This week’s episode is brought to you by Damona’s new book F the Fairy Tale!

 

• – Drew Barrymore says it’s the relationship book we’ve all been waiting for…hope with a roadmap!
• – Dr. Drew Pinsky says it’s entertaining, smart and fun.
• – Lori Gottlieb says it invites readers to take control of their love stories.
• – John Kim calls it the cold shower and warm cup of tea singles need.

 

What will you say? It’s on bookshelves now or at F the Fairy Tale Book.com

There are many new listeners to the show this week, so let’s get started with a quick introduction to our host, certified dating coach with 17 years of experience, Damona Hoffman.  Damona embarked on this journey after meeting her husband online and having her friends come to her for advice on how to write a dating profile.

Today she writes for The Washington Post, LA Times, LA Magazine, and various other platforms. Damona is also the official Love Expert of The Drew Barrymore Show and a regular on NBC’s Access Daily with Mario Lopez and Kit Hoover.

The Dates & Mates podcast won Best Black Podcast at the Black Podcasting Awards and Damona has been nominated for a Lifetime Achievement Award by the Sonic Bloom Podcasting Awards. Additionally, the show has landed on esteemed top 10 podcast lists by Mashable, Huff Post, and Cosmo.

A few other fun facts about Damona – she is a vibrant Sagittarius, theater enthusiast, yoga lover, and an advocate of all things pink!

Now, the Dates & Mates podcast is typically a blend of headlines, interviews, and Q&A, but today, to mark the new year and celebrate the birthday of her first book, F the Fairy Tale,  Damona is shaking things up with a fan-favorite: a Master Class.

Oh, and don’t miss out! Damona wraps up the episode with her absolute hottest tip for dating in 2024.

The 4 Dating Myths & 4 Pillars Masterclass(2:40)

In her 17 years as a dating coach, Damona has noticed four common yet misleading belief systems being ingrained in daters by media, families, and communities. In her book, Damona pairs each myth with one of the four pillars of long-term compatibility. By unveiling these myths and applying the pillars, daters can reshape their dating perspectives for genuine connections.

(4:32) The List Myth

The List Myth emerges when seeking specific qualities in a match, leading to a mental scorecard during dates. Those following this myth often feel pressured by societal timelines for love or marriage.

If you have ever said this, you may be caught up in The List Myth

• I’m just really picky and that’s why I never meet anyone.
• There’s no one online that I’m interested in.
• Everyone I’ve dated seemed great on paper, at first.

Damona shares how to reframe The List Myth and get your mindset right to create a permanent fix.

(8:00) The Rules Myth

The Rules Myth influences those who view dating as a strategic game and often adopt a mechanical approach to meeting people and going on dates. It dominates modern dating culture, fueling the hunger for content in books, Instagram, and TikTok, where everyone seeks shortcuts to love. This myth emerges early in dating, hindering genuine connections from forming.

If you have ever said this, you may be caught up in The Rules Myth:

• I never imagined I’d meet my person online.
• He has to ask me out first or I’m not going.
• I’m matching with people but once we start texting I lose interest.

Damona reframes The Rules Myth with by advising daters to search for values and tools over rules. Tasha’s story is shared as an example of overcoming The Rules Myth and the success that can come from following Damona’s advice.

(12:45) The Chemistry Myth

The Chemistry Myth insists on immediate sparks for a successful long-term relationship, amplified by the rapid pace of modern dating. Seeking shortcuts often leads to overlooking crucial relationship indicators, causing doubts in dating and relationship decisions.

If you have ever said this, you may be caught up in The Chemistry Myth:

• It was a nice first date, but I didn’t feel the spark.
• They aren’t right for me, but we have such great chemistry.
• They give me butterflies. It’s amazing!

Reframing The Chemistry Myth take a change of focus. Damona talks about breaking free of The Chemistry Myth with clear concise advice.

(16:00) The Soulmate Myth

The Soulmate Myth is the idea that you have one perfect match out in the world waiting to meet you.

If you have ever said this, you may be caught up in  The Soulmate Myth:

• Love will find me when I’m not looking.
• If it’s meant to be, it will happen.

These pervasive ideas, while hopeful, can be more damaging than uplifting. They set up this anticipation of perfection, expecting someone flawless to seamlessly walk into your life, aligning perfectly. Yet, reality rarely mirrors that ideal.

Successful relationships often unfold differently than expected. It’s about how you engage every day, choosing to make someone your soulmate through continual actions, not just seeking a perfect match.

Damona explains that reframing The Soulmate Myth starts with a growth mindset and shares an exercise for you to try the next time you are questioning your soulmate story.

Hottest Dating Tip for 2024 (21:54)

This Sunday, January 7th, marks Dating Sunday, the pinnacle of online dating for the year. On this day the apps are loaded with fresh individuals and new dating prospects entering 2024 with renewed intentions and clarity. This is a prime moment to explore new connections, so spend some time on the apps between 7 and 10 pm local time. Don’t let this valuable opportunity slip by.

Dear Damona 

There is no Dear Damona segment this week, but you can still submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook for a future segment!