ARE DATING APPS FOR EVERYONE?

Happy Pride Month Lovers! Here we’re all about celebrating equality in love for everyone ALL DAY EVERY DAY but especially today we’re giving a shout-out to our queer family who live their truth on the quest for their most authentic love.

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Love is love. And there are a lot of universal truths in dating. For example, everyone has had an awkward conversation on a dating app. Some more than others.

What’s the deal with all of these inappropriate and awkward interactions going down in the DMs? Have you ever felt fetishized, othered, or just plain weirded out by a match?

The answer is probably yes so we 100% have to talk about it with John Paul Brammer, columnist behind “Hola Papi” – the super popular LGBT and latino advice column in The Cut. Now he has a new book by the same name.

We’re going to have a big conversation about body shaming, what to do with people’s weird fetishes and how to get excited about apps – even if you haaate using them. It’s fun – promise!!

But first we have to talk about how comedy and dating intersect:

DATING DISH (2:35)

(2:35) Are we getting a little too invested in celebrity relationships?

The TV-obsessed American public is forming “parasocial relationships,” or the “illusion of a face-to-face relationship,” with their favorite on-screen performers. Damona miiiiight be in a very incense parasocial relationship with John Mulaney. 

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(7:18) Can you find your ideal partner based solely on a sense of humor?

The newest dating app, Schmooze, has users swipe memes to get matched with people sharing a similar sense of humor. Talk about an interesting way to meet someone that doesn’t necessarily involve looks.

 

HOLA PAPI (11:19)

John Paul Brammer  is a content creator, columnist, and author of the new book Hola Papi: How to come out in a Walmart parking lot and other life lessons.

You’ve read his work in The Cut, The Guardian, Teen Vogue and Netflix’s the most. Damona absolutely loved her conversation with JP for NPR’s podcast Life Kit a few months ago and YOU KNOW she had to bring him on Dates & Mates:

 

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(10:54) Hola Papi: JP is hispanic and this is an opening line he gets in his DMs all the time. Is that weird? Yes. 

(17:37) Fetishization is a hard word to say, and sometimes harder to identify: Racial hang-ups can cause some strange situations on dating apps. Saying you have a strong preference for a certain race or physical trait can set you and your match up for disappointment. 

(25:43) We create our own stories: Our perception influences the story we tell ourselves. What memories or moments are defining the way you look at your relationships today?

(29:37) Identity: JP gets tough questions for Hola Papi about orientation and identity. Can you have sex with a lady and still consider yourself gay? We examine identity in honor of Pride Month!

Get more JP here:

Get JP’s Book at damonahoffman.com/contentclub and make sure to follow him on all the socials @jpbrammer or at https://www.jpbrammer.com/ 

 

DEAR DAMONA (33:34)

Submit your questions on  Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

• (Sam) Since you’re a POC who has experienced “otherness” how should I cope with the mentality that my predominately white dating pool in the Midwest is either consciously or unconsciously not interested in dating someone who is black? When I get on dating apps 9 out of 10 profiles I see are white. I’ve been swiping consistently and get very few (high quality) matches. I’m not a novice with dating apps and very strongly believe that I’m not making rookie mistakes with having a bad profile (i listen to your show). I’m convinced the lack of diversity and people not dating race open is the problem. What is your advice? I am 24, black, bisexual, with a master’s degree, spiritual/agnostic, liberal, working in corporate america.
• (Frances) Hi Damona! I love your voice and topics on finding slow love. I have a question about first text impressions. I’m texting guys that “liked” me on Hinge but they aren’t interested in making conversation on the app! They give me one sided answers and it’s like pulling teeth to talk. Do I just end the convo right there?

 

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