Damona spoke with Ashley Uzer at Hello Giggles about communication and sex. A big takeaway – your partner is not a mind reader! Be open with them about what you need (especially when it comes to kinky sex).
You probably don’t pull out all your sexual stops on the first date, right? Same theory goes for rolling out your toolkit of kinky fantasies.
“Start with mentioning something that turns you on and then ask him how he feels about it, and if it’s something he’d be up for trying,” suggests Hoffman. “You don’t want to bring all 50 shades out the first time you have sex.”
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It’s been a tense couple of weeks for America, so we’re bringing sexy back with sex and relationship coach, Caitlin V. Caitlin joines us the week to get real about bedroom confidence, good sex, and being pleasure positive. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (2:39)
Dating advice from JLO
According to JLO, men are useless until they’re 33. According to Dr. Jane Greer, men like to be established before they settle down and they take time to mature in their 20s. So JLO might be right but Damona has thoughts.
New data from SimpleTexting shows that the most popular dating app varies state by state. It was no surprise that Match is most popular across the board and Tinder is second most popular. However there were some surprises! Texas, we see you.
The secret to a new happy family: paternity leave. Studies show that long periods of paternity directly correlate with mothers’ reports of relationship satisfaction and lower relationship conflict. Have you had this experience? Tweet Damona and let her know.
This week we took a cue from Samantha, the OG pleasure positive Guru, and sat down with Caitlin V – a sex and relationship coach who helps men become amazing lovers and incredible partners. Caitlin is a former sexual health researcher and policy analyst, turned overnight YouTube sensation. She works with clients all over the world on developing unshakable confidence, sex skills, and intimacy. Combining personal experience with evidence-based science in her coaching, Caitlin’s mission is to create a pleasure-positive world. We talked about A LOT:
What does Pleasure Positive mean?
How is Pleasure positive difference from sex positive
The Sixth Sense
What is good sex?
How to spice up your sex life
Allowing yourself to be sexual
How the overuse of Porn is affecting men & women in the bedroom
Premature Ejaculations & Performance Anxiety
Practice how you play
What is a sex coach and who should work with one?
Visit Caitlin’s YouTube or follow her on Instagram for more helpful content on bedroom confidence.
TECHNICALLY DATING (36:02)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
What does casually dating mean on Tinder?
What to do when your boyfriend sends you mixed signals.. in bed.
Should you warn your dates if you weigh more than the pictures they see in your profile?
DAMONA’S DIATRIBE (46:45)
You want a guy who looks like he can chop wood? But do you actually need any wood chopped? Damona closes the show with a diatribe about seeking qualities in a mate that you don’t need.
STAY SEXY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
On average people gain 2-5 lbs over the holidays. You can fight to get it off in January or you can stop the holiday heaviness before it starts by beginning a program with BeachBody on demand. Just go to DatesandMates.com and click the Beach Body Banner to get started.
We had an extra jam-packed farewell show before we go on a one-month hiatus. Andrew Lee Miller of Match.com was first to join us, discussing the new dating app Crown. Then we got a chance to speak with Lea Rose Emery from Bustle, who shared her thoughts on dating, feminism, and hookup culture, in addition to answering listeners’ questions.
D’S DATING DISH (2:44)
The differences between how men and women fall in love
A recent study looked at how men and women fall in love, and there were some surprising results. For example, men typically say “I love you first,” but women tend to say it more often. You can find out about all the rest of what the study found out via Bustle here.
Another new dating trend
We like to keep you up to speed here at Dates & Mates, and we’ve got another slice of dating lingo to add to your vocabulary: Gatsbying. Gatsbying occurs when you put on a show on social media, but with only one special someone in mind. You can read more about it via Elite Daily here.
What makes men more attractive to women
Recently, a huge study about what women find attractive in men was conducted. Among the most desirable traits were presenting yourself as high status, growing a light beard, and playing complex music. You can read more via Science Alert here.
TECHNICALLY DATING (38:25)
We pull the best questions posted on The Textpert App and those emailed to Damona, including:
How to feel about your parents giving your boyfriend money
Our guest co-host this week was Jamie Faye. An internationally certified dating and relationship coach, Jamie currently lives in Tel Aviv with her husband and helps coach individual and couples in their personal, romantic, and professional relationships, with a special emphasis on millennials.
D’S DATING DISH (2:04)
What is a mixed-weight relationship and why does it matter?
There’s recently been some discussion revolving around mixed-weight relationships, a relationship where there’s a notable difference in size between partners. Some find it a descriptor that can help you find power in labels, while others find it problematic and unnecessary. You can read more via Refinery29 here.
Device use can seriously impact relationships
A recent Kaspersky Lab study showed that 55% of couples argue about devices and their use. Though there’s a wide variety of specific reasons, the most common issue of contention is couples using a device while face-to-face with their partner. You can read more via Deccan Chronicle here.
Can you have sex on the first date in the age of #MeToo?
The conversation around sex and dating has seen some radical shifts: how about for as something as time-honored as the “three date rule”? Opinions vary, but there could be some benefit to getting hot and heavy early on in the relationship. You can read more via the Sydney Morning Herald.
What to do if you don’t feel like a priority after six months of dating
How to handle an ex that’s using Snapchat to keep tabs on you
How to know whether you should give up on a guy or not
And many more . . .
DAMONA’S DIATRIBE (47:53)
Damona got something under her skin this week, so it was time for another Diatribe. Up on the chopping block this time around: those who don’t read beyond the headlines.
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Our guest co-host this week was Jared Stern. Jared’s the writer, producer, and director of the Netflix Original romantic comedy, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY, which is available for streaming now. He’s currently in production on an adaptation of GREEN EGGS AND HAM and has written on WRECK-IT RALPH, THE INTERNSHIP, and THE LEGO MOVIE.
D’S DATING DISH (2:28)
Can you swipe right on a coworker?
40% of office workers have had a workplace romance, and 72% of those don’t feel like they need to hide it. While it seems like it would make sense, work culture expert Alison Green gives a hard no to swiping right on those you work with. She says there’s too much potential for miscommunication and unequal expectations. You can read more via Quartz here.
New dating app trend: obligaswiping
There’s a new epidemic taking root where people blindly swipe on apps with no intention of actually meeting up. Many people these days go hard on dating apps for a day or two, grow bored, and abandon ship. Being on a dating app is now just a defense mechanism so you can say you’re trying. Read more about what we need to do to fix this via Cosmopolitan here.
Donald Trump Jr. was having an affair with Aubrey O’Day
It’s come about that while Vanessa was pregnant, Donald Trump Jr. was out trying for a baby with singer Aubrey O’Day. Aubrey released songs after the affair called “Somebody That I Used to Know” and “DJT.” Read more about what Vanessa did when she found this out via US Magazine here.
What to do if they guy you’ve been talking to suddenly turns cold
How to ask your boyfriend to post a picture of the two of you on social media so nobody else comes looking
Whether or not to keep your socks on during sex
And many more . . .
DAMONA’S DIATRIBE (47:47)
Damona had something that got under her skin that she needed to bring out into the world: women who sit on the sidelines waiting for romance to happen. It’s 2018! Get out there and find yourself the partner of your dreams.
Our guest co-hosts this week were Tyomi Morgan-Najieb and Naim Najieb. Tyomi and Naim are life partners that work together to help couples with sex and love. Tyomi is an International Pleasure Coach and sexpert that aims to represent people of color in mainstream sexuality. Meanwhile, Naim is a love educator, entrepreneur, and author of the book Love Is Not a Game: A Manual for Loving Relationships.
D’S DATING DISH (2:19)
Dating app uses a team of moms to help its users with love
The dating app Inner Circle allows its users to get advice from a customer support team consisting of six moms, all of whom are married with children and believe that they’ve “conquered the dating game.” Users must be vetted by the team after analyzing social media profiles, but once you’re in, the moms will console you after breakups, give personalized tips on how to get more responses, and much more. You can read more via Mashable here.
Can you pick a partner based on voice?
A new app, Waving, has you swipe left and right based on a voice message. Men with lower voices and women with higher voices are typically found more attractive, but experts say that varying the tone of your voice is the most important. Nevertheless, some are skeptical that you can find love without an initial visual element. You can read more via Independent here.
Posture affects your results on dating apps
According to a Princeton study, expansive posture increases your success on dating apps. These kinds of stances suggest dominance and openness, which are seen as attractive. So for an easy boost in results, unfold those arms! You can read more via Independent here.
Vanessa Trump’s dating past
Vanessa Trump, soon to be Vanessa Hayden once the ink is dry on her divorce from Donald Trump Jr., was once attached to a Hollywood heartthrob. Sleuths have uncovered the fact that Vanessa was Leonardo DiCaprio’s beau in 1998 during the time Titanic came out. Though the publicist officially denied it at the time, several photos show them getting very cozy. You can read more via Elite Daily here.
What to do if the guy you just had sex with got back together with his girlfriend
How to feel about pets in the room while you’re having sex
What to do if you’re in it for love but he’s in it for sex
And many more . . .
DATING DOT DOT DOT (45:45)
We asked Tyomi and Naim for their lightning fast love advice in an installment of Dating Dot Dot Dot:
Who pays on a date?
Is it acceptable for a woman to be the breadwinner in a relationship?
Is it OK for a woman to propose?
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About Damona Hoffman
Damona Hoffman is a dating coach & on-air personality who starred in two A+E Networks’ TV series: #BlackLove and A Question of Love. She’s a regular contributor to The LA Times, The Washington Post, The Drew Barrymore Show, NPR, CNN Headline News (HLN), BET, and more. Plus, she is the OkCupid Official Dating Expert. Damona’s weekly podcast Dates & Mates consistently charts in the top 50 in the Dating and Relationships category. She is also the host and producer of Freshbooks’ I Make A Living Podcast, which features her advice for new entrepreneurs and interviews with expert entrepreneurs.