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Cosmo’s AI Advice & Love Languages Lesson

It’s 2024 and AI is here to stay. The question is, how will it impact your dating life? The answer…well, a lot. From photo generators to language models to analyzing past relationships and offering advice, we’re essentially on a collision course with the 2013 Joaquin Phoenix movie, Her. 

But it turns out that the news is not all bad – actually it’s pretty good if you’re willing to give it a listen! 

Cosmopolitan Magazine recently teamed up with Bumble to conduct an AI & Dating Survey, made up of over 5,000 singles and actively dating Gen Z’ers and Millennials ages 18 to 42. 

And here to break down the findings with us today is none other than the Deputy Editor of Cosmopolitan herself, Madeleine Reeves! She will be sharing key data, what we can expect and how to navigate the intersection of technology and love.

But first we have a steamy hot dating dish to serve up for you – New science concludes the love languages are nothing but fluff.


The very sexy Neuroscience News.com says: Debunking love myths. A new look at romance and science challenges the popular five love languages with evidence based research.

The study covers the work of Toronto based researcher, Amy Muse, which puts forward proof that most people like all of the love languages. The work proposes a balanced diet metaphor for expressing love and says that we need diverse and evolving expressions of affection in relationships. Ultimately, the new research says that Doctor Chapman’s measure pits the love languages against each other.

If you’ve read F The Fairy Tale, then you know that Damona has been skeptical of the love languages for some time despite their on-going popularity. She points out that “we are far more complex than any label on a dating app, any hashtag on TikTok, or any simple phrase could sum up.”


Madeleine Reeves is the deputy editor at Cosmopolitan and oversees all the sex, dating, and relationship content for Cosmo. 

With more than a decade of magazine industry experience in editing, writing, and reporting, she now recruits writers, sources, and pitches, and shapes stories and lineups for both the site and the print magazine. She also assigns and edits celebrity profiles, including Cosmo’s cover stories. 

(10:35) What stood out in Cosmopolitan and Bumble’s AI & Dating survey?

Madeleine shared that she was a little surprised to find that the survey results around AI & dating were overwhelmingly positive. “I thought it would be a bit more split as far as people’s eagerness to accept AI into their dating lives.” But she shared these key stats:

  • 71% of people say that they would use AI to help set up their profile
  • 81% say that they would share their whole messaging history with a dating bot coach to give them advice on what to do next
  • 59% say they would rather ask AI than their friends for help choosing a picture for their profile

Damona agrees that AI is going to be better than your friends, but she says a dating coach will always be more helpful than AI. “The difference between what I would say and what Bumble’s tools would say is they’re just going based on swipes, and I’m going based on connection and results.”

(14:48) Make AI your assistant, not your replacement.

Damona often suggests to listeners and clients to think of AI as a tool. “We put so much pressure on them to do all of the work for us, where if we can just use it as a data point of like, oh, well, that’s interesting. Now I know that piece and fill in the rest with our brains and our hearts, then it’s a lot more useful.”

Madeleine says that ended up being the thesis of the AI & Dating survey. “You don’t want to rely on these tools to do it all for you, because you want to use them to show up as authentically yourself, you know? So if you’re getting prompts of, here are some things you can say, you want to be personalizing those even further, using it as a jumping off point, using it as an assistant, and not as a replacement for yourself.”

(18:49) Madeleine’s hope for AI & Dating

Madeleine points out that if you’re online dating without the help of a coach, then you’re kind of just swiping based on how well the other person takes photos, writes quippy answers to prompts, and how well they flirt. She laughs when she says these aren’t the qualities she looks for in a partner, but she means it. Her hope is that it will be a good tool “for folks who maybe aren’t the best at writing a quippy, flirty phrase; that they can turn to these tools to help them do it in a way that feels authentic to them.”


Find Madeleine on Instagram @madeleinefrankreeves, Cosmopolitan on Instagram @Cosmopolitan and check out Cosmo & Bumble’s AI & Dating Study for yourself by visiting: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a46574186/ai-dating/



Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok, or Facebook, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!


IG DM from Anonymous

Hi Damona, I’m a new listener and I’ve really enjoyed your podcast and perspective! 

I’m in my late 20s and until recently I didn’t have a strong desire to be in a relationship. I was never really a boy crazy child or teen. I had crushes but was a shyer kid so didn’t put much into exploring that. In college I got a fair amount of attention but again I didn’t see the point in committing to a relationship because I felt like I had all my needs met with my social relationships. 

Now as an adult something about it feels physically uncomfortable. I know personally that I am so skeptical about people’s intentions and feel like I attract men that think I’m a challenge because I don’t actively seek their attention. I tried once going on a dating app but it felt really inauthentic. 

I’d love to just be set up by a friend but I’ve been told that they don’t think they know anyone good enough for me which is kind but not helpful. What do I do??

Love on the Spectrum & Dating Bounty

Our brains work in very different ways and statistically speaking, you probably know someone who falls under the banner of neurodivergent. You might even be or suspect you are neurodivergent yourself. 

But how does that impact dating? Well, a lot. 

Our guest today discovered later in life that she was on the Autism spectrum and now she makes her living teaching people with Autism now to navigate a world that is not built for them, dating and beyond! That’s right, we are welcoming Jennifer Cook back to the show! 

She’s the autism and dating expert on one of our favorite shows, Love on the Spectrum, and she’s going to tell us what you can expect if you’re dating someone on the spectrum or if you have a hunch that you might be on the spectrum yourself.

Plus she’ll give us really practical exercises for building the skills of dating that you can try at home, even if you’re neurotypical.

But first we have a steamy hot dating dish to serve up for you: Wanted, True Love. Reward, $100,000. 


In a recent New York Times article, a reporter covered the story of two friends who listed dating bounties summing over $100,000. Spoiler alert, one of the men has found love and the couple is raising a child together. But Damona questions if the money would have been better spent on a matchmaker who already has connections to qualified singles.

Regardless, Damona emphasizes the importance of investing in your love life, whether with your time, your money or both. She encourages trying a paid subscription on your favorite dating app in combination with meeting people IRL, through friends and possibly even singles events.


Jennifer Cook is an autism advocate and the on-camera expert for Netflix’s triple award winning Love On The Spectrum US. She is the author of nine best selling books available in eight languages, including the foundational Asperkids and her groundbreaking memoir, Autism In Heels.

(13:06) Identifying Late In Life 

Jennifer didn’t display any of the stereotypical signs of autism in her youth. She was the social chair for her sorority and a cheerleader in college. It wasn’t until after her children were identified to be on the spectrum that she saw the similarities.

“I wasn’t really into Star Wars, but I sure lined up on my Barbies, and I took some great wedding album pictures of them and, you know, it was a different way of playing, a different way of being.”

(21:57) Tanner Would Stand In Front Of You At The Zoo 

Jennifer coaches a participant on the show named Tanner, asking him where he would stand if he took a date to the zoo. He replies that he would stand in front so that he could be a good leader.  Good intention, wrong idea. Jennifer argues that this is Tanner’s interpretation of society’s messaging that a man should lead.

She says it popped up again when it came to communication. Tanner reveals that he felt he had to keep the conversation flowing at all times so as to be a good leader.  Jennifer explains that sometimes it is okay for the conversation to die down, but recommends that in these moments Tanner relieves the pressure by simply saying, “I can’t think of anything else to say right now, but I’m having a good time.”

Damona reminds listeners that oftentimes just naming a feeling can be so disarming to the other person that it allows them to open up again.

(31:28) Friendship Is Like Concentric Circles 

Jennifer talks about an exercise she developed to help explain the levels of intimacy. “A lot of times neurodivergent people who tend to be very warm and very friendly, will misunderstand the idea that if someone is friendly, that they are a friend.” 

So Jennifer created a bullseye out of crepe paper to illustrate the ways that friendship is built in levels. She says, “it was the idea that you can’t literally jump to the center of the room, to a very close bond and relationship, without falling flat on your face.”

Jennifer says the key is reciprocity, time spent, and a balance in both interest and care and empathy. 


Be sure to follow Jennifer on Instagram @JenniferCook_Author and check out “Love On The Spectrum US” on Netflix!



Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok, or Facebook, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!


Email from N

Greetings! I saw you on the Drew Barrymore Show, bought your new book and loved it. I’ve been listening to your podcasts and have a question that I haven’t heard addressed. 

I’m a long time divorced senior in the dating world, using apps to meet guys. Many are widowed. I’m an empathetic and kind person and all of these guys have to tell me the long version of how their wife died and constantly talk about their deceased wife. 

I’ve sometimes waited 6 months and the chatter never changes. I understand they had a long history with her. I’ve joked that I wish I would have met her or how much I feel like I know her, but they don’t get the hint. 

Truthfully, I don’t enjoy hearing all of their cute little stories with what’s her name. It is a way of getting to know him but it must be all he thinks about…..any suggestions?

Couple To Throuple & Dumped Over Dogs

In one of Damona’s recent episodes of The Drew Barrymore show, she chatted with a lovely triad of people called Camp Throuple. They were on to share the realities of being in a polyamorous relationship from living together to sleeping in the same bed. 

So many of you were curious about it, we decided we should explore this a little bit more.

The groundbreaking polyamorous reality dating show, Couple To Throuple, premiered on Peacock February 8th. Now we won’t give any spoilers today, but our guest will share what he’s learned after hosting this unique show and from his own experiences in polyamory. 

That guest is none other than Damona’s friend, the co-host of Access Daily & Access Hollywood and NOW host of Peacock’s revolutionary new series, Couple to Throuple – Scott Evans!

But first the dating dish today might leave you howling…Pawlicy Advisor says People Are Getting Dumped Over Dogs.

Then our Dear Damona question this week is super relatable: Should I pay for upgrades on my dating profile?

All right, friends. Grab a friend, grab two friends, maybe grab a throuple because it’s time to dish!


Pawlicy Advisor says folks are getting dumped over dogs! 

Pawlicy Advisor, a pet insurance marketplace, conducted a survey and found that over half of women would dump their boyfriend if their dog did not like them. In fact, 44% of women feel that their dog is a better judge of character than them, which concerns Damona.

Now here’s where things get very interesting because only 18% of women have pets in their profile. But 71% of women admitted that if a man had a dog in his profile, they would match with him. Damona adds that dating profiles that contain the words travel, music, love, and dog get the most matches and likes on OkCupid. 

It is fascinating to see how people have developed these relationships with their pets that are sort of like surrogate relationships. Damona breaks down the importance of creating space in our lives for a potential partner. “So if you have a dog, certainly show one picture in your dating profile, not multiple, and also no solo shots of your dog, please. That’s not the look.”

Damona shares how you can use your dog as your wingman in this blog post and this Instagram post.


Scott Evans is an Emmy award nominated entertainment journalist. He currently hosts the entertainment news show “Access Hollywood” and the talk show “Access Daily with Mario and Kit”. (Damona gets to do her Dating Dictionary segments with him – here’s the most recent one. And they also did a super fun segment up at Universal Studios in the Love Shack where they were answering dating questions.)

But, You may know Scott as the host of two seasons of NBC’s hit dance competition series “World of Dance,” USA Network’s “America’s Big Deal” and OWN’s first weekly live talk show “OWN Tonight.”

Now, he’s the host of the hit Peacock series Couple to Throuple’

(11:15) Scott’s First Experience with Nonmonogamy

Scott talks about his early days living in New York at a time when he was still exploring his sexuality. He describes the day of his father’s funeral, “And I remember praying that if I were keeping myself back, if I were withholding myself from love… to open me up to it and to make it so obvious that I couldn’t deny it.” 

According to Scott that “love” appeared the very next day. When they discovered that they lived far apart, they decided they would work it out and not allow the distance or other partners to come between them.

(24:13) So You’re Considering Opening Your Relationship

Scott says that if you are considering opening your relationship, it is first important to determine what you are trying to achieve as a couple. “Get very clear on that because if you’re not on the same page, adding someone to your dynamic is not going to magically repair that. Second, I think that you also have to recognize that it’s going to feel just like dating all over again.”

(29:11) Couple to Throuple

Scott describes the show as being about open and clear communication. It’s about what happens when people say I trust you enough to be who and how you are 100% and being able to accept that whatever happens, happens.

“I think so much of our time in a relationship, we’re trying to manage the other person, we’re doing our best to make them be, or hope that they’ll become, or prevent them from doing, that we don’t ever actually allow them to be who they are. And so we mess up the beautiful part.”


Be sure to follow Scott on Instagram @IAmScottEvans and check out Couple To Throuple on Peacock!



Submit your questions on InstagramXTikTok or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • IG message from P

Hi Damona! I am brand new to your work – I just started F the Fairy Tale on audiobook and am wanting to reevaluate & revamp my approach to dating! 

I’m sorry if you address this elsewhere, but would you recommend paying for a dating app like Hinge to access the enhanced filtering and other features?