Tag Archive for: gender

Gender Wars & Broken Picker

Gender norms are evolving rapidly but online there still seems to be a lot of rhetoric circulating about things like alpha males and high value women. 

And while there is no doubt that there are certain characteristics of these labels that are valued by many, like a strong work ethic or being accountable, I’ve been wondering if these terms and the online communities that seem to be building around them are driving us further away from authentic love and true understanding between the sexes.

And that’s why we have one of the hottest multi-platform content creators, Chris Thompson, here to break down the gender war he’s witnessing online and to share his methods for coming back to a place of peace. 

DATING DISH (1:35)

Should dating references be required in online dating?

We all go to Yelp for reviews on new restaurants – but what if you could do the same thing for potential dates? A recent article from Refinery29 makes the case for why dating references should become the new norm in online dating. The article cites a lot of scary statistics about the potential dangers of online dating – but Damona wants you to remember that it’s really unlikely that some of these extreme situations will happen to you. More likely, your worst case scenario will be realizing you and your date are incredibly incompatible.

But if something does happen to you, report this user to the app immediately! Because there’s no way that apps can police toxic or dangerous behavior if we’re not reporting it.

P.S. If you’re really nervous about online catfishing, listen to Damona’s interview with Kamie Crawford, co-host of MTV’s hit show Catfish. She shares her top tips on how to research your matches before you meet IRL. 

 

**If you’re looking for a little more discovery in your dating life, try out Damona’s FREE Profile Starter Kit to magnetize your dating profile. (This won’t be free forever, so get it while you can!!)

 

CHRIS THOMPSON (11:40)

Chris Thompson is a veteran of the influencer industry and has an audience of over 2 million. He also hosts the podcast, Unfiltered Friends, where he helps your favorite creators tell their personal stories.

(12:15) Let’s end the Gender Wars.

The dominant theme amidst Chris’s social media content is discussing gender roles (or breaking down the “Gender Wars”). When we say “gender wars,” we are referring to the strict thinking that men must support men and women must support women, solely. In this line of thinking, people tend to blame the opposite gender for their horrible dating experiences. Chris believes that this divide is mostly created when we project our dating disappointment & resentment onto each other.

Chris also gives details about his experience interviewing someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, and how our mainstream fantasies about love actually allow narcissistic people to manipulate us more easily. (Say whaaaat?)

(22:38) Look beyond the checklist.

When dating apps give us access to more matches than we could ask for, it’s great to be specific about what you’re looking for in a partner. But if our must-haves consist of mainly surface level qualities, sticking with this checklist can begin to dehumanize our matches. Make sure your must-have qualities help determine your long-term compatibility with someone, and allow potential partners to be included in the building of your relationship. 

Chris and Damona also discuss (and debunk) the idea of what it means to be a “high value” woman or man.

(28:30) Alpha-male atrocity…

Let’s get one thing straight – Alpha-male culture is ridiculous and should not be seen as an exemplary approach towards dating. That being said, there is a reason why so many men have continued to gravitate towards the Alpha Male persona. Damona believes that this attraction comes from a place of pain and feeling as though they are not enough. Chris states that in order to alieve the toxic symptoms of alpha-male culture, we must approach the situation with compassion. 

**Note: compassion does NOT mean validation. Of course alpha-male culture tends to validate really crappy and toxic behavior, which is never okay. But the more we can understand where toxic behavior is coming from, the more we can help to heal it.

 

Be sure to follow Chris on Instagram and TikTok @SupDaily and check out his podcast, Unfiltered Friends, wherever you listen to Dates & Mates.

 

DEAR DAMONA (46:10)

Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

 

IG Message from E – Hi Damona – help! I discovered your podcast a few months ago and listen a few times a week when I walk. I go on lots of dates. Men usually ask me out on a second and third date. I have actually turned down numerous opportunities with nice guys who want a relationship. I’m not attracted to most of the guys I date! What do I do? Am I picking the wrong people? I find the really attractive guys are often jerks or have very different values (like very conservative, anti-abortion, that sort of thing). I’m starting to wonder – is it me? Is it my selection strategy?

Intimacy for Men & Rebel Love: Bonus Episode

“Y’ALL TALK?”

This holiday season, let’s take some time to work on our emotional intimacy. As we know this can be a little harder for men and we want to give you all the best tools to set you up for lasting and clear communication. This week, Damona sat down with Dr. Chris Donaghue, a psychotherapist, a sex therapist, and host of Loveline’s “The Amber Rose Show with Dr. Chris” for a special bonus episode. We talked about A LOT. Here’s the rundown:

How can we improve communication over the holidays? (1:17)

Prepare to have your mind blown: The first step to better communication is SELF CARE. Don’t see the connection? Dr. Chris breaks it down.

How do we carve out the time for emotional and sexual intimacy during the holidays?(2:30)

Does Feminism have benefits for men? (3:10)

THREE MUST-HAVES BEFORE MARRIAGE (4:20)

December 25th is the most popular day for engagements and New Years Day is the second most popular. Whether you’re single or coupled up, Dr. Chris Donaghue, from Loveline’s “The Amber Rose Show with Dr. Chris” tells us three relationship must-haves on this week’s episode before you consider moving on to the next step. 

How much information should you give away when you first start talking? (5:20)

What dating rules should you break? (7:01)

HOW DO YOU MOVE ON AFTER BEING GHOSTED BY YOUR CO-WORKER?  (7:43)

We LOVED having Dr. Chris on the show this week! Be sure to pick up his upcoming book Rebel Love: Break the Rules, Destroy Toxic Habits, and Have the Best Sex of Your Life.

STAY SEXY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

On average people gain 2-5 lbs over the holidays. You can fight to get it off in January or you can stop the holiday heaviness before it starts by beginning a program with Beach Body on demand. Just go to DatesandMates.com and click the Beach Body Banner to get started.

Gender Identity & Astrology of Love

IS LOVE IN THE STARS FOR YOU THIS FALL?

Carol Allen, from Love Is In the Stars, co-hosts this week’s episode. Carol is an astrologer who steers the love lives of many women based on what is written in the stars. Today on the show, she gives us a fantastic fall love forecast and joins us to talk about gender and sexuality because she has a personal connection to this topic through a close transgender family member who she’s supported through his transition. Together with our guest panel, Damona and Carol unpack what your dating life can learn from the experiences of those who have a different sexual orientation or gender identity than you do.

D’S DATING DISH

Why are divorce rates going down?

Thanks millennials! According to Time, a recent study shows that divorce rates dropped 18% from 2008 to 2016 and this is due mostly to the lower divorce rates among millennials. Is it really all that surprising that millennials are divorcing less than generations before them? We don’t think so.

What can you learn from Gen Z daters

According to a study done by the dating app Zoosk, there are a number things that Gen Z does right when it comes to dating. Gen Zers are the least picky daters and swipe right on 33% of the matches they are presented with. How can this help you and what else can you learn from this study? We have answers.

Your childhood faves have a new relationship status!

It’s been a few weeks since former Sesame Street writer, Mark Saltzman, confirmed that Bert and Ernie are indeed a gay couple. The official Sesame Workshop says differently, however. Does it matter whether Bert and Ernie are gay? Does representation matter – even in kids programming? Or are we taking the puppet relationship dynamic too far? The discussion heats up this week.

IDENTITY, SEXUALITY, AND GENDER

Sexuality and Gender Identity: Are they fixed or fluid? How do you know if the way you’ve been living or dating might be limiting your possibility of finding true love and happiness? We sat down with Jasmine Luna and Harry Caldwell to learn more about their experience.

Jasmine Luna is your average queer, transgender, latinx witch. She is a strong advocate for her queer community, which includes work at the Trevor Project and the Los Angeles LGBT Center.

Harry Caldwell is a Jewelry Designer, Yoga Instructor, and Tantra Instructor. He has identified as Pansexual for the last 15+ years and feels compelled to share his knowledge of the energy of love with everyone he encounters in order to reduce the amount of suffering in the world.

We talked about A LOT:

  • Pansexuality, Omnisexuality, Bisexuality, Transexuality
  • Transitioning
  • What it’s like Transitioning within a relationship
  • Pronouns & Identity
  • Mixed Raced Identity & Sexuality
  • Tantra & Unifying the Masculine and Feminine Energies within us
  • Dating in Los Angeles versus other cities
  • How to maintain outgoing mentality towards dating apps
  • Hookup Culture and Pansexuality
  • Making Love & Deep Intimate Connection
  • The Trevor Project
  • Panty Hose
  • Chickens

TECHNICALLY DATING  

via GIPHY

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Is it normal to be dating multiple people online?
  • How can you tell if they’re busy or blowing you off?

FALL LOVE FORECAST

Carol Allen gives us the scoop on what the upcoming #VenusRetrograde means for your love life.

Get Carol’s compatibility report half off HERE using the offer code HALFOFF.

Join Damona’s community for free by taking your free e-course at DatesandMates.com

Follow Harry @CaldwellCrafted on IG

Follow Jasmine on IG @the_witchy_wonder and read her adventures jasmineseclipse.blogspot.com

Get your psychic reading from AskNow.com toll free at 877-626-1034

The Mind of Men & Dating App Stats

Hello Lovers, ever wonder what single men are thinking? We’re back this week and we brought answers!

Brett McGinn, hopeless (read: hopeful??) romantic and relationships guru of Love F*cking Sucks returns to co-host this week’s episode of Dates & Mates. Today Damona and Brett sit down with a panel of single men to get some REAL answers on what men want and we get one step closer to demystifying modern romance. Here’s the rundown:

D’S DATING DISH

Get a match with the help of statistics

It’s statistics season for the dating apps! OkCupid and Plenty of Fish took a peek at your profile and conversations and gave us the statistics on who gets the most matches. Today we explain what this means for you. Do you know that profiles with the OkCupid ACLU badge have 10% more conversations? How should you craft the perfect first DM? What emojis should you NEVER use in a DM?

The WORST kind of relationship for your health

Maybe Carrie & Mr. Big shouldn’t be your #relationshipgoals? Science Daily wants you to know that on again off again relationships are BAD for your mental health. Damona and Brett explain why.

John Krasinski is the best dad ever

This week, John Krasinski made headlines for parenting and working at the same time. Does he deserve all the praise he’s getting? We have thoughts.

WHAT SINGLE MEN WANT

This week we invited a panel of single men to give us insight into what they’re looking for. Today we covered:

  • The best dating platforms
  • How is the dating different after weight loss transformations?
  • Why is everyone so bad at flirting?
  • What qualities are attractive to men?
  • Should you have a type?
  • What is an automatic swipe left?
  • Sex Parties & “Bill Clinton Intimacy”
  • How do you know if a woman is different?
  • Who pays for dates?

Ladies, they’re single, ready to mingle, and open for DMs. So slide away.

TECHNICALLY DATING  

Here are the questions we answered:

  • What are the best dating apps for men?
  • Are premium memberships worth it?
  • Should a lady have sex with her man – even if she’s not in the mood?
  • How can you get your woman in the mood?

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DM Marquis for a date on Twitter @TheQuis