It’s a new season for Dates & Mates—Season 12, to be exact—and that means it’s time for a state-of-the-date check-in.

To help us do just that, we’ve got Licensed Professional Therapist Jeff Guenther on board—you might know him better as TherapyJeff on Instagram. He’s going to share some gems from his new book, Big Dating Energy, which covers everything from figuring out what you’re really looking for to the ins and outs of the date itself to how to handle commitment and even how to part ways if it comes to that.

It’s going to be a great conversation, and then we’ll get into our Dear Damona question of the week: “What’s the best way to reach out to someone on LinkedIn?” LinkedIn love—just in time for fall!

Jeff Guenther (4:32)

We’re thrilled to have Licensed Professional Therapist Jeff Guenther joining us—you probably know him better as TherapyJeff from Instagram.

Jeff shares insights from his new book, Big Dating Energy, which dives deep into every stage of authentic dating. With 20 years of experience in private practice therapy, he really knows his stuff.

Beyond his book, Jeff is the host of the Big Dating Energy podcast and co-hosts the This Changes Everything podcast, another must-listen. His expertise has landed him interviews on NPR, Time, CNN, Rolling Stone, Business Insider, and Slate.

(5:17) Big Dating Energy

Jeff just released his highly anticipated book, Big Dating Energy, and he’s here to give and eus the inside scoop. Jeff opens up about the highs and lows of the writing process, from the joy of creating the content with his co-author Kate to the challenges of marketing, design, and endless editing.

But what makes this book even more unique is that Jeff’s co-author is his ex-wife, Kate Happ. Despite their divorce, they managed to maintain a strong friendship, which made the writing process smoother and more collaborative.

(11:45) When is a Deal Breaker NOT a Deal Breaker?

Clear thinking about what truly matters is key to finding a healthy relationship. Jeff suggests making lists, whether it’s fears, defenses, non-negotiables, or deal breakers.

As he wisely says, “A deal breaker has to actually be a deal breaker—if it shows up in the relationship, you’re done, you’re out.” This advice can really help you avoid confusing minor annoyances with true red flags.

But Jeff doesn’t stop there—he also challenges us to look deeper at where these deal breakers are coming from. Are they genuine, or just defenses we’ve built up over time?

(20:45) Dating Apps: A Big Chaotic Evil

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the endless swipe cycle on dating apps, Jeff really gets it. He reminds us that these apps are just one tool in the dating game, and they’re often designed more to keep us hooked than to help us find true love. 

This is a good reminder not to put all your hopes in  the apps and to keep your eyes open to other ways of meeting people.

(30:35)  Long-Term Relationship Survival Guide

Jeff shares some real wisdom for anyone in a long-term relationship. He’s all about making sure your relationship is healthy and that both partners are getting their needs met. 

One key tip? Learn how to handle conflict in a way that brings you closer instead of driving you apart. Jeff believes that every disagreement can be an opportunity for growth, not just a fight to be won. It’s about understanding each other’s feelings and finding common ground.

(32:40) Conversations to Have After Sex

Sex in a relationship doesn’t have to be perfect right from the start, and mismatched desires or awkward first encounters aren’t necessarily red flags.

 As Jeff says, “Sex gets weird.” But with some open, honest communication, most of these challenges can turn into opportunities for growth and connection. He shares some thought-provoking questions to ask after having sex with your partner. 

Jeff also emphasizes the importance of keeping the spark alive over time. 

 

Connect with Jeff:

• Book: Big Dating Energy by Jeff Guenther, LPC & Kate Happ
• Podcast: Big Dating Energy
• Instagram @TherapyJeff
• Website www.therapyjeff.com

Dear Damona (44:02)

Submit your questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, X, TikTok, or Facebook, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

Question from a listener named Chris:

Dear Damona, I enjoyed your Dating Decoded webinar, and I learned a lot. I know you get a ton of DMs, but it’d be great to get your advice. What’s the best way to reach out to someone new on LinkedIn without sounding creepy? Do I use your PS world method?

 It turns out we have a mutual connection, but there’s no profile picture, and I can’t click on it, so I don’t know who it is. I could use the connector circle if I find out our mutual connection. Please help