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Ghosting Be Gone & FBI Warning



GHOSTING BE GONE!

Today’s guest, relationship coach Marni Battista of Dating with Dignity, is full of amazing insight into why matches can disappear. She reveals why you might be inviting ghosters into your life and what to do about it!

But first we have headlines:

 

DATING DISH (2:07)

(2:08) This is a case for the FBI: Inside the recent uptick on romance scams in dating apps. 

The Seattle Times revealed a shocking article about the record use of dating apps: Dating app revenue exceeded $3 billion for the first time in 2020, creating unprecedented opportunity for scammers to prey on isolated victims during the pandemic. Here’s why you need to be careful with your wallet when on dating apps. 

 

(8:12) From Real Housewives of New York to the wedding chapel, why you should get excited about Bethenny Frankel’s engagement!

Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel met her fiance on a dating app. He came as advertised — better than advertised. He overshot the mark.

MARNI BATTISTA FROM DATING WITH DIGNITY (12:56)

 

We are joined by the insanely informative Marni Battista who just happens to be one of the most knowledgeable dating coaches out there. You may have seen her on Dr. Phil or CBS.

Marni is on a mission to help daters stop being ghosted for good while maintaining their dating dignity.

(13:53) Marni shares her advice on dating with dignity which can be truly challenging especially during the pandemic. 

(16:23) Surprisingly, you might actually be ghosting others without evening realizing it. Take a look at your inbox to see what your responses might convey to potential matches. Marni gives insight into what your personal patterns of talking with others actually means. 

(21:30) Are you using your busy schedule as an excuse to keep you from meeting others, or are you just not prioritizing your time to best accommodate finding love? Marni reveals that your calendar can reflect the life you want. 

(23:43) Marni gives her thoughts on how fear of rejection can cause you to get stuck from pursuing amazing relationships and keep you from finding true happiness. Learn about to become rejection proof. 

(27:43) Want to create desire? Marni has insight to help you be your best self while creating desire through self-worth. 

(30:42) The texting trap is when you get stuck in a back & forth texting that has been trapped from blossoming further. To get out of this texting rut, Marni reveals that communication is so much bigger than just sending messages! 

(33:22) Get into that get mentality by not wasting your time when it comes to connecting with the one. This means going offline to in-person dates. 

(40:28) What information should you put on your profile that is massively important for potential matches to know? This is extremely essential especially when it comes to having kids. Marni also shares her thought on clearly sharing the type of relationship you are seeking to have. 

 

Sign up for Marni’s free webinar at damonahoffman.com/ghost

Marni’s free webinar for women is called “Why Men Disappear – Is it Something I Did? And How to Stop Getting “Ghosted” for Good”

She goes more in-depth on the topics we just talked about like:

  • The exact things YOU do and say that make men disappear
  • Red flags that you’re dating a ghoster and how to attract higher quality men
  • How to cope when you do get ghosted and stop doubting yourself in dating
  • And most importantly, how to build back your trust in men so you don’t come across as jaded or bitter.

Sign up using Damona’s partner link damonahoffman.com/ghost

DEAR DAMONA (50:04)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Guy named B – Hey Damona, I love the advice on the podcast! So I have been talking to this girl for 5 weeks (I know still early) and we’re set up to go on our 3rd date. We seem to really click. Lots of conversation and common interest. Our dates are good and natural, going 3 hours with good conversation. She was the one who even dove in for our first kiss!! But texts can be hot and cold at times when they used to be hot. I also saw she was still using her app. Also I had been the one primarily reaching out to start the conversations. I kind of just took the initiative since I did see she would respond right away and would carry the conversation. We lately talk once or twice a day when it used to be a lot more. Trying to not over pursue and matched what she is giving me. I recently started complimenting her more figuring she would like it but now I’m thinking she views it as I’m too interested paired with me being the one who reaches out first. So I’m taking a step back approach and waiting for her to do some initiating. Does this sound like a good approach or how should I handle this situation?
  • (Halle) Hey girl hey 👋🏻 I’ve been listening to your podcast for the last 7 months or so and finally set myself up on two apps this weekend. Do you have any advice for how to handle getting inundated with responses? One of the apps I downloaded was OkCupid and I literally have 1,000+ likes and 200 messages and it’s been like 48 hours. I’m assuming this is happing because I’m fresh meat. But I’M SO OVERWHELMED. Should I ditch all matches under a certain % to try to get this more manageable?? Thanks for your help, and I hope you are well! 

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

The app solves many major challenges that Damona’s clients face in dating today:

  • You can keep your main number private
  • You can separate your personal and dating contacts
  • Plus, It’s easy to use and FREE.

We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

Download OkCupid today!

OkCupid is FAMOUS for matching people on what MATTERS MOST to them, from food to the type of relationship they want…to politics. They ask you really thoughtful and provoking questions to get to the heart of who you are and what type of person you’re looking for.

Are you missing out? Download OkCupid today!

 

 

 

Master Class: How to Change Bad Dating Habits

HAPPY NEW YEAR, LOVERS!

Do you want to make a change this year? Are you looking to commit to your dating goals? 

If so, you need to stop operating by the old rules of dating. 

Many people who come to me for dating help are stuck in negative dating patterns that have become ingrained and familiar because they do it the same way over and over again.

BAD DATING HABITS & HOW TO FIX THEM (2:30)

  • Ghosting – no one wants to be ghosted but almost everyone does it – then we make excuses for why that person didn’t deserve our time or the respect of a real response
  • Obligaswiping – Do you have a dating app installed on your phone right now that you hate? 
  • First Date Fails
    • No pre-dating 
    • Not showing up your best 
  • The Set it and Forget it profile
  • The Texting Trap – Texting is not a chemistry builder, it’s a chemistry blocker.
  • Being afraid of starting over 
  • Negative self talk – What is that phrase that is playing over and over again in your mind about why you’re still single? 
  • Lack of a plan – Are you buying into the myth that love is meant to find you?

Just like your fitness and wellness routines, dating requires the same dedication to positive habits for the best results.

Take 10 minutes today to start building better habits for you and your future life partner!

WANT MORE SUPPORT?

I’ll be doing a webinar called “Why Dating Apps Don’t Work For You”

on Thursday, January 9th!

In this FREE coaching call, I will go into detail on how you can finally make the dating apps work in your favor for 2020.

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER!

If you are ready to date differently in 2020 but you don’t know how to get started – The 30 Day Dating Playbook could be your solution!

I’ve taken the 5 steps to find your match that have worked for hundreds of clients over the many years I’ve been coaching and created an easy to follow 30 day program that will lead you towards the love you deserve.

CLICK HERE TO START TODAY!

WANT TO GO EVEN DEEPER? HERE IS A TRANSCRIPT OF THE SHOW IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ALONG!

Damona  0:01  

Hey lovers, today we’re going to talk about something that is really integral to my practice as a dating coach, how to develop better habits and dating, and the rules and you know what I mean? I mean the new rules for finding love. When I was thinking about this topic, and the best way to share this info, I realized that y’all love master classes. I got so many emails thanking me for the master class that I gave on dating app do’s and don’ts and I’m glad that I finally got you all off of that set it and forget it profile technique. And then when I released the masterclass on first dates, I remember one listener wrote to me and said that he had never in his life considered a picnic on a first date. And you know, who got a second date, and a third, and then a fourth date. That guy and my masterclass on how to meet your match has been one of my most popular episodes of dates and mates to date. So Really, this seems to be the best format to share one of the most important aspects of dating today. Now, I present to you my masterclass on the most common bad dating habits and how to rewrite your rules on love.

Intro  1:17  

Damona  1:29  

A lot of times I see daters operating by old dating rules in this new and rapidly changing dating environment. Many people who come to me for dating help are stuck in what my 30 day dating playbook participants know to be a samskaara. So samskaara is a pattern. It’s something that becomes ingrained and familiar because you do it the same way. Over and over again, there are positive some scars like the exercise routine that you commit to. But then there are also negative some scars that hold you back and cause you to keep reliving the past and attracting the same thing that you don’t want into your life again and again and again. And today, I want to talk about a few of the most common bad dating habits, these negative some scars, and how to fix them. And if you hear something that resonates for you, I want you to know that the purpose of this episode is not to shame you. We all have patterns in our lives that are not serving us, that needs to be changed. But the first step in even solving the problem is recognizing the problem. And then the next step is putting a plan in action to change it. So today, I hope that you hear something that makes you feel like I am talking directly to you. And I hope you will accept my challenge today to do something about it. And at the end of the episode, I’ll tell you how I can continue to support you on making this change even after the episode ends. So get your pen and paper ready, because dates and mates masterclass is about to begin, and I’m going to share with you the most common bad dating habits and how to fix them right after this. Welcome back to dates and mates for this masterclass on the eight most common bad dating habits but don’t worry. I’ll also be telling you how to fix them.

 

Number one, ghosting. Look. No one wants to be ghosted, but almost everyone does it. And then we make excuses for why that other person didn’t deserve our time or the respect of a real response. So here’s the bottom line. If you’re tired of getting ghosted, the first thing I asked you to do is to see where you are ghosting in your Your own life. It might just be in work emails that you don’t deem important enough to reply to. Or it could be in messages from dudes online that you think are unattractive. Here’s the fix. When you treat others with respect in all settings, you will find that you encourage those around you to rise up to your level of respect. And you will communicate more effectively so that you don’t get left in that void of ghosting.

Number two obliga swiping. If you haven’t heard this term before, I covered it a couple years ago on the show, but since then it’s become an epidemic. obliga swiping is when you have a dating app installed on your phone right now that you hate that maybe you’ve never had a date from Or that you just go on and start swiping for the momentary ego boost or the boredom blocker. But if you’re swiping without any intention behind it, you’re not only obliga swiping, you are wasting your time and depleting your energy for dating. So here’s the fix, delete any app that is not bringing you joy or quality dates, and then focus on swiping only for people, you actually could see yourself dating, and make it your point not to go for high volume of matches, but instead to make a real connection and move from the app to a real date. Third, we have first date fails, and there are a few of them. First, no pre dating. People tell me that they’re going on tons of first dates that are hours and hours long, but not connecting with anyone. Most of these people that talk to me have had very limited contact with the person predate only over text and then they feel guilty. Leaving once they’re there, don’t waste your time or anyone else’s. I highly recommend the pre date call. So here’s the fix for this one, just 10 minutes on the phone could save you two to three hours and hundreds of dollars in person. The next predate fail is not showing up your best. Often this comes from burnout or the idea that you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard. So many people are setting dates without trying at all. I had a client Tell me on a recent date that a recent date of her showed up in a track suit because he wanted to fit in a workout right before the date. Okay, here’s the fix. You don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. So put yourself together the way you want to be seen every single time. All right, we talked about this in the intro but the set it and forget it profile. People tell me that they’re frustrated with dating apps and then I find that their profile and the photos that they’re using are five years old, and they haven’t even read their own profile in months or even years. Your profile is a living document. It changes as you also change as Time marches on. And your profile should always be a reflection of your current self. And your current relationship goals. The fix, refresh it every one to two months. Not only will it be an accurate reflection of who you are, but also what you’re looking for. Plus, it will boost you to the top of the algorithm for people who are searching for someone just like you. Then there’s the texting trap. Texting is not a chemistry builder. It’s chemistry blocker. Yeah, most people think that they should spend a lot of time texting someone before they meet up so they can build a rapport. But what happens when you build a connection and then you finally meet and discover that the person doesn’t look the way you imagined or that their banter in person is far less clever that it was on a screen. You were caught in the texting trap. There’s a fix. You can’t thoroughly vet a match via text, either set a phone call as discussed before, or move offline quickly. So you can see if what you have in writing sustains in person. Then there’s this bad dating habit, being afraid of starting over. I can’t tell you how many listeners of the show tell me that they know they’re in the wrong relationship. But they don’t want to break up because they’re afraid of starting over. If this is your issue, here’s the fix. Think of it this way. It’s your destiny to find the person who’s your best possible match just as it’s your partner’s destiny to be with theirs. And if you’re staying together out of convenience or fear of being alone, you’re blocking two people from their destiny. The next bad dating habit is negative self talk. This is a big one. What is that phrase that’s playing in your mind over and over again about why you’re still single. A major element that could be blocking you from Happiness is your own mind. negative self talk, whether it’s about who you are or what you have to offer in a relationship. Or if it’s about the matches you’re meeting. It isn’t doing you any favors. Here’s the fix. Start with rewriting your mental mantra about love. As corny as it sounds. The more you repeat it, the more you will believe it. And put the negative mantra to bed so you can see the reality and the possibilities before you.

Next bad dating habit, lack of a plan, who this one is huge. Are you buying into the myth that love is meant to find you that romance shouldn’t involve any planning or preparation, it should just magically happen? Well, you’re wrong. I’ve been coaching singles and finding love for nearly 15 years. And time and time again, I find that when people put a plan in place, the same way that they plan for everything else in their life that they are successful at. They get what they want. Here’s the fix, get into a program, get an accountability partner, do something proactive to find love, and see if that changes the outcome for you. Speaking of a plan, if you’re ready to date differently in 2020, but you don’t know how to get started, then the 30 day dating playbook could be your solution. I’ve taken the five steps to find your match that have worked for hundreds of clients. over the many years that I’ve been coaching, and created an easy to follow 30 day program that will lead you towards the love you deserve. I’ll put the link to the 30 day dating playbook in the show notes. But if you have questions about how it works, and about why you haven’t been able to find your dream match yet on your own, I’ll be doing a webinar called why dating apps don’t work for you on Thursday, January You can register for that at the dating secret.com that’s t h e dating secret.com and that link will also be in the show notes. Thank you so much for joining me for Episode 290 of dates and mates the last one I’m 2019 please send me your questions. Any dating or relationship question anything that’s on your mind. You can reach me at Damona Hoffman on all the socials. Or you can leave me a voicemail and of course your question can always remain anonymous if you would like for it to. We know the holidays can be tough for dating and relationships so there will be no break no winter hiatus for us your dates and mates. We will be back again next week with a regular episode. We’re talking with dating and relationship expert Tracy Crossley. I can’t wait for you to hear that episode. She has so much deep transformational work that We’ll be talking about and I know it will be super valuable for you. Thank you so much for listening. I wish you a Happy New Year and as always, happy dating.

Intimacy for Men & Rebel Love: Bonus Episode

“Y’ALL TALK?”

This holiday season, let’s take some time to work on our emotional intimacy. As we know this can be a little harder for men and we want to give you all the best tools to set you up for lasting and clear communication. This week, Damona sat down with Dr. Chris Donaghue, a psychotherapist, a sex therapist, and host of Loveline’s “The Amber Rose Show with Dr. Chris” for a special bonus episode. We talked about A LOT. Here’s the rundown:

How can we improve communication over the holidays? (1:17)

Prepare to have your mind blown: The first step to better communication is SELF CARE. Don’t see the connection? Dr. Chris breaks it down.

How do we carve out the time for emotional and sexual intimacy during the holidays?(2:30)

Does Feminism have benefits for men? (3:10)

THREE MUST-HAVES BEFORE MARRIAGE (4:20)

December 25th is the most popular day for engagements and New Years Day is the second most popular. Whether you’re single or coupled up, Dr. Chris Donaghue, from Loveline’s “The Amber Rose Show with Dr. Chris” tells us three relationship must-haves on this week’s episode before you consider moving on to the next step. 

How much information should you give away when you first start talking? (5:20)

What dating rules should you break? (7:01)

HOW DO YOU MOVE ON AFTER BEING GHOSTED BY YOUR CO-WORKER?  (7:43)

We LOVED having Dr. Chris on the show this week! Be sure to pick up his upcoming book Rebel Love: Break the Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits, and Have the Best Sex of Your Life.

STAY SEXY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

On average people gain 2-5 lbs over the holidays. You can fight to get it off in January or you can stop the holiday heaviness before it starts by beginning a program with Beach Body on demand. Just go to DatesandMates.com and click the Beach Body Banner to get started.

Election Day & Dating

CAN YOU DATE ACROSS PARTY LINES?

Since the 2016 election, we’ve noticed that politics are increasingly important to daters. In honor of Election Day, Damona sits down with Cyberdating Expert Julie Spira to talk dating across party lines. Here’s the rundown:

D’S DATING DISH (2:32)

Why are fertility rates declining?

The National Center for Health Statistics reports that fertility rates in the United States are down. Damona breaks down what this means and why it’s happening.

Meghan Markle’s “Pre-Pup” Pregnancy Contract

You’ve heard of a prenup but have you ever heard of a “pre-pup”? According to Daily Mail, Meghan Markle made her ex-husband sign a pre-pregnancy contract. Damona discusses the exact stipulations of Markle’s pre-pregnancy contract. Would you use a pre-pregnancy contract?

Ghosters: the end is nigh

Bumble thinks they have found the solution to ghosting! The Telegraph reports that Bumble will be prompting users to respond sooner and to take a “No Ghosting Vow”. Will this actually solve the problem? Damona has thoughts.

POLITICS & DATING (14:35)

Julie Spira is America’s Top Online Dating Expert, Digital Matchmaker, and the CEO of Cyber-Dating Expert. She has been coaching singles on finding love online for almost 25 years and has a great deal of personal experience when it comes to dating across party lines. We talked about a lot:

  • Julie’s research on couples with different political opinions
  • Politics on dating sites and in dating profiles
  • Do single women date across party lines?
  • Who talks about politics more on dates: men or women
  • What political issues split up relationships the most?
  • What this means for your online dating experience

Look out for her forthcoming book, “Love in the Age of Trump: How Politics is Polarizing Relationships.” For more info about the book you can visit Loveintheageoftrump.com.

TECHNICALLY DATING (28:45)

via GIPHY

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • What do you do when your spouse has gained a lot of weight and you’re no longer attracted to them?
  • When do you consider yourself to have been ghosted?
  • Tips to keep the conversation going on the first date
  • How to ask your boyfriend to move with you to another country
  • If you find out your boyfriend has a wife, should you tell her?

HOLLYWOOD HOOKUP (42:40)

Damona closes the show with a Hollywood Hookup for Ariana Grande. Who do you think would be a good match for Ariana? We have some suggestions.

STOP STRESSING ABOUT FIRST DATE OUTFITS

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Micro-Cheating & PTSAD

Our guest co-host this week was Carmelia Ray. Carmelia is an internationally acclaimed matchmaker for high achieving men and the quality women they’re searching for. She’s helped over 7,000 clients and is a renowned TV personality on shows such as Mom vs. Matchmaker and The Real Housewives of Toronto. Appearing in such publications as AskMen, Variety, and The Hollywood Reporter, clients can’t get enough of her “never settle” attitude and we were happy to welcome her on.

D’S DATING DISH (17:14)

New roundup of dating terms

We like to check in on dating slang every once in awhile, and we’ve got some new terms for you to keep an ear out for, including micro-cheating, catch and release, and the slow fade, in addition to some terms we’ve covered before such as breadcrumbing, ghosting, and love bombing. You can read more via FOX News here.

Drew Barrymore gives online dating a try

Barrymore has dreamed of a blind date since she was a little girl, but only recently drummed up the courage to give elite dating app Raya a try. Unfortunately, she didn’t meet with much success, and to make things worse, her ex-husband mentioned he was surprised to see her on the app even though she tried to delete her profile. You can read more via E! here.

A woman’s surprising way of celebrating a divorce

While many say that time heals all wounds, Briana Barksdale would beg to disagree. Barksdale recently held a garage sale where she sold all of the items she owns that remind her of her ex-husband, ending with her burning her wedding dress in front of the onlookers. You can read more via USA Today here.

TECHNICALLY DATING (33:11)

We pull the best questions posted on The Textpert App and BlackPeopleMeet.com, including:

  • How you should feel if your boyfriend went out with his friends on Valentine’s Day
  • What to do if you need to hack your boyfriend’s cellphone to prove he’s cheating
  • What to do if you’re in the military and learn your wife’s found another man

And many more . . .

DAMONA’S DIATRIBE (46:23)

It’s been awhile since Damona’s needed to blow off some steam, but this week we were treated to another diatribe. The topic? Love starting with you.

Get one week free at BlackPeopleMeet.com/datesandmates

Claim your free gift and get more dating advice at DatesandMates.com