Open Relationships & Fear Of Dating Again



NOT GETTING YOUR NEEDS MET? CONSIDER OPEN RELATIONSHIPS. 

As a dating coach, Damona sees a big trend toward curiosity about open relationships. If you’ve spent years in unhappy monogamous relationships, this episode is for you.

Today’s guest, Kelsey Darragh from E!’s Dating #NoFilter and Buzzfeed, shares her personal experience of being in an open relationship and how her mental health journey impacts her relationships day today. 

Kelsey’s Bottom line: Happiness begins with honesty.

But Damona covers headlines:

DATING DISH (2:28)

(2:28) Are couples who don’t share their relationship online happier?

A recent survey by ShotKit, couples are 120% happier if they don’t post photos of their relationship online. Could it be related to the pressure related to going public on social media? Damona knows the answer from personal experience.

via GIPHY

(5:53) Fear of Dating Again (FODA)

HelloGiggles asks the question: is it safe to date again? Universally, singles across the world have a lot of anxiety as they contemplate re-entering the dating scene. Damona covers the article and also gives her own advice.

If you’re struggling with FODA here are a few additional tips from Damona:

💕 Address your anxiety head on and pinpoint exactly what scares you about re-entering the dating scene. What are things you can do to mitigate those fears?⁠

💕 Assess what you’re ready to commit to – if you need to take a break in dating that’s okay! It’s hard to date for a long-term relationship when you don’t know what your next 6 months are going to be like.⁠⁠

💕 If you’re taking a break from dating, set a timeframe and a goal for when you’re going to return.⁠

 

MARRIED TO YOUR JOB (13:00)

Kelsey Darragh is an author and comedian you know from E!’s Dating: #NoFilter and Buzzfeed. She has just released her new book, Don’t F*cking Panic: The Shit They Don’t Tell You in Therapy about Anxiety Disorder, Panic Attacks, & Depression, that address the struggles and triumphs of her mental health journey and how you can win, too.

Damona and Kelsey cover:

(14:27) After watching more than her fair share of dates on Dating: #NoFilter, Kelsey gives some great advice on how to make first dates work. Plus, her approach to dating gives more emphasis on not judging a book by its cover and making a true connection.

(15:30) How honest should you be on a first date? Kelsey says put all your crazy out there, but Damona disagrees.

(18:16) Kelsey talks about identifying as bisexual and why labels don’t matter anymore. Evolving as a society has allowed for much more fluidity when it comes to a person’s sexual orientation. 

(20:45) Kelsey and her boyfriend are currently in an open relationship which has completely changed her views on mynongmy. Everyone has their own definition of what an open relationship truly is and what each couples’ boundaries are. 

(22:00) Writing the rules for your own relationship: Being honest with your partner about your needs

(24:30) Rewriting the narrative: Marriage doesn’t always equal success

(25:45) Why Kelsey recommends starting as friends with benefits and growing from there

(27:12) Kelsey is a huge fan of using therapy for your own personal mental health as well as relationships. Her new book focuses on owning your mental health. Due to Covid, Kelsey believes people are assessing and prioritizing what is most important to them in regards to their mental health and how it can affect every aspect of your life. Kelsey herself has experienced depression, anxiety, and has amazing advice on staying positive and seeking help. 

(31:00) Being honest with yourself about your mental health and how it affects your day to day

(34:30) Damona gets honest about why dating is so unpredictable right now

Learn more about Kelsey’s Book at damonahoffman.com/contentclub!

DEAR DAMONA (42:50)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • (Sierra): Hi, Damona.  I’m a mid 20 something black woman living in the Bay Area. And my question is that I’m coming to two points of frustration right now, with dating apps. The first one is that I have dated race open in the past, and I’m currently dating race open now. So it’s never been something where it’s been an issue for me. But no matter how much, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, every time I close my eyes and think about what the most ideal long term relationship looks like, for me, it is always with somebody who is of my same race. And that brings me to my second point of frustration is that the apps that I’m currently on tend to lack some diversity. And when they do find people who are diverse candidates to swipe on, it tends to feel like I’m just grabbing at crumbs. So I’m not really sure if there’s anything I can do to solve the issue of a lack of diversity on dating apps or just wanting to date people of my same culture and of my same race, but I’m just more looking for some guidance and some advice on kind of how to get over this hump. 
  • (L):  Hello Damona. Is it normal for a man to admit you stress him out a lil ? I asked my guy during a disagreement if he was happy . He says yes should I take that for face value or should I take that as he is afraid to tell me the truth ?

 

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

The app solves many major challenges that Damona’s clients face in dating today:

  • You can keep your main number private
  • You can separate your personal and dating contacts
  • Plus, It’s easy to use and FREE.

We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

 

 

First Date Wins & How To Do It



IF YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT POLITICS ON A FIRST DATE, THINGS PROBABLY AREN’T GOING WELL.

We know, this is controversial, especially at a time when everything feels political.

That said, there’s a lot of grey area in politics and even when someone is voting for the same candidate – a lot can get miscommunicated and muddied in political conversations.

So you are much better off talking about values and goals because at the end of the day that will teach you more about the person you’re dating.

If you didn’t already get the picture, this week is all about First Dates.

Damona is joined by Rich Juzwiak, advice columnist behind “How To Do It” in Slate and co-host of the Pot Psychology podcast. Rich also happens to write for the Washington Post Date Lab column with Damona – matching hopeful singles in the DC on blind dates and then writing the recap.

But first we have headlines:

DATING DISH (2:30)

(2:52) Men say sex is better during the pandemic. Is it true? 

In a recent study by the New York Post, men reported having more sex than women. Damona examines the facts of this study. 

(5:55) Are dating apps ruining your self-esteem?

Damona looks at an article by StyleCaster where the author reveals dating apps were affecting her mental health. 

RICH JUZWIAK INTERVIEW NOTES (14:00)

Rich Juzwiak is a writer for Slate’s “How to Do It” which answers intense questions about sex, love, and relatioships. He and Damona cover A LOT:

(18:20) You watch movies and read books to view the world from a new perspective. Here’s why you should find a date who also has a different life perspective than you do.

(21:30) Do matches based on physical attraction have a higher success rate?

(25:00) First date topics: If you’re going to ignore Damona’s political moratorium, then here’s how to have THAT conversation

(28:00) 🚨STOP RIGHT NOW🚨: Are you breaking the 1 hour first date rule?

(26:19) Both Rich & Damona have been in relationships with partners where being a vegetarian comes into play. Can meat eaters vs. plant eaters truly enjoy a life together? 

(31:18) As a co-host of the hit podcast Pot Psychology, Rich discusses the impact of smoking pot on relationships and his personal experiences with it.

(36:29) Demi Lovato’s recent declaration of her sexuality brings up a major discussion of the importance and effects of labels. 

Want More of Rich?

Date Lab Column: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/date-lab/

How to Do It: https://slate.com/human-interest/how-to-do-it

Pot Psychology Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pot-psychology/id1496859784

 

DEAR DAMONA (42:08)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Meg (Voicemail): I met a guy on a dating app, and I’m not finding myself to be super attracted to him on the first couple dates. He’s not the physical type I usually go for. He feels more like a friend.
  • (Sora): Hello Damona! I love listening to your podcast, and I hope you will answer my question. Do you believe in the rubber band theory in a relationship where a guy pulls away and then returns? My guy has not contacted me for 8 days, should I wait and assume it’s all part of the rubber band theory or am I already being ghosted?

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

The app solves many major challenges that Damona’s clients face in dating today:

  • You can keep your main number private
  • You can separate your personal and dating contacts
  • Plus, It’s easy to use and FREE.

We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

 

DATES & MATES DEALS

BETTERHELP.COM/DATESANDMATES

Get Better Help: real therapy, convenient and affordable. Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. BetterHelp.com/datesandmates

 

 

Betches & Married to Your Job





 

BETCHES & MARRIED TO YOUR JOB  

We’re all out here striving and thriving in different ways. So today, I thought I’d address how to date when you are also focused on another big goal- whether that be with school, building your career, launching a business, whatever it is I’m here to support you on your journey to find love.

Today’s guest, Jordana Abraham, is the co-founder of a multimedia brand called Betches and recent Forbes 30 under 30 entrepreneur, about how she built her brand and met her man all at the same time.

But first, there’s some controversy we need to address:

 

DATING DISH (2:06)

(2:06) The Bachelor proves again that it’s really bad at matchmaking – Don’t come for me Bach Nation!

In interracial relationships we are afraid to say the wrong thing that we retreat from having the tough conversations. Don’t fall for the fantasy – don’t get caught up in the story. It’s important to ask the deeper questions early on. 

 

(8:13) How Tinder is making dating apps safer

Tinder’s new background check feature aims to create a safer online dating environment. While safety is important, you may be more likely to get hurt by factors that won’t show up in a background check. Dating fraud is not the big problem we make it out to be – the rise in dating fraud isn’t even proportional to the rise in online dating but the rise in people hiding their true selves.

 

BETCHES & MARRIED TO YOUR JOB (13:30)

Jordana Abraham is one of the co-founders of Betches, a multi-platform entertainment and media company for which she has been recognized on Forbes 30 Under 30. You’ve probably seen their IG account @betches which has (7.1M followers).

Today we’re talking about how to date and take care of your personal business when you’re a boss. 

(14:28) COVID and dating: Jordana shares how the pandemic has impacted the quest for finding love. 

(16:14) Career Minded: Sometimes being a boss babe makes finding love a challenge. 

(19:24) Overcoming Anxiety: When you are pulled so many different directions, finding balance and ways to destress are key to happiness. 

(25:44) Be Your True Self: Showing your authentic self to others attracts the kind of person you want to be with. 

(36:48) A Guy’s Perspective: Jordana’s male co-host has taught her a few important things about life and love. 

DEAR DAMONA (41:53)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Maryanne (Google Voice): Hi Demona, good morning. My name is Maryanne. I live in Los Angeles. I’m a 44 year old independent mother of a teenager business owner. Spiritually evolved definitely knows what I’m looking for and putting myself out there and with an open heart but here is my question. So I have a penis size requirement. You have to be a particular size to ride this ride home. And I don’t know if I’m necessarily a size queen, but I’ve had a baby that’s pretty large. So it needs to be like God. I don’t know if I need to say the number but a little larger than maybe the average. So, how do I even Bring that up in a conversation. I never have I think I did once but it did not go out. So what happens is I dated for a little bit, you know, we play the song doctor and so each other our private parts and then I kind of know because I am a 44 year-old woman if it’s going to work or not. So how do I Broach that or do I just keep looking and checking out the package? And then also I’m being sexually evolved. I do like to invite people into my place X clay and then how do I bring that and when you know, I definitely would prefer to be in a committed loving relationship where it feels safe and trusting to do that with my partner. So little food for thought that because this is all new and I am now embracing my very all of my all of my stuff all of me, and I just want someone else to also let me know your thoughts. Thanks, love. Bye.

Riveka (email): Hey Damona! I’ve been following you since you were on Black Love tv show. I’m nervous about shooting my shot at this guy. In your opinion what would be the best way I should do this and what should I say? My options are IG or a text phone number.

Body Image & The Sussex Situation



BODY POSITIVITY & FINDING LOVE

Story time: Damona had a little conversation with her client the other day who just got the COVID vaccine (yayy!!). They were talking about next steps in the dating process now that things maybe opening back up soon.

This client was so excited to finally get the vaccine but she was panicking because she’d gained a little weight during the pandemic and wasn’t sure how that would affect her dating life.

There seems to be a lot of anxiety in the air righ now since many up us are kind of freaking out at the prospect of seeing people and looking our best and actually having to fit into pants again.

So today, Damona talks to body image expert, Veronica Grant with some really great tips on how to find love when you don’t feel so good about the way you look. We’ve all been there so it’s a really important topic.

But first, there’s some controversy we need to address:

DATING DISH (2:30)

(2:30) We stand with Meghan Markle & Prince Harry

Meghan’s Oprah tell-all is causing quite a stir around the world. Damona explains what this means for you and your dating life. Also, you can check out Damona’s video on the subject if you want to join in on the conversation!

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Damona Hoffman (@damonahoffman)

(6:50) The latest controversial feature on Coffee Meets Bagel

Are you selecting your dates based on their vaccine status? Do you trust that people are being honest in dating right now? Damona gives us the skinny on why the app chose to include a vaccine option in their “About Me” section and how to decide whether to respond or not.

via GIPHY

 

BODY IMAGE & LOVE (12:00)

Veronica Grant is a body image expert and host of the Love Life Connection Podcast. As we’ve pretty much established, this is a HUGE topic and brings up a lot of feelings for every body (See what we did there???). Damona and Veronica cover:

Here’s the biggest truth that might make you examine the way you are approaching dating right now (13:00): 

You relate to men the way you relate to your body.

(15:00) People looking to date you aren’t seeing your body insecurities and often can’t even tell when your weight fluctuates. 

(16:00) If your potential partner hyper fixates on THIS, it’s definitely not someone you want to date

(17:30) Why compliments from other people can hurt your self-esteem

(19:00) If you’re only attracting people who want to be friends with benefits listen here

(22:00) If you believe something about yourself, you’re going to attract the kinds of people who reflect those beliefs back

(25:00) The Deep Work Framework: finding real love begins with healing your inner child

(26:00) How to get better at dating: will you benefit more from healing your self esteem and dealing with the past or developing a dating strategy?

(31:00) The surprising things that are creating overwhelm and anxiety in your dating life

(36:00) What timeline should you expect when you’re looking for love?

A Few Ways to find Veronica

5 Steps To Ending Overwhelm and Anxiety in Your Love Life: veronicagrant.com/workshop

Love Life Connection Podcast: veronicagrant.com/podcast

 

YOU’RE LIVIN’ NOW! (38:30)

Damona brings in another perspective from past guest, Erica Faye Watson. Here’s the video if you’re interested:

We are sad to say that Erica passed away two weeks ago due to complications from COVID 19. Erica truly was such an amazing person with an amazing perspective and she will be missed. Today’s episode is dedicated to her memory.

 

DEAR DAMONA (40:28)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Dillon (Email): I am a 26 year old Tech Guy living in a small ,East Coast city. Being my age, I am relatively open to anything. However, I definitely prefer something a little more serious. However, a problem has arose. I have struggled to find dates and have had a couple of people tell me that I would be someone women will want to settle down with and not necessarily date right now. How do I find where I’m going wrong? I workout, have my own place and am not some resentful guy. I want a relationship but feel myself getting upset with my myself because I am losing to men who just want casual sex.
  • Jodi (Voicemail): Hi, my name is Jodi, I’m 42 years old, I’m divorced. And I’m having a little bit of trouble navigating the dating world. And so I have so many questions for you. But I’ll start with this. So I am on to online dating platforms and one like swipe app. So opportunity, where I can see who has made my profile, I become increasingly frustrated with men who visit my profile on a regular basis, but refuse to send the message. And so I’m trying to understand what their motivation is for returning to my profile time and time again, without reaching out. And I’ve just gotten exhausted from being the first one to reach out just because that’s what Bumble makes me do. And I just, it’s not really working out for me, I’m taking a little bit of a break of being the one to reach out. But if that make sense, I’m just really curious about how I can maybe send a message back that kind of calls them out in a flirty way. Or maybe do I just send the message and leave it at that? I don’t know. I’m just curious as to how to approach that because it would really hurt my self esteem to send a message to somebody who has visited my profile numerous times and then for them to just ignore my message that might mess me up. I’m not sure. Anyway, I look forward to hearing your I’m sure one of your shows. Thank you for the work that you do. Bye bye.

 

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

The app solves many major challenges that Damona’s clients face in dating today:

  • You can keep your main number private
  • You can separate your personal and dating contacts
  • Plus, It’s easy to use and FREE.

We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

 

DATES & MATES DEALS

BETTERHELP.COM/DATESANDMATES

Get Better Help: real therapy, convenient and affordable. Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. BetterHelp.com/datesandmates

 

 

Ask a Matchmaker & The Love Doctor




PANDEMIC DATING HACKS

Dating is all about options and finding a person who is going to live your best life together with you. 

So today we’re going to talk about some of the options that are available to you right now. With my friend Matchmaker Maria. And now she’s here to make sure that everyone is putting their best self out there online and off. We have so much to cover today.

Here’s the rundown:

 

DATING DISH (5:31)

(2:30) The LOOOVE Doctor is in

On her show, Kelly Clarkson revealed to FLOTUS Dr. Jill Biden that she has been having a pretty tough time dealing with her divorce. Dr. Biden’s advice: Things will look better one day at a time. This comes at a time where the pandemic has forced couples into more amicable divorces. Damona explains why you need to hear this message, too.

(5:00) Pandemic Dating: A Year in Review

OkCupid gives us the skinny on the current stats behind pandemic dating.

 

ASK A MATCHMAKER (9:30)

Matchmaker Maria comes from a long line of matchmakers. And she spent 10 years studying psychology and love languages so that she can bring her clients the best options in dating. Plus, she’s going to give us some advice on dating in a pandemic, and putting your best foot forward. Let me tell you, she has reviewed some pretty janky profiles in the past year on her insanely popular tic Tock.

(10:00) Recapping bad dating predictions from 4 years ago

(11:00) A therapist, matchmaker, and dating coach walk into a bar…. Lol jk. What is the difference between a therapist, matchmaker, and dating coach?

(13:00) How to get hooked up with Matchmaker Maria’s clients FOR FREE in her database (you can join at agapematch.com)

(18:00) Consider going to a matchmaker if you have one of these careers: Professors, Celebrities & Public Figures, and Executives who have very nosy investors

(20:30) If you have ever said, “I don’t see anyone I’m attracted to on this dating app”, you might have severe dating fatigue, pandemic fatigue. 

(23:00) The cure for two dimensional dating – finding virtual events that are rich in the kind of singles you are looking for. Bonus points if it’s a Zoom meeting

(27:00) How men and women look at dating profile differently: Men swipe, women read more upfront. Women need incredibly accurate photography

(30:00) The subtle ways to write your non-negotiable traits and creating openings for your ideal matches to approach you comfortably

(33:40) Problem: Getting too attached to the idea of your pandemic boo. 

Solution: Don’t let them waste your time.

(34:30) What is the “texting timeframe” for online dating? 

(36:00) Treat your matches like toddlers? Maria suggests that you make sure they know you’re busy and to be clear about their options if they want to move forward.

Find Matchmaker Maria on IG @MatchmakerMaria and definitely join her database agapematch.com

DEAR DAMONA (40:28)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • J (Email): I am writing to you, because a couple of weeks ago, a guy (in my study program) messaged me on Facebook. I did not really know him, but we had attended some virtual events together. I wasn’t looking for anything but We were messaging back and forth, and we also had a couple virtual dates. We even went on a social distanced walk (masks on!). It was going great and I had a great feeling about it, until he started opening up about his doubts. You have to know that he is black and I am white. He was unsure I would be ready about being in an interracial relationship. He kept going on about it and how he was taking a risk and making himself vulnerable. I understood from where he was coming from. As a white privileged person, I can only hope to one day understand his reality. I believe I was supportive and caring. Since he kept going on about this relationship being a risk, I would say things like this: I was willing to take the risk with him, and we would be stronger together. However I understood, that it was a matter of trust and I felt he didn’t trust me enough. Each day, he would go on about his doubts (sometimes in the middle of the night!). I kept trying to be as supportive as I could, but his doubts started creeping on me too. It was only the beginning of the relationship (we’ve been talking for 3 weeks!) and I felt it was already a rocky start.Today, I finally broke it off, but I feel horrible. Did I make the right decision? He asked for a second chance, but I felt I couldn’t…When should we talk about our doubts in a relationship?
  • Franklin (Voice): My name is Franklin and I’m a twenty-four-year-old nursing student who just loves your podcast has been helping me along throughout my dating journey. My question is when should a person know to quit trying to date someone. I just met an amazing girl. We had a fun first date, but she’s going to be graduating from college soon, and she told me at the end that you should probably keep dating around since I probably am here only a few months, but I’m down to keep hanging out with you. And we did hang out on a second outing together, and we even planned a third, but I can’t help us feel that maybe this could turn into something more meaningful, or maybe that was her way of friend-zoning me. What’s your take?

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

The app solves many major challenges that Damona’s clients face in dating today:

  • You can keep your main number private
  • You can separate your personal and dating contacts
  • Plus, It’s easy to use and FREE.

We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

 

DATES & MATES DEALS

BETTERHELP.COM/DATESANDMATES

Get Better Help: real therapy, convenient and affordable. Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. BetterHelp.com/datesandmates

WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MATCHES?

Are you on the right dating app for your dating style? Find out with Damona’s quiz quiz.damonahoffman.com

 

 

New Future of Dating & The Hottest Date



LOOK INTO THE FUTURE

This is the 350th episode of Dates & Mates!!! What better way to celebrate the past than to look to the future?

With a lot up in the air around us, the future of dating appears a little uncertain. Across the board, dating coaches are seeing mixed results and a lot of confusion around the new timelines in dating.

via GIPHY

So today we’re getting clear on what’s in store for love this year. Damona welcomes two of our very favorite love coaches – Jonathan Aslay and Francesca Hogi.

Francesca Hogi is a love and life coach for extraordinary people who happen to be single. She’s really big on teaching people to ditch the fairytale and to find unique opportunities to find love. She’s been on the Today Show, she was a 2 time contestant on Survivor and now she’s pretty much the Queen of the Clubhouse App

Jonathon Aslay is America’s Leading Mid-Life Dating and Relationship Coach. Jonathon has taught hundreds of his client’s “purposeful dating” using his proven coaching methods. He’s authored many books on love and self-love, he’s been on NBC, ABC, CBS, and more plus he’s slaying the game on Youtube.

And you KNOW we needed to hear their takes on the week’s headlines:

 

DATING DISH (5:31)

(6:30) The new ‘Minister of Loneliness’

Insider reports that Japan appoints a new ‘Minister of Loneliness’ after the country’s suicide rates increase – especially amongst women. While they don’t see the American government appointing an official like this any time in the near future, Damona, Francesca and Jonathon all agree that something needs to be done about the collective loneliness the world is seeing right now.

via GIPHY

(11:00) The hottest day for dating

Things are looking up in the UK! Boris Johnson has announced that he plans for every adult in the UK to receive the COVID vaccine by July 31st. Even more exciting, OkCupid predicts that August 1st will be the hottest day for dating. Damona, Jonathon, and Francesca discuss.

via GIPHY

THE NEW FUTURE OF DATING (15:15)

Damona, Jonathon, and Francesca have lots of thoughts on the current state of affairs plus the future of love:

(15:30) Can a real connection thrive right now? Jonathon’s tips to avoid ‘false familiarity’

(21:00) Why this has been a good year for relationships: Franny sees a shift toward more dating profile honesty and getting better at prioritising real relationships

(22:40) The emergence of the “New Dawn Dater”: Look out world, Bumble predicts an incoming wave of pandemic breakups which means more relationship-minded singles ready to mingle

(23:36) The power of intentional communication in dating

(25:00) How to make dating obstacles irrelevant

(28:45) Bumble prediction: people may be more inclined to date locally because we have all become more familiar with our local communities. Franny disagrees

(30:45) Lead with practicality in dating today

(38:07) Are men too visual and physical to fall in love online?

 

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Damona Hoffman (@damonahoffman)

 

DEAR DAMONA (*and Jonathon and Franny) (40:28)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Julie W: I’ve been in a relationship for 1.5 years. In January I had to report back into school but my classes were still online. I go to school daily, sit in a room by myself, and come back home. My Girlfriend moved out in January because she was worried about her health. I’m so hurt and sad about it because I feel like I supported her through multiple back injuries and surgeries, in “sickness and health” and she isn’t supporting me with my career knowing I can’t change the fact that I have to report in. I think this is a huge red flag for our relationship as she will only see me now outside and we live in Chicago, it’s freezing outside. Do you think I’m hurt for the right reasons? I know health is important but this to me is not ok. I don’t know any other teachers who are going through something like this.
  • Jessica: What are your thoughts on the chances of meeting someone not using any apps? But then I wonder how in the heck do I meet quality men in these weird Covid times? I’m a 35yr old female that would like a committed, healthy long term relationship. I was married previously and have been divorced for almost 9 yrs. I noticed with dating I am having trouble meeting men that truly know who they are and what they want. With online dating many guys just wanted a text buddy, or I was just not attracted to anyone. I did go on some dates with a few guys over that few months, but cant help feeling like dating apps just aren’t for me. I’d love to know your thoughts on this.

 

THANKS FRANNY AND JONATHON FOR JOINING US!

Find Francesca on Instagram @DearFranny, she also runs a podcast by the same name! Be sure to follow her on Clubhouse – she hosts some of the best rooms on dating and love today.

Find Jonathon’s podcast, “What Would Love Do?” at jonathonaslay.com. Make sure to subscribe to his rapidly growing YouTube channel where he gives tons of weekly advice!

 

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

The app solves many major challenges that Damona’s clients face in dating today:

  • You can keep your main number private
  • You can separate your personal and dating contacts
  • Plus, It’s easy to use and FREE.

We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

 

DATES & MATES DEALS

Download OkCupid today!

OkCupid is FAMOUS for matching people on what MATTERS MOST to them, from food to the type of relationship they want…to politics. They ask you really thoughtful and provoking questions to get to the heart of who you are and what type of person you’re looking for.

Are you missing out? Download OkCupid today!

 

WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD MATCHES?

Are you on the right dating app for your dating style? Find out with Damona’s quiz quiz.damonahoffman.com

 

 

Attachment Theory & Getting Fauci-ed




ARE YOU DESTINED TO REPEAT RELATIONSHIP HISTORY?

This week on Dates & Mates, we’re exploring the way our relationship history impacts how we connect and find love with Attachment Theory expert, Jennifer Lehr LMFT.

Damona gets a lot of questions about the importance of attachment styles in future relationships and so today we’re getting some more information.

via GIPHY

But first, as always, we’ve got headlines:

DATING DISH

Mo’ money, Mo’ problems?

According to a new study from Magnify Money by Lendingtree, money is still a big point of contention for couples. 74% of partnered millennials and Zoomers report being mad at their partner for financial decisions they have made. Damona’s not so shocked by the results of this study and explains why.

via GIPHY

Fauci-ing – the latest dating trend sweeping the nation

Shout out to Plenty of Fish for coining the best COVID-related dating term: “fauci-ing”. Here’s the best example we’ve seen on the internet to date:

via GIPHY

HISTORY MAKES US WHO WE ARE (10:00)

Today we hear from Jennifer Lehr, a marriage and family therapist who specialized in educating couples on the relationship skills they need to build a solid, connected, and loving partnership.

She gives us some perspective for singles looking to find their forever partner. This interview went deep:

(11:00) Nature or Nurture: What determines a healthy relationship for you?

(13:00) How your relationship with your parents can impact the way you show up in your romantic relationships, too

(18:20) How to prevent your relationship history from repeating itself

TECHNICALLY DATING (36:02)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Lauren IG: What do you do if one person enjoys giving gifts and the other finds it hard to do because they feel they are bad at giving gifts. Like I’m good at being creative with my gifts because they are meaningful however, I notice men struggle because their gifts are always practical
  • Voice note from Jenn: A few weeks ago, you talked about the texting trap, which I totally agree with is an issue and I’ve witnessed it firsthand. And with others, I think it’s even worse during social distance dating right now. So I was wondering if you have any suggestions on talking points for what to do? What to say when you see the trap coming? What I’ve tried so far hasn’t really worked? It seems it’s hard to not make it personal to not take it personally, that kind of thing. So if you have any advice on what to say to hopefully be more successful in that I would appreciate it. Thanks!

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

The app solves many major challenges that Damona’s clients face in dating today:

  • You can keep your main number private
  • You can separate your personal and dating contacts
  • Plus, It’s easy to use and FREE.

We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

 

DATES & MATES DEALS

Download OkCupid today! damonahoffman.com/okcupid

OkCupid is FAMOUS for matching people on what MATTERS MOST to them, from food to the type of relationship they want…to politics. They ask you really thoughtful and provoking questions to get to the heart of who you are and what type of person you’re looking for.

Are you missing out? Download OkCupid today!

 

 

Virtual Valentines & Be My Galentine



A LOT MORE LOVE & A LOT MORE HAPPINESS

This week on Dates & Mates, we’re celebrating Valentines AND Galentines.

Every single human on earth could use more love and more happiness right now – so it’s time we take matters into our own hands and make some space for love.

If you are new here – welcome!

This show is hosted by your certified dating coach, Damona Hoffman, and we’re all about navigating the challenges of modern dating – confusing texts, dating app frustrations, ghosting, bad breakups and confusing pandemic connections.

For 15 years Damona has been coaching folks on how to find and admittedly, the pandemic has made everything a little more complicated…

Ok – a lot more complicated – but there is still hope! 

Damona’s clients are still going on dates, falling in love, and some even getting married. It is possible!!

That is why we have invited celebrity wedding planner and TV personality David Tutera on to the show to talk about how you can set the stage for love this year – yes, even in the midst of a pandemic.

We’ll give you tips to make your home visually inviting – even if over zoom, ideas for celebrating Valentine’s Day – single or coupled – and David will give his predictions on what the future of weddings will look like this year and beyond.

Here’s the rundown: 

DATING DISH

Couples Therapy: The key to having it all

Michelle and Barack are the hottest couple ever in the history of couples. But even they – and a few other celebrity couples – need couples therapy according to our friends at TooFab. Damona breaks it down.

 

Feb 13th: Just as important as Feb 14

DON’T forget about Galentine’s Day in your Valentine’s Celebrations. On Feb 14th, we celebrate romantic love but Feb 13th is the day for waffles, self care, and friends. Damona gives a few suggestions on how to celebrate Galentines with some self-care rituals:

  • Mindfulness
  • Gratitude
  • Community
  • The basic bitch stuff like bubble baths and yoga
  • Ordering flowers, dancing to loud music, hiking, foam rolling, massagers – not that kind – and even reading literaotica

 

MAKE YOUR MOVE (12:30)

Today we hear from David Tutera, artistic visionary, lifestyle influencer, tv personality and celebrity wedding planner behind such shows as “My Fair Wedding”, “Wedding Cake Championship”, “My Great Big Live Wedding.”

Plus he’s a familiar face on the Today Show, Good Morning America, The View, The Talk, OWN, and so much more. We talked about A LOT: 

(13:00) Valentine’s at home with kids – should you include them?

(13:55) Making this Valentine’s memorable for your pandemic bae

(16:00) Stress-free Valentine’s for singles

(19:00) More ideas on how to  make your Valentine’s memorable

(20:00) Look cute on Zoom: You should always dress better than you think you should and please DEAR GOD clean up your room

(24:00) The state of weddings today

(26:00) The worst party planners David’s worked with

(28:30) What you need to know about the future of weddings

Find more from David at davidtutera.com and follow him on IG @davidtutera

 

TECHNICALLY DATING (36:02)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • April (Google Voice): I am a bisexual female. I got out of a relationship with a woman. And so now that I’m putting myself back in the dating scene, I would like to date men, but I guess I I’m just confused as to maybe went to bring up the fact that I’m bisexual and that my last relationship was a woman. I feel like it should be something shared, but I guess I just don’t know what would be the best time to bring that up. So often any advice that you have would be great.
  • Kaitlynn on IG: I’m 24, single, and trying to go on more dates but I will also be starting medical school this fall. I’m so excited to become a doctor but also nervous about knowing that my life will be taken over by my schooling for the next 8+ years of my life (med school and residency). I’m nervous that I’ll meet great guys but then they’ll bail when they realize that they may have to take a backseat to my medical education for a long time. How and when should i discuss the realities of dating a medical student with prospective partners?

 

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

The app solves many major challenges that Damona’s clients face in dating today:

  • You can keep your main number private
  • You can separate your personal and dating contacts
  • Plus, It’s easy to use and FREE.

We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

DATES & MATES DEALS

Download OkCupid today!

OkCupid is FAMOUS for matching people on what MATTERS MOST to them, from food to the type of relationship they want…to politics. They ask you really thoughtful and provoking questions to get to the heart of who you are and what type of person you’re looking for.

Are you missing out? Download OkCupid today!

Let’s Roam: Letsroam.com/datesandmates

You need an ADVENTURE – a socially distanced one. Get Damona’s new scavenger hunt with Let’s Roam at letsroam.com/datesandmates

Patreon.com/datesandmates

Are you a fan of the show and want access to Damona’s Weekly Facebook Live Q&A? Join Damona’s Patreon FWBs – Friends with Benefits!!! – at patreon.com/datesandmates

 

BE OUR VALENTINE?

Damona is hosting 3 events for singles this week! Here’s what’s up:

Dating for vegetarians, flexitarians, the veggie curious with OkCupid & Sweet Earth

Imaveggielover.com

A Lesson on How To Ace Your Virtual Date with Washington Post Date Lab Team damonahoffman.com/washpost

Saturday the 14th: Valentine’s Day cooking, comedy, & love lessons with actress Mayim Bialik and comedian Pamela Rae Schuller

damonahoffman.com/cookingwithm

 

 

Make Your Move & Bridgerton Babes



STOP WAITING FOR THE FAIRYTALE & MAKE YOUR MOVE

Are you still waiting for the fairytale to happen? We hate to burst your bubble but there’s a whole pandemic happening and Prince Charming can’t leave his house.

So you’re going to have to help him out by Making Your Move and finding ways to make your own magic.

via GIPHY

Today Damona talks about modern dating with two very special guests: Jon Birger, author of Date-onomics and Make Your Move, plus Joy C Mitchell – a writer on the season’s hottest show, Bridgerton.

Here’s the rundown: 

BRIDGERTON BABES (3:00)

On-Screen Romance with Bridgerton writer, Joy C. Mitchell 

via GIPHY

Today we get the inside scoop on lessons from the writer’s room of Netflix’s hit show, Bridgerton.

(6:00) Dating in Europe – Joy’s a world traveller and actually prefers the dating scene abroad

(10:00) Gossip is women’s power

(11:00) Is socioeconomic status preventing you from finding love today?

(14:00) It’s time to go after what you want

You can find more from Joy and her world on Instagram @Joyineurope

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Joy C. Mitchell (@joyineurope)

MAKE YOUR MOVE (18:00)

Our guest Jon Birger is an award-winning magazine writer and author of two dating books — Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game and How Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge. 

via GIPHY

He’s also a face on ABC’s Good Morning America, BBC World Service, CNBC, CNN, MSNBC and so much more. Today he’s here to share an understanding of new advancements in the science of dating today and explain why women really have the power. We talked about A LOT: 

(16:50) Dating Doesn’t happen magically, but you need to put yourself where the magic happens

(17:30) Everything you know about dating biology is wrong

(19:00) State your business because human beings suck at flirting

(24:00) What to do if men are intimidated by you: a case for dating 5 years younger

(29:00) Marriage ultimatums: what to do if he isn’t proposing fast enough

 

TECHNICALLY DATING (36:02)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • NW (from Twitter): how would you weigh common interests as important for a couple? I know how that, common values, communication, shared goals, and trust are keys…
  • B (voice memo): Hey Damona just want to say I love this show. So I’m 29 I am in my first long term relationship with an amazing, amazing man. But, you know, I’ve noticed that my, what you would call hopeless romanticism has kind of almost turned into a toxic romanticism in my relationship. You know, I feel like a lot of people in my age range kind of grew up with that Disney fairy tale, Prince, you know, kind of mentality and, you know, I grew up with the whole rom com romantic, you know, kind of mentality and aspire to that my whole life and now that I’m in a relationship, I kind of almost find myself comparing our very real world relationship to this fairy tale. It doesn’t exist and I find myself almost sometimes disappointed in certain situations, when let’s just say real life doesn’t kind of live up to this fairy tale that I grew up aspiring to. So I was just curious what you thought about hopeless romantics in comparison to real life and kind of anchoring yourself in the real world when it comes to relationships. Thanks

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

The app solves many major challenges that Damona’s clients face in dating today:

  • You can keep your main number private
  • You can separate your personal and dating contacts
  • Plus, It’s easy to use and FREE.

We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

DATES & MATES DEALS

OkCupid

OkCupid expects 25 million new matches to be made this January – a big increase from last year⁠. Are you missing out? Download OkCupid today!

Better Help

Get Better Help: real therapy, convenient and affordable. Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. BetterHelp.com/datesandmates

 

 

Zodiac Signs & Fake Breakups



WHAT DOES YOUR ZODIAC SAY ABOUT YOUR DESTINY?

Carol Allen, from Love Is In the Stars, returns to Dates & Mates to explain exactly how the stars impact your compatibility and destiny in love beyond just your zodiac sign. Carol is an astrologer who steers the love lives of many women based on what is written in the stars.

Damona covers headlines in the Dating Dish: Why is Lori Harvey getting so much hate over her new relationship with Michael B. Jordan and how to get a celebrity to breakup with your partner. 

Plus Damona answers listener questions such as how to deal with racism from your dates and can you keep up the chemistry if you can’t meet a match online anytime soon.

Here’s the rundown: 

D’S DATING DISH (2:39)

Stop hating on Lori Harvey, y’all

You may have heard that Lori Harvey (IG model, socialite, and Steve Harvey’s step daughter) is officially official with Michael B. Jordan (or Michael Bae Jordan as he is know here at Dates & Mates.)

But why does Lori get so much hate every time she announces a new relationship? Damona has thoughts.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Lori Harvey (@loriharvey)

Breakup convos too awkward? Your favorite celeb can do it for you.

It’s divorce month and if you don’t want to deliver the bad news yourself, you can hire a celebrity on Cameo to do it for you. No, Damona does not think you should.

picture courtesy of The New York Times

ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY & LOVE DESTINY (11:00)

You may have heard that love is written in the stars, but for our guest it actually is. Carol Allen is one of our very favorite astrologers here at Dates & Mates and she’s back today to give us an understanding about what zodiac compatibility truly means:

We talked about A LOT: 

  • What astrological compatibility predicts for your relationship (12:00)
  • Back to the basics: what your zodiac sign pre-determines for you (15:30)
  • Do soulmates exist? (21:40)
  • The five factors of astrological compatibility (24:00)

Don’t miss out on Carol’s personal calendar deal: trust us when we say it is worth every penny!

damonahoffman.com/mycalendar

 

TECHNICALLY DATING (34:30)

via GIPHY

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • From Nate – I’m an Asian gay guy living in Canada. And I also have a cat. Recently I met up with a Puerto Rican black gay airline pilot. I thought he was going okay, up until the last moment. Right before he left. He invited me to see him again. then out of nowhere he blurted out by the way way as an Asian person, are you going to eat your cat? I kind of laughed at this uncomfortably and decided that I would only bring it up if he contacted me again. A week later, he texted me saying, hey, puppy, how are you doing? I reply pretty directly that the joke had made me uncomfortable. All I expected was a sorry, from him, so we can move on. But instead, after a brief apology, long messages came flooding in telling me that, oh, he’s a person of color himself, so he can’t be racist. It was just a stupid joke. There’s a cultural discrepancy and what’s appropriate for humor? Was I oversensitive? I never even accused him of being a racist, I only voiced my discomfort. This was really surprising for me, because he knows how it feels to live with racism. The joke was just unnecessary. Besides, I don’t know him like that. He’s not a comedian?
  • From Celia – I’ve taken on a nomadic life. Since we’ve been able to work from home since COVID. I’ve been doing online dating and virtual first dates with men in the city of San Francisco, where my work is located. As I know, I will inevitably end up back there. The first virtual dates have all gone really well. The men show follow up interest, however, I’m finding it hard to keep up their interest or momentum, when the opportunity to meet in person is so in flux. Any suggestions?

 

DATES & MATES DEALS

OkCupid expects 25 million new matches to be made this January – a big increase from last year⁠. Are you missing out? Download OkCupid today!

Get Better Help: real therapy, convenient and affordable. Get started today and enjoy 10% off your first month. BetterHelp.com/datesandmates

The Dating Secret

Last day to register at thedatingsecret.com

 

 

 

Getting Ghosted & Date Health



PROTECT YOUR HEALTH

Dr. James Simmons of Ask the NP joins Damona to talk about how to stay healthy dating in the time of COVID, ways to reduce your risk of Super Gonorrhea, and de-stigmatizing mental health.

But first, here are the headlines:

DATING DISH

Drew Barrymore Got Stood Up

Is there hope for you if Drew Barrymore is getting stood up on dates? 

via GIPHY

21 Dating Goals

Bustle shares 21 ways to get your flirt on in 2021.

via GIPHY

How to Stay Safe & Still Date

Follow James Simmons at AsktheNP

DEAR DAMONA

Damona covers listener questions:

Has everyone forgotten how to communicate these days?

Should you give him a third chance if he’s canceled twice before?

 

Ok Cupid expects 25 million new matches to be made this January – a big increase from last year⁠. Are you missing out? Download OkCupid today!

Try Magic Spoon: Take $5 off your first order of the healthy cereal that’s too good to be true – Magicspoon.com/dates

Get The Dating Secret – Registration is open through January 20th at thedatingsecret.com

Breakups & Peak Dating Season



NEW YEAR FOR LOVE

Happy New Year!

We have entered peak dating season – the time of year where singles are the most motivated to finally find the relationship of their dreams. 

It’s not an easy topic and as you may know, January is also known as “divorce month” and we typically see an uptick in divorces and annulments.

We’re addressing breakups head on with Mark Groves – founder of Create The Love. His entire body of work is dedicated to empowering individuals to break out of the relationships that aren’t working for them.

But first, here’s the dish you may have missed over the holidays:

DATING DISH

Ariana Grande Got Engaged

Ariana said YES- but is it for sure this time?

via GIPHY

Dating Apps Want to Keep You Single

Do dating apps want you to stay single? Damona weighs in.

via GIPHY

IS IT TIME TO BREAK UP?

via GIPHY

Mark Groves of Create The Love and The Mark Groves Podcast joins Damona to talk about new beginnings and how to ditch dating rock bottom. Damona covers headlines: Is Ariana really tying the knot this time and do dating apps really want you to find love? ‘Dear Damona’ segment is back by popular demand: What to do with all these breadcrumb-y dudes and surely there are better pickup lines than “hey”?

Find The Mark Groves Podcast on all your favorite podcast platforms and make sure to follow him on IG @createthelove Create the Love.

Ok Cupid expects 25 million new matches to be made this January – a big increase from last year⁠. Are you missing out? Download OkCupid today!

Get Better Help: Affordable, private online counseling. Anytime, anywhere. Start today and enjoy 10% off your first month – BetterHelp.com/datesandmates

Get The Dating Secret – Damona’s live group coaching January Program. Early bird pricing closes in a few days: thedatingsecret.com

 

DEAR DAMONA

Damona answers your dating questions:

What do I do about these breadcrumbing dudes?

Is there a better pickup line than hey or hello beautiful?

via GIPHY