Tag Archive for: Dateable

Furniture Anniversary & Next Gen Dating

Did you know that the traditional gift for a 17th wedding anniversary is furniture? Damona says it’s perfect timing because she and her wonderful husband Seth are celebrating 17 years of marriage this week and they desperately need a new couch.

Why furniture you might ask? Well, some say it represents the security, comfort and familiarity of a marriage that has lasted almost 20 years. 

Funny enough, Damona compares a successful relationship to a table in her book, F The Fairy Tale. She says, “Think of a relationship like a table. If it’s built with a solid foundation, it can stand for years…You can build a table with only three legs, but it probably won’t last as long as one with four. And what will happen when you put something heavy on it?..”

In the end, a foundation built on the 4 pillars – goals, values, communication and trust – creates the space for a successful relationship future and the ability to overcome challenges. Grab a copy of Damona’s book F The Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story to learn more.

But enough of the past, let’s look ahead to the future. While she has been doing this work for over a decade, Damona still finds herself consumed by curiosity about where dating and relationships are headed. Recently, it dawned on her that the future of dating is sitting in her home, her daughter Addie.

And so, this week, we’re welcoming Damona’s teenage daughter, Addie Hoffman to Dates & Mates. She will be giving a , to give the Gen Z perspective on dating – and it’s surprisingly relatable to daters of all ages. 


But first we have the Dating Dish.


A New York Times article about tells the stories of five couples who married, divorced and then married their ex-spouses again. 

We thought this would be rare, but a study published in the Journal of Divorce and Remarriage estimated the number of people who remarry their ex spouse is actually about 10%.

Damona highlights some of her favorite stories of remarriage and shares some of her top takeaways.


Addie Hoffman is Damona’s 13-year-old daughter. This is Addie’s very first podcast appearance, but you can see her TV debut on America’s Funniest Videos on April 14th, and you’ll probably see her on stage at a comedy show in 10 years!

Addie identifies as cis-het and attends an all girls school.

(13:53) The Dating Life of a Young Gen Z 

At age 13, she is still a little young for dating, but Addie shares that she has some interest and wonders where she might meet future dates. 

Damona asks Addie where her friends have met their dates. “Most people find them in their extracurricular classes, but it’s hard because what if you don’t like anyone that does the sport you do?” 

(15:36) What Addie’s Learned From Damona & Seth

Damona asks Addie what she has learned from her parent’s relationship, so Addie shares a story about the family preparing for an event. It seems laughter is key!

When asked for another lesson, Addie jokes about mutual care. “If I have a partner who can rub my feet, or Theragun my back, we set!”

(18:07) Designing your dating destiny 

Damona says that when she was Addie’s age, she had already been sold the fairy. She recounts how she would write her name next to her crush’s last name. 

Damona asks Addie if she has considered marriage and kids saying that today’s daters don’t have to toe that line. 

Addie replies, “I think I would like to have kids and marriage. That sounds really weird coming out of my mouth. I’ve thought about it, but I’ve never said it.”



Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok, or Facebook, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

In this unique take on Dear Damona, Damona answers questions from Addie and her teenage friends about dating: 

  • If you don’t think a person is a good match for your friend, is it okay to tell them they should break up?
  • How can you tell if someone is attracted to you?
  • How do you break up with someone if you know that you don’t have feelings for them anymore?

Dating With Intention & Taking A Break

Look, we all want to be dateable, but here’s the real question – would you date yourself? 

Before you start your dating journey, ask yourself, do I embody the type of person I am looking for? Because it’s not enough to be an expert dater, the search for your match goes deeper, within. We have to love and know ourselves first, and that takes time. In a fast-paced digital world with DMs and endless swiping, the texting trap and A.I. dating profiles, it can be hard to be intentional about how you’re dating.

But slow love is key to success in long-term relationships and even short-term relationships. And as our guests today say, it’s not about getting to a bunch of second and third dates, but going on dates that make you feel connected or curious, Damona often says.  

Those guests are none other than Julie Krafchick & Yue Xu, the hosts of Dateable! They will be discussing the true meaning of dating intentionally and how some daters may need to reframe their approach.


So you’ve probably heard Damona talk about dating burnout and a recent survey proves the point – statistically speaking.  The Survery Center on American Life released an article titled, “From Swiping To Sexting: The Enduring Gender Divide In American Dating And Relationships,” summarizing it’s recent American Perspectives Survey. 

According to the survey, 42% of participants said they are not currently dating anyone, but they’re open to the possibility. 41% said that they are not interested in dating anyone at the moment at all, and 11% of single Americans said that they are currently dating one person. Only 2% are dating more than one person. 

In the end, Damona suggests intentionality in dating as a solution. She says that by carefully selecting which matches we spend time with and limiting how and when we interact with the apps, can save us a lot of frustration. 

Damona says, “time is your most valuable resource. We’re not getting any more of it and the way you spend it – whether it’s swiping Tinder and being frustrated or showing up to a speed dating event or asking friends for setups, the way you spend your time does matter.”

(13:56) Hosts of the Dateable podcast, Julie Krafchick  & Yue 

This week we’re welcoming app designer and researcher, Julie Krafchick, & former dating coach, Yue Xu. They are active daters turned dating sociologists. Together they help daters challenge the way they think about modern dating so they can design the love life they’ve always wanted.  

They are the creators of Dateable, a podcast, community, and knowledge source for finding love in today’s world. Their work has been featured on CNN, NBC News, MSNBC, BET, and New York Public Radio, amongst others. 

 (15:48) Why is dating so hard today?

Julie and Yue shared their thoughts that dating might seem hard because of the expectations we put on the whole process, such as

  • Wanting our partners to be our best friend, therapist, life partner and fellow yogi.
  • Expecting our partners to always be available.
  • Expecting someone to prove they can before our forever person before we’ve decided we like them

 (18:18) It’s like we’re snacking and we’re full, but we keep on snacking! 

Damona compares today’s constant communication to snacking and the desire to have just a little more. 

Yue says, “Yes! The more we snack, the hungrier we get because we feel like there’s more for us to snack on. We also live in one big echo chamber with social media and the Internet. Everyone’s always echoing each other’s misery when it comes to dating. And misery loves company.”  

(25:14) Is my racket even hitting the ball here? 

Damona asks Yue to share her tennis analogy. After beginning tennis lessons recently, her coach told her one of the biggest mistakes beginners make is taking their eye off the ball. Yue mimics her coach, “Watch it make contact with your racquet before you see where it lands.”

Yue says, “ it’s such a great analogy for how we date today. Before we even assess if there’s a connection, if we truly even like this person, we’re already looking five years ahead.”

Find and follow Yue and Julie on Instagram @DateablePodcast And be sure to check out Dateable the podcast wherever you listen to Dates & Mates!


Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok, or Facebook, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

Text from Anonymous

Hi Damona, do I need to take a break from dating to get my personal life in order?

She says, coming into 2023, I quit a very stressful and draining but decent paying job for two part-time jobs that I later found would each burn me out and set me back financially. Now, in 2024, I, like many educated and capable millennials, am struggling to jump back into the corporate and or otherwise known as safer and more financially secure jobs I’ve been dating.

 And despite my struggle to reposition myself back to a place of financial stability. I recently hit my opinion of a rock bottom. My financial life is a mess, and I’m currently living paycheck-to-paycheck, living at home with my parents, with increasing credit card debt merely to get by. I’m very educated and driven, so I know that this isn’t forever, even though it feels like I’m stuck. I’ve put off love and dating in the past many times to focus on my financial life, and admittedly, it’s never been this low. I desire healthy love and companionship now more than ever in my life. Plus, I’m approaching 30, so I don’t want to get stuck in a loop of not dating at all, which will put me completely out of the game of finding my person.

I know money isn’t everything, but I can’t help feeling like I may have to sit out dating again for a while to make improvements. The last two guys I dated were a bit of a reflection of this type of financial turmoil I’ve been experiencing, and I’m quite  

Should I sacrifice the next six months to a year to become a better me financially, for the type of man I want to attract?