Welcome to the second episode of Dates & Mates Season 11!
As part of the new season, each episode we will have a Word of the Week to set the tone. And the word this week is EXPANSION. The Dates & Mates team just got back from the Podcast Movement Conference in Denver, where we met so many new people, reconnected with the community, and discussed ways to expand the bounds of Dates & Mates. So this week’s mission is to expand your thinking around your dating pool and take some time to look at what you’re attracting in.
To help in expanding your dating pool, our guest today is Amber-Kelleher Andrews. She’s known in the biz as the matchmaker to the stars, but the name on her business card is CEO of Kelleher International, one of the largest matchmaking firms in the U.S.
Amber will share what her clients are really looking for in a match and how she finds it. Plus, she’ll reveal why she rarely pairs two celebs together. (So if you’ve always dreamed of matching with your favorite movie star, you might have a better shot than you realize. 🫢)
DATING DISH
Damona will still be dishing on all the hottest dating news, BUT the Dating Dish segment will now live on TikTok and Instagram (so we can see YOUR hot takes in the comments).
AMBER KELLEHER-ANDREWS (2:20)
In 2014 Amber starred in NBC’s prime time reality show “Ready For Love” which followed her radio talk show for CBS. Since then, she has appeared on The Today Show, GMA, 20/20, Nightline, BBC, and NBC news. Now, she is the CEO of Kelleher International, one of the largest matchmaking firms in the U.S.
(4:05) What makes two people a good match?
A matchmaker’s sole purpose is to have an eye for a good match – but how does Amber know when this is the case? She shares that people tend to look outside themselves for what a good partner possesses, and suggests turning more towards self-discovery. “If we were to walk around like a magnet, drawing in everything we need, we’d have to do some self-inventory first. You don’t want to draw in unhealthy patterns, drama, etc.”
Stereotypically, celebrities aren’t usually known for being introspective. So how do you find a match for someone who isn’t in the healthiest place? Amber gives her thoughts.
(9:10) Unlinking your social media & dating profile…
One of Damona’s top recommendations when dating online is to avoid including your social media information on your dating profile, because there is a big difference in how we may present ourselves in public versus when we’re trying to find a partner.
Amber says she tries to match her clients on who they are, versus how they’re perceived in the celebrity world.
Amber also mentions it’s important to manage your expectations when dating, and challenge yourself on your type. One way you can do this is for every must-have, simply ask yourself “why.”
(18:40) How to make a great first impression!
From a matchmaker’s perspective, Amber details why it’s important for her to keep her client’s expectations low when sending them out on a date – “you want the client to set their own expectations for their date.”
That being said, Amber goes over some of the ways you can make a great first impression. For example, don’t do a lot of texting or have a lot of phone calls beforehand. Know what questions you’re going to ask on the date, so you don’t freeze up.
Amber and Damona also go over some crucial first date red flags, plus signs that your date is DEFINITELY interested in you.
Be sure to follow Amber on Instagram @Amber_Kelleher. And if you’d like to become a client of Kelleher International, just visit DamonaHoffman.com/matchmaker.
DEAR DAMONA
Our first ALL Dear Damona episode of the season will air next week on September 5th. SO, if you have a question, the DMs are open @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook
Age Gap Crap & Solo Mom
Love knows no boundaries, and yet, inequities can rear their ugly heads, even in the realm of romance. It might appear in the form of someone who refuses to date people their age or someone who refuses to date people outside of their race. No matter the origin, it’s important that you don’t allow it to hold you back.
The word of the week is AUTHENTICITY.
Authenticity is your superpower. Embracing who you really are is far more rewarding than trying to fit a mold.
So be yourself! Step into your true self at any age, any race, any religion. Step into your true relationship goals whether it includes another person, more than one person, or even a child who can help you achieve the goal of being a parent.
Our guest today – Rachel Russo – will inspire us all to trust that our authentic selves are lovable, and to set relationship goals that are realistic and inspiring for us.
RACHEL RUSSO (3:17)
Rachel Russo has been working full-time as a matchmaker and dating & relationship coach for eighteen years through her boutique matchmaking and relationship coaching company, Rachel Russo Relationships.
Fun fact: She’s also a solo mom by choice and she is loving mom and entrepreneur life!
CHERRY PICKING CLIENTS (5:14)
Rachel talks about the trend in dating culture and society which seems to devalue women as they age. “The men that are coming to me in the matchmaking world are wanting to date significantly younger women, and when it’s like 20 plus years, I’m not onboard.”
And with such a significant career, Rachel is able to pick and choose who she’d like to work with. “I mean I can really work with anyone professionally that is respectful and has reasonable criteria, but they don’t always align with my own values, so I’m trying to draw that line in the sand.”
PROBLEMATIC AGE GAPS (6:12)
Rachel describes how she approaches older men who come to her looking for matches 20 years younger. “So I would tell them to put yourself in the shoes of the women that you want to date. In my case, I am the age that they want to date, but guess what, my dad is 72. So why do I want to date you when I can date someone who’s a more reasonable age difference?”
In the end, Rachel turns these clients away with the honest answer that she doesn’t have a database of women who are willing to date that large of an age gap.
SOLO MOM LIFE (23:02)
Rachel believes that being a solo mom can positively impact women’s love lives. “It’s so empowering. It takes the pressure off, they’re happy, and they got what they want. Now they can find someone on their terms.”
However, Rachel’s dating life is currently on hold. “I’ve decided to delay dating until she’s three. I was doing everything to have this baby and I want to put equal effort into finding a partner.”
Follow Rachel Russo on Instagram @Rachel.Russo and sign up for her registry at RachelRusso.com!
DEAR DAMONA
Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!
Dear Damona: Vision of Love & Sue’s Story
If you joined the “F the Fairy Tale” Challenge last week, you might’ve heard a lot about mindset work while dating. But, we can only see a continuous shift in our mindset when we take action.
So with that, the word of the week is ACTION.
We’re back with another round of questions for this all-Dear Damona episode, AND a special appearance. Damona will be joined by her client, Sue, to share how she learned to love again after losing her husband in 2021 – and why you should never give up on love.
DEAR DAMONA (4:00)
Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on our next all-Dear Damona episode!
**Vision boards can be a really great tool for visualization or for helping you see what you want more clearly. Check out this Vision Board minisode for Damona’s tips on how to make yours!
SUE’S STORY (28:40)
Damona’s client, Sue, talks about how she learned to love again after losing her husband in 2021 and why you should never give up on love.
Unorthodox Dating & Newly Single
We had so much fun bringing you all the “F the Fairy Tale Challenge” last week. We connected with so many of you on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook AND our brand new (well, technically reinvented) Youtube channel! (Check out the Dates & Mates Youtube channel here…)
And with that, today’s word of the week is REINVENTION.
There are certain pivotal moments in our lives. Little windows open up for us to peer inside our hearts and ask, what do we truly want? And are we living life in alignment with our goals and values?
In the face of these challenges, we find our true strength through reinvention. It’s a beacon of hope that says, “You are not defined by your past, but by the potential of your future.” To embrace reinvention is to become the authors of our own narratives. It’s the fuel for personal growth and transformation.
This week, let the word “reinvention” inspire you to chase dreams, break boundaries, and shatter limitations. Go for what you know in your heart is meant for you. If you’re listening today, on the precipice of a reinvention of your relationship future or any other aspect of your life, our guest is the perfect person for you to hear from.
JULIA HAART (2:25)
Julia Haart is a fashion designer, entrepreneur and the current CEO of Elite World Group, a fashion talent management group. However, Julia started out in a very different place in life. She was raised in an ultra-Orthodox Jewish community and was married off to a man she barely knew at a young age. That marriage ruled her life for 23 years before she gained the courage to leave.
Julia joins Dates & Mates today to talk about how she went from ultra orthodox long sleeves to designing lingerie, and how to find your voice and power in a relationship.
(6:41) Shifting into body confidence.
Julia goes into her orthodox background, including the three laws that defined her life for years. Her transition into body empowerment, and consequently starting her lingerie brand, was inspired when her 5-year old daughter asked why their religion wouldn’t allow her to play soccer with the other kids.
(18:12) Don’t take freedom for granted.
Julia details what it was like to start dating for the first time at 52-years old. “The first like nine months, it was more about self discovery than dating. I didn’t really date.” For Julia, one of the most important transitions was experiencing her own sexual freedom for the first time.
Julia also explains what she’s learned since being on My Unorthodox Life in 2022.
(25:05) Gardeners & flowers…
Damona and Julia talk about what it takes to really create change in your life, and deprogram old beliefs that aren’t serving you anymore. Julia also offers a metaphor that says everyone is either a gardener or a flower. “Gardeners are the people who take care, they nurture, they feed, they support, they help. Flowers are the people that say give me, give me, give me everything… I would like someone who gardens some of the time, and doesn’t always say ‘give me.’”
You can follow Julia on Instagram @JuliaHaart AND you can learn more about her sexy shapewear by visiting BodyByJuliaHaart.com.
DEAR DAMONA
Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!
Manifest Love & Slay Monsters
From what we’ve been hearing lately, so many of you feel like you’re doing all the things to find your match, but not seeing the progress you want. So in today’s episode, we’re going to work a little magic – well, a specific kind of magic.
The word of the day is MANIFESTATION.
We believe that manifestation is magic and that we all have the power to manifest our destinies. When we dream it and believe it, we can achieve it, whether we’re talking financial success or love.
And before you say “that’s too woo woo for me,” we encourage you to have an open mind. Having an open mind is the first step to making manifestation work for you. When we manifest, we are actually programming our subconscious mind, helping our brains get to order our actions and make what we visualize real.
Or maybe it’s just straight up magic. Either way, our guest today – Morgana Rae – will show us how it’s done.
MORGANA RAE (3:00)
Morgana Rae is the #1 international best-selling author of “Financial Alchemy: 12 Months of Magic & Manifestation.” Morgana has been a 7-figure spiritual life and business coach for over 30 years (that’s over a million for those who are counting). She’s guided tens of thousands of entrepreneurs, artists, healers and humanitarians to heal the rift between heart, spirit, and money.
Morgana’s groundbreaking approach to “attracting money like a lover” has featured her on all the major television networks – United Press International, Yahoo Finance, The Wall Street Journal, and hundreds of others. As a thought leader on the topics of Wealth and Relationships, she’s also been a featured expert on stages with Deepak Chopra, Arianna Huffington, Bob Proctor, and many others.
(3:00) Change happens at the speed of safety…
Although a lot of her work has been financially oriented, Morgana says manifesting love is a lot like manifesting wealth. She shares her story of how she slayed her “love monster” in 2012, when she met the man who would eventually become her husband.
Morgana also believes that change happens at the speed of safety, and explains the 3 steps you can take to dissect and heal the ways you feel unsafe in love.
(22:15) Character versus characteristics.
After Damona describes her 3 C’s rule for profile photos – having Color, Context & Character – she notes that many people forget about implementing your character, because they get too caught up in impressing potential matches instead of leaning in authentically.
Morgana revisits her own profile, and how she used her bio to paint a picture of what it would be like to date her. This is when the quality of her matches began to change. Morgana buttons her thought with, “if you feel like you need to impress that person, it’s not your person.”
(28:30) Find your Money Honey!
Morgana clarifies that your “money monster” can be anything that has ever made you feel unlovable, unworthy, unsafe, judged or powerless. And once you slay that money monster, you will open yourself up to finding your “money honey.” (Check out Morgana’s website for 6 steps on how to take action in finding your money honey.)
Morgana adds that “you must create safety in your own relationship, with your existence, with your life on Earth. So that when somebody shows up with ill intent, you don’t take it personally. You just say no, and move on.”
Visit Morgana’s website MorganaRae.com and grab a copy of her bestselling book, “Financial Alchemy: 12 Months of Magic & Manifestation.”
DEAR DAMONA
Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future all-Dear Damona episode!
Dear Damona: Great Expectations & The Talk
We’re coming at you this week with our very first all-Dear Damona episode of Dates & Mates Season 11! And the word of the week? HEALING.
We’ve been seeing a lot of misplaced anger, frustration, and disappointment on all the socials this week on well-intentioned posts – everything from raising money for charity to book recommendations. There’s a lot of pain circulating in the form of critical comments and insults being delivered behind the veil of a phone screen.
But instead of fighting anger with anger, think about shifting your instincts towards healing.
Every action that we take is motivated by one thing – to move toward love or away from pain. We do not heal our pain through complaining, through dragging someone on social media, or from ghosting. We heal our pain through listening and through extending compassion to others.
And when we are healed and whole, we can move towards love and away from pain at the same time. Hurt people hurt people and healed people help people. And boy, do we need more helpers and healers right now.
On that note, let’s get into the business of the week. You asked for it – our first Dear Damona episode of the season.
DEAR DAMONA (2:45)
Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on our next all-Dear Damona episode!
Matchmaking the Stars & Eggs In One Basket
Welcome to the second episode of Dates & Mates Season 11!
As part of the new season, each episode we will have a Word of the Week to set the tone. And the word this week is EXPANSION. The Dates & Mates team just got back from the Podcast Movement Conference in Denver, where we met so many new people, reconnected with the community, and discussed ways to expand the bounds of Dates & Mates. So this week’s mission is to expand your thinking around your dating pool and take some time to look at what you’re attracting in.
To help in expanding your dating pool, our guest today is Amber-Kelleher Andrews. She’s known in the biz as the matchmaker to the stars, but the name on her business card is CEO of Kelleher International, one of the largest matchmaking firms in the U.S.
Amber will share what her clients are really looking for in a match and how she finds it. Plus, she’ll reveal why she rarely pairs two celebs together. (So if you’ve always dreamed of matching with your favorite movie star, you might have a better shot than you realize. 🫢)
DATING DISH
Damona will still be dishing on all the hottest dating news, BUT the Dating Dish segment will now live on TikTok and Instagram (so we can see YOUR hot takes in the comments).
AMBER KELLEHER-ANDREWS (2:20)
In 2014 Amber starred in NBC’s prime time reality show “Ready For Love” which followed her radio talk show for CBS. Since then, she has appeared on The Today Show, GMA, 20/20, Nightline, BBC, and NBC news. Now, she is the CEO of Kelleher International, one of the largest matchmaking firms in the U.S.
(4:05) What makes two people a good match?
A matchmaker’s sole purpose is to have an eye for a good match – but how does Amber know when this is the case? She shares that people tend to look outside themselves for what a good partner possesses, and suggests turning more towards self-discovery. “If we were to walk around like a magnet, drawing in everything we need, we’d have to do some self-inventory first. You don’t want to draw in unhealthy patterns, drama, etc.”
Stereotypically, celebrities aren’t usually known for being introspective. So how do you find a match for someone who isn’t in the healthiest place? Amber gives her thoughts.
(9:10) Unlinking your social media & dating profile…
One of Damona’s top recommendations when dating online is to avoid including your social media information on your dating profile, because there is a big difference in how we may present ourselves in public versus when we’re trying to find a partner.
Amber says she tries to match her clients on who they are, versus how they’re perceived in the celebrity world.
Amber also mentions it’s important to manage your expectations when dating, and challenge yourself on your type. One way you can do this is for every must-have, simply ask yourself “why.”
(18:40) How to make a great first impression!
From a matchmaker’s perspective, Amber details why it’s important for her to keep her client’s expectations low when sending them out on a date – “you want the client to set their own expectations for their date.”
That being said, Amber goes over some of the ways you can make a great first impression. For example, don’t do a lot of texting or have a lot of phone calls beforehand. Know what questions you’re going to ask on the date, so you don’t freeze up.
Amber and Damona also go over some crucial first date red flags, plus signs that your date is DEFINITELY interested in you.
Be sure to follow Amber on Instagram @Amber_Kelleher. And if you’d like to become a client of Kelleher International, just visit DamonaHoffman.com/matchmaker.
DEAR DAMONA
Our first ALL Dear Damona episode of the season will air next week on September 5th. SO, if you have a question, the DMs are open @DamonaHoffman on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook
How to Decode Mixed Messages
We’ve all been there – on the other end of texts, DMs, or in-person interactions that seem to carry hidden meanings, leaving us teetering on the edge of confusion. The ability to decode mixed messages is a skill that transcends personal and professional realms alike. It’s about peeling back the layers of ambiguity and gaining insight into the genuine meaning beneath.
From examining the reasons behind mixed messages to strategies for clearer communication, this guide will empower you to become a more astute interpreter of human interaction.
Here are some tips on how to decode mixed messages:
Communication is a dynamic landscape influenced by culture, technology, and individuality. So when getting to know your match, keep in mind that navigating communication is a fusion of understanding timeless human behavior and adapting to the ever-changing ways we connect.
Shan Boodram & The Marriage Pact
Believe it or not, we have been making episodes of Dates & Mates for over a DECADE – and now we’re excited to welcome in both loyal and brand new listeners for Season 11!
As mentioned last week, we have developed a new and improved, shorter format of the show. You’ll still hear all of the info-packed interviews that you love every week with all-Dear Damona episodes sprinkled in here and there (so keep those questions coming – scroll to the bottom to find out how).
But we’ve got a hot topic to kick off the new season: marriage pacts. This topic has been moving back into the limelight these days as Roku’s new show The Marriage Pact sets out to analyze the friendship-to-relationship pathway. And, we HAD to know more!!
The show is hosted by friend and former Dates & Mates guest, two time best-selling author, certified sexologist and host of the Lovers & Friends podcast, Shan Boodram.
And that’s why we HAD to have Shan join us for the Dates & Mates Season 11 Premiere to talk about why YOU might want to consider a marriage pact.
DATING DISH
Damona will still be dishing on all the hottest dating news, BUT the Dating Dish segment will now live on TikTok and Instagram (so we can see YOUR hot takes in the comments).
SHAN BOODRAM (2:00)
Shan is a two time best-selling author, certified sexologist and host of the Lovers & Friends podcast. She can be seen hosting Roku’s new show The Marriage Pact, streaming for free!
(2:50) Define “marriage pact.”
In case you forgot, a marriage pact is an agreement between two people (usually friends) that agree to pursue a marriage or partnership if neither of them is married by a certain age. So as the host of The Marriage Pact, Shan assists these pairs in navigating whether or not to pursue a friends-to-lovers relationship. Damona asks Shan for her thoughts on the most difficult marriage pact scenarios, and the two discuss the differences between settling vs. settling down vs. securing.
(9:55) The pillars of LTC…
You may have heard Damona mention her pillars of long-term compatibility – shared goals, shared values, trust, and conflict resolution. Although Shan offers that in her book, attraction often comes into play in those pillars. Shan also offers her thoughts on the power of marriage pacts – one perk being that if you’re a self-sabotager, having a specific timeline can push you to make a definitive decision about your future.
(20:05) The pandemic-dating ripple effect.
Damona and Shan debrief on the most prominent dating trends that came out as a result of the pandemic, and how they have evolved in the last two years. These trends include being more “consciously single,” prioritizing mental health, and how some singles prefer to find pen pals over dating apps rather than meet IRL. Ghosting also appears to be a RAMPANT behavioral trend nowadays, and Damona and Shan break down why this is.
Be sure to follow Shan Boodram on Instagram @ShanBoodram and check out The Marriage Pact on Roku for free!
DEAR DAMONA
Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear Damona’s answers live on a future Dear Damona episode!
Season 11 is coming!
Dates & Mates just wrapped up its 10th season, and over the years we’ve had the opportunity to interview many celebrities, authors, matchmakers and more. So with Season 11 right around the corner, we’re compiling a list of some of Damona’s favorite interviews from this past season to get you prepped for the Season 11 launch on August 22nd! Check it out below…
PLUS – we heard your feedback and you’ll notice some changes to Dates & Mates Season 11. The episodes will now be shorter and more action-packed. You’ll still hear the amazing in depth interviews that you love most weeks, but we will also sprinkle in some all Dear Damona episodes.
As for the Dating Dish? You’ll still be able to hear Damona dish about the hottest headlines. Only now, you can view extra content as we move those juicy parts of the show to TikTok, Instagram, and Youtube.
1. Ep #453 with Rachel Lindsay: Rachel is a podcaster, author, and TV host – but you probably know her as the first Black Bachelorette.
LISTEN HERE
2. Ep #436 with Kamie Crawford: You may know her as the co-host of MTV’s hit series, “Catfish: The TV Show.” In this episode, Kamie shares some mind blowing dating safety tips with Damona…
LISTEN HERE
3. Ep #427 with Roy Wood Jr: Damona doesn’t just interview people on dating shows. Occasionally old friends and comedians stop by to share their two cents on the current state of the date – we’re talking about Daily Show Correspondent Roy Wood Jr.!
LISTEN HERE
4. Ep #446 with Dan Savage: Damona was joined by the OG dating and sex columnist, dating and relationship expert, Dan Savage, who shared an interesting perspective on some things straight couples can learn from gay daters.
LISTEN HERE
5. Ep #469 with Orna Guralnik: And we can’t forget Clinical Psychologist Orna Guralnik, the star in Damona’s favorite show Couples Therapy, and the gems that she dropped about communication in relationships.
DEAR DAMONA
Keep your questions coming for Season 11! You can reach us on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook to hear your answers on a future episode of Date & Mates.
Team Dating App: With Excuse My Grandma
We are wrapping our Summer Series up with a big bang this week and bringing you a special crossover episode with the Excuse My Grandma podcast where the hosts, Kim and Grandma Gail, talk about the generational differences of dating, sex and relationships.
Damona sat down with them on their pod to take on the task of convincing Grandma Gail to come on over to Team Dating Apps. Damona, Kim and GG also discuss how to PROPERLY screen your dating app matches, why you SHOULDN’T text too much before a first date, and how a simple phone call could SAVE YOU HOURS in your dating life.
Whether you’re on Team Dating Apps or Team Traditional Dating Methods, this crossover summer series episode with the Excuse My Grandma Podcast is for YOU!
EXCUSE MY GRANDMA (1:50)
Kim Murstein is a content creator and host of the Excuse My Grandma podcast with her grandmother Gail. Together they cover dating, relationships, and sex advice from two very different generational perspectives.
(11:05) Getting Grandma Gail on Team Dating App…
There are a lot of common concerns around using dating apps – like, how do I know my match is being honest about who they are? Is online dating really safe? What if I end up swiping so much that it affects my mental health?
Damona addresses all of Grandma Gail’s dating app concerns and goes over the 5 Dating Loops that may be keeping you from finding your match.
(17:20) Texting etiquette & the 3-Date Rule.
Damona goes over some common traps in texting, most prominently something called the “Online Disinhibition Effect.” This is the process in which texting too often with someone can create a false sense of intimacy, which can cause you to overshare with someone. So if you think you may be sharing too much too quickly, ask yourself – would I say this to this person if we were face to face at a bar or on a coffee date?
Grandma Gail also shares her 2-Date Rule, while Damona goes over her 3-Date Rule.
(37:30) Dating in your 60s vs your 30s…
One of the biggest differences between dating culture for people in their 60s vs 20s and 30s? Women over 60 are the biggest targets for romance scams, which is why Damona has her clients be extra diligent about screening. One tip Damona gives is to read someone’s messages as if they were written to someone else – how personalized or specific to you are the messages?
Damona also goes into the key phrases someone might use if they’re trying to scam you.
(42:55) OkCupid’s Dating Trend Predictions!
Throwback Tuesday! Since this episode aired last Fall, Damona goes over OkCupid’s Fall 2022 dating trend predictions. Some of the main trends include emphasis on IRL dates and being forward about mental health with matches.
Damona also defines “cuffing season” and “peak dating season” for those who aren’t aware…
Check out Excuse My Grandma on your favorite podcast app and be sure to follow Kim and Grandma Gail on Instagram @ExcuseMyGrandma.
DEAR DAMONA
There is no Dear Damona this week, but please submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear your answers during a future episode of Date & Mates!
Unsure if your question is right for Dates & Mates? Check out our recent all-Dear Damona episode to get a taste of what our listeners are thinking. 📝
via GIPHY
Up Your Dating Skills: feat. The Mark Groves Podcast
We’ve got another amazing crossover episode for y’all this week. Damona joins forces with the The Mark Groves Podcast, where the two break down the ways in which dating is a learned skill, not a natural born talent – and more.
This episode originally aired in November of 2020, so the conversation will take you back to that time when covid and racial justice were at the forefront of our minds. And if you’ve been listening to the rest of the Summer Series, you’ll recognize some familiar details about Damona’s origin story.
So if you are ready to maximize your relationship potential, then this crossover Summer Series episode with The Mark Groves Podcast is for YOU!
THE MARK GROVES PODCAST (2:25)
On his podcast, Mark explores the juiciest parts of the human experience and what it’s like to live authentically in the modern world. The Mark Groves Podcast is also one of the top 10 podcasts on relationships in the world.
(8:00) How to use dating apps “properly.”
One of the biggest hurdles Damona has encountered with her clients is that they don’t know how to use dating apps to their fullest potential. A big part of this is knowing how to couple clarity with action. In her sessions, she often prompts her clients to reflect on how they have programmed the app to deliver matches of a certain caliber – AKA we teach the app to give us more of what we’re swiping on. Mark also mentions that we tend to put people into predefined boxes when dating. And although this can be a shortcut to getting closer to our match, it often limits the potential for the matches we COULD have.
Damona continues to dish on the best way to tell your story in your profile photos, including what pics NOT to use.
(25:25) Breaking down our biases through self-work…
Damona shares a bit more about her upbringing, being the daughter of a black woman from Detroit and a Jewish man from Chicago. She explains that it took a lot of self-reflection in order for her to question and break down her own biases about herself and “ideal” beauty standards. Only then was Damona ready to meet her life partner, Seth. Mark and Damona pose the question to listeners – what beliefs are you holding that are keeping you stuck in a place of familiarity?
Damona also breaks down some OkCupid stats surrounding biases on dating apps, and how attraction bias can change based on your upbringing.
**If you want to know more, listen to this episode of The Daily Show Podcast where Damona goes further into the idea of “sexual racism.”
(44:55) No one is born knowing how to date!
With all that we absorb culturally from Rom-Coms and happy endings, we tend to see finding love as something that should come easy. But surprise – dating is a learned skill! A common worry from Damona’s clients is that they “don’t want to waste time” on the wrong people. But you will never waste your time if you learn something from the dating experiences you do have. Mark asserts that “one of the best things you can learn in dating is how to say no faster.”
Mark and Damona continue discussing how people can get trapped in a dating rut by focusing on the quantity of matches vs. the quality of their matches and conversations.
Check out The Mark Groves Podcast on your favorite podcast app and be sure to follow Mark on Instagram @ItsMarkGroves AND @createthelove.
DEAR DAMONA
There is no Dear Damona this week, but please submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear your answers during a future episode of Date & Mates!
Unsure if your question is right for Dates & Mates? Check out our recent all-Dear Damona episode to get a taste of what our listeners are thinking. 📝
First Date Conversation Tips
Finding love and companionship has taken on a new dimension, with online dating becoming the norm rather than the exception. While dating apps offer exciting opportunities to connect with potential partners, one of the key aspects of a successful date, whether online or offline, is the ability to hold a captivating conversation. But don’t worry; this isn’t about being the funniest person in the room or having the perfect pick-up lines. It’s about being genuine, passionate, and creating a comfortable atmosphere for both you and your date.
Below are some first date conversation tips to keep your date from turning into another boring interview:
All in all, successful online dating is not just about making as many matches and going on as many dates as possible.; It’s about mastering the art of engaging conversation. By being authentic, passionate, and attentive, you can create a comfortable and enjoyable atmosphere for both you and your date.