EVERYTHING You Need To Know About Dating A Single Dad
In honor of Father’s Day, the Dates & Mates community is celebrating dads everywhere! This week’s episode is all about single dads and those dating them.
Joining me is Dr. Duana Welch, author and coach renowned for using social science to solve relationship issues. addresses the challenges of dating as a single parent. She has 20 years of experience as a professor, and has contributed to NPR, PBS, Psychology Today, and others.
This year she has released her newest book, Love Factually for Single Parents [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][& Those Dating Them], a science-based advice book for people who want to re-partner with kids.
Jonathon Aslay, single dad and America’s leading Midlife Dating Coach, returns to co-host and speak on his own experiences dating with kids after divorce. We discuss blended families, getting over an ex, parenting guilt and also offer tips to someone dating a single dad for the first time.
D’S DATING DISH
Is polyamory becoming more accepted?
Studies show that more people are trending toward polyamory. Damona and Jonathon have thoughts.
Can relationships work if the woman outearns the man?
54% of married American women are the primary breadwinners of today’s households. What does this mean for men?
Is brand new relationship costing you?
The honeymoon phase of your new relationship turns out to actually be pretty pricey. Damona and Jonathon discuss.
DATING A SINGLE DAD
So what is the first step into finding a new happy relationship for single parents?
“Unhooking from your ex,” says Dr. Duana. “There’s a lot of research that shows that most people think that a divorce is going to set them free from the trauma and the fights of the past, but in fact most people carry that trauma and that fighting forward.”
This seems so obvious, but in fact it’s a great reminder from Dr. Duana. Everyone has a past and different landmines that they bring into their new relationship.
For singles entering a relationship with a single parent, this is the most important advice Dr. Duana gives us:
“Don’t be the kids’ parent. Suss out your relationship to them very gradually, letting the biological parent and the children take the lead on what your role can and should be,” Dr. Duana stresses. “If listeners get nothing but that from this whole conversation, they’ve gotten a tremendous amount.”
Dr. Duana shares the scientifically proven way to navigate a relationship with your partner’s kids on this episode. We also talk about so much more:
- Navigating the “Single Dad Guilt”
- Why is the ‘re-married with kids’ divorce rate so high?
- How knowing social science can save your relationship
- Navigating a relationship when there are extra people to consider
- and so much more!
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
- How to ask someone to marry you?
- He still hasn’t said “I love you”. What should I do?
DATING TIP OF THE WEEK
When there are extra people to consider in your relationship (i.e. your partner’s kids, your kids, your partner’s ex, your ex, your partner’s ex-mother-in-law, the list goes on), you can incur a lot of extra stress.
Dr. Duana’s solution? Understand that your relationship is going be a little more difficult, but simply “choose to be happy.”
This works for her own relationship with her second husband of 12 years. “Waiting for life to be perfect is a fool’s errand,” she says, “We’ve decided that messy, and beautiful, and sometimes heartwrenching as it is, we’re staying together and we’re going to be happy anyway.”
“The attitude of being glad to have one another and staying on each other’s team turns out to be a very powerful predictor of who stays together.”[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
BONUS: Singles in America
The Feminist Dating Revolution is HERE
Surprise! We dropped a new bonus episode to break down Match’s 2019 Singles In America Study.
Here are some important takeaways:
This is the best time in history for a woman in love (3:00)
Did Me Too make dating more challenging? (4:00)
The stats say: men want women need to initiate more (5:45)
What women HAVE to do to prove they are an equal partner (6:30)
Take Charge in Dating: Read my advice on the Tinder Blog!
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9 Experts Share Their Very Best Piece of Online Dating Advice
Online dating is so ingrained in our cultural dating roadmap that it isn’t so much a question of whether you want to start online dating as when you’re going to give it a try. Maybe you’re just dipping your toe in the waters, maybe you’re back on apps after a breakup, or maybe you’ve been doing it forever and suspect you could be having a better time of it.
If you aren’t sure where to begin, what “rules” you’re supposed to follow, or are looking to get more matches, check out these nine experts’ number-one piece of advice for online dating. We could use all the help we can get, right?
Put yourself into a dating mindset
“When building your profile and looking for potential dates, your mindset should follow what you’d like the outcome to be. Whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship, a hookup, or something in between, let your mind consider the result you wish to achieve so that your profile vocabulary and tone match.” —Sunny Rodgers, ACS, clinical sexologist and certified sexual health educator
Don’t be timid
“Be entirely yourself rather than projecting a more muted version of yourself. The more that you show your personality, the more the other person gets an idea of what a relationship with you would be like. You might as well jump in immediately!” —Gabrielle Alexa, sex and dating writer
Be and put yourself first
“We all want a flattering photo that peaks the maximum number of people’s interest. Go ahead and choose that picture, but recognize that it’s a slippery slope. There is a temptation to create or communicate a [version of] you that, like an Instagram post, will garner the most likes. Do not contort yourself to fit what you presume others desire. In your mind, put your wants first. Use Tinder to communicate what you actually desire, so you can find someone you truly like.” —Wednesday Martin, Ph.D., author of “Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free”
Stop looking for your perfect match
“We know it sounds counterintuitive, but you read this right. Online dating makes it easy to filter people based on what’s worked for you before (or what hasn’t) and create an impossible mold of what you think is your perfect match. The problem is that eventually your matches all either seem to blend together and you lost interest, or you run out of options. Keep an open mind, and try [Liking] someone who isn’t your usual type. You might find that your ‘type’ isn’t as important as you thought.” —B+L, co-hosts of “Not Your Girlfriend’s Podcast”
Click here to read my advice!
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Slow Love & Relationship Future
DOES YOUR RELATIONSHIP HAVE A FUTURE?
Today on the 5th episode of the in the Summer Love Series, we talk about relationship pacing and slow love. How long do you really need to know someone before you know they’re the one?
Tina Wilson, CEO of the Wingman matchmaking app, joins us to get down to the bottom of this.
PLUS Francesca Hogi, a love and life coach for people who happen to be single, dishes on this week’s headlines and give BOMB advice for our listener questions.
DATING DISH (3:00)
Emojis in your dating profile: To Use or Not To Use?
According to a recent survey, emojis may not be such a good idea in your dating profile. Damona and Francesca have thoughts.
Can board games make you fall in love?
The latest research indicates that playing board games on a date is an effective way to create chemistry with your partner. Damona and Francesca break it down.
Ariana Grande opens up about her love life
Was her relationship with Pete Davidson a mistake? Ariana tells all.
WHAT ARE THE SIGNS YOU’RE WITH THE ONE? (25:00)
Everything you need to know about relationship pacing
Especially if you’re at an age where you feel the pressure of a ticking time clock, how long should you wait before getting serious?
Tina and I have THOUGHTS – and our answers may surprise you! We also talk:
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you don’t want to miss this episode!
TECHNICALLY DATING (44:00)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
YOU’RE A BABE, TOO
intimacy can be intimidating. Especially since we’re constantly comparing ourselves to the unrealistic bodies we see everyday on tv, magazines, and on social media.
Are you missing out on intimate moments in your relationship because you’re worried about the way you look in the bedroom?
Do you feel uncomfortable disrobing for intimacy, or are you stuck wearing a loose fitting granny gown or one of those tiny garter ensembles that push and pinch you in all the wrong places?
You are beautiful and you deserve to wear something that is going to Instantly make you look and feel sexy.
That is why we are partnering with BABE YOU Instant Body-Transforming Lingerie.
They have spent years designing and crafting a full line of glamorous, seductive, PATENTED body-transforming lingerie that gives us an INSTANT hourglass figure for romance.
At BabeYou.com, you can customize your own lingerie outfits to express your individual style and hide your specific problem areas.
It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3!
Step 1) Select your body-transforming base garment…vivacious pink, sexy red, or sultry black!
Step 2) Choose from their matching patented add-on system.
They have dozens sexy teddies, bras, negligees, and wraps to wear on your base garment that help you hide problem areas and accentuate your sleek new hourglass shape!
Step 3) Accessorize with their full line of Hollywood style jewelry, shoes, and accessories.
When things heat up, BABE YOU is uniquely designed to remain on during your more intimate moments… if you know what I mean…ensuring that you feel confident and sexy in the bedroom.
BABE YOU: “‘Cuz Just like the Celebrities, You’re a Babe, too!”
Visit BabeYou.com and use the offer code DATESANDMATES to get 10% off your first order!
Can dating apps be used for advertising?
Erin Gallagher was swiping on Bumble when a picture of her longtime crush, Blink 182 drummer Travis Barker, popped up. It seemed too good to be true but she noticed the blue check verification next to his name, so it had to be him. Erin swiped right and, to her surprise, it was a match.
Erin quickly thought of a clever introduction: “Why am I not surprised that you’re a Scorpio?”
A part of her still assumed it was a fake profile so she went into online detective mode… Then she checked his Instagram feed.
“I’m giving away festival and meet & greet passes through @bumble for our show on Saturday. If you’re in SoCal and want to hit up @backtothebeachfest (& meet me), download @bumble and find me.”
Erin had fallen for an expertly executed promotion. And she didn’t even win the passes.
What happened next? Read the rest of the story here!
Soulmates & Mystical Matchmaking
IS YOUR SOULMATE OUT THERE?
Today on the fourth episode in the Summer Love Series, we are talking about the search for soulmates. Do they exist? How do you know if you’ve found your soulmate?
Marla Martenson, The Mystical Matchmaker, joins Damona to debate these questions. Here’s the rundown:
D’S DATING DISH
Why millennials are into slow love and you should be too
According to Damona’s personal fav, Dr. Helen Fisher, the road to marriage is changing. Damona and Marla Martenson break it down.
Are you guilty of these summer fashion faux pas?
Damona and Marla have thoughts on this list from Plenty of Fish.
It’s Wedding Season!
Damona tests your knowledge on appropriate guest etiquette.
ARE YOU ATTRACTING YOUR SOULMATE?
Everything you need to know about soulmates and how to find them!
You know Damona. She’s a little skeptical about the whole soulmates concept, but we really liked a lot of the thoughts that Marla contributed to the conversation.
Even if your soulmate does exist, are you going to be prepared to receive their love?
From Marla’s perspective, you have to be open to working on yourself in order to attract the love you are looking for. Even if your soulmate is sitting right in front of you, you won’t be able to truly connect with them until you have healed from your past relationship traumas and are ready to love.
How do you heal? Marla has some interesting suggestions on today’s episode! We also talk:
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you don’t want to miss this episode!
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
Fireworks & Creating Chemistry
SUBSCRIBE NOW ON YOUR FAVE PODCAST PLATFORM!
MAKE FIREWORKS WITH YOUR SPECIAL SOMEONE
Today on my third episode in the Summer Love Series, we are making fireworks in honor of 4th of July.
Gina Gutierrez, CEO of Dipsea, an app providing sexy audio storytelling for women by women, joins me to talk about passion and building chemistry!
Buckle up, folks! This is our steamiest episode yet!
D’S DATING DISH
Studies show your partner may not be as smart as you think
According to the latest research, it turns out we consistently overestimate our loved one’s IQs and our own. OUCH.
Chelsea Handler has had a change of heart!
Chelsea Handler recently decided that it isn’t weak to want a relationship. Why this sudden change of heart? Damona and Producer Leah have thoughts.
Signs your date doesn’t want to see you again
In case you have some trouble reading the signs, Damona breaks it down.
How To Build Chemistry
A guide to learning what turns you on!
As an entrepreneur focused on the need for content tailored to women’s specific needs, Gina finds a lot of women need help to figure out what turns them on.
“Inspiration is a really important paradigm or experience,” Gina says. If you need some extra inspiration to get you feeling in the mood, approachable, accessible, sexy content is Gina’s solution to building great chemistry with your special someone.
On today’s episode, we also talk:
Whether you’re single or in a relationship, Gina gives some GREAT tips on how to spice up the chemistry this holiday week!
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
How To Flirt & Improv Games
DIDYA KNOW YOU CAN LEARN TO FLIRT?
Today, on my second episode in the Summer Love Series, I share 5 fun exercises that can improve your flirting game instantly.
If you followed my first TV series, #BlackLove, you might remember that I used improv techniques to teach the women how to flirt. Here’s a peek:
Flirting Coaching with Damona from Damona on Vimeo.
The show just showed the highlights, but on Dates & Mates today, you get the full experience of what a flirting coaching session with me is like.
For today’s demo I’m joined by two experienced improvisers Marquis Olison & Nicky Urban (whose improv group was just on America’s Got Talent last week.) With me, they demonstrate how improv can make flirting fun. I know it sounds CRAZY but I promise if you listen and try out some of the exercises, you flirt game will never be the same.
Here’s the rundown:
Why improv? (2:30)
How men can impress women in today’s world (5:30)
Yes, And (9:00)
What you can learn from Yes, And & How to replicate (12:00)
How to build energy on a date (13:30)
Accepting someone’s reality (17:00)
Mirroring & How to tell if someone is intelligent (18:30)
Embrace The Weird (23:00)
Missing this week’s headlines?
Damona’s got you! Watch for Damona’s IGTV today for this week’s headlines on: All of the Hollywood Heartbreak this week (spoiler alert: lots of Hollywood exes made headlines), learning your dating app score, and how to stand out on dates in big cities.
Master Class: First Dates
SUMMER LOVE
Lovers, it’s the first official week of summer! Welcome to the first official episode of the Dates & Mates Summer Love Series.
The topic this week? First Dates.
First dates are the foundation of every great relationship. The tone and the rules you set at the beginning will follow you into the relationship or squash the potential for one to develop. In this master class, Damona tells you how to plan the perfect first date. Here’s the rundown:
Why are first dates so important? (1:30)
Should I google my date before I go? (2:00)
The Phone Call (4:00)
What should wear on a first date? (8:00)
What’s a good thing to do on a first date? (13:00)
How long should a first date be? (16:00)
7 Date Ideas BETTER THAN A DINNER DATE (21:00)
STILL HAVE QUESTIONS?
Get Damona’s First Date Starter Kit. You get advice on:
Get your First Date Starter Kit at FirstDateStarterKit.Com
Date Lab: First impressions are everything
“Don’t look like a dad,” thought Jeremy Pryor, a 40-year-old mechanical engineer from Woodbridge, as he dressed for his date. But, the father of three then thought, “Don’t look like a kid.” The dates Jeremy has had since his divorce six years ago have taught him that the “first impression is everything.”
Over in Alexandria, his date, Ivana Hampton, 41, also worried about how she was presenting herself, having never had a blind date or even an online date before. She stopped at her mom’s house for a last-minute wardrobe check. “Why are you wearing that?” her mom questioned.
“She thought I should wear a dress, but I wasn’t feeling a dress,” Ivana told me. So she kept the pants and ordered a car to Matchbox in Chinatown, arriving about 15 minutes early for the date.
Wanna find out what happens? Read more here.
Single Dads & Those Who Date Them
EVERYTHING You Need To Know About Dating A Single Dad
In honor of Father’s Day, the Dates & Mates community is celebrating dads everywhere! This week’s episode is all about single dads and those dating them.
Joining me is Dr. Duana Welch, author and coach renowned for using social science to solve relationship issues. addresses the challenges of dating as a single parent. She has 20 years of experience as a professor, and has contributed to NPR, PBS, Psychology Today, and others.
This year she has released her newest book, Love Factually for Single Parents [fusion_builder_container hundred_percent=”yes” overflow=”visible”][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ background_position=”left top” background_color=”” border_size=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing=”yes” background_image=”” background_repeat=”no-repeat” padding=”” margin_top=”0px” margin_bottom=”0px” class=”” id=”” animation_type=”” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_direction=”left” hide_on_mobile=”no” center_content=”no” min_height=”none”][& Those Dating Them], a science-based advice book for people who want to re-partner with kids.
Jonathon Aslay, single dad and America’s leading Midlife Dating Coach, returns to co-host and speak on his own experiences dating with kids after divorce. We discuss blended families, getting over an ex, parenting guilt and also offer tips to someone dating a single dad for the first time.
D’S DATING DISH
Is polyamory becoming more accepted?
Studies show that more people are trending toward polyamory. Damona and Jonathon have thoughts.
Can relationships work if the woman outearns the man?
54% of married American women are the primary breadwinners of today’s households. What does this mean for men?
Is brand new relationship costing you?
The honeymoon phase of your new relationship turns out to actually be pretty pricey. Damona and Jonathon discuss.
DATING A SINGLE DAD
So what is the first step into finding a new happy relationship for single parents?
“Unhooking from your ex,” says Dr. Duana. “There’s a lot of research that shows that most people think that a divorce is going to set them free from the trauma and the fights of the past, but in fact most people carry that trauma and that fighting forward.”
This seems so obvious, but in fact it’s a great reminder from Dr. Duana. Everyone has a past and different landmines that they bring into their new relationship.
For singles entering a relationship with a single parent, this is the most important advice Dr. Duana gives us:
“Don’t be the kids’ parent. Suss out your relationship to them very gradually, letting the biological parent and the children take the lead on what your role can and should be,” Dr. Duana stresses. “If listeners get nothing but that from this whole conversation, they’ve gotten a tremendous amount.”
Dr. Duana shares the scientifically proven way to navigate a relationship with your partner’s kids on this episode. We also talk about so much more:
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
DATING TIP OF THE WEEK
When there are extra people to consider in your relationship (i.e. your partner’s kids, your kids, your partner’s ex, your ex, your partner’s ex-mother-in-law, the list goes on), you can incur a lot of extra stress.
Dr. Duana’s solution? Understand that your relationship is going be a little more difficult, but simply “choose to be happy.”
This works for her own relationship with her second husband of 12 years. “Waiting for life to be perfect is a fool’s errand,” she says, “We’ve decided that messy, and beautiful, and sometimes heartwrenching as it is, we’re staying together and we’re going to be happy anyway.”
“The attitude of being glad to have one another and staying on each other’s team turns out to be a very powerful predictor of who stays together.”[/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]
Race & Dating
MAKE THE FIRST MOVE TODAY!
Many men and women feel invisible in today’s dating climate. Studies show that dating app algorithms can sometimes inadvertently limit dating pools by only showing matches of the same race.
This causes a huge problem for daters who are being left out of these dating pools – primarily Black women and Asian men.
So how do you find the love of your life when you feel constantly rejected?
To break it down, I’m joined this week by ABCs of Attraction founder and the US #1 Asian Dating Coach, JT Tran. Known for his confidence-inspiring methods, JT focuses on helping men overcome stereotypes and internalized racism that may be preventing them from finding love.
JT has taught his approach at many prestigious universities such as Harvard, Yale, and Wharton and now, he drops some SERIOUS knowledge on Dates & Mates!
D’S DATING DISH
Is marriage obsolete?
It’s no secret that marriage is changing. But is marriage even relevant by today’s standards? Damona and JT add their two cents to The Cut’s series on exploring marriage.
Have you broken the girl code?
Plenty of Fish gives us these Unspoken Dating Rules. Damona and JT have thoughts.
Who is Leo DiCaprio dating and why should you care?
This picture shows us that Leo has a very limited age range in which he dates. Why should you care? Damona and JT discuss.
Race & Dating
First, if you feel like you are the last person picked in your dating pool, you need to understand your worth is not tied to what others think of you.
“It’s important to have and be able to generate your own value and self-worth intrinsically inside of you as opposed to finding your worth in other people,” JT says.
Secondly, take it upon yourself to challenge the dating norms around you. JT teaches his clients to get rid of their fear of rejection and make the first move.
Get in the game and make conversations today!
We tell you how to make that first move and talk about so much more on today’s episode:
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
Dear Damona: Beyoncé & The 35 Year Old Virgin
Giving you a little extra LOVE this week!
Today we’re back with another BONUS Dear Damona episode! Last week, I received a few questions from people who are feeling a little extra unlucky in dating, so I dedicated an entire episode to giving the Dates & Mates community a little extra love.
If you’re a 35 Year Old Virgin, will men think there’s something wrong with you? (1:00)
If you’re openly dating a girl and she sees you on another date, is it awkward? (6:30)
If your man doesn’t like Beyoncé, should you drop him or educate him? (9:50)
How do I start dating when people don’t even give me a chance? (13:15)
Let me know if you like this “Dear Damona” Q & A style episode in the reviews!