Today we’re going to do something a little different. I’m bringing back one of my favorite Dates & Mates masterclasses. Only the latest 100 episodes are available on our feed so I brought this out of the vault just for your listening pleasure. We’re going to talk about something that is really integral to my practice as a dating coach – how to develop better habits in dating, right in time for the new year.
This episode is brought to you by my Dating Accelerator Program – the new and improved 10-week version of my most popular group coaching program is launching in January! If you’re ready to date differently in 2022, but you don’t know how to get started, then The Dating Accelerator could be your solution.
Early bird enrollment is open NOW through December 31st, and regular admission starts the first of the year. You can Find out more about The Dating Accelerator at damonahoffman.com/program
THE MASTERCLASS (1:20)
In this rapidly-evolving world of dating, I often see daters operating by old dating rules and not evolving with the dating climate. Many of my clients come to me feeling stuck in what I call a “samskara.” This is essentially a pattern or habit, something that becomes ingrained in you from doing it over and over again. There are both positive samskaras, such as consistently going to the gym, and negative samskaras – the difference is the negative ones hold you back, because these patterns keep attracting the things you don’t want. And as far as dating, the negative samskaras are more common than you think. I’m here to tell you the 8 most common bad dating habits that are preventing you from getting what you want.
I want to be clear. The purpose of this episode is not to shame you, because we all have patterns that need to be changed. But the first step in solving a problem is recognizing the problem, and the next step is putting a plan in action to change it. So I challenge you to change your negative samskaras. So if any of these bad dating habits sound like you, I’m here to tell you how you can fix them.
- Ghosting. No one wants to be ghosted; but almost everyone does it, and then we make excuses why the other person deserved to be ghosted or didn’t deserve our time.
- How to fix it: If you are tired of getting ghosted, you first have to identify where you are ghosting in your own life. This could be through work emails that you think are unimportant, or from people on dating apps that you aren’t attracted to. When you treat others with respect in all settings, you encourage those around you to do the same. Plus, you will communicate more effectively so you don’t get left back in that void.
- Obligaswiping. I talked about this trend on the podcast a while back, but it is becoming more and more common today. Basically, “obligaswiping” is when you have a dating app installed that you hate, but you feel obligated to go on it and swipe anyway. If you swipe without any intention, you are wasting your time and depleting the energy you have to date.
- How to fix it: Delete any app that is not bringing you joy or quality dates. Additionally, only swipe on people that you could actually see yourself dating. Remember – don’t aim for high volume, aim for real connections.
- First date fails.
- No pre-dating. A lot of people go on reaaally long and draining first dates with someone they’ve really had no contact with prior to the in-person date. Save your time – do a pre-date call! Just a 10-20 min call before the in-person date will let you know if there’s actually any chemistry.
- Not showing up your best. This may come from burnout, or not wanting to look like you’re trying too hard. But you don’t get a second chance to make a first impression. So on every first date, put yourself together the way you want to be seen.
- The “said-it and forget-it” profile. Some people complain about the difficulty of dating apps, but at the same time have not changed their profile in a significant amount of time or are using old photos. Your profile is a living document, it changes as you change. Your profile should always be a reflection of your current self, and your current relationship goals.
- How to fix it: Refresh your profile every 1-2 months, plus this will help boost your profile to the top of the algorithm.
- The texting trap. Texting is not a chemistry builder – it’s a chemistry blocker. Some people think they should spend a lot of time texting before meeting in person, so you can build a rapport together. But when you finally meet IRL, the person you were texting doesn’t seem at all like their virtual self (maybe the banter isn’t as fluid in person, or there isn’t any chemistry).
- How to fix it: You cannot thoroughly vet a match through text. Instead, set up a call or FaceTime beforehand (as mentioned above), or try to move offline quickly to see if your connection is sustainable in person.
- Being afraid of starting over. A lot of people stay in relationships that are not healthy, or that they know are not right for them, because they are afraid of starting over.
- How to fix it: Think of it this way – it’s your destiny to find someone who is your best possible match, as well it is for the other person. So if you’re staying together because of convenience or fear of being alone, you’re blocking two people from their destiny. Plus, with new beginnings comes a whole array of possibilities.
- Negative self-talk. Do you know that voice that keeps telling you stories about why you must still be single? Yeah, it’s your own mind. And no matter why that voice is telling you those stories, it isn’t doing you any favors.
- How to fix it: Start by rewriting your mental mantra about love. When you put that negative mantra to bed, you’ll be able to see your current reality and all the possibilities ahead more clearly. And the more you repeat this new phrase, the more you will believe it.
- You don’t have a dating plan. Do you believe that love is meant to find you, that romance will just magically happen? Well snap out of it, because this is a myth! Instead when you put a plan in place, the same way you make a plan for anything else in life, you are more likely to get what you want.
- How to fix it: Get into a program, or get an accountability partner. Do something proactive that puts you on a path to finding love, and see if that changes your outcome.
Speaking of a plan>>>>
This is a 10 week online program based upon the same system I’ve used successfully with hundreds of private clients distilled to easy to follow self-led materials that you can watch, listen, and read on your time, plus live group sessions with me.
Peak dating season begins the first Sunday of the year. January is the time when the biggest number of singles hop on the apps in hopes of finding their person. So we are kicking off this round of The Dating Accelerator in January so I can walk you step by step through my tried and true plan for dating.
It can feel really out of control to date without a plan, without a system. So that’s why I’ve done all the work for you. I’ve laid out all the steps to follow in a simple to follow program. In 30 minutes or less a week, you can shift how you feel about yourself, your outlook on dating and most importantly, your relationship status.
You are pre-qualified to register for this program because I know if you’re here you are ready for a big change in your life in 2022.
Early bird enrollment is open through December 31 only for a very special $300 discounted rate at – DamonaHoffman.com/program. And payment plans are available.
If you are a single person of any gender or orientation who:
- needs a mind, body, and spiritual reset on dating
- Or if you’re feeling isolated coming out of the pandemic and are looking to connect
- Who thrives in a group environment with supportive like-minded people
- And you want NOW to be your time – the time you finally meet your person
Then you are invited to accelerate your love life, improve your dating confidence, shortcut disappointment, and attract a deeper, more fulfilling relationship.
Early bird enrollment at a $300 discount is only available until December 31st only at DamonaHoffman.com/program so don’t let this opportunity pass you by.
Early birds get early access to our member Facebook community where you can start talking to each other and getting dating advice immediately.
This is the best deal on the Dating Accelerator that will be offered this year.
You’re invited to join at DamonaHoffman.com/group