We’ve got another amazing crossover episode for y’all this week. Damona joins forces with the The Mark Groves Podcast, where the two break down the ways in which dating is a learned skill, not a natural born talent – and more.
This episode originally aired in November of 2020, so the conversation will take you back to that time when covid and racial justice were at the forefront of our minds. And if you’ve been listening to the rest of the Summer Series, you’ll recognize some familiar details about Damona’s origin story.
So if you are ready to maximize your relationship potential, then this crossover Summer Series episode with The Mark Groves Podcast is for YOU!
THE MARK GROVES PODCAST (2:25)
On his podcast, Mark explores the juiciest parts of the human experience and what it’s like to live authentically in the modern world. The Mark Groves Podcast is also one of the top 10 podcasts on relationships in the world.
(8:00) How to use dating apps “properly.”
One of the biggest hurdles Damona has encountered with her clients is that they don’t know how to use dating apps to their fullest potential. A big part of this is knowing how to couple clarity with action. In her sessions, she often prompts her clients to reflect on how they have programmed the app to deliver matches of a certain caliber – AKA we teach the app to give us more of what we’re swiping on. Mark also mentions that we tend to put people into predefined boxes when dating. And although this can be a shortcut to getting closer to our match, it often limits the potential for the matches we COULD have.
Damona continues to dish on the best way to tell your story in your profile photos, including what pics NOT to use.
(25:25) Breaking down our biases through self-work…
Damona shares a bit more about her upbringing, being the daughter of a black woman from Detroit and a Jewish man from Chicago. She explains that it took a lot of self-reflection in order for her to question and break down her own biases about herself and “ideal” beauty standards. Only then was Damona ready to meet her life partner, Seth. Mark and Damona pose the question to listeners – what beliefs are you holding that are keeping you stuck in a place of familiarity?
Damona also breaks down some OkCupid stats surrounding biases on dating apps, and how attraction bias can change based on your upbringing.
**If you want to know more, listen to this episode of The Daily Show Podcast where Damona goes further into the idea of “sexual racism.”
(44:55) No one is born knowing how to date!
With all that we absorb culturally from Rom-Coms and happy endings, we tend to see finding love as something that should come easy. But surprise – dating is a learned skill! A common worry from Damona’s clients is that they “don’t want to waste time” on the wrong people. But you will never waste your time if you learn something from the dating experiences you do have. Mark asserts that “one of the best things you can learn in dating is how to say no faster.”
Mark and Damona continue discussing how people can get trapped in a dating rut by focusing on the quantity of matches vs. the quality of their matches and conversations.
Unsure if your question is right for Dates & Mates? Check out our recent all-Dear Damona episode to get a taste of what our listeners are thinking. 📝