaart.com.

 

DEAR DAMONA

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!

Manifest Love & Slay Monsters

 

From what we’ve been hearing lately, so many of you feel like you’re doing all the things to find your match, but not seeing the progress you want. So in today’s episode, we’re going to work a little magic – well, a specific kind of magic.

The word of the day is MANIFESTATION.

We believe that manifestation is magic and that we all have the power to manifest our destinies. When we dream it and believe it, we can achieve it, whether we’re talking financial success or love.

And before you say “that’s too woo woo for me,” we encourage you to have an open mind. Having an open mind is the first step to making manifestation work for you. When we manifest, we are actually programming our subconscious mind, helping our brains get to order our actions and make what we visualize real.

Or maybe it’s just straight up magic. Either way, our guest today – Morgana Rae – will show us how it’s done.

MORGANA RAE (3:00)

Morgana Rae is the #1 international best-selling author of “Financial Alchemy: 12 Months of Magic & Manifestation.” Morgana has been a 7-figure spiritual life and business coach for over 30 years (that’s over a million for those who are counting). She’s guided tens of thousands of entrepreneurs, artists, healers and humanitarians to heal the rift between heart, spirit, and money.

Morgana’s groundbreaking approach to “attracting money like a lover” has featured her on all the major television networks – United Press International, Yahoo Finance, The Wall Street Journal, and hundreds of others. As a thought leader on the topics of Wealth and Relationships, she’s also been a featured expert on stages with Deepak Chopra, Arianna Huffington, Bob Proctor, and many others. 

(3:00) Change happens at the speed of safety…

Although a lot of her work has been financially oriented, Morgana says manifesting love is a lot like manifesting wealth. She shares her story of how she slayed her “love monster” in 2012, when she met the man who would eventually become her husband. 

Morgana also believes that change happens at the speed of safety, and explains the 3 steps you can take to dissect and heal the ways you feel unsafe in love.

(22:15) Character versus characteristics.

After Damona describes her 3 C’s rule for profile photos – having Color, Context & Character – she notes that many people forget about implementing your character, because they get too caught up in impressing potential matches instead of leaning in authentically. 

Morgana revisits her own profile, and how she used her bio to paint a picture of what it would be like to date her. This is when the quality of her matches began to change. Morgana buttons her thought with, “if you feel like you need to impress that person, it’s not your person.”

(28:30) Find your Money Honey!

Morgana clarifies that your “money monster” can be anything that has ever made you feel unlovable, unworthy, unsafe, judged or powerless. And once you slay that money monster, you will open yourself up to finding your “money honey.” (Check out Morgana’s website for 6 steps on how to take action in finding your money honey.) 

Morgana adds that “you must create safety in your own relationship, with your existence, with your life on Earth. So that when somebody shows up with ill intent, you don’t take it personally. You just say no, and move on.”

 

Visit Morgana’s website MorganaRae.com and grab a copy of her bestselling book, “Financial Alchemy: 12 Months of Magic & Manifestation.”

 

 

DEAR DAMONA

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!

Dear Damona: Great Expectations & The Talk

 

We’re coming at you this week with our very first all-Dear Damona episode of Dates & Mates Season 11! And the word of the week? HEALING.

We’ve been seeing a lot of misplaced anger, frustration, and disappointment on all the socials this week on well-intentioned posts – everything from raising money for charity to book recommendations. There’s a lot of pain circulating in the form of critical comments and insults being delivered behind the veil of a phone screen.

But instead of fighting anger with anger, think about shifting your instincts towards healing.

Every action that we take is motivated by one thing – to move toward love or away from pain. We do not heal our pain through complaining, through dragging someone on social media, or from ghosting. We heal our pain through listening and through extending compassion to others.

And when we are healed and whole, we can move towards love and away from pain at the same time. Hurt people hurt people and healed people help people. And boy, do we need more helpers and healers right now.

On that note, let’s get into the business of the week. You asked for it – our first Dear Damona episode of the season.

DEAR DAMONA (2:45)

 

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on our next all-Dear Damona episode!

 

  • (2:45) Voicemail from Chantel: Hello, I recently jumped back into using dating apps and I’ve met someone who I really like who is kind, thoughtful and cute. We’ve been dating for about three months. I’m wondering if I should initiate a serious relationship talk? He said he is open to long term relationships. But we haven’t really talked about what our relationship goals are yet. So I’m not sure whether he meets my needs for a long term relationship. I am attending grad school and working. So I’m pretty busy, and I don’t have a whole lot of time for dating apps. I’m kind of worried that if I continue to date him, I won’t explore other potential matches. So I’m just wondering if I should initiate the serious dating talk or if I should just continue to date him casually and learn more about each other.

 

  • (9:50) Voicemail from Bren: Hi Damona! I am a 60 year old woman, new to the dating scene after a recent divorce. I have a question about complete honesty on dating profiles. I am a physician and I am very hesitant to put it on a profile so as to avoid a lot of the predatory stuff that goes on and some of the dating sites. But of course, I like the fact that I’m a physician. I’m proud of what I do, but not really sure how to approach that on a dating website. What is your advice in regards to staying safe and being fully transparent about your profession online?

 

  • (15:37) IG Message from Shana: Hi Damona, I have a query about not getting too disappointed after first dates which appeared to have gone very well, but then you don’t hear back from the man. Would you be able to offer some sound advice on expectations and not having them deflated?

 

  • (24:35) Voice Memo from T: Hey Damona! I was in a relationship for about two and a half years. Two weeks before it ended, we were engaged. It has been three months of healing, grieving, therapy and journaling and processing the end of this relationship. I am getting curious and excited. So the question is, how do you internally know if you’re ready to get back into the dating world after processing a serious breakup?

 

  • (28:52) Text from S: Hi Damona! I absolutely love your podcast. My question is how boring is too boring? I have been dating online for the past year and have met a lot of guys who are nice and want to see me again, but the dates are very bland and low energy. Should I be doing more to spice things up, or should I just pass on the guys if we don’t click after a couple dates?