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Attachment Theory & Getting Fauci-ed




ARE YOU DESTINED TO REPEAT RELATIONSHIP HISTORY?

This week on Dates & Mates, we’re exploring the way our relationship history impacts how we connect and find love with Attachment Theory expert, Jennifer Lehr LMFT.

Damona gets a lot of questions about the importance of attachment styles in future relationships and so today we’re getting some more information.

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But first, as always, we’ve got headlines:

DATING DISH

Mo’ money, Mo’ problems?

According to a new study from Magnify Money by Lendingtree, money is still a big point of contention for couples. 74% of partnered millennials and Zoomers report being mad at their partner for financial decisions they have made. Damona’s not so shocked by the results of this study and explains why.

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Fauci-ing – the latest dating trend sweeping the nation

Shout out to Plenty of Fish for coining the best COVID-related dating term: “fauci-ing”. Here’s the best example we’ve seen on the internet to date:

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HISTORY MAKES US WHO WE ARE (10:00)

Today we hear from Jennifer Lehr, a marriage and family therapist who specialized in educating couples on the relationship skills they need to build a solid, connected, and loving partnership.

She gives us some perspective for singles looking to find their forever partner. This interview went deep:

(11:00) Nature or Nurture: What determines a healthy relationship for you?

(13:00) How your relationship with your parents can impact the way you show up in your romantic relationships, too

(18:20) How to prevent your relationship history from repeating itself

TECHNICALLY DATING (36:02)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Lauren IG: What do you do if one person enjoys giving gifts and the other finds it hard to do because they feel they are bad at giving gifts. Like I’m good at being creative with my gifts because they are meaningful however, I notice men struggle because their gifts are always practical
  • Voice note from Jenn: A few weeks ago, you talked about the texting trap, which I totally agree with is an issue and I’ve witnessed it firsthand. And with others, I think it’s even worse during social distance dating right now. So I was wondering if you have any suggestions on talking points for what to do? What to say when you see the trap coming? What I’ve tried so far hasn’t really worked? It seems it’s hard to not make it personal to not take it personally, that kind of thing. So if you have any advice on what to say to hopefully be more successful in that I would appreciate it. Thanks!

THIS EPISODE IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY TEXTNOW 

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We are proud to collaborate with an app that empowers modern daters to feel safe and secure. If you want more information, check out Damona’s video on when to give out your number to people you meet on dating apps. Click here!

 

DATES & MATES DEALS

Download OkCupid today! damonahoffman.com/okcupid

OkCupid is FAMOUS for matching people on what MATTERS MOST to them, from food to the type of relationship they want…to politics. They ask you really thoughtful and provoking questions to get to the heart of who you are and what type of person you’re looking for.

Are you missing out? Download OkCupid today!

 

 

History’s Love Letters

I think a lot about love letters throughout history.

For most of us, it’s really hard to express how we feel about another person. Beyond the “Words of Affirmation” love language, how do you specifically express how much your special someone means to you? Why does it seem like it was so much easier in years past to write the perfect love letter?

Here are a few interesting love letters from history that I found today in Glamour’s “10 Best Love Letters Ever”:

“I can’t say how every time I ever put my arms around you I felt that I was home” –  Ernest Hemingway to Marlene Dietrich

“Since I left you, I have been constantly depressed. My happiness is to be near you. Incessantly I live over in my memory your caresses, your tears, your affectionate solicitude. The charms of the incomparable Joséphine kindle continually a burning and a glowing flame in my heart. When, free from all solicitude, all harassing care, shall I be able to pass all my time with you, having only to love you, and to think only of the happiness of so saying, and of proving it to you?” – Napoleon to Joséphine

“Nothing compares to your hands, nothing like the green-gold of your eyes. My body is filled with you for days and days. You are the mirror of the night. The violent flash of lightning. The dampness of the earth. The hollow of your armpits is my shelter. My fingers touch your blood. All my joy is to feel life spring from your flower-fountain that mine keeps to fill all the paths of my nerves which are yours.” – Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera

“Dearest — my body is simply crazy with wanting you — If you don’t come tomorrow — I don’t see how I can wait for you — I wonder if your body wants mine the way mine wants yours — the kisses — the hotness — the wetness — all melting together — the being held so tight that it hurts — the strangle and the struggle.” – Georgia O’Keeffe to Alfred Stieglitz

“Though still in bed, my thoughts go out to you, my Immortal Beloved, Be calm-love me-today-yesterday-what tearful longings for you-you-you-my life-my all-farewell. Oh continue to love me-never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours.” -Beethoven to his “Immortal Beloved”

Definitely read the rest of the article for some more interesting examples of love letters throughout history!

A few months ago, I was given the opportunity to research a specific group of love letters – ones throughout Jewish history preserved at the YIVO Institute for Jewish Research.

Most people don’t realize that I’m Jewish or think I married into it. But it’s actually a big part of my identity. I was so elated to be selected for the Reboot Fellowship and the American Jewish Historical Society to research love letters and personal stories. Here’s an excerpt from the story about me:

Damona Hoffman, the dating coach, wrote that she initially intended to explore historical love letters for an article or a segment of her podcast, Dates & Mates. But she ended up doing research for a second podcast, about the origin of names. “I was amazed by the number of personal diaries and essays with unbelievable stories that are here and unpublished/not available anywhere else,” she wrote.

If you’re curious about Reboot read the whole article here!