LOVERS, DO YOU NEED TO STYLE YOUR PROFILE?

Truth: You need to update your dating profile every 4-6 weeks in order to stay on top of the app’s algorithm.

So to help you keep your dating profile up to date, I have a sizzlin’ hot interview with Alyssa Dineen, the author of the new book The Art of Online Dating and founder of Style My Profile. We’re going to tell you what you should never ever put in your dating profile, and show you how to do a Closet Cleanse to get your dating capsule wardrobe on point.

But first, in light of the recent updates on the Omicron variant, I have a very special co-host with me to keep us in the know: Dr. James Simmons of Ask The NP! You may remember James, who joined me last year to talk about dating safety in the era of covid, and now he’s back to hit our headlines of the week and tackle your dating questions with me.

OMICRON VARIANT: IS IT TIME TO PANIC? (1:24)

Dr. James says absolutely NOT! I love getting my COVID news from Dr. James, because he is on the front lines and has the most up-to-date info. 

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He reassures us to just stay on top of the data, learn a little bit every day, and then move on with your life. At the end of the day, this variant is here to stay, so we might as well learn how to live alongside it.

Now here’s the big question: is it still safe to be going on dates right now? 

Dr. James believes it’s okay, especially if you’ve gotten your booster shot. He notes there’s a reason why the CDC, FDA, Pfizer, and everyone else have made the booster so accessible – it’s going to help you stay healthy, and help you continue to navigate the world with some normalcy and safety. But don’t get too cozy, because Dr. James still recommends meeting your dates outside if you can, or in a well ventilated place. “I’ll use my three V’s to stay safe: vaccination, ventilation, and very good masking.”

DATING DISH feat. Dr. James Simmons (4:54)

(4:54) Presents to get your new boo (hot tip – keep it personal)

Are you in a new relationship, and absolutely panicking about what to get your boo? Fear not! Your Tango came up with a list of 20 gifts you can give your partner if you’ve just started dating.

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Subscription Box? Yes. Both Damona and Dr. James like the idea of a date night subscription box, or any other type of subscription box, because there’s some longevity implied in the gift.

Experiences? Yes. Damona also suggests gifting experiences for a new relationship, like concert tickets to a band you both like – this is something you can both look forward to together, and signals that you are interested in getting closer with your boo.

Socks? Yes.. and No. YourTango also suggests some fun printed socks but D and Dr. James agree this can be a little lame. However, you can make socks a more romantic package by pairing them with some flirty matching undies. Damona notes that personalization is definitely the way to go – like getting a personalized portrait of your partner’s pet printed on said socks. 

Bottom Line: Getting a personalized gift will always be more meaningful, and shows you put some thought into whatever gift you give your partner. Check out the full list for more ideas…

(8:47) Oof, breaking up during the holidays – is it possible?:

According to the Chicago Tribune, December 11 is statistically the most common day of the year to break off a relationship. This is probably due to the impending Holiday Trifecta (Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day). With the stress of the holidays, people begin having thoughts like: 

• “I don’t want my partner at family gatherings or holiday parties.” 
• “I don’t want to spend money on my partner.” 
• “The holidays make me feel pressure to commit or even propose.” 
• “I want to end or start the year with a clean slate.” 

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So if your relationship must come to an end this holiday season, here’s some tips on how to break up with someone, keep your dignity, and still be a good person:

• Do it in person or (at the very least) over the phone – Have the conversation. It’s gonna suck, but you will feel better about it.
• Be kind and be concise – You don’t owe the other person a whole explanation about why you want to break up. Sometimes we feel the need to soften the blow, and we end up saying too much. Own your feelings, and that’s it. Plus, if you make the breakup a longer convo, you leave room for your partner to talk you out of it.
• Give your ex space, but also, give yourself space – You need time to redefine who you are in the absence of your relationship. Even if it was not healthy or successful, you can take the knowledge from this relationship with you and learn what you need for your next relationship.

STYLE MY PROFILE (14:28)

Damona is joined by Alyssa Dineen, Founder of Style My Profile, for dating coaching and dating wardrobe/profile consultation. She’s the recent author of The Art of Online Dating: Style Your Most Authentic Self and Cultivate a Mindful Dating Life

(17:11) Creating your dating capsule wardrobe: In her book, Alyssa gives readers the 15 essential pieces you need for your dating capsule wardrobe. She notes that they’re all classic pieces that can be easily dressed up or down, for either an evening or day date. Some of these include:

• a pair of well-fitting, straight-leg jeans, 
• Black jeans
• a white button down

Not only can you adjust these pieces depending on the date activity, but you can adapt these pieces to represent your specific style (i.e. more bohemian, or more rocker). 

Of these 15 pieces, you probably already have some in your closet! So look for the tried and true staples in your wardrobe that are flattering, easy to adapt, and make you feel your best.

Bottom line – the less you have, the easier it is to get dressed. And the more pieces that you have that you know you love, the easier it’ll be to get dressed every time you go out.

BUT WAIT – what if you’ve got too much in your closet to handle? Alyssa likes to do a thorough Closet Cleanse with her clients. She describes doing the cleanse in stages, going through your clothes in the following order:

1. Tops
2. Pants
3. Sweaters
4. Shoes

Pick up each item – “sort of in a Marie Kondo way” – and ask yourself, do I even like this? Do I ever wear it? Do I have anything to wear it with? By doing this, you help yourself start fresh, and are then able to figure out who you are now and how you want to show up in the world.

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(21:18) Dating more intentionally and putting in the work: Alyssa got into online dating in her 40’s, after divorcing her husband. Having been married through the whole dating-app renaissance, she was very new to all this dating technology.

After taking some time to adapt to the new dating landscape, she was amazed at how much opportunity was available to meet and date new people, versus the slow grind of having your friends set you up with someone.

Alyssa made dating her second job and eventually met her current partner. Many people tell Alyssa that “she just got lucky,” but she feels like she really put in the work to meet someone, “because as you know, 90% of dating is trying to not be bitter and guarded.”

Part of doing the work is being willing to get curious about some of these choices that you’re making with how you spend your time, and how you present yourself online. Try to look at each date as a learning opportunity, even if it doesn’t turn into something long-term.

(25:00) Writing a good bio: Alyssa sees a pattern – so many people were focusing all their attention on the curation of their pictures, that the bio went almost unacknowledged. With some apps, you can’t even begin to write a genuine bio because there’s so little typing space. So how do we make the best of the prime real estate we do have in our bio? 

Alyssa’s thoughts, “My thing is, like, there’s so many overused descriptions, like loyal, kind, and funny… I have [my clients] write down at least 10 adjectives to describe themselves. I tell [them] you can’t say you’re loyal, kind and funny. And really try to think of other ways to describe yourself other than that.” 

As common as those adjectives are, loyal and kind should be a given in ANY relationship, be it family or friends or romantic. It’s not making a huge statement, because it implies you’re just a decent person.

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Get a copy of Alyssa’s book, The Art of Online Dating, here. And if you want to work with Alyssa personally, go to https://stylemyprofilenyc.com/ to check out all her services.

 

DEAR DAMONA (+ Dr. James) (30:38)

Submit your questions on  Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

• Email from Anonymous – When dealing with homosexual dating, what is the best way to discuss sexual position preferences before spending too much time on someone you’re not compatible with?
• IG Message from Anon – What does it mean if guy says he is waiting to have sex till marriage for religious reasons? He says sex complicates things, but he has a child and shows he’s investing in what we have.