Tag Archive for: matchmaking

3 Day Rule & Relationship Readiness

We have a bone to pick with y’all… Okay it’s not that deep, and we aren’t here to scold you. But we need to talk about dating pet peeves. What really grinds your gears on dates? 

For our guest today, it was when her date showed up in the wrong pants. Devyn Simone is a renowned matchmaker at Three Day Rule, one of the largest matchmaking companies in the country. She’s here to tell us what really matters in making a love match.



(1:58) What’s cookin’, good lookin’?: In a week that’s ALL about food, we thought we’d cover the 10 foods that have been known to boost your sex drive. Now, are these foods scientifically proven to improve our sex drive? No. But many people have sworn that the foods on this list help them to feel *sexy* and increase their libido. Here’s some you want to know about:

  • Avocados – This is fitting, as avocado trees have been called “testicle trees” in the past. Avocados are also rich in vitamin B6, which can help ease the symptoms of premenstrual syndrome (and who wants to have sex when they’re cramping up?).
  • Oysters – Oysters contain zinc, which is linked to regulating testosterone levels in men and improving sperm production. And if you aren’t feeling the oysters, crab, lobster, and red meat also have higher levels of zinc.
  • Pistachios – A small study in 2011 found that men with erectile dysfunction who ate pistachios regularly for three weeks, saw an improvement in their erectile dysfunction. The same study also found that the men’s lipids were better regulated, which helps improve heart health (and you can guess how this plays out in the bedroom).
  • Pomegranate – Fun fact: in ancient times, the pomegranate was known as a symbol of fertility. This may be because pomegranate can help protect against type 2 diabetes and heart disease, including hypertension. It can also reduce the formation of plaque in your arteries.
  • Asparagus – This vegetable is high in vitamin B6, which can help relieve premenstrual syndrome symptoms and thus help women feel more in the mood for sex. Asparagus is also good for heart health – it contains vitamin K, which can help protect against type 2 diabetes (and one of the complications from diabetes is often erectile dysfunction).


(5:30) “I’m more in love with what I’m doing than people”: In an interview with Harper’s Bazaar, rapper and internet darling Lil Nas X spilled his thoughts on what he thinks it takes to commit to a relationship. While commenting on ending his relationship with dancer Yai Ariza, he shared that “being in a relationship is a responsibility. I’ve been wanting somebody for so long and wanting somebody to love for so long, but it’s a real responsibility.” He then added, “I’m more in love with what I’m doing than people.” Now, we’re all for being committed to your work or loving your freedom. But to be in love is to accept all that comes with making room for that person in your life. And if you find yourself not ready to take those steps to build a connection with someone else, that’s okay! You are allowed to take your time, enjoy your autonomy, and figure out who you are first.


If you’re ready to take those next steps to build a connection, you’re gonna need a dazzling dating profile to match. You can download Damona’s Free Profile Starter Kit HERE, which includes prompts to help you write a winning profile & a short tutorial video on how to choose the best dating profile photos. 💬



We’re here with Devyn Simone, top matchmaker at Three Day Rule. When she’s not dishing out dating advice on the Wendy Williams Show or coaching on The Real Housewives of New York City, she’s searching her exclusive database for successful love matches.

And now, she’s here to school us on what qualities she looks for in successful matches.

(9:25) Matchmaking is our best-kept secret: “Damona, why would I ever need a matchmaker?” As we continue to reevaluate how we traditionally meet people, Devyn states that people are starting to think outside the box. So consider this – having someone in your corner who has a really large network, and vast experience at getting to know people and connecting with people, is priceless. A matchmaker is also great at anticipating your own dating “blind spots” – even if you are screening your dates yourself, sometimes you might find yourself falling into the same pattern of picking the same kinds of people, even subconsciously.

(17:30) What do you hear a lot as a matchmaker?: The initial process in the client-matchmaker collaboration is getting clear on your patterns, so you don’t keep “repeating the third grade” (Devyn’s shorthand for dating different versions of people you’ve dated in the past). Once you’re both clear on your patterns, Devyn says she then moves on to getting clear about the direction you want to move in.

So with every new client, Devyn asks them for their three must-haves and three deal breakers in a partner – only three. No one’s gonna have everything on your list, so being clear about what’s most important to you will set you up for success. Eventually, Devyn expands the client’s list to include preferences, AKA qualities that are not necessary but you would enjoy if your partner had them.

(23:33) Matching men vs matching women: In her experience, Devyn admits that matching women can be more complex than men because typically, a woman’s desires are more complex. Devyn continues that generally, men ask themselves four things when they are looking for a female partner: am I attracted to her, do I have fun with her, do I respect her, and do we want the same things? And in terms of qualities, the main question they ask is: is she happy on her own? On the other hand, women at their core want to feel safe, special, and sexy – yet always leave room to ask, “but how tall is he?” So Devyn believes it can take a more significant amount of self awareness when working with a matchmaker, particularly on the woman’s part.

(26:30) Your friends are keeping you single: While we all have that list of must-haves we are looking for in a partner, Devyn points out that we can sometimes get hung up on what our friends might say about our date.Devyn gives an example from the show Insecure – the character Molly shows her friend Issa a picture of this guy she’s going on a date with (he’s on the older side). Molly thinks he’s cute, but when she shows Issa a picture, Issa immediately judges this guy’s age. In the end, this had an effect on Molly’s perception of this guy and possibly squashed any potential that was there. 

Even when friends mean well, reactions like this can affect our ability to really connect (or discover a lack of connection) with the other person on our own terms. So before you judge your dates, Devyn poses the question: are you trying to please everyone else, or are you being authentic to yourself and your matchmaker?

Dates & Mates is officially collaborating with Three Day Rule! Get in touch with Devyn and all the matchmakers at Three Day Rule by going to https://www.threedayrule.com/damonahoffman.



Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • IG Message from Anon – Hello Damona. So recently a guy I was seeing did not contact me for a whole day, and I found out he has been emotionally connected to another woman. I finally walked away because I felt I deserved better. Is this okay or should I send him a text as to why I ended? Everyone says I deserve better and they believed he would be back, and sure enough he called and sent a simple text saying “yo.” What would you advise?
  • IG Message from GG – Damona, please help! I have a pet peeve – I’m going on a first date tonight, and if my man shows up in sneakers I will fall to the floor. I can’t stand men showing up in sneakers on the first date. I don’t know what to do. Tonight I’m going on this date, and I know I’m not going to say anything to him. We just show up and hope for the best.

Summer Date Ideas & FWB Feelings

We’re so excited to be back! On our return episode, International Matchmaker Jessica Fass joined Damona in studio along with Producer J to share great summer date ideas to heat things up in love while the weather is still warm. Headlines include: harsh criticism for The Bachelor and dating shows in the era of #MeToo, what your date’s texting habits mean, and Facebook’s new dating app. Plus questions from listeners like what do you do if you are catching feelings for a friend with benefits (FWB) and how you can get a $1000 loan back from someone you broke up with.



What can you tell about your date from their texting habits?

On average, millennials reach out to their date within two days after a date ends if they’re interested in pursuing things further. This checks out, as 89% of single women say they want to be contacted within that time frame. That age-old adage of the three-day rule has fallen by the wayside, with only six percent of single ladies still holding by it. You can read more via Elite Daily here.

Is it time to retire dating shows in the #MeToo era?

The Bachelor and Bachelorette have changed, with unceremonious dumping and accusations of contestants being sex offenders; that’s not even to mention the mess that is the recent show The Proposal. In the #MeToo era, are these examples of entertainment outdated? Perhaps the combination of alcohol, producer pressure, and exploitation should no longer be considered viable. You can read more via USA Today here.

Facebook has started internal testing of its dating app

Two months after announcing its launch, Facebook has begun testing its dating app among its employees. US Facebook employees currently have access to the beta, although the company has asked them to make fake profiles that will be deleted upon public launch. You can read more via The Verge here.


We pull the best questions posted on The Textpert App and those emailed to Damona, including:

  • How to handle a friends with benefits situation
  • How to deal with an ex who owes you a sizable sum of money

And more . . .


In this segment, we brainstorm as to who would best fit a celebrity looking for love. Up this week was Selena Gomez. Tune in to see who we think she should be looking out for!

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Micro-Cheating & PTSAD

Our guest co-host this week was Carmelia Ray. Carmelia is an internationally acclaimed matchmaker for high achieving men and the quality women they’re searching for. She’s helped over 7,000 clients and is a renowned TV personality on shows such as Mom vs. Matchmaker and The Real Housewives of Toronto. Appearing in such publications as AskMen, Variety, and The Hollywood Reporter, clients can’t get enough of her “never settle” attitude and we were happy to welcome her on.


New roundup of dating terms

We like to check in on dating slang every once in awhile, and we’ve got some new terms for you to keep an ear out for, including micro-cheating, catch and release, and the slow fade, in addition to some terms we’ve covered before such as breadcrumbing, ghosting, and love bombing. You can read more via FOX News here.

Drew Barrymore gives online dating a try

Barrymore has dreamed of a blind date since she was a little girl, but only recently drummed up the courage to give elite dating app Raya a try. Unfortunately, she didn’t meet with much success, and to make things worse, her ex-husband mentioned he was surprised to see her on the app even though she tried to delete her profile. You can read more via E! here.

A woman’s surprising way of celebrating a divorce

While many say that time heals all wounds, Briana Barksdale would beg to disagree. Barksdale recently held a garage sale where she sold all of the items she owns that remind her of her ex-husband, ending with her burning her wedding dress in front of the onlookers. You can read more via USA Today here.


We pull the best questions posted on The Textpert App and BlackPeopleMeet.com, including:

  • How you should feel if your boyfriend went out with his friends on Valentine’s Day
  • What to do if you need to hack your boyfriend’s cellphone to prove he’s cheating
  • What to do if you’re in the military and learn your wife’s found another man

And many more . . .


It’s been awhile since Damona’s needed to blow off some steam, but this week we were treated to another diatribe. The topic? Love starting with you.

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