You are not struggling in dating because of bad luck. You’re struggling because of a story you didn’t know you were following.
Over the years, through thousands of coaching sessions and the DMs and the tears and the breakups and the breakthroughs, some clear patterns started emerging.
Not just in who people date, but in what they believe about love. And those beliefs, the ones that feel like instincts, like standards, like gut feelings, are usually not even yours. They were downloaded before you ever consciously chose them.
In F the Fairytale, the four most common ones are: the List Myth, the Rules Myth, the Chemistry Myth, and the Soulmate Myth.
But the myth running your love life? That one is deeply personal. And until you name it, it keeps running the show.
(00:05:30) Your Myth Doesn’t Look Like a Fairytale
That’s what makes it so hard to catch.
Dating myths don’t show up as rom-com fantasies. They show up disguised as wisdom. Things like:
- If it were right, it wouldn’t feel this hard
- I just need to feel the spark
- I always attract unavailable people
- If they wanted to, they would
None of those sound irrational on the surface. But what they’re often doing is protecting you from rejection, from vulnerability, from repeating a past hurt.
The myth usually got created in a moment when something didn’t feel safe. Maybe your parents modeled chaos. Maybe your first love blindsided you. Maybe you were told you were too much or not enough.
So your brain created a rule. And the more you repeated it, the more it became true. And the more it became true, the more you dated from it.
The cost is real. When you date from an unconscious myth, you filter out healthy partners before they’ve had a chance. You mistake anxiety for chemistry. You mistake calm for boring. You chase intensity because it feels familiar, and you don’t even realize you’re doing it.
Once a myth becomes conscious, its power over you starts to break.
(00:09:30) Three Questions That Cut Right to It
These sentence-completion exercises reveal not just what you believe about love, but where that belief came from:
- If someone really likes me, they will…
- Relationships fail when…
- I am the kind of partner who always…
Don’t filter. Just notice what comes up first.
Then ask yourself: where did I learn this? Was it a movie? My parents? A breakup that broke me? A romance novel?
Most love scripts were written before you were old enough to choose them. The question worth sitting with is whether the belief you’re holding is helping you create the relationship you want, or protecting you from something that already happened a long time ago.
(00:13:30) Preferences Are Not Pillars
Once you’ve named the myth, you need something solid to replace it with.
Relationship pillars are not preferences. They are not height, income, or a sense of humor. They are the structural foundations of a partnership that make you feel safe, expanded, and fully yourself.
The four pillars from F the Fairytale are shared goals, shared values, clear communication, and trust. But there’s no right number and no right list.
You might also need:
- Spiritual or religious alignment
- Shared ambition
- Playfulness
- Accountability
The point is knowing what yours are before you’re standing in front of someone trying to figure it out in real time. Because when you’re in it, it’s a lot harder to see clearly.
via GIPHY
(00:17:00) Stop Picturing a Person. Start Feeling a Feeling.
When you imagine your future partner, what are you actually seeing?
A face? A job? A height? Those things might surprise you. The packaging often does.
But that feeling of being safe enough to expand. Of being seen. Of not having to shrink or perform or earn your place. That feeling won’t surprise you if you’re actually aligned. You’ll recognize it.
That is the north star. And that’s what you’re actually looking for, whether you’ve named it that way or not.
SPECIAL UPDATE: This is our 600th episode and this will be the last chapter of nearly 13 years of weekly podcasts.
Though the podcast is ending, Damona’s mission is not. She’s turning her attention to help a broader range of people with relationships and communication by consulting at media and technology companies as well as offering keynotes at corporate off-sites, affinity groups, colleges, retreats, and more.
If you know of a company or group who would benefit from Damona’s expertise contact us.
💌 Got a question about love, dating, or any of the relationships that matter most to you?
Send a DM or voice memo on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or send a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255. It might just be featured in an upcoming Dear Damona segment.
📝 Download the free companion worksheet and stay up-to-date on our newest events and resources at damonahoffman.com/next
USA Today: ‘Wildflowering’ is a new dating term that sounds sweet
Damona Breaks Down the “Wildflowering” Dating Trend for USA Today
No timelines. No labels. No expectations. Just let love bloom wherever it lands. Sounds freeing, right?
USA Today brought in Damona to cut through the appeal of wildflowering and get honest about where it can go wrong. She traces the trend back to something she’s been watching for years, and her take on what daters actually need to make it work is worth sitting with.
Spontaneity has its place. But so does knowing what you want.
Read the article HERE
The Washington Times: Why Singles Are Ditching the Apps for Recreational Sports Leagues
Why Singles Are Ditching the Apps for Recreational Sports Leagues
Swipe fatigue is real. And a growing number of singles are finding their way around it, not by downloading a better app, but by lacing up their skates.
A new piece in The Washington Times explores why recreational sports leagues have become one of the more surprising places to find a genuine connection. Damona breaks down exactly why the traditional app process is breaking down, and what a hockey rink or flag football field offers that no algorithm can replicate.
The answer might change how you think about where love actually finds you.
Read the article HERE
The Drew Barrymore Show: Hottest Dating Terms of 2026
Damona Breaks Down the Hottest Dating Terms of 2026 on The Drew Barrymore Show
Hot take dating, yap trapping, chatfishing, zip coding, shrecking. If those terms mean nothing to you, Damona has you covered.
Drew Crewer’s Damona and Val sat down to decode the viral dating trends taking over in 2026. She explained what each one means, where they come from, and whether they’re actually helping or hurting your chances of finding a real connection.
Her take on chatfishing might surprise you. And her argument for shrecking could make you rethink every type you’ve ever had.
What Is a Breakthrough Boost Session? Inside Our 90-Minute Coaching Experience
Feeling Stuck? Here’s What Happens in a 90-Minute Breakthrough Session with Damona
There’s a particular kind of frustration that’s hard to explain. You’re not doing nothing, you’re showing up, trying, making moves. But something isn’t shifting. The relationship you want keeps feeling just out of reach. The career move you’ve been circling stays on someday. You know something has to change, but you’re not sure where to start.
That’s exactly what a Breakthrough Boost session is designed for.
1. It’s Not Just Dating Coaching
A lot of people come to Damona with relationship questions. But after 15 years of coaching, what she’s found is that the thing blocking someone in their love life is usually the same thing blocking them at work, in their family, or in their finances.
The Breakthrough Boost isn’t limited to dating. It’s a 90-minute, laser-focused deep dive into whatever area of your life is ready for a real shift. Relationships, career, healing, a transition you’ve been standing at the edge of for too long.
2. Manifestation Is Not Magic
It’s intention plus action. The problem is that most of us are clear on what we don’t want and fuzzy on what we actually do want. We repeat the same beliefs, make the same choices, and wonder why we keep landing in the same place.
A Breakthrough Boost session cuts through that. You name the dream, identify what’s blocking you, and walk away with a real plan to get there.
3. What to Expect in the Session
In 90 minutes together, you’ll move through a rapid diagnostic, surface the beliefs that have been quietly programming you away from the life you want, and leave with two to three targeted interventions and a clear next step.
Not theory. Practical action you can take right away.
4. Why Spots Are Limited
Damona is opening a small number of these sessions in May only, before she heads back out on the road. When May is over, this opportunity goes away. These are not ongoing coaching packages. They’re designed to be high-impact, targeted, and focused entirely on getting you to a breakthrough fast.
If something in this is speaking to you, that’s not a coincidence.
Book a Breakthrough Boost at damonahoffman.com/breakthrough while May slots are still available.
Access Daily: Dating Truths in a Fast-Paced World
Damona Talks Hot Take Dating, Texting Rules & AI Companions on Access Daily
Is 90 seconds really the new standard for texting someone back? According to the data, yes.
Damona joined Kit Hoover and Karamo Brown on Access Daily to break down the dating trends making headlines in 2026, including hot take dating, the psychology behind why being alone leads to settling, and what Nia Long’s texting rule says about modern communication expectations.
She also weighed in on J.Lo’s AI boyfriend and where the line is between using AI companionship as a tool and letting it replace the real thing.
Watch the full segment HERE
The New York Times: Celebrity Relationships and Why Fame Makes Love Harder
Damona Talks Celebrity Relationships and Why Fame Makes Love Harder in The New York Times
Harry Styles and Zoë Kravitz. Engaged. Again. The internet had questions.
The New York Times tapped Damona to help explain why celebrity relationships seem to move so fast, and why they so often unravel just as quickly. She speaks to the unique pressures public figures face in partnership, and what separates their experience from the rest of us navigating love without a publicist.
It’s a fascinating look at why fame and compromise don’t always mix.
Read the article HERE
Let’s Meet IRL: Upcoming Events
The Love Lab at Civana Wellness Resort – Carefree, Arizona | April 17-19, 2026
Civana Wellness Resort in Carefree, Arizona is my favorite place on the planet. It’s where I go to get quiet, get centered, and remember what I actually want. And this April, I’m bringing the Love Lab there, because that kind of space is exactly where this work belongs.
This is my most personal offering, and it’s built around a simple idea: the most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.
Design your retreat around what calls to you. Yoga, hiking, feng shui, cacao ceremonies, sound baths, an afternoon by the pool.
If you want to join me in the Love Lab, my workshops are included with your room. No complicated packages, no forced itineraries.
Use code VWGDAMONA at checkout for 20% off your stay.
In Bloom Summit – Vancouver, BC | 2026
In Bloom is a two-day relationship summit in Vancouver, BC, that brings together the most trusted voices in love, connection, and personal growth. Think less conference, more community, with speakers and conversations designed to help you build more satisfying relationships with the people who matter most.
I host the virtual experience, which means I’m with you live the entire weekend, guiding sessions, breakout rooms, movement, and priority Q&A with speakers. Whether you’re in the room or watching from your couch, you get the full experience.
If you missed this year’s summit, recordings are still available. Grab access below and catch everything on your own time.
I’ll be back at In Bloom next year, so mark your calendar now. This one is worth showing up for.
NBC News Now: Valentine’s Day Dates, Love Languages & The Communication Code
Valentine’s Day comes with a lot of pressure. And a lot of money on the line.
Damona joined NBC News Now to challenge how couples think about the holiday, from date ideas that actually create connection to why love languages may not be the compatibility tool we think they are. She also introduced The Communication Code, her framework for the way people really communicate today.
The result: practical, research-backed guidance that’s just as useful on February 15th as it is on the 14th.
Watch Damona on NBC Now
GQ: Damona Coaches Dax Flame on Dating
Damona Coaches Dax Flame on His First On-Camera Date for GQ
What happens when a GQ personality decides to go on a date in front of a camera with zero experience and a pocket full of crowd-sourced advice? You call Damona.
Damona served as the expert dating coach in GQ’s segment with Dax Flame, helping him sort through the well-meaning but chaotic tips he collected from strangers on the streets of LA. She coached him on everything from compliments that actually land to why silence on a date isn’t your enemy.
The result? A real date, a real connection, and a lesson that the best dating advice is simpler than it sounds.
Access Hollywood: Valentine’s Day Pressure, Movie Picks & Gift Rules
Damona Talks Valentine’s Day Pressure, Movie Picks & Gift Rules on Access Daily
Valentine’s Day comes with a lot of pressure. And apparently, it’s not just in our heads.
Damona joined Kit Hoover and Zuri Hall on Access Daily just before Valentine’s Weekend to break down why the most romantic day of the year sends both singles and couples into a spiral. New studies confirm it: depression and anxiety rates actually spike this time of year, and the romcoms and fairytales we’ve been fed our whole lives are a big part of why.
She shared movie picks matched to relationship stage, gift rules by how long you’ve been together, and one piece of advice that applies no matter where you are in love.
We’re Gold Signal Award Winners (And It’s All Because of You)
We Won. 🏆
The Judges’ Choice Gold Signal Award for 2025 goes to Dates & Mates, and we are still not over it.
When we told you we were the only independent show nominated in our category, up against network-backed podcasts with corporate budgets, this felt like a long shot. But the judges saw what you already knew: that authentic conversation about love, relationships, and real life is worth showing up for.
This award belongs to every single one of you who has listened, shared, sent in questions, and trusted us with your most vulnerable moments. You made this possible. You made this matter.
Twelve years. Hundreds of episodes. Countless love stories in progress. And now, a gold medal.
We are humbled, we are grateful, and we are already back in the studio making more.
Come celebrate with us and listen to the award-winning show at DamonaHoffman.com/podcast. Thank you for being here. Thank you for everything.
What Are Dating Myths? How Unconscious Love Scripts Are Sabotaging Your Relationships
You are not struggling in dating because of bad luck. You’re struggling because of a story you didn’t know you were following.
Over the years, through thousands of coaching sessions and the DMs and the tears and the breakups and the breakthroughs, some clear patterns started emerging.
Not just in who people date, but in what they believe about love. And those beliefs, the ones that feel like instincts, like standards, like gut feelings, are usually not even yours. They were downloaded before you ever consciously chose them.
In F the Fairytale, the four most common ones are: the List Myth, the Rules Myth, the Chemistry Myth, and the Soulmate Myth.
But the myth running your love life? That one is deeply personal. And until you name it, it keeps running the show.
(00:05:30) Your Myth Doesn’t Look Like a Fairytale
That’s what makes it so hard to catch.
Dating myths don’t show up as rom-com fantasies. They show up disguised as wisdom. Things like:
None of those sound irrational on the surface. But what they’re often doing is protecting you from rejection, from vulnerability, from repeating a past hurt.
The myth usually got created in a moment when something didn’t feel safe. Maybe your parents modeled chaos. Maybe your first love blindsided you. Maybe you were told you were too much or not enough.
So your brain created a rule. And the more you repeated it, the more it became true. And the more it became true, the more you dated from it.
The cost is real. When you date from an unconscious myth, you filter out healthy partners before they’ve had a chance. You mistake anxiety for chemistry. You mistake calm for boring. You chase intensity because it feels familiar, and you don’t even realize you’re doing it.
Once a myth becomes conscious, its power over you starts to break.
(00:09:30) Three Questions That Cut Right to It
These sentence-completion exercises reveal not just what you believe about love, but where that belief came from:
Don’t filter. Just notice what comes up first.
Then ask yourself: where did I learn this? Was it a movie? My parents? A breakup that broke me? A romance novel?
Most love scripts were written before you were old enough to choose them. The question worth sitting with is whether the belief you’re holding is helping you create the relationship you want, or protecting you from something that already happened a long time ago.
(00:13:30) Preferences Are Not Pillars
Once you’ve named the myth, you need something solid to replace it with.
Relationship pillars are not preferences. They are not height, income, or a sense of humor. They are the structural foundations of a partnership that make you feel safe, expanded, and fully yourself.
The four pillars from F the Fairytale are shared goals, shared values, clear communication, and trust. But there’s no right number and no right list.
You might also need:
The point is knowing what yours are before you’re standing in front of someone trying to figure it out in real time. Because when you’re in it, it’s a lot harder to see clearly.
via GIPHY
(00:17:00) Stop Picturing a Person. Start Feeling a Feeling.
When you imagine your future partner, what are you actually seeing?
A face? A job? A height? Those things might surprise you. The packaging often does.
But that feeling of being safe enough to expand. Of being seen. Of not having to shrink or perform or earn your place. That feeling won’t surprise you if you’re actually aligned. You’ll recognize it.
That is the north star. And that’s what you’re actually looking for, whether you’ve named it that way or not.
SPECIAL UPDATE: This is our 600th episode and this will be the last chapter of nearly 13 years of weekly podcasts.
Though the podcast is ending, Damona’s mission is not. She’s turning her attention to help a broader range of people with relationships and communication by consulting at media and technology companies as well as offering keynotes at corporate off-sites, affinity groups, colleges, retreats, and more.
If you know of a company or group who would benefit from Damona’s expertise contact us.
💌 Got a question about love, dating, or any of the relationships that matter most to you?
Send a DM or voice memo on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or send a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255. It might just be featured in an upcoming Dear Damona segment.
📝 Download the free companion worksheet and stay up-to-date on our newest events and resources at damonahoffman.com/next