Many men and women feel invisible in today’s dating climate. Studies show that dating app algorithms can sometimes inadvertently limit dating pools by only showing matches of the same race.
This causes a huge problem for daters who are being left out of these dating pools – primarily Black women and Asian men.
So how do you find the love of your life when you feel constantly rejected?
To break it down, I’m joined this week by ABCs of Attraction founder and the US #1 Asian Dating Coach, JT Tran. Known for his confidence-inspiring methods, JT focuses on helping men overcome stereotypes and internalized racism that may be preventing them from finding love.
JT has taught his approach at many prestigious universities such as Harvard, Yale, and Wharton and now,he drops some SERIOUS knowledge on Dates & Mates!
D’S DATING DISH
Is marriage obsolete?
It’s no secret that marriage is changing. But is marriage even relevant by today’s standards? Damona and JT add their two cents to The Cut’s series on exploring marriage.
Who is Leo DiCaprio dating and why should you care?
This picture shows us that Leo has a very limited age range in which he dates. Why should you care? Damona and JT discuss.
Race & Dating
First, if you feel like you are the last person picked in your dating pool, you need to understand your worth is not tied to what others think of you.
“It’s important to have and be able to generate your own value and self-worth intrinsically inside of you as opposed to finding your worth in other people,” JT says.
Secondly, take it upon yourself to challenge the dating norms around you. JT teaches his clients to get rid of their fear of rejection and make the first move.
Get in the game and make conversations today!
We tell you how to make that first move and talk about so much more on today’s episode:
Starting a conversation: Is it different for men vs women?
Getting over your anxiety of rejection
How does one cross over to dating other races?
Dating for immigrants: everything your mom told you was wrong
Overcoming blatant racism in dating
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
How does one cross over to dating other races?
What’s with getting ghosted?
How do you stand out at a single mixer?
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/260-Blog.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-06-03 21:24:182021-05-14 22:23:58Race & Dating
Today we’re back with another BONUS Dear Damona episode! Last week, I received a few questions from people who are feeling a little extra unlucky in dating, so I dedicated an entire episode to giving the Dates & Mates community a little extra love.
If you’re a 35 Year Old Virgin, will men think there’s something wrong with you? (1:00)
If you’re openly dating a girl and she sees you on another date, is it awkward? (6:30)
If your man doesn’t like Beyoncé, should you drop him or educate him? (9:50)
How do I start dating when people don’t even give me a chance? (13:15)
Let me know if you like this “Dear Damona” Q & A style episode in the reviews!
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/Copy-of-Dear-Damona.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-05-30 23:06:372021-05-14 22:23:58Dear Damona: Beyoncé & The 35 Year Old Virgin
Memorial Day means a lot more than an unofficial start of summer, cookouts, and a day off from work. Today we celebrate girlfriends and spouses who are impacted by loved ones in the service.
Wait!! Before you think, “This doesn’t apply to me” – Think again! Have you ever experienced a long distance relationship? Or chose to sacrifice for the benefit of your partner’s career?
Today we are joined by four brave women who detail what it’s like to love a military man. Theresa Laux, Kate McAuley, Kayelee Pepper, Ashley Garlow all have their own lives, aspirations and unique backgrounds.
We talk about A LOT:
The surprising way Theresa met her husband (DEFINITELY not what you think)
The extra person in a relationship: The US Military
Moving A LOT
Negotiating and Compromise: How to keep sight of your own professional goals
Motherhood as a full time student
Making sure your kids get the best education
How not to resent your husband when his job prevents you from your goals
THANK YOU to all these women who educated us on what it’s like to love a military service member. We salute you!
Look for listener questions in a new Dear Damona special episode this Thursday!
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/Copy-of-259-IG.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-05-27 21:11:052021-05-14 22:23:58Memorial Day & Military Spouses
Have you ever heard the phrase, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else”?
If you remember a few episodes ago titled “Marriage Boot Camp & Bad Advice,” Dr. V’s opinion was that you can’t love yourself in the same way that your partner would love you. Which is true.
BUT it got us thinking: there is some value in being able to understand yourself and take care of yourself in order to be more prepared for a healthier relationship. We dedicated this episode to understanding self love as it relates to dating with Jonathon Aslay. Here’s the rundown:
CNN reports that South Korea is teaching university students how to date through a “Gender and Culture” class. Is this the most effective way to teach dating? Damona breaks it down.
Match announces a new service, a one-on-one phone call with an expert dating coach
Match is personalizing the world of online dating! What does this mean for you?
GO LOVE YOURSELF
Jonathon is America’s leading Midlife relationships expert and he has just published a fantastic guide to self love as it relates to dating called, “What the Heck is Self Love Anyway?”
“Self love is an antidote to potential chaos,” Jonathon explains.
Chaos in your life is going to come in a variety of forms – whether it’s a relationship transition, job stress, family stress, etc.
“You have to learn to take care of yourself before you take care of anyone else,” Jonathon explains. A good self love and personal development practice will help you be ready for your next relationship.
In this episode, Jonathon explains:
How to allow yourself to feel your feelings
How to begin a daily personal development practice
How to “Shift away from the mundane and fill your own cup with love.”
Get Jonathon’s book today!
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
How to be vulnerable again in a relationship?
Why not talk about politics, religion, and money on a first date?
How do you get motivated to date again?
GETTING GLAMMED UP FOR A DATE?
Have a hot date this weekend or another event that you want to glam it up for? Let Glamsquad help you out with Damona’s code! If you’re new to Glamsquad you can get $20 off your first service with my special code Damona20.
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/258-Blog.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-05-20 21:28:132021-05-14 22:23:58Self Love & Vulnerability
This week on Dates & Mates, we go deeper into communicating what you need in a partner during tough transitions in your life. Many of us have been in a situation where there’s something you want to communicate but it’s a scary conversation. We dedicated this to making these scary conversations a little less daunting with married dating and relationship coaches Laurie Davis Edwards and Thomas Edwards. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (3:11)
Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx’s red carpet relationship debut (Finally!!)
The two have been rumored to be dating since 2013. Why did they wait until now to debut their relationship publically? Laurie, Thomas, and Damona have thoughts.
What do you do if you see a co-worker on a dating app?
Business Insider explains what to do if you find a co-worker on a dating app. Damona breaks it down.
Do you believe in soulmates?
According to a 2013 poll by Marist college, 73% of Americans believe soul mates exist. Are you one of them? Interestingly enough, Laurie and Thomas have conflicting viewpoints on this.
TOUGH TRANSITIONS (14:00)
Have you ever had to have a tough conversation with a partner, but didn’t know how? Enter Thomas Edwards and Laurie Davis Edwards, who have recently had this same problem. Last year, they underwent a tough transition in their marriage. You may know them individually as successful dating, relationship, and lifestyle coaches.
Thomas helps professional men find the life they are meant to live in four key areas – Love, Lifestyle, Leadership and Legacy. His wife, Laurie Davis Edwards is the founder of The Worthy One, a coaching company that empowers women to fall in love with themselves and their soulmate.
Right after the birth of their daughter, Thomas and Laurie experienced intense personal transitions. From experience, I can tell you that a newborn baby is a HUGE transition. On top of this, Thomas and Laurie were already going through personal and professional transitions that put strains on their relationship.
“I was going through an identity crisis,” he explains. “I suffered a lot of trauma from the realization that I’m going to be a father. What I experienced was actually grief around the death of my identity.”
At the same time, Laurie was dealing with trauma of her own. “My transition was more about being the one who has to hold it all together,” she says. As she dealt with the pressures of being a new mom, she also tried to keep her relationship from falling apart.
Laurie opens up about reaching a breaking point and gathering up the courage to be honest with Thomas about how their relationship wasn’t working.
They open up about things like:
Meeting through Twitter
Long Distance Relationships
Moving across country together
How a baby changes your relationship
Where did problems arrive
How to have tough conversations with your partner
And so much more!
Be prepared because this conversation gets DEEP!
TECHNICALLY DATING (44:15)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
how to be confident while dating outside your race
How relevant do you think astrology is to compatibility?
What do modern women want?
GETTING GLAMMED UP FOR A DATE?
Have a hot date this weekend or another event that you want to glam it up for? Let Glamsquad help you out with Damona’s code! If you’re new to Glamsquad you can get $20 off your first service with my special code Damona20.
Dating culture is changing rapidly. A lot of the advice our parents gave us starting out no longer applies in the dating climate today. So how do you know what dating tips still apply to you now?
Enter Dr. V. You may know her as the host of WeTV’s Marriage Boot Camp, but she’s also a PhD in Clinical Psychology, a renowned media personality, and now the bestselling author of “Bad Advice: How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bullshit”. She literally wrote the book on sorting through good and bad advice, people!
Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (2:45)
Facebook wants to know your secret crushes
Facebook dating is coming to the US! Is this the future of dating? Damona thinks so.
The scientific way to get a first date
A Princeton study reveals the conversation topic that is guaranteed to get you a first date. Damona and Dr. V break it down.
Charlize is single and ready to mingle
Charlize Theron is a hot, single mom ready to find love. What can you learn from Charlize’s love journey? Damona and Dr. V have thoughts.
BAD ADVICE (18:03)
Dr. V and Damona go through all of the most popular dating advice out there today. First up: If you want to get a man, you need to play hard to get.
This is the WORST advice!
“We have deceived ourselves into believing that the person who cares less wins,” she says. “I’m here to tell you that the person who cares less gets less.”
Dr V is so right! Both women and men are conditioned to make it seem like they aren’t trying to make an impression. We don’t want others to judge us for trying too hard.
Bottom Line: There’s a difference between trying and trying too hard. But if you don’t try at all, you won’t get the outcome in love that you are looking for.
“Lean into love! Because if you care more, you get more,” says Dr. V.
Today’s dating culture is trending toward authenticity and honesty. Lead with your real, authentic self and you are sure to find the love you’re looking for.
Dr. V sets us straight on common advice like:
NEVER Text First
You can’t love anyone until you love yourself
Be upfront about what you want on a first date
And so much more!
This is essentially the Dates & Mates version of Dating Bootcamp. As Dr. V always says –
TECHNICALLY DATING (36:00)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
Is he interested or is he bad at texting?
Should you wait for him to text back?
What do modern women want?
How long should you be with someone before they introduce you to their family?
GETTING GLAMMED UP FOR A DATE?
Have a hot date this weekend or another event that you want to glam it up for? Let Glamsquad help you out with Damona’s code! If you’re new to Glamsquad you can get $20 off your first service with my special code Damona20.
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/256-blog.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-05-06 19:55:462021-05-14 22:23:58Marriage Boot Camp & Bad Advice
Lately, we have been flooded with questions from the Dates & Mates community looking for all kinds of love and dating advice so we dedicated this week’s episode entirely to answering all of your questions! Evin Rose, Millennial Love Life & Dating Coach, returns this episode to help Damona really deep dive into your questions and give you their best advice. We talked about A LOT. Here’s the rundown:
(1:50) Should you tell your friend if his fiance is being manipulative?
Kayleigh from Facebook asks: Dear Damona – I have a friend who is madly in love with a girl from Spain. She is very obviously in not as into him and is definitely manipulative. Recently, she has been panicking about having to move back to Spain and not being able to work here without citizenship. My friend proposed to her because he loves her “so much” and is positive that he wants to marry her. Just from previous conversations I’ve had with her, I KNOW that she is not as into him and is using him to stay in the US. Should I say something to him?
(4:27) Should you sleep with someone on a third date?
Dear Damona: So I was going on a 3rd date with a guy and the date was ok but since we had physical chemistry I didn’t mind just making out. Then he asked to do it to which I replied no. Then he says he’s not asking for a proposal and he feels rejected and how does he think it makes him feel to be rejected if I say no in the future. I said sleeping with someone too early usually makes them disappear and sure enough, he disappeared. Am I wrong to feel that his explanation is manipulative?
(8:30) If you have a good first date, should you stop talking to the other matches on your dating profile?
Lisa asks: I listen to your podcast and it is so helpful! I just recently started dating again and I’m just wondering what the proper protocol is regarding online dating. I went on a first date yesterday with a guy that I like and could have potential for a LTR. At the same time, I have several messages from other guys in my app that I want to explore. If I feel the person I had the date with had potential, should I stop communicating with other guys on the app? Thank you.
(10:42) When do you have that “Define the Relationship” talk?
(16:50) What is the deal with ghosting?
Jessica emails:What is going on with ghosting. In the last year I’ve been stood up for first dates, dropped after great 3rd dates, and generally treated like trash by the men in LA. I blame dating apps but I’m open to your interpretation. WTF please help!
LOOKING FOR THIS WEEK’S HEADLINES?
Don’t worry! We’ve got you. Damona keeps everyone up to date on this week’s dating headlines on Instagram. This week was a JUICY week for celebrity news. Follow Damona on Instagram (@DamonaHoffman) for the headlines including: did Prince William cheat on Kate? What’s up with Selena Gomez’s love life and Bumbles important new eggplant blocking feature.
ARE YOU MISSING ALL THE GOOD MATCHES ONLINE?
There are millions of people on dating apps worldwide. If you’re not finding love there, your profile may be the problem. Use Damona’s FREE guide to creating the ultimate MAGNETIC online dating profile. Get the Profile Starter Kit at profilestarterkit.com
We talk a lot about how much dating has changed since Damona began her career as a dating coach. Who remembers when online dating was brand new?
Even we couldn’t have predicted the changes that the dating technology ecosystem has seen even in the last year. We want you to be as prepared as possible for upcoming trends so you can stay ahead of the dating game.
This week, Damona talks about the future of modern love with the people who make decisions in the dating app landscape. This short format episode features an in-depth interview with Geoff Cook, CEO and co-founder of The Meet Group, and Evin Rose, Millennial Love Life & Dating Coach, on dating app trends to look out for. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (0:58)
Your Next Dating App: Instagram
Honey Australia reports that singles who use the hashtags #strongandsingle and #happilysingle might get a few extra DMs from potential dates. Should you mix Instagram and dating? Damona and Evin Rose have thoughts.
YOUR DATING FUTURE (5:58)
If you aren’t familiar with the Meet Group, they are responsible for a lot of cutting edge dating apps that are popular worldwide, like MeetMe, Lovoo, Skout, and so many others. As an expert entrepreneur, business strategist, Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year Award Winner for the Philadelphia Region, Geoff Cook is the man to give us the facts on the business and trends involved with the dating app tech landscape.
Lately, we have noticed that there is a trend to mix dating with other aspects of your online persona. Listeners often ask: Should you integrate your social media into your dating profile?
For Evin Rose this seems like a no brainer. “When we get someone’s last name, we immediately go look them up anyway on social media to try and get a sense of who they are,” she says. “I think there really is something to finding other ways to connect with people virtually.”
It does seem like a complete no brainer. But why are some having such a hard time blurring these lines?
Geoff has a really good explanation. “People like to express different aspects of their identities via the brands they use.” he says. You might share your workplace version of yourself on Linkedin, and your family friendly version of yourself on Facebook, but your dating persona – the most extroverted and fun version of yourself- is reserved for your dating apps usually.
“That’s partially why it’s strange to be hit up on Facebook or a network where most of your interactions are not for that,” he says. “I think it’s tough to walk that privacy line.”
There is absolutely something to be said for protecting your social media from your dating life. HOWEVER, if we just shut down these new possibilities entirely, we might miss a good opportunity to find love.
So maybe next time someone slides into those DMs, see where it goes and let us know!
We talk about sooo much more on this episode about future trends in dating including:
Is live streaming the key to finding your next match?
Integrating human connection back into online dating
Is this match a real human?: Sorting through multiple realities on dating apps
Podcasts: The new predictors for compatibility?
And so much more!
ARE YOU MISSING ALL THE GOOD MATCHES ONLINE?
There are millions of people on dating apps worldwide. If you’re not finding love there, your profile may be the problem. Use Damona’s FREE guide to creating the ultimate MAGNETIC online dating profile. Get the Profile Starter Kit at profilestarterkit.com
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/255-Blog.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-04-22 04:05:202021-05-14 22:23:58Meet Cute & Instagram for Dating
In all of Damona’s years as a dating coach, she has learned all the different ways people navigate modern love. One issue keeps coming up as challenging for all our listeners: Communication.
We are in a communication crisis right now, people! With an overload of information and an undervaluing of the person on the other end of the phone or computer, it is clear that we are having trouble forming real connections. This week we talk about how to form better relationships through communication and connection. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (2:25)
Is society done with Slut Shaming once and for all?
This week, some VERY personal pictures of Amanda Seyfried were leaked on the internet. We are happy to report that most fans supported Amanda instead of slut shaming. Damona and Dr. Jenn have thoughts.
Create Healthier Texting Habits
At the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to establish healthy texting habits with your new boo. Damona and Dr. Jenn have your solution.
The Four Major Predictors of Divorce
According to the Gottman study, there are four major predictors of divorce within the first five years of marriage and three more relationship conflicts that will make you fall out of love ASAP. Damona and Dr. Jenn break it down.
DR. JENN’S RELATIONSHIP FIX (18:00)
Damona brought in the creme de la creme of experts to enlighten us about communication and connection in relationships – VH1’s Dr. Jenn Mann. You may know her from the hit show Couple’s Therapy with Dr. Jenn or her many best selling books on improving relationships, but she is also a licensed LMFT who has been practicing for almost three decades.
Dr. Jenn and Damona talk about her newest book, The Relationship Fix. This interview isn’t just for couples who want to fix their relationships, Dr. Jenn says her communication advice is for singles who “want to do it right next time.”
We talked about A LOT:
Using conflicts to strengthen your relationship
Connection is the greatest vaccination against infidelity
Dealing with criticism
Recognizing and knowing when unresolved issues can ruin a relationship
How to make an effective apology
Will he actually change this time?
Concrete Action is key
Getting over infidelity
Living in fear hurts your relationship
Attachment styles
And so much more!
TECHNICALLY DATING (33:27)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
If a girl brings a friend to a first date, it’s over right?
I’m dating someone with an STD. How screwed am I?
Some tips on how to make my IG profile a dating profile?
I think I’m dating someone in another relationship. How can I investigate/ not be creepy.
At the start of a relationship, how much time do you give before you have the talk?
GETTING GLAMMED UP FOR A DATE?
Have a hot date this weekend or another event that you want to glam it up for? Let Glamsquad help you out with Damona’s code! If you’re new to Glamsquad you can get $20 off your first service with my special code Damona20.
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/254-Blog.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-04-15 06:01:562021-05-14 22:23:58Dr. Jenn’s Relationship Fix & The Communication Crisis
In honor of her 12th wedding anniversary, Damona sits down with a panel of married guys to understand how marriage-minded men find the one and which factors could be keeping people from finding a dream partnership. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (5:09)
Congrats Issa Rae!
Issa Rae’s co-stars have confirmed that she is engaged! She has kept this relationship super under wraps for several reasons. As a celebrity, should she get to pick and choose what aspects of her life she keeps private? Damona has thoughts.
What makes a good match in 2019
Data shows that women have much different expectations of their future husbands than they did in the 1930s. Damona and her father break it down.
How Your High School Friendships Affect Your Relationship
A new study shows that having close, platonic friendships in your teenage years actually impacts how your love life will play out in your late twenties. Damona breaks it down.
THE MIND OF MARRIAGE-MINDED MEN (13:22)
If you’ve been listening to the show for a while, you already know that Damona’s husband Seth’s goal was marriage from the beginning (it only took him 3.5 years to convince her.)
Many of Damona’s single female clients seem to have the impression that most men would play the field forever if they could yet her single male clients have shown that there are a lot of men like Seth whose ultimate goal is to marry, have a family, and be monogamous. Damona’s anniversary got her thinking:
What can single men and women learn from marriage-minded men?
Damona is joined by a very special guest, HER DAD! Dr. Resnick dishes some great fatherly advice about marriage and relationships. Also joining Damona on this panel are two happily married men: content creator Simeon Weinraub and internationally-known comedian Raj Sharma, who share what they learned in singlehood, partnerships, and now marriage.
We talked about A LOT:
What marriage-minded men keep on their list
The elements of a successful relationship
Why are we still divorcing at a 50% rate?
Does love at first sight exist?
Putting in the work in a relationship to make it work
Why you shouldn’t keep a safety net
Are relationships work?
Anticipating your spouse’s needs and building together
STOP going for the Bad Boy
And so much more!
TECHNICALLY DATING (39:00)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
What happens when you lose a loving relationship because of a dating app addiction?
How to sort matches when you’re dating with a disability
HATE GYMS?
Damona always says that working out has greatly improved her relationship with her body. Begin a program with BeachBody on demand! Just go to DatesandMates.com and click the Beach Body Banner to get started.
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/253-Blog.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-04-08 18:10:342021-05-14 22:23:58The Marriage Minded Man & Fatherly Advice
This week, Damona sits down with legendary matchmaker and dating coach, Julie Ferman to explain how to apply marketing principles to find the love of your life. Here’s the rundown:
A new article from AskMen details exactly what it’s like to date a social media addict. Damona and Julie discuss.
Should you live together before marriage?
A new study explores if living together before marriage is good for your relationship. Damona and Julie have thoughts.
ROMANCE MARKETING
Romance Marketing? Those are two words you probably didn’t think go together. Romance Marketing – or marketing yourself to find the love of your life – is something that is at the very center of Damona’s coaching practice. As many of you may know, Damona’s dating advice draws from her experience in marketing as a TV Executive at NBC. She noticed that a lot of personal marketing principles apply to dating and thus began her career as a dating coach.
Romance Marketing is also at the center of Julie’s business! Julie has A LOT of knowledge to offer lovers looking for their forever match. We talked about A LOT:
What is romance marketing?
Romance marketing first steps
Marketing yourself, your product
Intro to matchmaking
And so much more!
Become the Don Draper of your love life today!
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
How quickly can you tell if it’s love?
Should you ask a girl out over text?
If you made a “If we’re still single at 40” pact with someone, should you take them up on it?
HATE GYMS?
Damona always says that working out has greatly improved her relationship with her body. Begin a program with BeachBody on demand! Just go to DatesandMates.com and click the Beach Body Banner to get started.
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/Copy-of-252-Twitter.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-04-01 06:30:272021-05-14 22:23:58Wendy Williams Woes & Romance Marketing Plan
As a dating coach for 13 years, Damona has seen shifts in dating trends and watched as women become more empowered in their dating lives. How do these things impact women’s dating destiny? Internationally renowned matchmaker and TV personality Carmelia Ray returns to co-host this episode with lots of insight on how women and men relate to each other in 2019. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (2:45)
The surprising reason ARod’s relationship with JLO is a lot of pressure
HUGE Congrats to JLO and AROD who announced this month that they are engaged! Shortly after the engagement, ARod revealed why a relationship with JLo is a lot of pressure for him. Damona and Carmelia break it down.
New Trend Alert: Honeymoon Edition
This just in! Ditch your new spouse and go on the honeymoon of your dreams BY YOURSELF! Damona and Carmelia are not here for this new trend and they explain why.
Meet Your New Matchmaker: Your Fridge
Predicted right here on Dates & Mates! Refridgerdating has just launched allowing you to see into your match’s fridge before you decide to make a move. Damona and Carmelia have thoughts.
NOW IS THE BEST TIME IN HISTORY FOR WOMEN TO DATE (11:30)
In honor of Women’s History Month, Damona sits down with Robert Kandell, interpersonal communication expert who helps women and men relate to each other better in the #MeToo Era. We talked about A LOT:
Shifts in acceptable dating behavior for women & men
Dating Patterns
Dating in big cities vs dating elsewhere
Do women need men anymore?
FOMO and Investing in relationships
Women have a higher earning potential and don’t have to settle!
“Men are acting more like boys, and women are acting more like men.” – Robert Kandell
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
Why are women choosing to stay single for longer?
What is the best way to date if you have decided to ditch dating apps?
HATE GYMS?
Damona always says that working out has greatly improved her relationship with her body. Begin a program with Beach Body on demand! Just go to DatesandMates.com and click the Beach Body Banner to get started.
https://damonahoffman.com/wp-content/uploads/251-Blog.png200300Leah Schell/wp-content/uploads/damona-hoffman-logo-209-1-1.pngLeah Schell2019-03-25 21:28:412021-05-14 22:23:58Women’s History Month & Refridgerdating
Race & Dating
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE TODAY!
Many men and women feel invisible in today’s dating climate. Studies show that dating app algorithms can sometimes inadvertently limit dating pools by only showing matches of the same race.
This causes a huge problem for daters who are being left out of these dating pools – primarily Black women and Asian men.
So how do you find the love of your life when you feel constantly rejected?
To break it down, I’m joined this week by ABCs of Attraction founder and the US #1 Asian Dating Coach, JT Tran. Known for his confidence-inspiring methods, JT focuses on helping men overcome stereotypes and internalized racism that may be preventing them from finding love.
JT has taught his approach at many prestigious universities such as Harvard, Yale, and Wharton and now, he drops some SERIOUS knowledge on Dates & Mates!
D’S DATING DISH
Is marriage obsolete?
It’s no secret that marriage is changing. But is marriage even relevant by today’s standards? Damona and JT add their two cents to The Cut’s series on exploring marriage.
Have you broken the girl code?
Plenty of Fish gives us these Unspoken Dating Rules. Damona and JT have thoughts.
Who is Leo DiCaprio dating and why should you care?
This picture shows us that Leo has a very limited age range in which he dates. Why should you care? Damona and JT discuss.
Race & Dating
First, if you feel like you are the last person picked in your dating pool, you need to understand your worth is not tied to what others think of you.
“It’s important to have and be able to generate your own value and self-worth intrinsically inside of you as opposed to finding your worth in other people,” JT says.
Secondly, take it upon yourself to challenge the dating norms around you. JT teaches his clients to get rid of their fear of rejection and make the first move.
Get in the game and make conversations today!
We tell you how to make that first move and talk about so much more on today’s episode:
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
Dear Damona: Beyoncé & The 35 Year Old Virgin
Giving you a little extra LOVE this week!
Today we’re back with another BONUS Dear Damona episode! Last week, I received a few questions from people who are feeling a little extra unlucky in dating, so I dedicated an entire episode to giving the Dates & Mates community a little extra love.
If you’re a 35 Year Old Virgin, will men think there’s something wrong with you? (1:00)
If you’re openly dating a girl and she sees you on another date, is it awkward? (6:30)
If your man doesn’t like Beyoncé, should you drop him or educate him? (9:50)
How do I start dating when people don’t even give me a chance? (13:15)
Let me know if you like this “Dear Damona” Q & A style episode in the reviews!
Memorial Day & Military Spouses
Thank You!
Memorial Day means a lot more than an unofficial start of summer, cookouts, and a day off from work. Today we celebrate girlfriends and spouses who are impacted by loved ones in the service.
Wait!! Before you think, “This doesn’t apply to me” – Think again! Have you ever experienced a long distance relationship? Or chose to sacrifice for the benefit of your partner’s career?
Today we are joined by four brave women who detail what it’s like to love a military man. Theresa Laux, Kate McAuley, Kayelee Pepper, Ashley Garlow all have their own lives, aspirations and unique backgrounds.
We talk about A LOT:
THANK YOU to all these women who educated us on what it’s like to love a military service member. We salute you!
Look for listener questions in a new Dear Damona special episode this Thursday!
Self Love & Vulnerability
Love Yourself First
Have you ever heard the phrase, “You have to love yourself before you can love someone else”?
If you remember a few episodes ago titled “Marriage Boot Camp & Bad Advice,” Dr. V’s opinion was that you can’t love yourself in the same way that your partner would love you. Which is true.
BUT it got us thinking: there is some value in being able to understand yourself and take care of yourself in order to be more prepared for a healthier relationship. We dedicated this episode to understanding self love as it relates to dating with Jonathon Aslay. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH
Wendy Williams is dating after filing for divorce
The divorce has finally happened! Should Wendy be dating already after her divorce? Damona and Jonathon have thoughts.
A new way to teach millennials how to date
CNN reports that South Korea is teaching university students how to date through a “Gender and Culture” class. Is this the most effective way to teach dating? Damona breaks it down.
Match announces a new service, a one-on-one phone call with an expert dating coach
Match is personalizing the world of online dating! What does this mean for you?
GO LOVE YOURSELF
Jonathon is America’s leading Midlife relationships expert and he has just published a fantastic guide to self love as it relates to dating called, “What the Heck is Self Love Anyway?”
“Self love is an antidote to potential chaos,” Jonathon explains.
Chaos in your life is going to come in a variety of forms – whether it’s a relationship transition, job stress, family stress, etc.
“You have to learn to take care of yourself before you take care of anyone else,” Jonathon explains. A good self love and personal development practice will help you be ready for your next relationship.
In this episode, Jonathon explains:
Get Jonathon’s book today!
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
GETTING GLAMMED UP FOR A DATE?
Have a hot date this weekend or another event that you want to glam it up for? Let Glamsquad help you out with Damona’s code! If you’re new to Glamsquad you can get $20 off your first service with my special code Damona20.
Tough Conversations & Relationship Transitions
LOVE IN A TIME OF CRISIS
This week on Dates & Mates, we go deeper into communicating what you need in a partner during tough transitions in your life. Many of us have been in a situation where there’s something you want to communicate but it’s a scary conversation. We dedicated this to making these scary conversations a little less daunting with married dating and relationship coaches Laurie Davis Edwards and Thomas Edwards. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (3:11)
Katie Holmes and Jamie Foxx’s red carpet relationship debut (Finally!!)
The two have been rumored to be dating since 2013. Why did they wait until now to debut their relationship publically? Laurie, Thomas, and Damona have thoughts.
What do you do if you see a co-worker on a dating app?
Business Insider explains what to do if you find a co-worker on a dating app. Damona breaks it down.
Do you believe in soulmates?
According to a 2013 poll by Marist college, 73% of Americans believe soul mates exist. Are you one of them? Interestingly enough, Laurie and Thomas have conflicting viewpoints on this.
TOUGH TRANSITIONS (14:00)
Have you ever had to have a tough conversation with a partner, but didn’t know how? Enter Thomas Edwards and Laurie Davis Edwards, who have recently had this same problem. Last year, they underwent a tough transition in their marriage. You may know them individually as successful dating, relationship, and lifestyle coaches.
Thomas helps professional men find the life they are meant to live in four key areas – Love, Lifestyle, Leadership and Legacy. His wife, Laurie Davis Edwards is the founder of The Worthy One, a coaching company that empowers women to fall in love with themselves and their soulmate.
Right after the birth of their daughter, Thomas and Laurie experienced intense personal transitions. From experience, I can tell you that a newborn baby is a HUGE transition. On top of this, Thomas and Laurie were already going through personal and professional transitions that put strains on their relationship.
“I was going through an identity crisis,” he explains. “I suffered a lot of trauma from the realization that I’m going to be a father. What I experienced was actually grief around the death of my identity.”
At the same time, Laurie was dealing with trauma of her own. “My transition was more about being the one who has to hold it all together,” she says. As she dealt with the pressures of being a new mom, she also tried to keep her relationship from falling apart.
Laurie opens up about reaching a breaking point and gathering up the courage to be honest with Thomas about how their relationship wasn’t working.
They open up about things like:
Be prepared because this conversation gets DEEP!
TECHNICALLY DATING (44:15)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
GETTING GLAMMED UP FOR A DATE?
Have a hot date this weekend or another event that you want to glam it up for? Let Glamsquad help you out with Damona’s code! If you’re new to Glamsquad you can get $20 off your first service with my special code Damona20.
Marriage Boot Camp & Bad Advice
FIND LOVE IN THE AGE OF BAD ADVICE
Dating culture is changing rapidly. A lot of the advice our parents gave us starting out no longer applies in the dating climate today. So how do you know what dating tips still apply to you now?
Enter Dr. V. You may know her as the host of WeTV’s Marriage Boot Camp, but she’s also a PhD in Clinical Psychology, a renowned media personality, and now the bestselling author of “Bad Advice: How to Survive and Thrive in an Age of Bullshit”. She literally wrote the book on sorting through good and bad advice, people!
Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (2:45)
Facebook wants to know your secret crushes
Facebook dating is coming to the US! Is this the future of dating? Damona thinks so.
The scientific way to get a first date
A Princeton study reveals the conversation topic that is guaranteed to get you a first date. Damona and Dr. V break it down.
Charlize is single and ready to mingle
Charlize Theron is a hot, single mom ready to find love. What can you learn from Charlize’s love journey? Damona and Dr. V have thoughts.
BAD ADVICE (18:03)
Dr. V and Damona go through all of the most popular dating advice out there today. First up: If you want to get a man, you need to play hard to get.
This is the WORST advice!
“We have deceived ourselves into believing that the person who cares less wins,” she says. “I’m here to tell you that the person who cares less gets less.”
Dr V is so right! Both women and men are conditioned to make it seem like they aren’t trying to make an impression. We don’t want others to judge us for trying too hard.
Bottom Line: There’s a difference between trying and trying too hard. But if you don’t try at all, you won’t get the outcome in love that you are looking for.
“Lean into love! Because if you care more, you get more,” says Dr. V.
Today’s dating culture is trending toward authenticity and honesty. Lead with your real, authentic self and you are sure to find the love you’re looking for.
Dr. V sets us straight on common advice like:
This is essentially the Dates & Mates version of Dating Bootcamp. As Dr. V always says –
TECHNICALLY DATING (36:00)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
GETTING GLAMMED UP FOR A DATE?
Have a hot date this weekend or another event that you want to glam it up for? Let Glamsquad help you out with Damona’s code! If you’re new to Glamsquad you can get $20 off your first service with my special code Damona20.
Dear Damona: DTR & Juggling Dates
DEAR DAMONA
Lately, we have been flooded with questions from the Dates & Mates community looking for all kinds of love and dating advice so we dedicated this week’s episode entirely to answering all of your questions! Evin Rose, Millennial Love Life & Dating Coach, returns this episode to help Damona really deep dive into your questions and give you their best advice. We talked about A LOT. Here’s the rundown:
(1:50) Should you tell your friend if his fiance is being manipulative?
Kayleigh from Facebook asks: Dear Damona – I have a friend who is madly in love with a girl from Spain. She is very obviously in not as into him and is definitely manipulative. Recently, she has been panicking about having to move back to Spain and not being able to work here without citizenship. My friend proposed to her because he loves her “so much” and is positive that he wants to marry her. Just from previous conversations I’ve had with her, I KNOW that she is not as into him and is using him to stay in the US. Should I say something to him?
(4:27) Should you sleep with someone on a third date?
Dear Damona: So I was going on a 3rd date with a guy and the date was ok but since we had physical chemistry I didn’t mind just making out. Then he asked to do it to which I replied no. Then he says he’s not asking for a proposal and he feels rejected and how does he think it makes him feel to be rejected if I say no in the future. I said sleeping with someone too early usually makes them disappear and sure enough, he disappeared. Am I wrong to feel that his explanation is manipulative?
(8:30) If you have a good first date, should you stop talking to the other matches on your dating profile?
Lisa asks: I listen to your podcast and it is so helpful! I just recently started dating again and I’m just wondering what the proper protocol is regarding online dating. I went on a first date yesterday with a guy that I like and could have potential for a LTR. At the same time, I have several messages from other guys in my app that I want to explore. If I feel the person I had the date with had potential, should I stop communicating with other guys on the app? Thank you.
(10:42) When do you have that “Define the Relationship” talk?
(16:50) What is the deal with ghosting?
Jessica emails:What is going on with ghosting. In the last year I’ve been stood up for first dates, dropped after great 3rd dates, and generally treated like trash by the men in LA. I blame dating apps but I’m open to your interpretation. WTF please help!
LOOKING FOR THIS WEEK’S HEADLINES?
Don’t worry! We’ve got you. Damona keeps everyone up to date on this week’s dating headlines on Instagram. This week was a JUICY week for celebrity news. Follow Damona on Instagram (@DamonaHoffman) for the headlines including: did Prince William cheat on Kate? What’s up with Selena Gomez’s love life and Bumbles important new eggplant blocking feature.
ARE YOU MISSING ALL THE GOOD MATCHES ONLINE?
There are millions of people on dating apps worldwide. If you’re not finding love there, your profile may be the problem. Use Damona’s FREE guide to creating the ultimate MAGNETIC online dating profile. Get the Profile Starter Kit at profilestarterkit.com
Meet Cute & Instagram for Dating
THE FUTURE IS HERE!
We talk a lot about how much dating has changed since Damona began her career as a dating coach. Who remembers when online dating was brand new?
Even we couldn’t have predicted the changes that the dating technology ecosystem has seen even in the last year. We want you to be as prepared as possible for upcoming trends so you can stay ahead of the dating game.
This week, Damona talks about the future of modern love with the people who make decisions in the dating app landscape. This short format episode features an in-depth interview with Geoff Cook, CEO and co-founder of The Meet Group, and Evin Rose, Millennial Love Life & Dating Coach, on dating app trends to look out for. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (0:58)
Your Next Dating App: Instagram
Honey Australia reports that singles who use the hashtags #strongandsingle and #happilysingle might get a few extra DMs from potential dates. Should you mix Instagram and dating? Damona and Evin Rose have thoughts.
YOUR DATING FUTURE (5:58)
If you aren’t familiar with the Meet Group, they are responsible for a lot of cutting edge dating apps that are popular worldwide, like MeetMe, Lovoo, Skout, and so many others. As an expert entrepreneur, business strategist, Ernst & Young Entrepreneur of the Year Award Winner for the Philadelphia Region, Geoff Cook is the man to give us the facts on the business and trends involved with the dating app tech landscape.
Lately, we have noticed that there is a trend to mix dating with other aspects of your online persona. Listeners often ask: Should you integrate your social media into your dating profile?
For Evin Rose this seems like a no brainer. “When we get someone’s last name, we immediately go look them up anyway on social media to try and get a sense of who they are,” she says. “I think there really is something to finding other ways to connect with people virtually.”
It does seem like a complete no brainer. But why are some having such a hard time blurring these lines?
Geoff has a really good explanation. “People like to express different aspects of their identities via the brands they use.” he says. You might share your workplace version of yourself on Linkedin, and your family friendly version of yourself on Facebook, but your dating persona – the most extroverted and fun version of yourself- is reserved for your dating apps usually.
“That’s partially why it’s strange to be hit up on Facebook or a network where most of your interactions are not for that,” he says. “I think it’s tough to walk that privacy line.”
There is absolutely something to be said for protecting your social media from your dating life. HOWEVER, if we just shut down these new possibilities entirely, we might miss a good opportunity to find love.
So maybe next time someone slides into those DMs, see where it goes and let us know!
We talk about sooo much more on this episode about future trends in dating including:
ARE YOU MISSING ALL THE GOOD MATCHES ONLINE?
There are millions of people on dating apps worldwide. If you’re not finding love there, your profile may be the problem. Use Damona’s FREE guide to creating the ultimate MAGNETIC online dating profile. Get the Profile Starter Kit at profilestarterkit.com
Dr. Jenn’s Relationship Fix & The Communication Crisis
COMMUNICATE BETTER IN YOUR NEXT RELATIONSHIP
In all of Damona’s years as a dating coach, she has learned all the different ways people navigate modern love. One issue keeps coming up as challenging for all our listeners: Communication.
We are in a communication crisis right now, people! With an overload of information and an undervaluing of the person on the other end of the phone or computer, it is clear that we are having trouble forming real connections. This week we talk about how to form better relationships through communication and connection. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (2:25)
Is society done with Slut Shaming once and for all?
This week, some VERY personal pictures of Amanda Seyfried were leaked on the internet. We are happy to report that most fans supported Amanda instead of slut shaming. Damona and Dr. Jenn have thoughts.
Create Healthier Texting Habits
At the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to establish healthy texting habits with your new boo. Damona and Dr. Jenn have your solution.
The Four Major Predictors of Divorce
According to the Gottman study, there are four major predictors of divorce within the first five years of marriage and three more relationship conflicts that will make you fall out of love ASAP. Damona and Dr. Jenn break it down.
DR. JENN’S RELATIONSHIP FIX (18:00)
Damona brought in the creme de la creme of experts to enlighten us about communication and connection in relationships – VH1’s Dr. Jenn Mann. You may know her from the hit show Couple’s Therapy with Dr. Jenn or her many best selling books on improving relationships, but she is also a licensed LMFT who has been practicing for almost three decades.
Dr. Jenn and Damona talk about her newest book, The Relationship Fix. This interview isn’t just for couples who want to fix their relationships, Dr. Jenn says her communication advice is for singles who “want to do it right next time.”
We talked about A LOT:
TECHNICALLY DATING (33:27)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
GETTING GLAMMED UP FOR A DATE?
Have a hot date this weekend or another event that you want to glam it up for? Let Glamsquad help you out with Damona’s code! If you’re new to Glamsquad you can get $20 off your first service with my special code Damona20.
The Marriage Minded Man & Fatherly Advice
What can a MARRIED MAN teach you about DATING?
In honor of her 12th wedding anniversary, Damona sits down with a panel of married guys to understand how marriage-minded men find the one and which factors could be keeping people from finding a dream partnership. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (5:09)
Congrats Issa Rae!
Issa Rae’s co-stars have confirmed that she is engaged! She has kept this relationship super under wraps for several reasons. As a celebrity, should she get to pick and choose what aspects of her life she keeps private? Damona has thoughts.
What makes a good match in 2019
Data shows that women have much different expectations of their future husbands than they did in the 1930s. Damona and her father break it down.
How Your High School Friendships Affect Your Relationship
A new study shows that having close, platonic friendships in your teenage years actually impacts how your love life will play out in your late twenties. Damona breaks it down.
THE MIND OF MARRIAGE-MINDED MEN (13:22)
If you’ve been listening to the show for a while, you already know that Damona’s husband Seth’s goal was marriage from the beginning (it only took him 3.5 years to convince her.)
Many of Damona’s single female clients seem to have the impression that most men would play the field forever if they could yet her single male clients have shown that there are a lot of men like Seth whose ultimate goal is to marry, have a family, and be monogamous. Damona’s anniversary got her thinking:
What can single men and women learn from marriage-minded men?
Damona is joined by a very special guest, HER DAD! Dr. Resnick dishes some great fatherly advice about marriage and relationships. Also joining Damona on this panel are two happily married men: content creator Simeon Weinraub and internationally-known comedian Raj Sharma, who share what they learned in singlehood, partnerships, and now marriage.
We talked about A LOT:
TECHNICALLY DATING (39:00)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
HATE GYMS?
Damona always says that working out has greatly improved her relationship with her body. Begin a program with BeachBody on demand! Just go to DatesandMates.com and click the Beach Body Banner to get started.
Wendy Williams Woes & Romance Marketing Plan
BUILD YOUR ROMANCE MARKETING PLAN TODAY!
This week, Damona sits down with legendary matchmaker and dating coach, Julie Ferman to explain how to apply marketing principles to find the love of your life. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH
Wendy Williams Woes
What the HECK is going on in Wendy Williams’ marriage? Damona and Julie break it down.
Are you dating a social media addict?
A new article from AskMen details exactly what it’s like to date a social media addict. Damona and Julie discuss.
Should you live together before marriage?
A new study explores if living together before marriage is good for your relationship. Damona and Julie have thoughts.
ROMANCE MARKETING
Romance Marketing? Those are two words you probably didn’t think go together. Romance Marketing – or marketing yourself to find the love of your life – is something that is at the very center of Damona’s coaching practice. As many of you may know, Damona’s dating advice draws from her experience in marketing as a TV Executive at NBC. She noticed that a lot of personal marketing principles apply to dating and thus began her career as a dating coach.
Romance Marketing is also at the center of Julie’s business! Julie has A LOT of knowledge to offer lovers looking for their forever match. We talked about A LOT:
Become the Don Draper of your love life today!
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
HATE GYMS?
Damona always says that working out has greatly improved her relationship with her body. Begin a program with BeachBody on demand! Just go to DatesandMates.com and click the Beach Body Banner to get started.
Women’s History Month & Refridgerdating
IT’S #WOMENSHISTORYMONTH!
As a dating coach for 13 years, Damona has seen shifts in dating trends and watched as women become more empowered in their dating lives. How do these things impact women’s dating destiny? Internationally renowned matchmaker and TV personality Carmelia Ray returns to co-host this episode with lots of insight on how women and men relate to each other in 2019. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH (2:45)
The surprising reason ARod’s relationship with JLO is a lot of pressure
HUGE Congrats to JLO and AROD who announced this month that they are engaged! Shortly after the engagement, ARod revealed why a relationship with JLo is a lot of pressure for him. Damona and Carmelia break it down.
New Trend Alert: Honeymoon Edition
This just in! Ditch your new spouse and go on the honeymoon of your dreams BY YOURSELF! Damona and Carmelia are not here for this new trend and they explain why.
Meet Your New Matchmaker: Your Fridge
Predicted right here on Dates & Mates! Refridgerdating has just launched allowing you to see into your match’s fridge before you decide to make a move. Damona and Carmelia have thoughts.
NOW IS THE BEST TIME IN HISTORY FOR WOMEN TO DATE (11:30)
In honor of Women’s History Month, Damona sits down with Robert Kandell, interpersonal communication expert who helps women and men relate to each other better in the #MeToo Era. We talked about A LOT:
If you liked this interview Damona has some supplemental material for you! Don’t miss Damona’s Communication Master Class and her interview with The Angry Therapist on Male EQ
TECHNICALLY DATING (46:03)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
HATE GYMS?
Damona always says that working out has greatly improved her relationship with her body. Begin a program with Beach Body on demand! Just go to DatesandMates.com and click the Beach Body Banner to get started.