Tag Archive for: take action in dating

Halloween Horror Stories: Gambling with Love & Fake Date Fiend

Happy Halloween AND welcome to a shocking episode of Dates & Mates!

In the spirit of All Hallows Eve, this episode is dedicated to ghosting, ghoulish behavior and suspicious situations.

Yes, it’s our annual Halloween Dating Horror Stories episode!

DATING HORROR STORIES IN COLLABORATION WITH REDDIT (1:50)

This year we collaborated with Reddit to find some of the scariest dating disasters and we found some doozies. From a money monster to a fake date fiend, and everything in between, we’ve got some stories to make you laugh off your own dating disasters. Plus Damona gives her expert insights on how you can escape a similar fate. These tales include:

🎃Gambling With Love… (2:26)

🎃Mixed Signal Pickup… (10:25)

🎃Fake Date Fiend… (15:10)

🎃Xanax Zombie… (16:41)

 

Then, at the end, friend of the pod, Matt Marr, shares his salacious story:

🎃Caught Him Texting During the Deed… (21:28)

DEAR DAMONA

Our Dear Damona segment is returning next week. Submit your questions on Instagram, X, or Facebook to hear Damona’s answers live on the show. 👏

Hidden Love Questions & Happiness Engineering

Have you ever found yourself pondering the twists and turns of your love life, wondering if you’re on the right path, or if there’s even a map to begin with? Perhaps you’re at a crossroads, questioning whether you’re truly in sync with your heart’s desires. 

As we have been walking the current cohort of The Dates & Mates Method program through the 5 dating loops and along this journey, we have been hearing just how overwhelming it can feel to unravel the answers to these questions and design a new road map for your love life all at once.

The word of the week is the very same one that we remind the class of every week. It is also the very same word that Damona chose during the Jewish High Holidays as the value to define her year. 

Our word of the week is SIMPLICITY

If you find yourself tempted to spiral into overwhelm, remind yourself that you only need to focus on the one thing ahead of you in that moment. Choose to simplify a problem to its essence and take a simple action to get unstuck. Don’t try to do everything all at once.

Our guest today has done some of the heavy lifting for you. He’s looked at the questions that came up for his readers and clients and he’s hand carved a simple path to help you on your love journey.

And he is a bit of a legend around here. Dr. Victor Frank, formerly known as Dr. Ali Binazir, was one of the first guests here on Dates & Mates over 11 years ago.

Dr. Victor Frank (2:03)

Dr. Victor Frank is a Happiness Engineer and behavioral change specialist who has written about love & happiness since 2005. 

He has given 3 TEDx talks by invitation and is the creator of the online course “Super Charisma: How to Be a Transformative Speaker”, which was the highest-rated public speaking course on Udemy. 

His book, “The Tao of Dating”, was the highest-rated dating book on Amazon for 8 years and his newest book, “The 5 Hidden Love Questions: Radically Simple Strategies to Date Smarter, Own Your Power, and Flourish” is out now!

(5:15) 5 Hidden Love Questions

Dr. Victor’s latest book, “The Five Hidden Love Questions,” is a treasure trove of wisdom. It’s based on patterns he noticed in letters from readers, revolving around five profound questions: 

  1. Am I enough?
  2. Am I the buyer or the seller?
  3. Am I safe physically and psychologically?
  4. What do I really want?
  5. Who am I really?

(8:05) Feelings of Inadequacy

We all experience moments where we do not feel like we are enough. Dr. Frank suggests shifting our focus from ourselves to serving others. “A bunch of things happen when you do that. As you are making other people feel great, they light up. When they light up, you light up.” By being a positive presence, we not only improve our own well-being but also attract others to us. 

(18:19) Am I The Buyer or the Seller?

“In these socially ambiguous situations, you will do better if you assume the position of the buyer,” says Dr. Frank. By being gently discerning and asking the right questions, we can determine if we’re a good fit with the other person. That may mean you need to do a little research and prepare some questions.

 

Grab a copy of his book, “The 5 Hidden Love Questions: Radically Simple Strategies to Date Smarter, Own Your Power, and Flourish”, on Amazon and find resources to accompany the book at TaoOfDating.com/resources

And you can access Dr. Victor’s audio meditations at HappinessEngineering.com

DEAR DAMONA

Submit your questions on Instagram, X, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!

2 Black Girls, 1 Rose & As Seen On TV

The Golden Bachelor premiered a couple weeks ago and the verdict is in – audiences young and mature are eating it up! 

We are seeing a shift towards diversity in the casts of our favorite reality dating shows. People are tired of labels and hungry to see love in all its forms. But there is still work to be done in this space…

And that is why our word of the week is REPRESENT

Damona’s yoga teacher and mentor, Rebecca Benenati, always chooses a word of the year and a few years ago, Rebecca shared this message about the meaning of this word for her:

“It is my wish for myself and for everyone to feel strong, clear, honest and safe to authentically represent who we are. Let the words you say be truthful, let the actions you take be mindful and above all hold less fear about saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Now is the time to speak up, speak out and REPRESENT yourself with great quality. This bold concept may mean that others have to look at themselves and isn’t that the beauty of doing our own work. We can rise together to be the best we can be, not by doing more or saying more but by consciously choosing how to best show our hearts to each other.”

As a DEI exec for many years at CBS and NBC, Damona believes that representation matters – being able to relate in some way to the people we hear or see out in the wide world helps us all live a fuller human experience.

2 Black Girls, 1 Rose (3:24)

Justine Kay and Natasha Scott-Reichel, the hosts of the 2 Black Girls, 1 Rose podcast, are on a mission to uncover what we can learn — if anything — about modern dating, love, and relationships from popular television.

Natasha and Justine have recapped all of your favorite shows including The Bachelor franchise, Love Is Blind, Married at First Sight, Perfect Match, Indian Matchmaking, and The Ultimatum: Queer Love.

Their podcast was named one of the 50 Best Podcasts to Listen to Right Now by TIME Magazine. Natasha and Justine have also been featured on ABC and Lifetime and in the Washington Post, the LA Times, and New York Magazine.

(7:25) Golden Bachelor 

Natasha talks about the amount of content that is available to people and how it is forcing networks to be more innovative. She adds that the Golden Bachelor has been teased for almost 4 years and that there has always been an excitement for it. “The audience is getting older and they need to feel reflected in it.”

Justine says shows like Love Is Blind made way for more cast diversity in the Golden Bachelor. “Love Is Blind, having their first and only king and queen of the franchise be an interracial couple, and be a black woman and a white man, they’re paving the way.”

(12:43) The First Black Bachelor 

Natasha breaks down why she thinks the first black bachelor was done all wrong. “They gave us Matt James but we never got to know him. He never spoke on being a Black man – a Black man dating, a Black man living in the South, a Black man with a White mother. Maybe he had those conversations, and they edited them out, but that’s the problem.”

(22:00) Love Comes In Many Forms 

Damona talks about how some daters falsely believe that if they date someone like them, it will make it easier for them to connect. “It can be a missed opportunity when it is supposed to be a time of discovery.”

 

Justine shares how the differences between her and her husband have been learning experiences. “We could not be more opposite and the way that we learn from each other daily is an incredible thing.”

Nathasha adds, “Some people might have it in their head that they know exactly what love will look like and who it will come from, but that’s doing a disservice to yourself.”

 

Follow Natasha and Justine on Instagram @2BlackGirls1Rose and check out the 2 Black Girls, 1 Rose podcast wherever you listen to Dates & Mates!

 

DEAR DAMONA

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!

Profile Punchup & Text-Speak

We don’t have to tell you that dating today is nothing like it was for our parents. Texting, dating apps, and DMs have forever changed the game and we think it’s safe to say that we are all having to adapt rather quickly. As we’re learning new skills in this arena every day it can sometimes be overwhelming and we may be tempted to push the whole thing away. No more apps, no more texting, no more dating, just no. 

But there are ways to reduce your communication stress and stay in the dating game long enough to meet someone who peaks your interest.

And that is why our word of the week is PROCESS.

When we look at dating as a process and not something that happens by happenstance, we can better chart our path. 

Our guest today, Erika Ettin, did that herself many years ago and now she does it for thousands of fans, listeners, followers, and clients.

ERIKA ETTIN (2:05)

Erika Ettin is the Founder of A Little Nudge, a consulting company that helps people navigate the world of online dating.  A Little Nudge has been featured in media around the country, including The New York Times, The Washington Post, NPR, CBS, and Ask Men.

She is also the author of the book Love at First Site and the co-host of the dating podcast So, We Met Online…

LAY DOWN SOME MESSAGE BAIT (7:40)

Like Damona’s 3 C’s, Erika has some guidelines to the photos in your dating profile, starting with, only post 5:

  • A nice clear shot of your face
  • A full body
  • You doing something interesting (message bait)
  • 2 other pictures of you in your element

Erika breaks down the idea of message bait, “basically someone can ask you a question about it. They feel brilliant because they have asked you a relevant question, but really you are the brilliant one, because you planted it!”

ONLY ONE FIRST IMPRESSION (13:31)

Text speak is when you abbreviate words and phrases in text like HBU, WBU, U. “When somebody uses text speak, it automatically makes the conversation more casual and more casual for more people means it might veer into the sexual.”

Erika says that you only get one first impression, so write in a way that represents your intelligence. 

WHAT TO SAY IN A FIRST MESSAGE (20:13)

Erika offers some scripts to make your first message cute and stress free:

  • You can definitely have the window seat as long as we’re going somewhere amazing. I’m thinking Hawaii.
  • Where is the best Pad Thai in the city? Asking for… me.
  • Curly fries or waffle fries?
  • How did you get into country music? Do you own the boots too?

She explains that it’s as simple as picking up on something in your matches profile and then adding a little humor. 

Damona shares her first message approach – a comment + a question.

CONVERT MATCHES TO DATES (30:24)

Many daters complain that staying in the app once a connection is made is a pain, but Erika says it’s the key to high match to date conversion rates. Her formula:

  1. Set the date in the app.
  2. Confirm the details with “it’s a date:”.
  3. Exchange phone numbers the day before the date with this message
    • “In case you need to reach me tomorrow for anything, here’s my number. What’s yours?

According to Erika, “60% of dates no longer happen if you exchange numbers before you have set the time, date and location of the date because there is no more urgency and sometimes a false sense of urgency.”

 

Follow Erika Ettin on Instagram @ErikaEttin and sign up for her coaching programs at www.alittlenudge.com/coaching_d/!

 

DEAR DAMONA

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!

Age Gap Crap & Solo Mom

Love knows no boundaries, and yet, inequities can rear their ugly heads, even in the realm of romance. It might appear in the form of someone who refuses to date people their age or someone who refuses to date people outside of their race. No matter the origin, it’s important that you don’t allow it to hold you back.

The word of the week is AUTHENTICITY.

Authenticity is your superpower. Embracing who you really are is far more rewarding than trying to fit a mold. 

So be yourself! Step into your true self at any age, any race, any religion. Step into your true relationship goals whether it includes another person, more than one person, or even a child who can help you achieve the goal of being a parent.

Our guest today – Rachel Russo – will inspire us all to trust that our authentic selves are lovable, and to set relationship goals that are realistic and inspiring for us.

RACHEL RUSSO (3:17)

Rachel Russo has been working full-time as a matchmaker and dating & relationship coach for eighteen years through her boutique matchmaking and relationship coaching company, Rachel Russo Relationships. 

Fun fact: She’s also a solo mom by choice and she is loving mom and entrepreneur life! 

CHERRY PICKING CLIENTS (5:14)

Rachel talks about the trend in dating culture and society which seems to devalue women as they age. “The men that are coming to me in the matchmaking world are wanting to date significantly younger women, and when it’s like 20 plus years, I’m not onboard.” 

And with such a significant career, Rachel is able to pick and choose who she’d like to work with. “I mean I can really work with anyone professionally that is respectful and has reasonable criteria, but they don’t always align with my own values, so I’m trying to draw that line in the sand.”

PROBLEMATIC AGE GAPS (6:12)

Rachel describes how she approaches older men who come to her looking for matches 20 years younger. “So I would tell them to put yourself in the shoes of the women that you want to date. In my case, I am the age that they want to date, but guess what, my dad is 72. So why do I want to date you when I can date someone who’s a more reasonable age difference?”

In the end, Rachel turns these clients away with the honest answer that she doesn’t have a database of women who are willing to date that large of an age gap.

SOLO MOM LIFE (23:02)

Rachel believes that being a solo mom can positively impact women’s love lives. “It’s so empowering. It takes the pressure off, they’re happy, and they got what they want. Now they can find someone on their terms.”

However, Rachel’s dating life is currently on hold. “I’ve decided to delay dating until she’s three. I was doing everything to have this baby and I want to put equal effort into finding a partner.”

 

Follow Rachel Russo on Instagram @Rachel.Russo and sign up for her registry at RachelRusso.com!

 

DEAR DAMONA

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!

Dear Damona: Vision of Love & Sue’s Story

If you joined the “F the Fairy Tale” Challenge last week, you might’ve heard a lot about mindset work while dating. But, we can only see a continuous shift in our mindset when we take action. 

So with that, the word of the week is ACTION.

We’re back with another round of questions for this all-Dear Damona episode, AND a special appearance. Damona will be joined by her client, Sue, to share how she learned to love again after losing her husband in 2021 – and why you should never give up on love.

DEAR DAMONA (4:00)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on our next all-Dear Damona episode!

  • (4:00) Voicemail from Faith: Hi Damona! I know you speak a lot on visualization as a part of the dating journey. I was wondering if you have any suggestions for the small population of those that deal with aphantasia. Aphantasia is when your mind’s eye is essentially blind. So if somebody says “picture yourself on the beach”, I just go blank. Do you have any suggestions for how those of us with aphantasia could get clarity, maybe without visualization or with another tool.

**Vision boards can be a really great tool for visualization or for helping you see what you want more clearly. Check out this Vision Board minisode for Damona’s tips on how to make yours!

  • (8:50) Voice Message from C: Hey Damona, loving the new format of the podcast. It’s happened to me a couple of times where there’s a guy who I’m really interested in, we may have been on like a date or two. But then what basically happens is he’s just rubbish at confirming when the next date will happen. Generally for me, if I haven’t heard from someone like two days ahead of time, I forget about them. Am I potentially dismissing great guys because of this? And if that’s the case, because it’s really early stages, am I allowed to ask the person for clarity in advance? Or is this all just a symptom of dating in your 30s?
  • (21:30) Text from K: Hi Damona. I’m over 50, never married, no children, and sometimes think that that’s a red flag for men. I’m also enjoying a middle-aged body that seems comfortable with my apparently futile efforts to change it. I don’t want to release my hope of finding a long term lifetime partner, but I’m barely hanging onto that hope. At what point should a person just accept it’s probably not going to happen?

SUE’S STORY (28:40)

Damona’s client, Sue, talks about how she learned to love again after losing her husband in 2021 and why you should never give up on love.