We have a bone to pick with y’all… Okay it’s not that deep, and we aren’t here to scold you. But we need to talk about dating pet peeves. What really grinds your gears on dates? 

For our guest today, it was when her date showed up in the wrong pants. Devyn Simone is a renowned matchmaker at Three Day Rule, one of the largest matchmaking companies in the country. She’s here to tell us what really matters in making a love match.

DATING DISH (1:58)

(1:58) What’s cookin’, good lookin’?: In a week that’s ALL about food, we thought we’d cover the 10 foods that have been known to boost your sex drive. Now, are these foods scientifically proven to improve our sex drive? No. But many people have sworn that the foods on this list help them to feel *sexy* and increase their libido. Here’s some you want to know about:

• Avocados – This is fitting, as avocado trees have been called “testicle trees” in the past. Avocados are also rich in vitamin B6, which can help ease the symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (and who wants to have sex when they’re cramping up?).
• Oysters – Oysters contain zinc, which is linked to regulating testosterone levels in men and improving sperm production. And if you aren’t feeling the oysters, crab, lobster, and red meat also have higher levels of zinc.
• Pistachios – A small study in 2011 found that men with erectile dysfunction who ate pistachios regularly for three weeks, saw an improvement in their erectile dysfunction. The same study also found that the men’s lipids were better regulated, which helps improve heart health (and you can guess how this plays out in the bedroom).
• Pomegranate – Fun fact: in ancient times, the pomegranate was known as a symbol of fertility. This may be because pomegranate can help protect against type 2 diabetes and heart disease, including hypertension. It can also reduce the formation of plaque in your arteries.
• Asparagus – This vegetable is high in vitamin B6, which can help relieve premenstrual syndrome symptoms and thus help women feel more in the mood for sex. Asparagus is also good for heart health – it contains vitamin K, which can help protect against type 2 diabetes (and one of the complications from diabetes is often erectile dysfunction).

(5:30) “I’m more in love with what I’m doing than people”: In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar, rapper and internet darling Lil Nas X spilled his thoughts on what he thinks it takes to commit to a relationship. While commenting on ending his relationship with dancer Yai Ariza, he shared that “being in a relationship is a responsibility. I’ve been wanting somebody for so long and wanting somebody to love for so long, but it’s a real responsibility.” He then added, “I’m more in love with what I’m doing than people.” Now, we’re all for being committed to your work or loving your freedom. But to be in love is to accept all that comes with making room for that person in your life. And if you find yourself not ready to take those steps to build a connection with someone else, that’s okay! You are allowed to take your time, enjoy your autonomy, and figure out who you are first.

If you’re ready to take those next steps to build a connection, you’re gonna need a dazzling dating profile to match. You can download Damona’s Free Profile Starter Kit HERE, which includes prompts to help you write a winning profile & a short tutorial video on how to choose the best dating profile photos. 💬

DEVYN SIMONE (8:03)

We’re here with Devyn Simone, top matchmaker at Three Day Rule. When she’s not dishing out dating advice on the Wendy Williams Show or coaching on The Real Housewives of New York City, she’s searching her exclusive database for successful love matches.

And now, she’s here to school us on what qualities she looks for in successful matches.

(9:25) Matchmaking is our best-kept secret: “Damona, why would I ever need a matchmaker?” As we continue to reevaluate how we traditionally meet people, Devyn states that people are starting to think outside the box. So consider this – having someone in your corner who has a really large network, and vast experience at getting to know people and connecting with people, is priceless. A matchmaker is also great at anticipating your own dating “blind spots” – even if you are screening your dates yourself, sometimes you might find yourself falling into the same pattern of picking the same kinds of people, even subconsciously.

(17:30) What do you hear a lot as a matchmaker?: The initial process in the client-matchmaker collaboration is getting clear on your patterns, so you don’t keep “repeating the third grade” (Devyn’s shorthand for dating different versions of people you’ve dated in the past). Once you’re both clear on your patterns, Devyn says she then moves on to getting clear about the direction you want to move in.

So with every new client, Devyn asks them for their three must-haves and three deal breakers in a partner – only three. No one’s gonna have everything on your list, so being clear about what’s most important to you will set you up for success. Eventually, Devyn expands the client’s list to include preferences, AKA qualities that are not necessary but you would enjoy if your partner had them.

(23:33) Matching men vs matching women: In her experience, Devyn admits that matching women can be more complex than men because typically, a woman’s desires are more complex. Devyn continues that generally, men ask themselves four things when they are looking for a female partner: am I attracted to her, do I have fun with her, do I respect her, and do we want the same things? And in terms of qualities, the main question they ask is: is she happy on her own? On the other hand, women at their core want to feel safe, special, and sexy – yet always leave room to ask, “but how tall is he?” So Devyn believes it can take a more significant amount of self awareness when working with a matchmaker, particularly on the woman’s part.

(26:30) Your friends are keeping you single: While we all have that list of must-haves we are looking for in a partner, Devyn points out that we can sometimes get hung up on what our friends might say about our date.Devyn gives an example from the show Insecure – the character Molly shows her friend Issa a picture of this guy she’s going on a date with (he’s on the older side). Molly thinks he’s cute, but when she shows Issa a picture, Issa immediately judges this guy’s age. In the end, this had an effect on Molly’s perception of this guy and possibly squashed any potential that was there. 

Even when friends mean well, reactions like this can affect our ability to really connect (or discover a lack of connection) with the other person on our own terms. So before you judge your dates, Devyn poses the question: are you trying to please everyone else, or are you being authentic to yourself and your matchmaker?

Dates & Mates is officially collaborating with Three Day Rule! Get in touch with Devyn and all the matchmakers at Three Day Rule by going to https://www.threedayrule.com/damonahoffman.

DEAR DAMONA FT. DEVYN SIMONE (34:23)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

• IG Message from Anon – Hello Damona. So recently a guy I was seeing did not contact me for a whole day, and I found out he has been emotionally connected to another woman. I finally walked away because I felt I deserved better. Is this okay or should I send him a text as to why I ended? Everyone says I deserve better and they believed he would be back, and sure enough he called and sent a simple text saying “yo.” What would you advise?
• IG Message from GG – Damona, please help! I have a pet peeve – I’m going on a first date tonight, and if my man shows up in sneakers I will fall to the floor. I can’t stand men showing up in sneakers on the first date. I don’t know what to do. Tonight I’m going on this date, and I know I’m not going to say anything to him. We just show up and hope for the best.