It’s January, and if there’s one thing we have heard more times than we can count this month, it’s the familiar chant of “New Year, New Me.” Now, you’ve probably heard Damona say it over the years too, but while we fully embrace self-improvement and growth, they should be a year-round focus, rather than an annual one.
That being said, we know that many of you are in that space right now, ready to make a change. So here to help us form new habits and keep them is speaker and best-selling author, Rainie Howard. She’ll be outlining the steps to creating change and and she’ll tell us the signs that you may be in need of a change, even if you don’t realize it right now.
But first, we have the Dating Dish this week, and it is spicy! There is a new hot dating site and you will never guess what it is!
Dating Dish (2:00)
Alright, take a seat because we’re delving into the latest buzz on the dating scene! Business Insider spills the beans that the unexpected star of the dating game is none other than LinkedIn. Yes, you heard that right.
LinkedIn, the professional networking platform, is apparently doubling up as a rendezvous spot. People are blending business with pleasure and the DM feature is playing a significant role in turning it into a potential dating arena.
But tread carefully when venturing into professional inboxes. While LinkedIn brings credibility, using it as a dating platform raises eyebrows.
Now, for those considering a business connection that could turn into more, here’s a LinkedIn DM tip: Keep the initial message professional but relevant. In the slower pace of LinkedIn, no need to rush the first comment on a post. Show genuine interest without diving into personal territory too soon. Go slow and stay open to unexpected connections!
Rainie Howard (11:40)
Introducing Rainie Howard, a powerhouse in the realm of inspiration! She wears many hats – a sought-after speaker, a Best Selling Author, and a life coach. With a repertoire that includes impactful books like “Addicted to Pain” and “You Are Enough,” Rainie spreads her empowering messages not just through her writings but also as the host of “The Rainie Howard Show” podcast.
(12:26) How Do We Create Change?
Embarking on a fresh perspective, Rainie unfolds insights into personal transformation, challenging the conventional “new year, new me” narrative. Rather than externalizing goals of love and relationships, she advocates for embodying the qualities one desires in a friend and lover. Rainie’s approach involves radiating self-love, sparking a natural attraction – a brilliant shift in perspective.
Rainie underscores the importance of aligning actions with the desired character. Addressing the common pitfall of overwhelming to-do lists, she recommends prioritizing and focusing on one thing at a time for enduring change. Her advice? “Zero in on those small daily changes that lay the foundation for long-lasting results and stay grounded in realism about how we’re going to make it happen.”
(15:45) Better Boundaries in 2024
Exploring the quest for improved boundaries, the discussion delves into a common aspiration shared by many. The prevalent issue of recovering people pleasers takes center stage, highlighting the necessity of learning valuable lessons from past relationships.
Emphasizing the importance of taking time and setting protective boundaries, the conversation offers insights into avoiding the pitfalls of rushing into relationships without thoughtful analysis.
Damona echoes this sentiment, endorsing the concept of slow love and dating. She underscores the significance of stepping back during the in-between moments to assess feelings without getting caught up in momentum.
The conversation underscores the need to be present and mindful in the unfolding of relationships, emphasizing the value of boundaries to protect oneself from potential hurt.
(18:50) Is This Relationship Toxic?
Navigating the intricacies of relationships, the conversation takes a glance ahead, exploring potential signs of toxicity. Rainie urges a keen focus on the emotions the relationship evokes, from walking on eggshells to subtle disrespect. Toxicity, she suggests, isn’t always overt; it can manifest in demeaning words that leave one questioning their worth.
In a follow-up, Damona digs into Rainie’s expertise on addiction to pain, as featured in her book “Addicted to Pain.” The discussion unveils a nuanced perspective, acknowledging a collective tendency to tolerate certain levels of pain.
Rainie shares examples where individuals may accept disrespectful behavior or infidelity, inadvertently allowing patterns of pain. The exchange reveals a cycle of seeking highs and lows in relationships, akin to a dopamine-driven journey. Rainie advocates for breaking free from this cycle and for the pursuit of healthier connections.
(23:07) Rainie Shares Her Goals for 2024
Sharing aspirations for the year ahead, the conversation turns to personal goals, resolutions, dreams, hopes, and wishes for 2024. Rainie expresses excitement about her upcoming book, highlighting the goal of bringing it to life and connecting with readers. Beyond that, her perpetual focus is on self-improvement, currently honing the art of listening in various aspects of life, from conversations to business meetings.
Rainie introduces her engagement with the slow living movement, emphasizing the value of taking time for oneself and approaching projects with ease. Rather than succumbing to stress and overwhelm, she embraces a mindset of breathing through challenges and acknowledging that not everything needs to be figured out instantly.
Rainie’s journey includes morning meditations which foster a deeper connection to her intuition and spirituality. These intentional practices reflect her commitment to personal growth in the year ahead.
Dear Damona (25:37)
Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!
- Instagram DM from E: Dear Damona, How do you know when you’ve been ghosted? And what do you recommend as a response? What if that person messages after some time has passed?
Dear Damona: Choosing Profile Pics & Dating Younger Men
It’s been just over a month since our last all Dear Damona episode and we’re thrilled to welcome a bunch of new listeners. If you’re new here, we extend a warm hello and a heartfelt welcome. Damona, with over 17 years of experience in Dating Coaching, is your guide through the intricacies of love. Join us for: Dear Damona: Choosing Profile Pics & Dating Younger Men
Now, dear listeners, we don’t mean to add any stress, but the countdown to Valentine’s Day has begun – just two weeks and one day away from the most loved and, for some, the most dreaded day on the calendar. Whether you’re in a new relationship or aspiring to be in one within the next two weeks, this episode is tailor-made for you.
Without further ado, let’s dive into the questions of the day! We’ll be addressing inquiries on dating etiquette when preparing for a significant move, navigating the challenge of matches dating a stereotype, and determining whether an abundance of compliments from a match is a red flag or not. Stay tuned for some love-filled insights!
DEAR DAMONA (2:26)
2:34 Instagram DM from J
I’m over 30. And it’s nearly impossible to find single guys that are older than me now. Can you give me advice on dating younger men?
7:10 Text Message from Anonymous
Hi, Damona I want to start dating again, but I want to move in a year. I’m in Alabama and looking at the West Coast to be closer to my grown children around the Joshua Tree area. How would I update my profile to reflect that? Or would I start looking in the area that I want to go? Help!
14:32 Instagram DM from Gigi
Hey, Damona, you are great on Drew Barrymore. I can’t wait to get your book. Let’s talk about size and women, curvy girls. I feel like there’s a stigma where men are looking for a size 6. I feel like my size 16 isn’t suitable for my dating era. I’m still struggling with men not wanting curvy white chicks.
10:09 Instagram DM from Heidi
Hi, I’m a widow and I’m new to dating sites. I friended a gent recently and he is so complementary it makes me nervous and a little uncomfortable. Is this a red flag?
25:09 DM from CZ on Spotify
I’m stuck on the technical issues of getting good pictures and being able to access them on dating sites. I’m not a photo genius, so I need professional shots.
Do you want to learn more about dating app etiquette? Check out this past episode: Good Jealousy & Dating App Etiquette
Did you like “Dear Damona: Choosing Profile Pics & Dating Younger Men”? Submit your questions for future Dear Damona Episodes:
Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!
Break Up Recovery & Where to Meet
Did you know that January is National Breakup Month? It’s okay if you missed it; there’s been a lot of “New Year, New Me” talk going around, and frankly – celebrating breakups is not the goal. Break Up Recovery & Where to Meet is the theme this week!
But while painful, breakups are sometimes necessary and a natural part of dating. That’s why marriage and family therapist Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, is joining the Dates & Mates podcast this week. She’s here to ease the pain and normalize the stages of a breakup to set listeners up for success all along their dating journey.
Plus, Dr. Lisa has brought her own Dear Damona questions! So, she joins Damona for a very special Dear Damona segment takeover at the end of the show.
Let’s get started with this week’s Dating Dish: Dating News Reveals New Study For the Best Places to Meet New People. (Wonder if LinkedIn is one of them?!)
Dating Dish (1:54)
In a new nationwide study, DatingNews.com set out to see how singles are actually meeting people. Over 500 singles were given 15 various options and tasked with selecting the methods they’ve used to find people to date.
We weren’t surprised to hear that networking platforms take the lead with almost 52% of singles saying that they use them to date. Now this doesn’t just mean apps like LinkedIn or Instagram, but also includes apps like DuoLingo and beyond. Damona says we need to consider our entire online and offline identity as part of our dating landscape.
What did surprise us was to hear that according to the study 40% of people still meet at bars and clubs. That number seems high in our current age especially when post-pandemic, people are wary of in-person interactions being perceived as creepy or aggressive. Even still, Damona thinks bars and nightclubs can facilitate connections as long as you aren’t getting so drunk that you don’t remember what you’ve said.
Another surprising stat – nearly half of the people surveyed found success via blind dates. Coordinating this kind of set-up is tricky, but Damona says we really ought to leverage it more. The trick is to go beyond your besties. They would have paired you off already if they could. You need to develop a circle two or three degrees out—work friends, activity buddies, teammates—and directly ask them to connect you with potential matches. Don’t be afraid to clearly outline what you’re looking for in a partner.
Dr Lisa Marie Bobby (10:16)
Dr. Lisa is a marriage and family therapist and the founder of Growing Self Counselling and Coaching. She’s also the author of the book Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to an Ex Love AND she’s the host of one of our favorite podcasts, Love Success and Happiness.
(11:43) January: The #1 Month for Breakups
According to Dr. Lisa, January sees a significant rise in breakups and divorces. Even couples who are aware that the relationship is fizzling out often delay splitting until after the holidays. As Dr. Lisa notes, “January feels like a natural transition time for making big changes.” The new year sparks reflection on identity and goals—for many, prompting major relationship shifts like breakups
(15:19) A Breakup Isn’t an Event, It’s a Process
Exploring the quest for improved boundaries, the discussion delves into a common aspiration shared by many. The prevalent issue of recovering people pleasers takes center stage, highlighting the necessity of learning valuable lessons from past relationships.
Emphasizing the importance of taking time and setting protective boundaries, the conversation offers insights into avoiding the pitfalls of rushing into relationships without thoughtful analysis.
Damona echoes this sentiment, endorsing the concept of slow love and dating. She underscores the significance of stepping back during the in-between moments to assess feelings without getting caught up in momentum. Damona goes into this even further in a previous podcast episode: Master Class: The 4 Dating Myths & 4 Pillars.
The conversation underscores the need to be present and mindful in the unfolding of relationships, emphasizing the value of boundaries to protect oneself from potential hurt.
(23:08) Breakup-Related Trauma: When It’s More Than a Broken Heart
According to Dr. Lisa, recovering from a breakup involves distinct emotional phases, rather than a quick linear healing. The first phase post-breakup is intense withdrawal filled with anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and desperation. Our biology makes parting painful! Jumping back into dating during this turbulent time is ill-advised.
Phase two brings the necessary sadness to mourn the loss a split signifies. Reflection and self-care help one honor the end of the relationship before moving forward. Modern life lacks helpful rituals to process the romantic loss that funerals provide for death. Still, Dr Lisa cautions against rushing into dating before properly working through grief.
(29:28) Breakups as Withdrawal: Heal Before Dating Anew
When describing her own extreme breakup reaction, Damona wonders what psychologically triggered such intense emotions even years later. Dr. Lisa explains that in addition to attachment loss, “there is a relational trauma that takes place closely related to a betrayal trauma.” This connects to our primal survival wiring. ” Hence why people do ‘insane’ things to reconnect with exes “against their own good judgment.” The trauma of a severed attachment taps into our core being.
Though not an official diagnosis, Dr. Lisa sees clients undergo traumatic responses from breakups. She explains, “It actually changes your brain; your brain encodes traumatic memories in a totally different place and in a totally different way.” However, this trauma is often invalidated by professionals because it doesn’t meet descriptions in medical guidebooks.
Healing requires that we process intrusive memories and emotions properly.
Follow Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby on Instagram @DrLisaMarieBobby and check out her Breakup Recovery Program by visiting growingself.com/divorce-counseling-breakup-recovery/
Dear Damona with Dr. Lisa (38:17)
Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!
Love on LinkedIn & New Year, New You
It’s January, and if there’s one thing we have heard more times than we can count this month, it’s the familiar chant of “New Year, New Me.” Now, you’ve probably heard Damona say it over the years too, but while we fully embrace self-improvement and growth, they should be a year-round focus, rather than an annual one.
That being said, we know that many of you are in that space right now, ready to make a change. So here to help us form new habits and keep them is speaker and best-selling author, Rainie Howard. She’ll be outlining the steps to creating change and and she’ll tell us the signs that you may be in need of a change, even if you don’t realize it right now.
But first, we have the Dating Dish this week, and it is spicy! There is a new hot dating site and you will never guess what it is!
Dating Dish (2:00)
Alright, take a seat because we’re delving into the latest buzz on the dating scene! Business Insider spills the beans that the unexpected star of the dating game is none other than LinkedIn. Yes, you heard that right.
LinkedIn, the professional networking platform, is apparently doubling up as a rendezvous spot. People are blending business with pleasure and the DM feature is playing a significant role in turning it into a potential dating arena.
But tread carefully when venturing into professional inboxes. While LinkedIn brings credibility, using it as a dating platform raises eyebrows.
Now, for those considering a business connection that could turn into more, here’s a LinkedIn DM tip: Keep the initial message professional but relevant. In the slower pace of LinkedIn, no need to rush the first comment on a post. Show genuine interest without diving into personal territory too soon. Go slow and stay open to unexpected connections!
Rainie Howard (11:40)
Introducing Rainie Howard, a powerhouse in the realm of inspiration! She wears many hats – a sought-after speaker, a Best Selling Author, and a life coach. With a repertoire that includes impactful books like “Addicted to Pain” and “You Are Enough,” Rainie spreads her empowering messages not just through her writings but also as the host of “The Rainie Howard Show” podcast.
(12:26) How Do We Create Change?
Embarking on a fresh perspective, Rainie unfolds insights into personal transformation, challenging the conventional “new year, new me” narrative. Rather than externalizing goals of love and relationships, she advocates for embodying the qualities one desires in a friend and lover. Rainie’s approach involves radiating self-love, sparking a natural attraction – a brilliant shift in perspective.
Rainie underscores the importance of aligning actions with the desired character. Addressing the common pitfall of overwhelming to-do lists, she recommends prioritizing and focusing on one thing at a time for enduring change. Her advice? “Zero in on those small daily changes that lay the foundation for long-lasting results and stay grounded in realism about how we’re going to make it happen.”
(15:45) Better Boundaries in 2024
Exploring the quest for improved boundaries, the discussion delves into a common aspiration shared by many. The prevalent issue of recovering people pleasers takes center stage, highlighting the necessity of learning valuable lessons from past relationships.
Emphasizing the importance of taking time and setting protective boundaries, the conversation offers insights into avoiding the pitfalls of rushing into relationships without thoughtful analysis.
Damona echoes this sentiment, endorsing the concept of slow love and dating. She underscores the significance of stepping back during the in-between moments to assess feelings without getting caught up in momentum.
The conversation underscores the need to be present and mindful in the unfolding of relationships, emphasizing the value of boundaries to protect oneself from potential hurt.
(18:50) Is This Relationship Toxic?
Navigating the intricacies of relationships, the conversation takes a glance ahead, exploring potential signs of toxicity. Rainie urges a keen focus on the emotions the relationship evokes, from walking on eggshells to subtle disrespect. Toxicity, she suggests, isn’t always overt; it can manifest in demeaning words that leave one questioning their worth.
In a follow-up, Damona digs into Rainie’s expertise on addiction to pain, as featured in her book “Addicted to Pain.” The discussion unveils a nuanced perspective, acknowledging a collective tendency to tolerate certain levels of pain.
Rainie shares examples where individuals may accept disrespectful behavior or infidelity, inadvertently allowing patterns of pain. The exchange reveals a cycle of seeking highs and lows in relationships, akin to a dopamine-driven journey. Rainie advocates for breaking free from this cycle and for the pursuit of healthier connections.
(23:07) Rainie Shares Her Goals for 2024
Sharing aspirations for the year ahead, the conversation turns to personal goals, resolutions, dreams, hopes, and wishes for 2024. Rainie expresses excitement about her upcoming book, highlighting the goal of bringing it to life and connecting with readers. Beyond that, her perpetual focus is on self-improvement, currently honing the art of listening in various aspects of life, from conversations to business meetings.
Rainie introduces her engagement with the slow living movement, emphasizing the value of taking time for oneself and approaching projects with ease. Rather than succumbing to stress and overwhelm, she embraces a mindset of breathing through challenges and acknowledging that not everything needs to be figured out instantly.
Rainie’s journey includes morning meditations which foster a deeper connection to her intuition and spirituality. These intentional practices reflect her commitment to personal growth in the year ahead.
Dear Damona (25:37)
Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!
CBS News: Expert advice on breaking free of dating myths
Damona joins CBS Mornings to outline the 4 dating myths in her new book F The Fairy Tale and to offer solutions for singles ready for their next step in love.
Click here to watch the segment, then grab your copy of F The Fairy Tale by visiting FTheFairyTaleBook.com!
Access Daily: Dating Dictionary
Damona joins Scott and Kit on Access Daily to update them on the latest dating slang!
Damona’s new book is out! Grab your copy of F The Fairy Tale by visiting FTheFairyTaleBook.com!
Access Daily: Love Signs
Damona joins Scott and Kit on Access Daily to talk about astrology and compatibility as it relates to your sign.
Damona’s new book is out! Grab your copy of F The Fairy Tale by visiting FTheFairyTaleBook.com!
NBC Morning News Now: Dating App Fatigue and Zombie Swiping
Damona Hoffman recently appeared on NBC Morning News Now to discuss the evolving landscape of online dating and share insights from her new book, “F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story.”
With about 35% of Americans now subscribing to dating apps, Damona explored the benefits of investing in premium dating experiences. She explained that paying for dating apps can save time, distinguish serious daters from casual users, and provide tools to stand out in the crowded digital dating world.
During the segment, Damona also shared her top tip for creating a standout dating profile: the Three Cs of photos – Color, Content, and Character.
She emphasized that finding love is one of the most important decisions people make, encouraging viewers not to leave it to chance but to invest in their dating journey.
Watch the full segment on NBC Morning News Now.
CBS Mornings: Expert Advice on Breaking Free of Dating Myths
Damona recently appeared on CBS Mornings to discuss the current state of dating and share insights from her new book, “F the Fairy Tale.”
During the segment, Damona highlighted some of the common issues she’s observed in modern romance, including unrealistic expectations and the exhausting quest for a “perfect” soulmate. She explored why these mindsets can actually hinder people’s search for meaningful connections and keep them from writing their own authentic love stories.
The conversation wasn’t just about identifying problems, though. Damona also shared her perspective on what truly matters in building lasting relationships.
Instead of focusing on superficial checklists or fairy tale ideals, she emphasized the importance of shared goals, aligned values, strong communication, and trust. These are the real pillars of long-term compatibility that Damona has identified through years of coaching.
2024 Dating Astrology & Instant Exclusivity
It has been a whirlwind of a week here as we celebrate the launch of Damona’s first book, “F The Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story”.
Damona is so humbled by the support of this book and the responses to it. Some of you have said you couldn’t put it down; it’s the book you didn’t know you needed. It’s more than a regular dating book, and Damona wrote it with that intent and with you in mind, so thank you for reading, posting reviews on Amazon, and putting the writing on the pages into ACTION!
Our guest this week is here for two reasons. First and foremost, she is one of the main inspirations behind Damona’s new book. Second, she is here for her annual astrological forecast on life and love! That’s right, it’s Vedic astrologer and relationship coach Carol Allen.
Dating Dish (2:31)
A new article from The New York Times tackles decluttering your dating life. Symptoms of a cluttered dating life include an outdated online profile, a match you keep messaging despite not seeing a future together, or being haunted by someone who ghosted you.
Damona challenges listeners to apply New Year organization aspirations to their love lives: Limit apps used, set intentional usage goals, and take conversations offline quickly.
Start by identifying relationship goals, then clear clutter, close communication loops, refresh profiles, and show up fully for meaningful matches. Confront the chaos for clarity!
Carol Allen (12:23)
Carol Allen is a Vedic astrologer, relationship coach, and author of, “Love Is In The Stars: The Wise Woman’s Astrological Guide To Men”. Not only that, Carol is a dear friend of Damona’s and one of the main inspirations for F the Fairy Tale.
(14:41) What is Vedic Astrology?
Carol takes us on an eye-opening ride through astrology’s ancient history. She notes Vedic astrology draws on past civilizations while adding its own zest – like a 27-sign lunar zodiac symbolizing the moon’s nightly visits with his varied “wives.”
This intricate system landed in Greece thanks to a conquering Alexander and eventually mingled with Western motifs. But Vedic astrology uses different calculations, shifting the lens by a whopping 24 degrees.
Carol reveals astrology arose from earthly needs like farming before evolving to illuminate personalities and soulmates. In the end, Vedic readings offer richer compatibility clues than the usual sun sign checks.
(20:14) Damona and Seth’s Vedic Charts
Carol examines the Vedic astrology birth charts of Damona and her husband Seth and notes our host boasts a rare and auspicious combination, indicating an advanced soul here to enlighten the world through teaching and healing.
This powerful arrangement seeds abundance, benefiting endeavors around counseling and uplifting others. Carol traces how these cosmic codes manifest in talents for uniting and guiding women in matters of the heart.
Delving deeper into the predestined forces underlying relationships, Carol spotlights a remarkable 15-point compatibility system. She determines the couple’s bond and checks every box, stacked with intellectual chemistry and effortless alignment.
Carol suggests lasting love requires a meeting of hearts, minds, and spirits – a transcendent sense of fate.
(30:00) The Best and Worst Days for Love in 2024
Carol scans the stars for insight into romantic forces in the coming year. She spotlights fortunate phases for connection:
(42:40) Get Your Own Personal Success Calendar from Carol
Carol provides a chance to chart one’s own course ahead. She creates Personalized Success Calendars, mapping auspicious days for everything from communicating to making money, traveling, and dating.
These individualized reports integrate your birth details to forecast the year’s energetic flows. Damona consults her own annual calendar for guidance on significant decisions.
So, for those of you who are seeking insight into when the stars align for bold moves or new beginnings, Carol makes it easy to glimpse the personal potential the heavens have in store.
Dear Damona (47:10)
Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!
Master Class: The 4 Dating Myths & 4 Pillars
This week’s episode is brought to you by Damona’s new book F the Fairy Tale!
What will you say? It’s on bookshelves now or at F the Fairy Tale Book.com
There are many new listeners to the show this week, so let’s get started with a quick introduction to our host, certified dating coach with 17 years of experience, Damona Hoffman. Damona embarked on this journey after meeting her husband online and having her friends come to her for advice on how to write a dating profile.
Today she writes for The Washington Post, LA Times, LA Magazine, and various other platforms. Damona is also the official Love Expert of The Drew Barrymore Show and a regular on NBC’s Access Daily with Mario Lopez and Kit Hoover.
The Dates & Mates podcast won Best Black Podcast at the Black Podcasting Awards and Damona has been nominated for a Lifetime Achievement Award by the Sonic Bloom Podcasting Awards. Additionally, the show has landed on esteemed top 10 podcast lists by Mashable, Huff Post, and Cosmo.
A few other fun facts about Damona – she is a vibrant Sagittarius, theater enthusiast, yoga lover, and an advocate of all things pink!
Now, the Dates & Mates podcast is typically a blend of headlines, interviews, and Q&A, but today, to mark the new year and celebrate the birthday of her first book, F the Fairy Tale, Damona is shaking things up with a fan-favorite: a Master Class.
Oh, and don’t miss out! Damona wraps up the episode with her absolute hottest tip for dating in 2024.
The 4 Dating Myths & 4 Pillars Masterclass(2:40)
In her 17 years as a dating coach, Damona has noticed four common yet misleading belief systems being ingrained in daters by media, families, and communities. In her book, Damona pairs each myth with one of the four pillars of long-term compatibility. By unveiling these myths and applying the pillars, daters can reshape their dating perspectives for genuine connections.
(4:32) The List Myth
The List Myth emerges when seeking specific qualities in a match, leading to a mental scorecard during dates. Those following this myth often feel pressured by societal timelines for love or marriage.
If you have ever said this, you may be caught up in The List Myth
Damona shares how to reframe The List Myth and get your mindset right to create a permanent fix.
(8:00) The Rules Myth
The Rules Myth influences those who view dating as a strategic game and often adopt a mechanical approach to meeting people and going on dates. It dominates modern dating culture, fueling the hunger for content in books, Instagram, and TikTok, where everyone seeks shortcuts to love. This myth emerges early in dating, hindering genuine connections from forming.
If you have ever said this, you may be caught up in The Rules Myth:
Damona reframes The Rules Myth with by advising daters to search for values and tools over rules. Tasha’s story is shared as an example of overcoming The Rules Myth and the success that can come from following Damona’s advice.
(12:45) The Chemistry Myth
The Chemistry Myth insists on immediate sparks for a successful long-term relationship, amplified by the rapid pace of modern dating. Seeking shortcuts often leads to overlooking crucial relationship indicators, causing doubts in dating and relationship decisions.
If you have ever said this, you may be caught up in The Chemistry Myth:
Reframing The Chemistry Myth take a change of focus. Damona talks about breaking free of The Chemistry Myth with clear concise advice.
(16:00) The Soulmate Myth
The Soulmate Myth is the idea that you have one perfect match out in the world waiting to meet you.
If you have ever said this, you may be caught up in The Soulmate Myth:
These pervasive ideas, while hopeful, can be more damaging than uplifting. They set up this anticipation of perfection, expecting someone flawless to seamlessly walk into your life, aligning perfectly. Yet, reality rarely mirrors that ideal.
Successful relationships often unfold differently than expected. It’s about how you engage every day, choosing to make someone your soulmate through continual actions, not just seeking a perfect match.
Damona explains that reframing The Soulmate Myth starts with a growth mindset and shares an exercise for you to try the next time you are questioning your soulmate story.
Hottest Dating Tip for 2024 (21:54)
This Sunday, January 7th, marks Dating Sunday, the pinnacle of online dating for the year. On this day the apps are loaded with fresh individuals and new dating prospects entering 2024 with renewed intentions and clarity. This is a prime moment to explore new connections, so spend some time on the apps between 7 and 10 pm local time. Don’t let this valuable opportunity slip by.
Dear Damona
There is no Dear Damona segment this week, but you can still submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook for a future segment!
Minisode: A Dates & Mates Love Story
Greetings, Happy Holidays, and a warm welcome to all the new listeners joining Dates & Mates from Excuse My Grandma, The Angry Therapist, Lovers & Friends, and more! In this special minisode, Damona has a delightful treat lined up.
For anyone who felt Santa’s deliveries were missing that extra touch of love, worry not! Damona has an inspiring story to share that will fuel your romantic journey. Joining the show is a fantastic guest, ready to unveil a love story woven into the fabric of Dates & Mates.
And stay tuned till the end for quick, actionable advice on creating a New Year’s resolution for love.
ROBIN (2:30)
Today, the focus is on the remarkable love journey of our guest, Robin, who discovered dating success by implementing advice from “Dates and Mates.” Robin’s story serves as a testament to the potency of setting clear goals and values while seeking a partner.
(3:33) The Power of Clarity and Communication
Robin shares her love story and how Dates and Mates played a significant role in her journey. Robin highlights the importance of clear communication and setting shared goals and values in a relationship. She mentions how she applied the advice from the podcast, such as getting off dating apps and focusing on building communication through phone calls. Robin also emphasizes the significance of prioritizing how someone treats you over external factors like income or profession. “I remember the shared goals and values that really registered with me and making sure that I was identifying those as early on as possible in dating.”
(7:03) Navigating Nontraditional Romance
Robin’s love story takes a nontraditional path, as she met her current partner on a dating app after freezing her eggs. Despite societal expectations, Robin and her partner decided that marriage wasn’t their immediate focus. Instead, they prioritized milestones like buying a house and starting a family. Robin’s story challenges the notion of traditional relationship milestones.
(9:40) Overcoming Challenges and Finding Love
Robin shares her experience of navigating challenges in her dating journey. After a challenging breakup, she took time to reflect on her goals, values, and the lessons she learned. “The breakup was devastating for me. I thought that I was with my person. And I told myself there are three things I want to be sure of before I start dating again.” She emphasizes the importance of being clear about what you want and not settling for someone who is ambivalent or unsure. Robin’s story shows that when you do the work and have clarity, you can quickly align with the right person.
(16:05) Making Your New Year’s Resolution for Love Come True
Damona provides three tips for making your New Year’s resolution for love a reality:
As always you can submit your questions for Dear Damona on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show!
Decoding Gen Z & Financial Secrets
It’s no question that with every generation the world of dating evolves and changes. Sociologists say baby boomers enjoyed the sexual revolution, Gen X experienced an individualized dating experience, Millennials launched us into the era of online dating, and now Gen Z are really taking things to the next level. From LAT relationships to being monogamish, Gen Z is looking for relationships that fit their needs while encouraging their growth.
And here to discuss it all with Damona is Paul Keable, the Chief Strategy Officer for Ashley Madison, the world’s leading married dating website.
Now we know what many of you are thinking – “Ashley Madison?! I am looking for a single partner!” And we get it! We are not here to encourage infidelity, but we are here to learn!
The team over at Ashley Madison has been hard at work compiling invaluable data about its users. So Paul joins us to break down the company’s recently published study, “Decoding Gen Z: A global report on non-monogamy, sex, and the desire for discretion”.
Dating Dish (2:39)
But first, we have the dating dish and WalletHub’s Financial Secrets Survey reveals intriguing insights:
WalletHub’s latest survey exposes the hidden truths people hold about money in their partnerships. From who’s more secretive to the generational honesty divide, the data is eye-opening.
Did you know 76% more men harbor financial secrets than women? And surprise, baby boomers top the charts for honesty. But here’s the kicker: nearly one in four people believe their partners don’t deserve financial transparency.
Yet, as Damona explores, these secrets aren’t just about money—they’re often a stand-in for deeper issues, impacting communication and trust. With 17% unwilling to forgive financial deceit, she challenges us to rethink the risks of hiding financial truths in relationships. There’s more to uncover in this insightful WalletHub study—tune in for the full scoop!
Paul Keable (7:45)
Paul Keable, the Chief Strategy Officer at Ashley Madison, joins the conversation to discuss the company’s recent study on Gen Z relationships and dating. With over seven years of experience at Ashley Madison, Paul sheds light on intriguing insights about the dynamics of relationships among the younger generation.
(09:46) The Evolution of Ashley Madison and Its Appeal to Gen Z
Paul Keable shares the evolution of Ashley Madison, which was born in the early 2000s when traditional dating sites like EHarmony and Match were grappling with married individuals pretending to be single on their platforms. The founders of Ashley Madison saw an opportunity to create a space specifically for married people looking to have affairs.
Since its launch in 2001, Ashley Madison has grown to over 80 million members, with a significant portion being Gen Z. Paul believes this is because Gen Z values the discretion that Ashley Madison offers. He also mentions that Gen Z has a greater awareness and acceptance of their own sexuality and sexual activities. He says they no longer feel the same pressures and shame associated with sex that previous generations experienced.
(13:43) The Changing Dynamics of Relationships
Paul and Damona delve into the changing dynamics of relationships and the unrealistic expectations placed on one person to fulfill all roles in a partnership. Paul explains how Ashley Madison provides a space for individuals to be more honest and open about who they are and what they want in relationships. Damona asks Paul why platonic relationships can’t fulfill those other relationship needs.
The episode also touches on the trend of non-monogamous relationships among Gen Z daters. Paul mentions that 56% of Gen Z individuals surveyed expressed interest in non-monogamy. This reflects a shift in the definition of partnership, where individuals seek multiple partners who fulfill different aspects of their personality and interests. “This doesn’t boil down to just getting in the bedroom and having sex every other day with ten different partners… a far greater portion of people are just saying I want to have a level of intimacy, a connection with people that suit different parts of my personality.
(28:33) The Role of Ashley Madison in Exploring Desires
Paul emphasizes that Ashley Madison is not for people in happy monogamous relationships but rather for those who are seeking emotional validation or are not satisfied sexually in their current relationships.
He challenges the stereotype that men cheat solely for sexual desire, stating that many men on Ashley Madison seek emotional validation.
On the other hand, women on the site are often looking for good sex and orgasms that they are not getting from their partners. “80% of the women who came to Ashley Madison said they were there because they were in a sexless or orgasm-less marriage, and you know that really holds true when I speak to my members.”
Read the full Ashley Madison study, “Decoding Gen Z: A global report on non-monogamy, sex, and the desire for discretion”, yourself by visiting ashleymadison.com/insights
Dear Damona (40:34)
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