IT’S TIME TO GET BACK OUT THERE

Did you take a break from dating during the last two years? A lot of people did.

But here’s the thing: you can’t keep your happiness on hold forever. So being careful to avoid the recent spike in Delta Variant, today we’re going to talk about dating confidently again.

Our guest this week is an absolute gem, Logan Ury — brilliant behavioral scientist turned dating coach. She is the Director of Relationship Science at the dating app Hinge and author of How To Not Die Alone. 

She’s going to tell us the 3 main types of daters and the biggest mistakes each type makes – so you fix your dating sitch and get back in the game.

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But first some hot tips for dating during the Delta variant:

 

HOT TIP TIME (2:04)

(4:12) HOT TIP #1 – You need to do more screening. 

Gone are the days when you could just swipe, swipe, message, jump into a date.

You’ve got to qualify your dates to see if you can trust them, if meeting them is worth your time and if you’re going to enjoy your date, whether or not it’s a match.

This means messaging back and forth a bit (but no more than a week) and then moving on to a phone call or a video date. 

We know, we know! Y’all hate Zoom dates. Damona gives the rules to better digital dates.

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(6:20) HOT TIP #2 – Don’t plan another boring dinner date to meet someone for the first time.

You can take advantage of nice weather in most places right now and do something more exciting. A few ideas:

• get ice cream
• go hiking
• have a drink on an outdoor patio
• rent a paddleboat
• play mini-golf

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Once you are there, remember that you are responsible for your own good time and you are responsible for your own covid dating safety.

Damona explains how this situation is actually advantageous to setting healthy boundaries early in the relationship.

 

(7:43) HOT TIP #3 – Practice slow love.

What is the rush? If you are in it for the long haul, why are you trying to fast forward to the end? 

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The fun part is in the getting to know you phase. Damona explains how to know when you’re ready to be intimate.

 

HOT TO NOT DIE ALONE (10:20)

Logan Ury is Hinge’s Head of Relationship Science, a dating coach and now The author of the acclaimed book – How To Not Die Alone. 

Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, TIME and I’m so excited to share her with the Dates & Mates audience!

(14:30) The Three Dating Tendencies: Logan describes the categories of patterns in which everyone tends to fall. You’ve got the Romanticizer, the Maximizer, and the Hesitater. Which are you, and what can you do about it?

(21:26) Growth vs. Fixed Mindset: How to stay motivated when you’re ready to give up on searching for your person.

(25:56) Logan’s Love Story: Should you take a chance on dating outside your “type?”

(31:10) Fewer Better Dates: How to put more care into the dates you choose to go on, and maximize the potential of your dating app profile by creating a narrative for yourself.

Buy Logan’s book, How Not To Die Alone, here: 

 

DEAR DAMONA (47:13)

Submit your questions on  Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

• Question from Lindsay – Hi Damona. I’m noticing a pattern of always becoming the friend, never the love interest. What am I doing or not doing, and how do I break out of the friend zone and into the end zone? I’m a 35 year old woman in New York, boss marketing exec, but I’m the mama bear and good friend to everyone. I’ve “hung out” multiple times one on one with love interests and they just aren’t ever interested in that way. What can I do to be seen as girlfriend material?
• Message from Tim – Hi Damona, I’ve been listening to your podcast since the beginning of the year and it’s fantastic! I’ve downloaded your helpful profile start kit, I’ve been practicing slow love and thinking about where I can meet new people online and offline. So a massive thank you for changing my mindset around dating! I do have a question though, I’ve had one date with this girl and the date went really well and I just matched with someone else who I would like to get to know. Should I date more than one person at the same time? Would it get confusing? What’s your advice around dating multiple people at the beginning and later down the road? 

 

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