Non-Negotiables & LDR Lessons

On past Dates & Mates episodes, Damona has talked about the ways our childhood experiences shape our relationship habits in adulthood, for the good and… the not so good. But we have to remember that our past doesn’t dictate our future, and we can reclaim our power by acting upon that.

Like Damona said in her chat with Nora McInerny last week, we are always writing our stories. And as Nora said, “In 10 years, you are going to look at the version of you presently and be like, ‘you had no idea. You had no idea how young you were. You had no idea what was possible for you, what was ahead of you.’”

Life is a journey and we are always learning and growing.  So remember to keep doing those journals, chatting with your therapist and taking the time to be introspective. That is how I define self-care. As you come to understand yourself better, you will understand your relationships better, your needs and wants better, and how establishing and keeping to your boundaries will help you design the life you are destined for.

And that’s why I have friend and fellow love coach, Orna Walters, on the show today. For those who don’t know, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and she is going to share her personal story, some signs to look out for, and how to prepare yourself for a happy, healthy partnership.

DATING DISH (2:38)

Do long-distance relationships have the most potential?

A recent article from the John Hopkins newsletter dives into how “the challenges of a long-distance relationship are what cause it to have the most success.” Damona gives her two cents, and some definitive strategies on how to make the most out of your distance. 

The article also mentions how technology has helped close both the distance and communication gap when dating someone in another location. From dating apps, to Zoom, to apps that allow you to play games or watch TV shows together. 

But – in order for technology to work in your favor, you also have to be maximizing your chances with the algorithms. Damona’s FREE Profile Starter Kit is a great place to begin.

ORNA WALTERS (14:45)

Orna Walters is a domestic violence survivor turned love coach and is a featured guest expert on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” She uses her experiences to educate people on healthy relationships, openness and authenticity. 

She’s a dear friend of the show and a fabulous dating coach, along with her amazing husband Matthew. This time Orna is back on Dates & Mates solo to share her personal story and wisdom.

(15:40) Taking on someone else’s behavior.

On New Year’s Eve of 1994, Orna’s relationship with her partner at the time took a violent turn that would change everything. The lessons she learned from this relationship now contribute to her expertise in teaching individuals how to take their power back. As Orna says, “no person should take on the shame of another person’s actions.”

(19:44) Signs of a potentially violent partner.

Orna says that with her former partner, she couldn’t spot any specific signs that he might be violent. But there is one thing she is absolutely clear of – when wanting to get out of a toxic relationship, Orna implores that you cut off ALL contact. And if communication is necessary, ask someone to be a mediator between the two of you.

Orna also shares what it is that keeps us stuck in a toxic or abusive relationship. Hint: “We get addicted to the apology…”

(26:48) Orna & Matthew, sitting in a tree…

Having been in a relationship with her husband Matthew for 11 years, Orna now spreads the message that it IS POSSIBLE to unlearn your relationship patterns. “The truth is we’re attracted to what is familiar to us… and when I realized I had repeated the same situation [I experienced as a little girl], I knew I had to leave.” 

She continues that on a basic level, we are all fighting for love on our own terms. And because of this, it’s crucial that we take the time to know what those terms actually are.

(32:35) What does a healthy relationship look like?

After Damona asks Orna for her thoughts on healthy relationships, Orna brings our focus over to the body. She says that our emotions are technically bodily sensations. And because it’s really important for us to be able to communicate our feelings to our partner, we have to be in touch with our bodies as well. 

Try this: Set 6 or 7 alarms throughout the day. Whenever an alarm goes off, check in with your body and name the emotion you are currently experiencing. And if you can, try and define the thought that is causing the feeling in your body.

 

Be sure to follow Orna and her husband Matthew Walters (a fellow love coach) on Instagram at @OrnaAndMatthew.

 

And check out their website 7StepsToSoulmating.com for more info.

 

**If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please do not hesitate. Call the domestic abuse hotline at (800)799-7233.

 

DEAR DAMONA (39:50)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Email from T –  I love your podcast, thank you for all that you do! My question is… when in your opinion is it appropriate to discuss taking your profile down and being sexually exclusive with a partner that you’ve met online and it’s going really, really well? Thank you for the advice!

Retro Dating & Bad Vibes Only

I don’t have to tell you that sometimes life doesn’t go according to plan.  So, while planning ahead is helpful, it’s important to leave a little room for things to go sideways. Even still, the question remains – how do you deal with days, weeks, months when life feels like it’s headed off course?

Today, Damona will unpack those questions and more with Nora McInerny, host of the “Terrible, Thanks For Asking” podcast. They’ll discuss how Nora carried on after losing the love of her life, how she opened herself back up to love, and how every experience in between led her to exactly where she is today.

DATING DISH (1:55)

Dating is broken – but could going retro fix it?

A recent New York Times article has been causing a STIR in the dating community (Damona was sent this article by 3 different people!). If you haven’t read this op-ed piece already, the author writes that “going retro” – i.e. returning to matchmaking – could be our salvation from dating burnout, ghosting, and swipe fatigue. 

The article notes 4 positive effects that matchmaking could have on dating culture:

  1. A mediated match more easily connects individuals who are looking for the same kind of relationship or have similar education, religious background or values. 
  2. Matchmaking eases the difficulties of the IRL approach.
  3. Going out with a mediated match offers behavioral accountability.
  4. Matchmaking helps to avoid feeling “completely disposable” because you have a mutual connection it might get back to.

In light of the obstacles of our current dating culture, it seems like a reasonable solution to return to the dating practices used before the prevalence of online dating and hookup culture. But let’s not outcast dating apps altogether – because a huge part of what the apps give us is agency in our own dating lives. They are but another avenue for us to clarify what we want in a partner and to learn more about ourselves in the process. Damona also gives her tips on what we can do to elevate our own “behavioral accountability” and avoid dating burnout…

**P.S. Interested in exploring matchmaking? Damona currently has a partnership with the company Three Day Rule, which has headquarters in multiple cities. Go to threedayrule.com/damonahoffman to get started, or listen to Damona’s interview with Three Day Rule matchmaker Devyn Simone to learn more.

NORA MCINERNY (9:33)

Nora McInerny is the host of the award winning podcast “Terrible, Thanks For Asking.” She has contributed to publications like The New York Times, Time, Slate, and Vox. Nora is also the author of two bestselling memoirs – and her new book “Bad Vibes Only: And Other Things I Bring To The Table” is out today!

**Want to learn more about Nora before listening? Check out Damona’s 2021 interview with Nora about her previous book – “The Hot Young Widows Club.”

(11:15) The beginning of something healing.

Nora’s love story begins with her first marriage to her husband Aaron, who passed away after being diagnosed with brain cancer – “We’d been dating for a year, and we got married a month after his brain surgery. We had a baby 13 months later. And then our third wedding anniversary was his funeral. So that’s my first marriage right there.” 

Her process of stepping into love again was more like falling, as she describes it. “I was not interested in meeting someone. You know, I wasn’t interested in falling in love with somebody. I was interested in possibly having sex with a person… They could fall in love with me if they wanted to, but I wouldn’t love them back. And when it started to develop into something else, I felt horrible. I felt horrible for having any kind of happiness at all, it was the most excruciating time and it was also, I think, the beginning of something like healing.”

Loving Aaron, and then falling into love with her current partner Matthew, taught Nora that we are not cursed by whatever past experiences we carry – sometimes those experiences can just be information.

(21:50) We’re always choosing.

We all hold different versions of ourselves in our heads – our rom-com self, our weekend-with-the-parents self, or relationship self. But in her book Nora mentions a caveat to the selves we carry with us – “The future ahead of me is not boundless, and never was. Every choice I made eliminated other versions of myself.”

Nora gives the Dates & Mates audience insight on how we can empower ourselves to make the hard (but healthy) choices in our lives, even if it involves eliminating possible future versions of ourselves.

(28:37) Sometimes the fairytale isn’t your happy ending.

Nora describes her relationship with her current husband Matthew as being unique in its own way. Firstly because they went through the experience of blending families. And secondly because they were never really single together – “you know, in that classic sense where you find someone, you date them, and you can go spend weekends away or take a spontaneous road trip. We met each other, and we came with kids. Like, we came with established lives. And so we had to fit those together in a way that made sense.”

Nora notes that her relationship with her first husband Aaron felt as close to a fairytale as you could get. But sometimes, the fairytale isn’t your happy ending or final destination. “[My relationship with Matthew] is very different. It is not a fairy tale. And thank God, honestly. Because if I thought that my happy ending happened when I was 30… It’s like, where do you go from there?”

 

Be sure to follow Nora on IG @Noraborealis and pick yourself up a copy of her newest book, “Bad Vibes Only: And Other Things I Bring To The Table.”

 

DEAR DAMONA (39:50)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • IG Message from Suzanne – When is it acceptable to ping someone on Linkedin (if ever…)? I know it’s not a dating app, but I’ve had a great exchange with someone on Hinge mid-pandemic. Then I didn’t hear from him for weeks, got dejected and gave up. Recently logged back in after nearly a year to find that he HAD responded to me (2 months later) and now I had responded nearly a year later… I keep kicking myself over the missed connection (the guy was perfect!). His profile is unchanged (he’s either coupled up or on this app about as often as I am) and it doesn’t help that Hinge archives messages after 2 weeks, which is how I missed his last for months even after I was back on it. Found him on LinkedIn (no crazy sleuthing; 1st result given his name and schools) – is it completely inappropriate to reach out saying something to the effect of “sorry for unintentionally ghosting you on that other app”? Really want to meet him now that we can!

Green Flags & Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday

Choosing a partner is the most important decision you’ll ever make. It affects your finances, your family, your mental health and your future. But remember that your dating journey is just as important as your relationship destination. 

It’s a myth to think any relationship is ever a waste of time. These experiences can be the greatest source of information when it comes to better understanding ourselves and the relationships that best fit our lives.

And that’s why we have Nick Viall, author and host of The Viall Files podcast, here to discuss his new book “Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday” and help you navigate the ups and downs of the dating process, so you’ll leave this episode feeling more empowered in dating.

DATING DISH (2:05)

Can work stress make you more critical in your relationships?

Have you ever come home from a stressful day at work, only to find yourself completely annoyed that your partner didn’t throw away that empty chip bag on the couch? That’s why the Society for Personality and Social Psychology published a new study diving into how work stress can affect our relationships. Researchers looked at couples and had them fill out a questionnaire that asked them about the stressful situations in their lives.

The results? Turns out that participants who reported experiencing more stressful life events outside of their relationship, were especially likely to notice their partner’s negative behaviors.

But if you aren’t in a relationship, Damona also believes that work stress could be making singles more critical of their dating lives, and causing them to show up on dates already looking for negative behaviors. Remember that where our attention goes, the energy flows. So on your next date, see what happens if you more consciously refrain from scanning for negative behaviors and look for those green flags instead.

NICK VIALL (7:30)

You may know Nick from his starring role on the 21st season of ABC’s The Bachelor. Nick is also the host of the podcast The Viall Files, which explores all things dating and love – from post-breakup healing, to salacious texts in their three weekly episodes. 

And his book “Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday: And Other Advice on Love, Sex, and Dating” is out TODAY!

(11:00) Bad texting doesn’t always mean bad communication.

Although there’s no arguing that dating apps have totally changed the landscape of dating, Damona believes that texting has actually been the biggest shift in dating culture (given that texting is now a whole separate stage of the courtship process). And the biggest challenge with this is interpreting someone else’s tone. Nick notes that regardless of our intention when sending a text, the other person will always read the tone to match whatever mood or feelings they are in – if they are feeling defensive they will read your text defensively, or if they are feeling guarded they will read the message in a more guarded tone.

Because of this communication gap, Nick suggests avoiding having ongoing conversations with new matches over text. Take advantage of tools like Zoom, where you can clearly read someone’s facial expressions and hear their tone. 

Nick also gives us some crucial tips for sliding into someone’s DM’s, and how to avoid looking like a catfish.

(21:30) The player vs the f**kboy

Two famous archetypes on a similar mission – but what really is the difference between a player and a f**kboy? One might say that they’re the same thing and f**kboy just replaced the term player in the last decade. But the two definitely have their differences. 

According to Nick, a f**kboy is someone who is well intentioned. They want to have a relationship in theory, but don’t want to check their own behavior and do what it really takes or make the sacrifices required to be in a relationship. “Women, men – we all can become f**kboys. Because f**kboys happen when we’re not communicating our expectations and boundaries, and we make assumptions. The other person is having sex with us, but not really prioritizing our feelings. And then all of a sudden, we have a f**kboy situation.” Weirdly enough, your f**kboy could be someone else’s future partner. 

On the other hand, players are the people who actually have alternative motives. They truly don’t want a relationship, they just want to have sex. They tend to manipulate and lead others on, and will go out of their way to make you feel special so they can hopefully hook up with you with no attachments. They’re playing the game (hence the name “player”).

(27:50) Get yourself unstuck.

Nick had one central message when writing his new book “Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday” – that we have more control in our love lives than we want to give ourselves credit for. Nick shares that he has always remembered feeling very stuck in a relationship. He says that he would obsess over small details or moments and the potential for rejection. “I chose to make her choices a representation of my self worth. And I allowed her choices to validate my self worth.”

Nick encourages readers to avoid making any kind of rejection about you. “Rejection sucks. It’s not fun. But if we reframe rejection as clarity to give us the answers, to allow us to have more freedom, to empower us to make our own choices, then it can just change things a little bit more.”

 

Be sure to grab yourselves a copy of “Don’t Text Your Ex Happy Birthday” today! 

 

You can learn more about The Viall Files podcast on their website, and follow Nick Viall and The Viall Files on IG for more hot tips.

 

DEAR DAMONA (39:50)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • IG Message from L – I’d like to ask for guidance on how to proceed with someone I recently met. We met last week & had an immediate connection. We saw each other the following day & he stayed with me, although we slept fully clothed. After that his communication was constant, but often made more sexual comments. We met again at my house the day he returned from a business trip. He spent the night & we just fooled around. We didn’t go all the way because I had communicated I wasn’t ready for more. He texted me the following Sunday, saying “Good morning sunshine. I hope you’re having a great weekend.” I responded. Then I sent a message on Monday just saying hi & he again responded with the same pleasantry. Since then he has not initiated contact once. I’ve reached out twice with pleasantries & he’s responded politely. I’m not sure how to proceed from here. I like him a lot & my goal is to develop a LTR with someone. 
  • Voicemail from Anon – Dear Damona, I recently became involved with a young lady that I like very much. So far, we’ve had three in person days of video call, and we’ve been texting paragraphs back and forth for at least three weeks straight. I knew from our first video call that she was someone I was extremely attracted to. At the end of our third date, I decided to ask if we can make our relationship official. But to my surprise, she kind of talked her way around saying no. So we had a heart to heart moment, where she reveals to me that she has some pretty serious past relationship baggage that only happened a few months ago. The following day, we had a text exchange where she said, “The more I thought about it last night and this morning, I truly don’t know if I’ll be ready for a relationship anytime soon. I do want to keep getting to know you and get closer though.” So my conundrum is, I genuinely like this woman and can envision myself having a future with her. But if she’s not ready to be in a relationship, should I move on and start from square one with a new person? Or is it worth the emotional investment that I continue to linger in her orbit, waiting for her to feel ready to be in a relationship? Since I already know that I like her and on some level, I know she likes me. I ask this question from the perspective of knowing that relationships require hard work, and I don’t want to waste my time if she has cold feet.

Indian Matchmaking & The Emoji Report

There are a lot of ways to meet your match, from IRL encounters to dating apps to blind dates set up by friends & family. But there is another way that’s often forgotten – arranged marriages! 

And now, this cultural practice has been brought back into the spotlight by the amazing Netflix reality TV show, Indian Matchmaking. The show highlights the journey of Matchmaker Sima Taparia as she guides clients in the US and India in a matchmaking process that applies centuries old customs to modern Indian and Indian-American daters.

If you’re like me, when you watch these shows you get curious about what really happens behind the scenes and what was going through the mind of your favorite participants on the show as it unfolded. So today, one of the breakout stars of the show, Nadia Jagessar, is here to discuss her experience of Indian Matchmaking, her current relationship status, and what she learned from participating in the show.

DATING DISH (3:08)

A deep dive into your emoji usage:

If you haven’t had a chance to read Adobe’s 2022 Emoji Trend Report, Damona breaks it down. Adobe conducted a national survey to explore “when, why and how Americans are using emoji to advance self-expression and communication.” And the results gave some VERY interesting stats, particularly for the future of dating.

Did you know that 50% of U.S. emoji users are more likely to respond to a message if it contains an emoji? And that a majority (88%) of emoji users are more likely to feel empathetic toward someone if they use an emoji? Given that Damona is both a fan of using emojis as “mood modifiers” and a fan of empathetic dating, I’d say we’re sold on Team Emoji.

Damona also breaks down Adobe’s “make-it or break-it” emojis when it comes to dating.

NADIA JAGESSAR (10:05)

You probably know Nadia from the hit show Indian Matchmaking Seasons 1 and 2 where she was matched with Vinay, Shekar and Vishal. Nadia is also the Founder & Senior Event Consultant for Euphoria Events. And she is giving her second TEDx Talk at this year’s “Dare To Be Different” event.

(11:15) Saying yes to Indian Matchmaking…

Given that her parents had undergone an arranged marriage, it makes sense that Nadia took the plunge into exploring arranged marriage as well. But add reality television into the mix, and you’ve got a WHOLE other experience.

Nadia explains why she chose to work with Indian Matchmaking, what was stopping her from meeting someone before, and how her Indo-Caribbean background has played into her dating journey.

(16:40) Does matchmaking always pan out?

Have you ever had that small fear of running into your ex or someone you used to date? Like you’ll be out at a local take-out joint and bump into them as you’re leaving, or go to a party of a mutual friend and see them chatting with the host? 

Well in Nadia’s case, some of the matches that Sima Aunty (the matchmaker on the show) found were closer to her inner circle than she expected (mutual friends and such). Nadia also shares how working with a matchmaker defied her expectations.

(19:10) What happened with Vinay??

Nadia gives us the deets on what ACTUALLY happened with Vinay, one of the matches she hit it off with in Season 1. Long story short, Vinay was supposed to meet Nadia at her best friend’s wedding after party and he never showed up! They eventually had a conversation in which Vinay said he just wanted to be friends, to which Nadia responded with some sage words of wisdom…

Nadia also dives deeper into her other close connection with Shekar.


(30:27) What’s in store post-Indian Matchmaking?

Nadia states that what she’s looking for in a partner hasn’t changed much since filming the show – someone who is ambitious, has their own passions or hobbies, who wants a family, who will push her or help her slow down. (Do you relate to any of these wants?)

Damona also mentions how easy it can be to get caught up in planning a life with a partner (especially if you are a planning personality or a LITERAL party planner). But we have to try our best to always bring ourselves back to the present in moments where we may ruminate on the past or project to the future.

 

Be sure to follow Nadia on IG @nadiajagessar, and her event planning page @euphoriaeventsnj for some major party-planning inspo.

 

DEAR DAMONA (39:50)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • IG Message from Sherry – Hi Damona! I’ve been listening to you for a few years now! Thank you for always putting out great content and keeping things real. How can I encourage someone I’m interested in to ask me out? I like the traditional way of dating… man asks woman out on a first date. I’m finding men to not take that leap anymore though. We chat in the apps, and I’ll hint at things like, ‘Oh, we’ll have to save that for when we meet’ and then nothing. The reply is often, ‘Sounds good,’ and then silence. I finally decided to take matters into my own hands and asked someone, ‘Would you like to grab a drink with me sometime?’ And the reply? You guessed it… ‘Sounds good!’ Is this a sign that I should move on? Or, should I plan this date and tell them they’re up for the next one? Thanks in advance for your help! I’m feeling stuck lately.

Excuse My Grandma & The Soft Launch

We all know dating has changed. We’ve got apps and reality shows and social media (oh my!). But talk to someone ahead of you generationally and the differences are pretty extreme – wayyy fewer options, way less pre-marital sex and way less dating burnout to name a few.

But while so much has changed, some things stay the same in dating and relationships.  And that’s why we have Kim Murstein and Grandma Gail of the Excuse My Grandma podcast joining Damona to break down the differences in dating for different generations. 

DATING DISH (1:38)

Here’s how (and why) you should soft launch your relationship on IG:

We’re learning some new vocab today – have you ever heard of “soft launching” your relationship? According to our friends at Cosmopolitan Magazine, soft launching is casually introducing a relationship online without actually introducing it. Usually this introduction is made by posting ambiguous photos on your Instagram that imply the presence of a romantic connection. Some examples include two tickets for a show, dual cocktails on a bartop, or your hand casually holding someone else’s.

There are many reasons to soft launch your coupledom online, but Damona recommends considering these questions beforehand – Why is it that important for me to declare to the outside world that I am in a relationship? Is it that you want to send a message to someone that you’re off the market? Or is it that you want to celebrate love between you and somebody else?

KIM & GRANDMA GAIL (10:25)

Kim Murstein is a content creator and host of the Excuse My Grandma podcast with her grandmother Gail. Together they cover dating, relationships, and sex advice from two very different generational perspectives.

(12:40) Is dating better today than 50 years ago?

With two sage daters like Kim and Grandma Gail, we ask the inevitable question… is dating better today than 50 years ago? Even though she describes herself as an old soul, Kim is all for dating culture today because of the amount of autonomy you get while dating. And if dating apps aren’t your thing, you have total  freedom to date exclusively offline.

 

Then, Grandma Gail shares her thoughts and advice around sex on the first date.

(20:45) Kim’s rules for texting and communication.

You may have heard Damona reference emojis as being “mood modifiers”. They can be helpful in communicating your tone to someone while texting. But Kim has some controversial thoughts on what emojis you should NEVER use.

(25:25) The dangers of online dating today.

With all the Tinder Swindlers and West Elm Calebs out there today, it’s no doubt that all this online access makes dating a little dicier than in the pre-dating app era. Grandma Gail takes us back to how you “screened” the people you were dating before the internet – “If we did meet in person, we had a reference! There would be no way you’d go out with somebody who somebody else didn’t know, it just wouldn’t happen.”

(29:00) Never Have I Ever…

Damona, Kim and Grandma Gail play the classic get-to-know-you game, Never Have I Ever. Damona hits us with some spicy questions, including – have you ever kissed someone on a first date? Have you ever done MORE than kiss on a first date? Or have you ever given out a fake phone number?

Be sure to follow them on Instagram and TikTok @ExcuseMyGrandma and learn more at ExcuseMyGrandma.com.

 

DEAR DAMONA (39:50)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

 

  • IG Message from Matthew – How do I approach my disability and associated issues with someone I might be romantically interested in? I am currently single. I dated once many years ago with a fellow wheelchair user and we shared similar difficulties, but since we broke up I haven’t dated anyone or met up with anyone new. I would love to be more approachable to women, but I have a fear that once they know certain things about me they’ll think I’m too much for them. I’m afraid they’ll walk away and I’ll be left feeling rejected and hurt, and worried that I won’t ever find someone who loves me for me.

Positive Psychology & Too Nice

Okay y’all know my goal here is to help you find love and happiness in the relationship style you desire because with love comes trust, companionship, support and so much more. 

But one thing that evades many of us is the fact that all of this starts with us, our habits, our outlook in life, our choice to be present in love regardless of our relationship status.

And so I have positive psychology expert, author and television personality Rob Mack here to share his lessons and inspirations for how to Love from the Inside Out.

DATING DISH (1:55)

Why is being “too nice” such a turn off?

Y’know, I think we can agree that everyone deserves to date a nice guy/gal. But have you ever met someone so nice that it becomes a turnoff? Our friends at PopSugar were wondering the same thing.

According to a recent study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, how altruistic someone is has a huge effect on how attractive they are. More specifically, those who behave moderately altruistic are rated as MORE attractive vs those that behave highly altruistically.

Although we all have our opinions on how it feels to be “too nice,” there is definitely a line between being too nice and love bombing. Damona breaks it all down. 

PLUS Damona shares her story of “Operation Date Nice Guys” & how nice guys can get the girl using the Nice Guy 9.

ROB MACK (12:15)

Rob Mack is an Ivy League-Educated Positive Psychology Expert, Inspirational Speaker, and Published Author. His work is endorsed by Oprah, Vanessa Williams, Lisa Nichols, and many others. 

His most recent book release, Love from the Inside Out, is a best-seller following its release in March 2022.

(13:09) Have you found love from the inside out?

One of the major hallmarks in Rob’s book is learning how to find love from the inside out by practicing the presence of love. According to Rob, love is synonymous with happiness – more specifically, love is your happiness shared.

He continues that practicing self love, or the presence of love, is key to improving our relationships. How do we do this? Rob gives us the scoop.

(18:34) The Age of Distraction

I think we can all agree that we live in the ultimate age of distraction, right? With all the options available on Netflix alone, it’s impossible not to get overwhelmed with the amount of choices we have.

Rob agrees that it’s becoming harder and harder to enjoy anything nowadays because it’s becoming more impossible to be present. This causes us to seek out more relationships, and more material objects and more of everything, mostly because we’re not present with the people and the things that are in our lives.

So how does this factor into our dating lives? Rob spells out his tips for best practices on dating apps & how to combat the effects of distraction.

(26:10) Our texting mindsets are out of sync.

Damona mentions a piece of advice she heard from Nick Viall about texting – “people read your texts in the mindset that they’re in, not in the mindset that you sent them.” You’ve heard Damona say time and again how without tonal cues or body language, so much gets lost in translation while texting.

On top of this, Rob adds that we all have cognitive biases and distortions that factor into how you send or read a message (i.e. distortions like confirmation bias or the Halo effect).

Given that our biases are kind of unavoidable, is there a way we can bridge this gap in texting communication? Rob says that developing emotional regulation is essential, and explains why.

(33:45) It’s an extraordinary life if you don’t overthink it.

Since he ties love and practicing self love so closely to happiness, Rob states that we should be slowing down and finding more joy in the day-to-day moments. One way to do this is to practice emotional regulation – i.e. learning how to just chill out for the sake of chilling out, and enjoying it.

Secondly, identify the specific things or activities that allow you to feel inspired, relaxed, happy, joyful or just peaceful. One of Rob’s biggest examples is music, since “music is one of the fastest ways to shift your emotion. And your mood is a state that exists out there in the world. So just listen to some music, and notice how quickly your mood shifts according to the kind of music you’re listening to.” 

If we continue to take the time to improve our inner world, as Rob has shown us, your dating life is bound to follow.

(40:35) Loneliness, aloneness, & all oneness.

In Rob’s book “Love from the Inside Out,” there is a chapter titled “loneliness, aloneness, & all oneness.” Rob notes that we tend to think of these words as synonyms, as describing the same experience. But there is actually quite a difference.

Rob defines aloneness as being the objective experience of being by yourself. On the other hand, loneliness is the subjective experience of that feeling (how you feel about that aloneness). Because you can be alone all by yourself, and not be lonely.

So why is it important to make this distinction? Rob expresses, “I want people to recognize that they have a lot more power and control with respect to feeling good and feeling loved, and more control in feeling loved and feeling happy than they might be giving themselves credit for.”

Damona also revisits her own history and experiences with loneliness.

 

If you liked this interview, you can follow Rob on Instagram @RobMackOfficial.

 

And be sure to grab your copy of Love from the Inside Out by visiting CoachRobMack.com/books.

 

DEAR DAMONA (47:10)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Email from Kristen – Hi Damona! I have an entire notebook dedicated to your advice. Thank you for all that you do! I am a 39 year old woman and I was in a 3.5 year relationship with a 50 year old man. We were exclusive but more casual for the first 2.5 years, which we both wanted. I then had some big changes in my life that made me realize I wanted more commitment and security and spoke with him about it. He agreed that he wanted more too. It was okay for a little bit, but never quite enough for me. I explicitly gave him examples of what I needed, and he never followed through with the behaviors/actions I told him I needed. I brought it up to him and he promised he would do better. Mind you, the number one thing I said I needed was for him to ask me how I’m doing that day and truly listen to my response – nothing wild! About a year ago, I decided that I had had enough and he wasn’t going to change, so I broke up with him. A few months later he reached out and we tried again, but it was very short lived. Here we are a year later, and he is beating down my door and promising to be who I want and need. I’ve dated in the meantime and I still can’t stop thinking about him and what we could have. Please help!

The Daily Show & Cheater Effect

A few months ago, Damona caused quite a stir after her appearance on The Daily Show: Beyond the Scenes podcast. Apparently racism in dating is a HOT topic, and not in the spicy way – more in an attracting-internet-trolls kinda way.

So we decided to bring up the subject again today (much to our dismay, racism is a thing and therefore racial bias in dating IS also a thing). It’s understandable if that sounds a bit triggering, but we encourage you to stick with this episode because you might hear something today that gives you a whole new perspective.

As Damona’s mom always said, “we should be laughing to keep from crying.” That’s why comedian, actor and podcaster Roy Wood Jr. is here to give us his take on dating, race relations and the worst dating advice he’s ever heard. Plus he reveals the most important factor to determine relationship success. 

DATING DISH (2:15)

Monkey see, monkey do. Your friends are cheaters, how about you?

Metro UK broke down a recent study by Reichman University examining how different factors (particularly external factors) have an effect on cheating in a relationship. Long story short, the results concluded that people are more likely to have an affair if they know that others around them are also cheating on their partners. 

So Damona recommends asking yourself some important questions: What kind of people are you surrounding yourself with? Are you building a life to support the kind of relationship you want? Plus, Damona drops some tips on getting into the right relationship mindset.

ROY WOOD, JR. (8:44)

Roy Wood, Jr. is a comedian, an actor, and correspondent on The Daily Show. He has collected so many credits and accolades over the years. But fun fact – when Damona worked in casting, she showcased him from an open call audition!

He is the host of the podcast Roy’s Job Fair where he explores the human condition every week through the prism of employment. And now Roy has a starring role in the upcoming film “Confess, Fletch” starring John Hamm, based on the classic Fletch movies. Catch it in theaters on September 16th.

(11:26) Embrace what works for YOU.

Damona and Roy go back and forth on the advice they’ve received over the years on what to look for in a man/woman. Roy also mentions that these pieces of advice – like “find yourself a woman who knows how to cook” – create a lot of traditional expectations in a relationship that you might not vibe with. Remember to check in and ask yourself about the kind of life YOU want to build.

(15:37) Relationship promotions.

Roy brings up a controversial joke he once told about how after a certain point in a hetero relationship, the label “girlfriend” starts to feel stale – i.e. the more serious a relationship is, the more saying girlfriend feels like an insult. D & R discuss the significance of various relationship terms, like “partner” or “boo thang.”

Damona also explains why situationships are more prevalent today than ever before…

(23:36) We all have “thermostatic compatibility.”

Damona throws it back to one of Roy’s jokes about thermostatic compatibility. Meaning, one element of determining your compatibility with someone is if you run hot or run cold. But other than who gets to use the heated blanket, what factors are important in a relationship? Roy shares his thoughts.

(28:38) Beyond the scenes.

Back in May 2022, Damona appeared on The Daily Show’s Beyond the Scenes podcast to divulge her thoughts on sexual racism on dating apps. So Damona asks Roy for his perspective – are dating apps really contributing to dating racism?

 

Be sure to catch Roy on the big screen in the upcoming film “Confess, Fletch” with Jon Hamm – it hits theaters September 16, 2022.

 

And check out his podcast Roy’s Job Fair!

 

DEAR DAMONA (36:50)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • IG Message from Overwhelmed & Not Prepared – Hi Damona. I’m a huge fan of your podcast. I have been divorced for five years and dated on and off since. I’m now getting back into dating and have tried the online apps as it seems to be the way to go (although it feels very inorganic to me, I’m not a fan). I’ve been getting a great response rate but I’m having trouble making meaningful connections with my matches… Or even getting through the likes to figure out who ARE potential matches. Do you recommend going through only a certain number of them and exploring potential matches in that group before moving on?  I opened an account last night and I woke up to over 1500 likes. 😳I messaged a few but I knew it wasn’t a good match very early on. I would send a nice message and wish them well. Each person responded by verbally attacking me when I was simply trying to be polite. Is this why ghosting is such a big thing?

Profile Fibs & Seeing Other People

Have you ever found yourself leaning a little too hard onto the rules of dating? It can be exhausting! Who pays for what? When should I text them back? What should I text them? How do I define the relationship? The rules are ever changing but our mission on this show is always to keep you in the know. (Lookie, that rhymed.)

And that’s why we have Ilana Dunn of the hit podcast “Seeing Other People” joining Damona on Dates & Mates today. She’s the former video and content producer for the dating app Hinge, and she’s the foremost authority on Millennial and Gen Z dating. 

Ilana will be sharing her top texting tips for meeting your match and she’ll share her no games approach that is re-writing the rules for today’s daters.

DATING DISH (2:48)

Folks are fibbing on dating apps – but about what?

Our friends over at Big Think got curious about how often people are stretching the truth in their profiles. And as it turns out, roughly 80% of people include information in their profile that contains “deviations” from the truth.

But what’s even more interesting is that the things that men and women tend to lie about are different, AND there are also distinctions between how upset they are about the other’s deceit.

According to a study from Cambridge University, men tend to value “reproductive capacity” (physical attractiveness & youth) and women lean towards “resource acquisition” (higher social status & provision). Damona debunks some of these claims, BUT gives evidence for others.

ILANA DUNN (11:28)

Damona sits down with Ilana Dunn, the former video and content producer for the dating app Hinge. Today, Ilana hosts the podcast Seeing Other People and is an expert in Millenial and Gen Z dating. Her mission is to help daters feel more empowered and less alone in their dating lives.

(12:55) Let’s stop playing games…

Both Damona and Ilana agree that the aspect of playing games is a little outdated for where dating culture has evolved to today. Ilana shares the crucial reason why following the “rules” of dating will not work for everyone.

(20:00) Authenticity is everything.

“Just be yourself” can feel like such a loaded statement sometimes. So what does it really mean to love as you are and authentically? Ilana breaks down how she got to the core of her authentic self, and how you can surrender to your own truest self.

Plus, Damona gives some tips on how to sound more authentic over text (hint: try and text the way you speak). 

(24:27) Don’t judge a match by their texts.

Texting has now become such a crucial part of the dating process (although it didn’t used to be). Ilana mentions one of the biggest mistakes we make when texting, which is letting the conversation go on too long before meeting in person. 

The reason this is dangerous is that it gives us all this time to build up the other person in our mind – we think we know who they are and how we will get along, which ends up putting all this pressure on the first in-person date. 

Ilana recounts how she managed to avoid this trap with her current boyfriend – get ready to take some notes…

 (34:35) Should we see other people?

We all have different definitions about what it means to be exclusive. In the UK, the etiquette is that you are dating one person until you decide to stop dating them. But in the US, the presumption has been that you are dating multiple people until you declare that you are exclusive with one person.

Damona asks Ilana for some advice on how to navigate this dissonance, and Ilana shares the two types of daters that emerge in dating before exclusivity.

 

You can catch more of Ilana’s advice on her podcast Seeing Other People, wherever you like to listen. And be sure to follow Ilana on instagram @ilana.dunn or @seeingotherpeople.

 

DEAR DAMONA (47:00)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

IG Message from M – I’ve been with my fiancé for 11 years now. The first 5 years we were on and off, but we have been living together for the last 6 years. Our communication skills haven’t been the best. But I’ve always made him aware that the way he talks to me isn’t okay. I feel like he tries to belittle me in front of others, talks to me like he’s annoyed by me, or like I’m stupid. One of the last arguments we had was because he told me that “I’m f*cking stupid.” Overall, I just feel like he doesn’t respect me. I’ve asked multiple times if we could please try and work on it. I’ve even brought up counseling and he said no. I recently tried breaking things off because I feel the respect isn’t there. He then proceeded to apologize and said he would change and said we could do counseling. It’s been a week and he still hasn’t looked into counseling, while I have. I just don’t know if this type of behavior can be improved? I feel like part of me is over the relationship but at the same time I still love him and care for him. I just don’t know if this relationship is worth fighting for anymore.

Dating App Etiquette & Keeping Your Cool

I don’t want to brag ya’ll but how many podcasts do you know that have made it 10 seasons?! I almost can’t believe it. 

For those of you who have been here, thank you for sticking with us whether you’ve listened for one season or all 10. We’re making this show for you. 

And, for anyone that is new to the show – welcome to the Dates & Mates family!

Over the years, Damona has helped daters through all of the evolutions of modern dating, from the rise of texting to Tinder to video dating and even a pandemic. 

And in all this time, one thing has remained the same – relationships touch everyone’s lives.  And this is a show for everyone.

We ended Season 9 with the “Summer Encore Series” where we unlocked interviews and episodes that were previously only available to Damona’s VIP clients. In the meantime, so many new questions came through that we’re devoting the entire episode today to your questions – it’s an all Dear Damona premiere!

 

BONUS: Enrollment for The Dating Accelerator Program is LIVE NOW! 

This program is only offered twice a year, including live sessions with Damona and her hand-selected VIP Coach.

PLUS we’re offering a special Early Bird price from now through the end of August, that will give you 20% off. Be sure to use the code “AUGUST” at checkout. 

 

Go to thedatingsecret.com to learn more about the program, and the amazing results in store for you if you sign up today. 

 

DEAR DAMONA (3:05)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • (3:05) IG Message from AA – About 10 years ago I had an affair that ended up breaking up my marriage in a very painful way. I have been carrying guilt about this over the last 10 years. How do I re-enter the dating world in a positive way? And do I even deserve to have a loving, supportive partner after what I did?
  • (8:45) IG Message from Andrea – I’m having a lot of trouble with dating. It’s like I match with guys, but literally no one sparks my interest. I gave this one guy my number and he invited me over to his house. He was a great host, and in my eyes it was the most perfect vibes. We ended the night listening to music and he offered to rub my feet to which I obliged. The foot rub was perfect, so perfect that I got sleepy. You would think he would have offered for me to stay over, but he didn’t – he had me leave. Since our hang out, communication has been short and he takes a while to respond back. Should I ask him about the communication change or just take it up as he isn’t truly interested?
  • (13:12) Email from L – I’m a 56 year old widower who is new to online dating. I’m a black woman who is open to dating outside my race because I don’t want to limit myself. But of course, I’m definitely looking at black men as well. What dating site do you recommend?
  • (18:18) Email from J – Hi Damona, I struggle to talk to girls that I’m interested in over text message and in person. When they come up to me, I freeze and don’t know what to say. Is there anything you can do to help?
  • (24:37) IG Message from Soli – I’m queer and exploring the idea of polyamory. I thought it was my neurodivergence, but really it just comes down to different people fulfilling different aspects of my needs and not requiring that a single partner/person fulfill more than what they, or I, want from that relationship. My current partner expresses that this is a phase and feels like an excuse for me to have sex with other people. But I don’t tend to engage in sexual relationships with more than 1 person at a time unless a conversation is had about opening up the relationship, and even then it’s usually 1 or 2 partners at a time. How do I explain that this is not a phase?
  • (31:22) Email from S – Dear Damona, I love your podcast! I’m feeling ready to start dating again, so I signed up for an app and am suddenly reminded of one of my terrible flaws. I tend to let my imagination get carried away the minute I develop the slightest crush on a guy! I’m in my mid 30s but you’d think I’m a teenager the way I immediately let myself daydream about future conversations, dates, what it’s be like to kiss, have sex, meet each other families, travel… You get the idea. Daydreaming is fun, but I’m afraid it makes me put unrealistic expectations on someone who I’ve literally only messaged with a couple of times. It sets me up for disappointment, especially when they turn out to not be interested back. Do you have any advice about how I can stop letting my imagination run wild?!

 

Don’t forget that Early Bird enrollment for The Dating Accelerator is LIVE NOW! 

Go to thedatingsecret.com to work hands on with Damona, and get 20% off this program for a limited time.

Seven Year Switch & The Chivalry Sitch

Welcome to the final episode of the Dates & Mates “Summer Encore Series” – and the official LAST episode of Season 9!

You know we love breaking down dating myths and tracking the ways in which dating norms have evolved. That’s why we’re bringing back another episode that’s been locked away for some time – a conversation with Charles J. Orlando on the evolution of chivalry. This was also part of Damona’s “Dating Myths Decoded” Summit, so let’s get ready to do some decoding.

 CHARLES J. ORLANDO (1:40)

Charles J. Orlando is an interpersonal relationship dynamics expert and author of five acclaimed books. You may know him from the hit show “Seven Year Switch” on Lifetime, where he was the expert and host (Seasons 2-3). Today he will be breaking down the origins and evolution of chivalry. Plus, he will tell you what to look for on a first date when gauging long term potential.

(2:00) The origins of chivalry.

Charles takes us back a couple of centuries to talk about where chivalry actually comes from. When we think of the term chivalry, images of a damsel in distress or a knight in shining armor often come to mind. But by technical definition, Charles shares that “it actually meant to win sexual favours from a woman via covert action. So it was a way to bullsh*t your way into her pants by pretending to be all that.”

Nowadays, chivalry has to do more with action and “gentlemanly conduct” (a man could even be chivalrous to another man). So why has chivalry fallen by the wayside in the 21st century? Charles gives two clear reasons why…

(6:05) Inspiring our partner to show up.

The role of men has historically been tied to being a provider. And with the introduction of modern day feminism and evolution of the woman’s role in society, the male role of “provider” has become more and more ambiguous. So Damona asks Charles how women can inspire men (or how any partner inspire the other) to show up in more chivalrous ways in a relationship.

Charles comments that gender roles in relationships are more fluid today. He says there is more than one way to provide for your partner in a relationship and lots of ways to share a piece of yourself.

(8:15) Reset your expectations.

Damona revisits her own engagement, and how her husband felt the same societal pressure to be settled in his career before proposing. This is often the hurdle that comes up when women begin to wonder, “why can’t he commit?” If you’re in this situation, remember that your partner’s hesitancy to commit may not be personal. It could be that he doesn’t feel established enough yet to build something new, like a marriage.

Charles points out that this is where expectations come into play – what society expects of us, what we expect of ourselves or our partner. The evolution of chivalry has reset what is expected of men and women in today’s society. So maybe our expectations should have a chance to evolve as well…

 

(12:50) “All men want to date women who are younger.”

Let’s bust this myth, shall we? This may be true for some men. But if you have been feeling this way as a woman, it’s probably a combination of insecurities and the way you are managing your selection process for dating. Charles spills that “the right guy sees past all of that nonsense, because it doesn’t even come into play. And that has to do with the selection process.”

Even moreso, the dating and selection process has become difficult for everyone with the rise of online dating/dating apps. “We originally met people within our own neighborhood, which means we had some commonality around values and neighborhood activities… you knew what they were all about… Now we’re meeting people from out of our neighborhood because the neighborhood is 7.1 billion people strong.”

(15:50) You complete you.

Speaking of resetting expectations, have you ever heard someone say they want to find their other half? The person that completes them? Well, it’s time for us to let go of that vision. Think about it: you could meet someone that completes you during one phase of your life. But over time, both you and your partner will evolve in ways that neither of you can predict. That is the nature of being human. So if you’re always holding on to someone so tightly as being your other half, you may develop some resentment down the line.

But this doesn’t have to be an inherently sad realization! Letting go of the “other half” expectation helps us to build fuller and more long-lasting relationships that will stand the test of time. 

So how do we look for those signs of long-term potential while dating? Charles gives his take on red flags, compatibility, and modern day courtship.

(22:15) A relationship shouldn’t be “work.”

According to Charles, “work is that thing that you do so that you can earn a check, so that you can take that money and do what you’re really passionate about.” Instead, relationships and love take effort. Effort is what you put into the things that you really care about, the things that matter.

 

Be sure to check out Charles on Instagram @CharlesJOrlando, and you can learn more about his work at CharlesJOrlando.com.

 

**There is no Dear Damona in this episode. We will continue answering your dating dilemmas during the Season 10 Premiere of Dates & Mates, airing August 23rd.

Submit your Dear Damona questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear your answers in a future episode of the show!

Self Love & Dating Motivation

Today I will be sharing an extremely important conversation in as part of our Summer Encore Series.  

If you’re listening to this podcast then you’re likely looking for romance or already in love, but there’s another kind of love I want to encourage you to nurture – self love.  You may have heard the phrase “you have to love yourself, before you can love someone else”, and it’s true. Being able to understand yourself and being able to take care of yourself will prepare you for a healthier relationship or improve the one you already have.

And that’s why I have author and America’s leading mid-life dating and relationship coach, Jonathan Aslay, joining me today.  He will be breaking down the idea of self love and outlining his techniques for mastering the concept.

JONATHON ASLAY (1:55)

(1:55) What the heck is self love anyway?

Jonathon’s book, What the Heck is Self Love Anyway?, works to answer that very question. According to Jonathon, self love is getting to a state of inner peace. But how do we even begin to get to that place? 

Jonathon notes that the way we speak to ourselves, and how we speak to others, is crucial for finding that fulfillment. Are you communicating from a sense of negativity or hypercriticism? If so, try to take steps to shift your inner world away from feeling like a victim to your own circumstances, and more towards hopefulness.

(7:40) Learn to lift yourself up.

Damona asks Jonathon what advice he can give listeners to begin lifting themselves out of that negative or dark place. Jonathon explains the two key phrases that helped him on his self love journey. Plus, he gives ideas on some activities you can do to develop more self love (and how to make a self love practice work for YOU). 

(10:55) Your body is a machine, not a temple.

One thing that Jonathon emphasizes in his book is that taking care of your body is a big form of self love. So giving your body the nutrients it needs is the easiest way to begin your journey of self love. Additionally, slowing down and paying attention to nature on a daily basis will move you towards connecting with yourself.

(13:10) Shifting your energy.

Damona mentions something she learned in her kids’ yoga class called “the mean bug” – if something happens to you that then causes you to have a bad day, you’ve caught the mean bug. She notes that it’s important to not let the more negative aspects of your day overshadow the good.

Jonathon agrees, adding that we have the power to change our inner narrative if we choose to. In order to take charge of the energy you bring into your dating life, Jonathon recommends always setting an intention beforehand. 

(15:25) Your wonderful, weird self.

As a dating coach, Jonathon says that one of the biggest pieces of advice he gives is to embrace what makes you weird or unique. He brings up the classic rom-com When Harry Met Sally, and how Harry ended up falling in love with Sally not because of how polished or perfect she was, but because it took her an hour to order a ham sandwich and that she finds 70 degree weather cold. So it’s not the perfection that people embrace the most, it’s the quirks.

 

Be sure to check out Jonathon’s book, What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway, and follow him on Twitter @JonathonAslay.

 

You can learn more about Jonathon at JonathonAslay.com, and download his free gift for Dates & Mates listeners at jonathonaslay.com/gift.

 

DEAR DAMONA (19:50)

Submit your Dear Damona questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear your answers in a future episode of the show!

**This week’s questions are from the vault. We will continue answering your dating dilemmas during Season 10 of Dates & Mates, airing August 23, 2022.

  • Question #1 – I decided to really let my walls down and be open and vulnerable in my new relationship. I feel that if I keep walls up and I’m too reserved, I may miss out. There’s always the possibility of being hurt and I have been hurt in the past. How do I learn to be more open and vulnerable this time so that I don’t have any regrets?
  • Question #2 – You said not to talk about politics, religion, or money on a first date. But these topics will come up eventually. So should there be a hold on certain discussions?

 

Master Class: Healthy Communication & The Texting Trap

As you know, we have been opening up the Dates & Mates vault for our special Summer Encore series to bring you incredible conversations from the early days of the podcast or other secret sessions that have been locked away for Damona’s VIP clients only. 

The idea of communicating with your matches seems pretty straight forward. But with each of us spending more and more time on our phones and behind our computers, our face to face conversations are beginning to suffer.

And so, today we’ll be sharing Damona’s masterclass on HOW TO COMMUNICATE – including how to avoid the texting trap, and the four keys to healthy communication.

COMMUNICATION MASTERCLASS (1:15)

In this masterclass, Damona will cover topics like:

  • The Principles of Improv & How to Listen (1:15)
  • The 70/30 Rule (3:30)
  • Have “SEC” with each other – Smile, Eye contact, & Casual touch (4:30)
  • How to avoid the texting trap (7:10)
  • Only share what you want to share (12:40)
  • Using emojis as mood modifiers (14:05)

Is there another topic you would like Damona to cover? Submit your Dear Damona questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear your answers in a future episode of the show!