YOU GET 3 DEAL BREAKERS. THAT’S IT.
Today we at dates and mates are asking the question: are your deal breakers really all that important?
Damona always says you get 3 must have qualities in your list of things you want in a partner, but some of y’all need a little reminder as to what that really means.
What really counts as a deal breaker? They’re too short? Too tall? He doesn’t like dogs? She’s allergic to cats?
Lisa Bonos is here to help! She is the current dating and relationships reporter at the Washington Post and has her finger on the pulse of the American dating scene — or the heartbeat, as she says it.
But first, we have headlines. Lovers, are you ready? Let’s dish!
DATING DISH (2:05)
(2:05) Maskne got you down?
Mask Acne – it’s a real thing. If you feel like your skin has seen better days, you’re not alone.
Many people feel their self-confidence has taken a hit since the start of the pandemic, whether it be from maskne or the nerves of having to talk to people in person during skin breakouts.
Lovers, this article is clearly advertorial and FULL DISCLOSURE: Damona IS NOT promoting this brand. However, the survey taken by OnePoll did uncover some interesting info about American attitudes towards the correlation between skincare and confidence.
More than ¼ of respondents have cancelled a date because of a breakout. Of the 2,000 people who took the survey, 45% have begun wearing heavier makeup than usual, and 48% say they’ve turned off their camera during a video call. Damona gives her thoughts on self care and confidence.
In the meantime, check out the study here.
(5:50) How long does it really take to fall in love?
Damona hears this question all the time. Like… at least once a day. While Damona has a general idea based on years of dating coaching, she can’t always give a straightforward answer.
Finally, this article from New Scientist has compiled all of the studies done on love timelines. Disclaimer: it turns out that most of these studies were done on heterosexual couples.
A study from YouGove says the average time for men to fall in love is 88 days, and for women it’s 134 days. An Elite Singles poll from 2017 says 61% of women believe in love at first sight, while 72% of men do.
That said, Damona is a fan of SLOW LOVE. We all want to know what the timeline should be, but the fact is that everyone is on their own specific timelines.
LISA BONOS (10:39)
Lisa has been a reporter at the Washington Post since 2005, and she’s written for a long time about matters of the heart. And now she’s here on Dates & Mates to give us an inside peek into what’s really happening on the dating scene today.
(11:30) How To Date After A Pandemic: Damona and Lisa dish on the challenges in moving from the apps to meeting your prospective date in person, and Lisa’s take on how people’s standards have changed.
(23:42) The Workplace Romance: Damona and Lisa have both had a change of heart about workplace romances, since the seemingly unavoidable awkwardness of a breakup in the office is now nonexistent thanks to working online.
(30:04) What Will Change After the Pandemic — or What Will Stay the Same: The zoom date is here to stay, folks. Lisa says many of the singles she’s talked to love the new addition of pre-screening your dates. The pandemic has also encouraged us to be more straightforward about what we’re comfortable with and what we want with the people we’re dating, which Lisa hopes people will continue to do post-corona.
(32:47) What Is Oversharing vs. What Is Vulnerability: Pacing matters. You don’t have to share everything with someone you just met — think of going “emotionally slow.” Remember that someone has to earn your story.
Check out Lisa’s articles here: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021/07/20/dating-life-after-covid/
DEAR DAMONA (39:51)
- Instagram Message from Lauren – Hello Damona. So I finally decided to walk away from a manipulative person. Turns out my intuition was right and he has been messing around. Should I ghost him or give him the respect of saying I’m done? He didn’t give me that respect before he had this other girl in his car. I do not want to become callous with men, but how do I gain the ability to be the strong one without feeling hurt?
- Instagram Message from Vernée – Hi Damona! Two questions. I’ve always been plus size and self conscious about my weight – especially after quarantine. I’m feeling kind of ready to get back out there after a break up last June, but I’m struggling with being bigger than I was before. I know there are a few apps that are specifically for curvier/larger women, but I’m afraid of fetishization. I already deal with that as a WOC. Are you familiar with these apps? Could you make a recommendation for the best one?
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