Love on the Spectrum & Dating Bounty
Our brains work in very different ways and statistically speaking, you probably know someone who falls under the banner of neurodivergent. You might even be or suspect you are neurodivergent yourself.
But how does that impact dating? Well, a lot.
Our guest today discovered later in life that she was on the Autism spectrum and now she makes her living teaching people with Autism now to navigate a world that is not built for them, dating and beyond! That’s right, we are welcoming Jennifer Cook back to the show!
She’s the autism and dating expert on one of our favorite shows, Love on the Spectrum, and she’s going to tell us what you can expect if you’re dating someone on the spectrum or if you have a hunch that you might be on the spectrum yourself.
Plus she’ll give us really practical exercises for building the skills of dating that you can try at home, even if you’re neurotypical.
But first we have a steamy hot dating dish to serve up for you: Wanted, True Love. Reward, $100,000.
DATING DISH (1:59)
In a recent New York Times article, a reporter covered the story of two friends who listed dating bounties summing over $100,000. Spoiler alert, one of the men has found love and the couple is raising a child together. But Damona questions if the money would have been better spent on a matchmaker who already has connections to qualified singles.
Regardless, Damona emphasizes the importance of investing in your love life, whether with your time, your money or both. She encourages trying a paid subscription on your favorite dating app in combination with meeting people IRL, through friends and possibly even singles events.
JENNIFER COOK (8:11)
Jennifer Cook is an autism advocate and the on-camera expert for Netflix’s triple award winning Love On The Spectrum US. She is the author of nine best selling books available in eight languages, including the foundational Asperkids and her groundbreaking memoir, Autism In Heels.
(13:06) Identifying Late In Life
Jennifer didn’t display any of the stereotypical signs of autism in her youth. She was the social chair for her sorority and a cheerleader in college. It wasn’t until after her children were identified to be on the spectrum that she saw the similarities.
“I wasn’t really into Star Wars, but I sure lined up on my Barbies, and I took some great wedding album pictures of them and, you know, it was a different way of playing, a different way of being.”
(21:57) Tanner Would Stand In Front Of You At The Zoo
Jennifer coaches a participant on the show named Tanner, asking him where he would stand if he took a date to the zoo. He replies that he would stand in front so that he could be a good leader. Good intention, wrong idea. Jennifer argues that this is Tanner’s interpretation of society’s messaging that a man should lead.
She says it popped up again when it came to communication. Tanner reveals that he felt he had to keep the conversation flowing at all times so as to be a good leader. Jennifer explains that sometimes it is okay for the conversation to die down, but recommends that in these moments Tanner relieves the pressure by simply saying, “I can’t think of anything else to say right now, but I’m having a good time.”
Damona reminds listeners that oftentimes just naming a feeling can be so disarming to the other person that it allows them to open up again.
(31:28) Friendship Is Like Concentric Circles
Jennifer talks about an exercise she developed to help explain the levels of intimacy. “A lot of times neurodivergent people who tend to be very warm and very friendly, will misunderstand the idea that if someone is friendly, that they are a friend.”
So Jennifer created a bullseye out of crepe paper to illustrate the ways that friendship is built in levels. She says, “it was the idea that you can’t literally jump to the center of the room, to a very close bond and relationship, without falling flat on your face.”
Jennifer says the key is reciprocity, time spent, and a balance in both interest and care and empathy.
Be sure to follow Jennifer on Instagram @JenniferCook_Author and check out “Love On The Spectrum US” on Netflix!
DEAR DAMONA (39:00)
Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok, or Facebook, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!
Email from N
Greetings! I saw you on the Drew Barrymore Show, bought your new book and loved it. I’ve been listening to your podcasts and have a question that I haven’t heard addressed.
I’m a long time divorced senior in the dating world, using apps to meet guys. Many are widowed. I’m an empathetic and kind person and all of these guys have to tell me the long version of how their wife died and constantly talk about their deceased wife.
I’ve sometimes waited 6 months and the chatter never changes. I understand they had a long history with her. I’ve joked that I wish I would have met her or how much I feel like I know her, but they don’t get the hint.
Truthfully, I don’t enjoy hearing all of their cute little stories with what’s her name. It is a way of getting to know him but it must be all he thinks about…..any suggestions?