Love & Loss

AM I EVER GOING TO LOVE OR LOVE AGAIN?

 

After a breakup, divorce, or a loss of a partner, we often ask ourselves this question.

In the description of this show we say you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll believe in love again. But have you ever had to learn how to love again after loss?

 Whether you’ve been through a breakup, divorce, or the passing of your partner this episode is for you. Healing your heart is a long process – A lot of us feel guilty moving on or feel like we’ll never find someone as great as what we once had.

We’ve all been there. 

But today we want to give you hope. That is why I’ve brought in Gladys Diaz – a love expert who helps people learn to love and trust again.

She is the co-founder of The Love Twins of Heart’s Desire International. 

After being widowed at a young age, Gladys believed that she would never love or be loved again. She and her sister developed  a program that women how to love after loss – a program that she followed to meet the second man of her dreams 19 years ago. Here’s the rundown:

DATING DISH

How to find the perfect first date spot

According to GQ, you should find a few first date spots and stick to them. Damona and Gladys discuss.

Do you really need to find your intellectual match?

Damona and Gladys have thoughts on this article from Female First. 

Do you want to feel safer when dating?

Apparently there is a brand new chaperoning / matchmaking service that takes away the pressure of meeting a stranger in public for the first time. Is this really necessary?

Love & Loss

Learn to Love Again

Gladys lost the love of her life at age 27. After some time, she developed a program to heal her own heart and open herself up to love again. Gladys now helps women of all backgrounds heal from breakups, divorce, and the loss of a partner.

We cover:

  • Gladys’ Love Story
  • Breakups and divorces are in a lot of ways like the passing of a partner
  • Limiting Belief: I will never love again
  • Feeling guilty for moving on
  • The two steps you must do before moving on
  • Accepting new love in your life

TECHNICALLY DATING

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • What’s the deal with people who put someone else’s kids in their dating profile?
  • Is online dating a must if you’re 39 and divorced?

Argument Addiction & Chemistry Lies

Chemistry is a LIAR

Today’s episode is all about Identifying past relationship patterns is crucial to restructuring your dating strategy to find success. 

DATING DISH (1:50)

Does your wedding budget predict your chances at divorce?

According to Novi Money, if you spend $1000 or less, you are more likely to get divorced within 10 years. Damona and Producer Leah discuss.

#NationalCourtshipDay 

Do you remember the Duggars? Apparently they’re trying to make #NationalCourtshipDay happen. What is the difference between courtship and dating?

Demi Moore spills the tea on her marriage with Ashton Kutcher

Should he respond? Damona and Producer Leah break it down.

Argument & Chemistry Addiction (15:00)

Silent but Deadly Relationship Killers

We’ve said it many times but will say it again: Identifying past relationship patterns is crucial to restructuring your dating strategy to find success.

In Damona’s own personal dating journey, she had to overcome an addiction. 

I had an addiction to “chemistry.” She LOVED that serotonin rush she got from a new connection and equated conflict with “passion.” But none of these relationships worked.

As it turns out, this is really common. Dr. Phillip Lee, notable marital therapist and co-head of the Cornell Medical Center, joins us today to break it down.

According to his new book, Argument Addiction, co-authored with his wife, our biological predisposition to chemistry addiction can make stable relationships difficult.

But there is a solution! Drs. Lee and Rudolph have unlocked the secrets to successful relationships through their extensive research. We cover:

  • What is Argument Addiction?
  • Chemistry is a LIAR
  • Chemistry hangovers (don’t blame the tequila!)
  • How to know when to call it quits
  • The difference between Happy Couples and Struggling Couples

Get your copy of Argument Addiction and be sure to follow Drs. Lee and Phillip on Twitter (@ArgumentBook) and Instragram (@ArgumentAddictionBook)

TECHNICALLY DATING (30:20)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • What does it mean to be too picky in dating?
  • Is your man really your man if he’s still on dating apps?

Dating Fatigue & Dumbing it Down

Have you ever wanted to give up on dating?

Today’s episode is all about dating fatigue and finding purpose in dating with author, Kacie Main!

DATING DISH (2:30)

Do ladies dumb themselves down to date?

According to Mirror UK new study shows that 37% of women feel that men are intimidated by their intellect. Damona and Kacie have thoughts.

One trick to get a second date

Daily Mail reports that saying your dates name multiple times may be the key to getting a second date.

Plenty of Fish has banned filtered photos! 

What exactly does this mean? Damona and Kacie break it down.

A Drastic Solution to Dating Fatigue

Giving Up Men for Lent & Finding Purpose in Dating

We’ve talked about dating fatigue on Dates & Mates in the past, but have you ever been so burnt out on it that you decided to quit the dating game entirely?

Kacie Main did. In 2017, she got so burnt out on searching for love after a string of questionable decisions, that she decided to hit the reset button and give up men for lent (about 40 days.)

A little drastic, maybe?

Maybe not, it turns out! I loved hearing about Kacie’s journey from what she calls “dating desperation” to really understanding and finding her purpose in dating.

We go in-depth on dating fatigue and also cover:

  • Does dating occupy too much of your mental space?
  • Are you the victim or the villain of your dating life?
  • Should men be threatened by this? 
  • Also consider taking a break from alcohol, baby showers, and friends of the opposite sex. (wait, baby showers???)

You can find Kacie at kaciemain.com! Make sure to get a copy of her book “I Gave Up Men For Lent: The story of a jaded, hopelessly romantic, health-conscious party girl’s search for meaning” on Amazon!

TECHNICALLY DATING

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • How to know if they’re telling you the truth on dating apps?
  • What to do when you get really aggressive comments about your body on dating apps?
  • How to pick up a dating app convo if it’s gone cold?

Master Class: Dating App Dos And Don’ts

A Comprehensive Guide To Dating Apps

Everything you need to know about dating’s latest developments

There have been so many changes in the dating landscape even just this month! Are you up to speed?

On this week’s episode of Dates & Mates, Damona gives a masterclass on dating app dos and don’ts, especially for Facebook’s NEW dating app.

We know what you’re thinking! ANOTHER DATING APP?!

But today, Damona gives you a step by step assessment of what might be wrong in your dating plan so you don’t feel the frustration of keeping up with all the new developments in dating.

TOP 5 Dating App Problems (2:39)

  • The Profile Problem
  • The Pickiness Problem (7:20)
  • The Sit Back & Wait Problem (10:00)
  • The Dating Pool Problem (12:30)
  • The Dating Strategy Problem (15:25)

 

PLUS, did you know that the latest studies on the marriage market show that there is a shortage of men with marriageable qualities? (21:00)

Damona covers this study published in the Journal of Marriage & Family  and gives you the rundown and goes in-depth on:

  • Are you pricing yourself out of the marriage market? (22:00)
  • What men and women can learn from this data (25:00)
  • How to solve your marriage market problems (26:00)

 

Facebook Dating is Here! (30:00)

  • Step By Step Tutorial (31:00)
  • Why This is a Game Changer (40:00)

 

If you or anyone you know is overwhelmed by dating today, don’t miss this episode! 

DATES & MATES DEALS: THE PROFILE STARTER KIT

Get your FREE Profile Starter Kit TODAY! Profilestarterkit.com

Bonus reading materials: Damona in Essence and Shondaland 

Want to get on the VIP list for the 30 Day Dating Playbook? Click here!

If you want a more in-depth step-by-step tutorial on Facebook Dating, find @alittlenudge on Instagram here!

Modern Fairytales & FOMO

DATING IN THE DIGITAL AGE

Have you ever logged on to Instagram and it seems like everyone and their mom is getting engaged? Is Instagram-related relationship FOMO impacting your dating life?

On this week’s episode of Dates & Mates, I talk with Hannah Orenstein, Senior Dating Editor at Elite Daily and author of the new novel, Playing With Matches. 

DATING DISH (1:58)

What is sexy-poor?

Do poor men actually have an advantage in dating? D’Marge thinks so.

What you can learn from polyamory?

A recent study on polyamorous couples reveals interesting insights for sexuality. Damona and Hannah break it down. 

Everything that is wrong with your dating profile

Damona’s dating profile tips were featured in Shondaland! Damona and Hannah discuss.

Are #relationshipgoals ruining dating? (14:00)

How social comparison affects your relationships

Hannah writes a lot about how the pressures of social media impact dating today. Are you really living your best life if it’s not on Instagram?

Yes you can! Hannah and I had a great discussion about social comparison and how it affects dating today.

We go in-depth on:

  • What to do if you and your partner have different social media habits
  • What modern fairytales look like
  • What is “sexy-poor” and why should it matter?
  • What to do if your date never asks you questions about yourself?

TECHNICALLY DATING (26:00)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • What should you do if your date doesn’t ask you questions about yourself?
  • If the don’t bother to fill out a bio, swipe left?
  • Should you wait for someone who’s working on the 12 step program?

Date Lab: Are drinking habits a deal-breaker?

This week, Damona covered a date that was set up by The Washington Post Date Lab!

Kate Bohan describes the men she has dated in the past as “good humans” who were just not right for her. The 32-year-old California native who handles billing for a study-abroad provider is seeking someone “genuine, handsome, curious and kind who believes that humanity is all connected.” The Date Lab team set her up with Alex Reading, 28, a George Washington University graduate student studying philosophy and social policy.

Kate says she doesn’t embarrass easily. But she described the feeling of first meeting Alex at Ris in the West End and taking the required photos as “awkward prom.” To break the ice, Kate suggested they order a drink, then noticed an uncomfortable look on Alex’s face. “Oh, God, he doesn’t drink,” Kate immediately realized. She was right.

Click here to see if this was a deal-breaker for Kate…

Peacocking & Awkward Consent

ARE THE NEW RULES OF CONSENT ACTUALLY MAKING DATING DIFFICULT?

Continuing with the theme of the week on Dates & Mates, we’re talking about how consent has evolved immensely in the last year.

Joining us to break it down is Erin Tillman, AKA The Dating Advice Girl!

DATING DISH (2:30)

Your mindset is preventing you from finding love

New research on the science of relationships shows that people who are looking for their “predestined match” have a harder time finding love. Damona and Erin have some conflicting feelings about this one.

The ONLY way to get over a breakup

According to Cosmo, the No Contact Rule is the only way to get over a breakup. Damona and Erin explain.

Is he a peacocking pick up artist?

Erin educates us on one of the biggest tricks in a pickup artist’s book.

CONSENT: THE NEW NORM (22:00)

Do you have to ask consent to kiss someone?

How do you ask consent without making it awkward?

WHAT EVEN IS CONSENT???

These awkward conversations are now more necessary than ever. We also talk:

  • Healthy relationship timelines
  • Comparing yourself to other relationships
  • The signs they’re ready for commitment
  • And so much more!

Don’t miss Erin’s book, The Consent Guidebook! Packed with tons of GREAT info.

 

TECHNICALLY DATING (37:00)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • How can I have an easier time in an interracial relationship in the future?
  • Have you found that cheating is just a commonplace thing now? 
  • What is the secret to dating in Atlanta as a successful woman? Dating apps haven’t been fruitful.

 

DATES & MATES DEALS: #KEEPITCUTE

For your next date or special event, Glamsquad will get you all glammed up! If you’re new to Glamsquad you can get $20 OFF your first service with my special code Damona20!

BONUS: Singles in America

The Feminist Dating Revolution is HERE

Surprise! We dropped a new bonus episode to break down Match’s 2019 Singles In America Study.

Here are some important takeaways:

This is the best time in history for a woman in love (3:00)

Did Me Too make dating more challenging? (4:00)

The stats say: men want women need to initiate more (5:45)

What women HAVE to do to prove they are an equal partner (6:30)

Take Charge in Dating: Read my advice on the Tinder Blog!

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9 Experts Share Their Very Best Piece of Online Dating Advice

 

Online dating is so ingrained in our cultural dating roadmap that it isn’t so much a question of whether you want to start online dating as when you’re going to give it a try. Maybe you’re just dipping your toe in the waters, maybe you’re back on apps after a breakup, or maybe you’ve been doing it forever and suspect you could be having a better time of it. 

If you aren’t sure where to begin, what “rules” you’re supposed to follow, or are looking to get more matches, check out these nine experts’ number-one piece of advice for online dating. We could use all the help we can get, right?

Put yourself into a dating mindset

“When building your profile and looking for potential dates, your mindset should follow what you’d like the outcome to be. Whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship, a hookup, or something in between, let your mind consider the result you wish to achieve so that your profile vocabulary and tone match.” —Sunny Rodgers, ACS, clinical sexologist and certified sexual health educator

Don’t be timid

“Be entirely yourself rather than projecting a more muted version of yourself. The more that you show your personality, the more the other person gets an idea of what a relationship with you would be like. You might as well jump in immediately!” —Gabrielle Alexa, sex and dating writer

Be and put yourself first

“We all want a flattering photo that peaks the maximum number of people’s interest. Go ahead and choose that picture, but recognize that it’s a slippery slope. There is a temptation to create or communicate a [version of] you that, like an Instagram post, will garner the most likes. Do not contort yourself to fit what you presume others desire. In your mind, put your wants first. Use Tinder to communicate what you actually desire, so you can find someone you truly like.” —Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., author of “Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free”

Stop looking for your perfect match

“We know it sounds counterintuitive, but you read this right. Online dating makes it easy to filter people based on what’s worked for you before (or what hasn’t) and create an impossible mold of what you think is your perfect match. The problem is that eventually your matches all either seem to blend together and you lost interest, or you run out of options. Keep an open mind, and try [Liking] someone who isn’t your usual type. You might find that your ‘type’ isn’t as important as you thought.” —B+L, co-hosts of “Not Your Girlfriend’s Podcast”

Click here to read my advice!

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Slow Love & Relationship Future

DOES YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAVE A FUTURE?

Today on the 5th episode of the in the Summer Love Series, we talk about relationship pacing and slow love. How long do you really need to know someone before you know they’re the one?

Tina Wilson, CEO of the Wingman matchmaking app, joins us to get down to the bottom of this. 

PLUS Francesca Hogi, a love and life coach for people who happen to be single, dishes on this week’s headlines and give BOMB advice for our listener questions.

 

DATING DISH (3:00)

Emojis in your dating profile: To Use or Not To Use?

According to a recent survey, emojis may not be such a good idea in your dating profile. Damona and Francesca have thoughts.

Can board games make you fall in love?

The latest research indicates that playing board games on a date is an effective way to create chemistry with your partner. Damona and Francesca break it down.  

Ariana Grande opens up about her love life

Was her relationship with Pete Davidson a mistake? Ariana tells all. 

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS YOU’RE WITH THE ONE? (25:00)

Everything you need to know about relationship pacing

Especially if you’re at an age where you feel the pressure of a ticking time clock, how long should you wait before getting serious?

Tina and I have THOUGHTS – and our answers may surprise you!  We also talk: 

  • Healthy relationship timelines
  • Comparing yourself to other relationships
  • The signs they’re ready for commitment
  • And so much more!

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you don’t want to miss this episode!

TECHNICALLY DATING (44:00)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Where do you meet people offline IRL?
  • I’ve been single for 5 years and I really want to be in a relationship but I’m struggling to believe I’m ready.
  • Am I chasing him if I initiate text conversations?

 

YOU’RE A BABE, TOO

intimacy can be intimidating. Especially since we’re constantly comparing ourselves to the unrealistic bodies we see everyday on tv, magazines, and on social media.

Are you missing out on intimate moments in your relationship because you’re worried about the way you look in the bedroom? 

Do you feel uncomfortable disrobing for intimacy, or are you stuck wearing a loose fitting granny gown or one of those tiny garter ensembles that push and pinch you in all the wrong places? 

You are beautiful and you deserve to wear something that is going to Instantly make you look and feel sexy. 

That is why we are partnering with BABE YOU Instant Body-Transforming Lingerie.

They have spent years designing and crafting a full line of glamorous, seductive, PATENTED body-transforming lingerie that gives us an INSTANT hourglass figure for romance. 

At BabeYou.com, you can customize your own lingerie outfits to express your individual style and hide your specific problem areas.

It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3! 

 Step 1) Select your body-transforming base garment…vivacious pink, sexy red, or sultry black!

Step 2) Choose from their matching patented add-on system.  

They have dozens sexy teddies, bras, negligees, and wraps to wear on your base garment that help you hide problem areas and accentuate your sleek new hourglass shape!

Step 3) Accessorize with their full line of Hollywood style jewelry, shoes, and accessories.

When things heat up, BABE YOU is uniquely designed to remain on during your more intimate moments… if you know what I mean…ensuring that you feel confident and sexy in the bedroom.

 BABE YOU: “‘Cuz Just like the Celebrities, You’re a Babe, too!” 

Visit BabeYou.com and use the offer code DATESANDMATES to get 10% off your first order!

Dear Damona: Beyoncé & The 35 Year Old Virgin

Giving you a little extra LOVE this week!

Today we’re back with another BONUS Dear Damona episode! Last week, I received a few questions from people who are feeling a little extra unlucky in dating, so I dedicated an entire episode to giving the Dates & Mates community a little extra love. 

If you’re a 35 Year Old Virgin, will men think there’s something wrong with you? (1:00)

If you’re openly dating a girl and she sees you on another date, is it awkward? (6:30)

If your man doesn’t like Beyoncé, should you drop him or educate him? (9:50)

How do I start dating when people don’t even give me a chance? (13:15)

Let me know if you like this “Dear Damona” Q & A style episode in the reviews!

 

Memorial Day & Military Spouses

Thank You!

Memorial Day means a lot more than an unofficial start of summer, cookouts, and a day off from work. Today we celebrate girlfriends and spouses who are impacted by loved ones in the service.

Wait!! Before you think, “This doesn’t apply to me” – Think again! Have you ever experienced a long distance relationship? Or chose to sacrifice for the benefit of your partner’s career?

Today we are joined by four brave women who detail what it’s like to love a military man. Theresa Laux, Kate McAuley, Kayelee Pepper, Ashley Garlow all have their own lives, aspirations and unique backgrounds.

We talk about A LOT:

  • The surprising way Theresa met her husband (DEFINITELY not what you think)
  • The extra person in a relationship: The US Military
  • Moving A LOT
  • Negotiating and Compromise: How to keep sight of your own professional goals
  • Motherhood as a full time student
  • Making sure your kids get the best education
  • How not to resent your husband when his job prevents you from your goals

THANK YOU to all these women who educated us on what it’s like to love a military service member. We salute you!

 

Look for listener questions in a new Dear Damona special episode this Thursday!