Tag Archive for: advice for the holidays

10 Ways to Ease the Pressure of “Finding Someone” Before the Holidays

The holidays can bring joy, family gatherings, and… pressure. 

Many of us feel the weight of expectations to show up with a partner during this festive season. But why do we feel this way, and how do we shift our perspective? 

Let’s break down some truths to help ease the pressure.

1. Holiday Expectations Aren’t the Rule

Society often paints the holidays as the ultimate “couple” season. Movies, ads, and even social media push this narrative. 

But relationships aren’t seasonal objectives. Let’s remind ourselves that these expectations are external and optional. We don’t need to meet someone else’s timeline.

2. Family Comments Are Not Personal

Aunt Susan asking about your love life at the dinner table isn’t unusual—but it’s not about you. 

Families tend to recycle the same questions, especially when they don’t know what else to say. Their comments don’t define your worth or timeline for finding a partner. 

Change the subject or laugh it off

3. Self-Worth Isn’t Tied to Relationship Status

The holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness, but being single doesn’t mean there’s something “missing.” 

Our value isn’t determined by whether we have a plus-one at the holiday party. It’s determined by how we care for and love ourselves—partner or not.

4. Rushing Into a Relationship Won’t Feel Genuine

Feeling pressured to find someone can lead to forcing connections that might not be right. A meaningful relationship takes time, care, and compatibility. 

Trying to meet artificial deadlines won’t create the foundation for something real. Let’s focus on quality over speed.

5. The Holidays Can Be Fun Without a Partner

The season offers so many opportunities to create joy and connection outside of romance. We can spend time with friends, travel, or start new traditions. 

Being single gives us the freedom to focus on our own needs and celebrate in ways that feel authentic to us.

6. Social Media Isn’t Real Life

Scrolling through perfect couple photos can add to the holiday pressure. But these curated moments don’t capture the full picture.

Everyone has their challenges, whether they’re single or partnered. Let’s avoid comparisons and focus on what truly makes us happy.

7. Setting Personal Goals Feels Empowering

Instead of focusing on relationship timelines, why not use this season to reflect on personal growth? 

From hobbies to career goals, there’s power in working toward our own aspirations. We can welcome the new year feeling accomplished and confident.

8. It’s Okay to Say No to Holiday Gatherings

If the pressure from family or social events feels overwhelming, it’s okay to skip them. We have the right to protect our mental health and create boundaries. 

Staying home with a holiday movie marathon can be just as fulfilling.

9. Relationships Don’t Have an Expiration Date

Let’s remember there’s no “too late” when it comes to love. Finding someone isn’t restricted to a season or age. 

The idea that we need to rush before the holidays—or any other time—is outdated. Love comes in its own season.

10. Kindness Toward Yourself Matters

We often focus on giving to others during the holidays but forget about ourselves.

 Let’s practice self-compassion. Taking time for rest, reflection, and self-care can shift our mindset, helping us feel grounded no matter our relationship status.

Remember This:

The holidays don’t have to be a deadline for finding a partner. Let’s focus on what truly matters—our own happiness and well-being. Whether single, dating or in a relationship, we deserve to enjoy this season on our terms. 

The only timeline that matters is the one we set for ourselves.

12 Unique Holiday Date Ideas That’ll Spark Connection

The holidays are a magical time to connect, share laughs, and create memories. Whether it’s a first date or rekindling old flames, finding unique date ideas can make all the difference. We’ve put together creative, meaningful, and fun holiday experiences to impress and build a genuine bond.

1. Holiday Lights Walk

Bundle up, grab some hot cocoa, and take a stroll through a holiday lights display. Many neighborhoods or city parks transform into winter wonderlands this time of year. Walking side-by-side gives you time to talk, while the festive lights create the perfect atmosphere.

2. Gingerbread House Building

Get hands-on with a little friendly competition. Buy a gingerbread house kit or make your own components if you’re feeling ambitious. Decorating together sparks creativity and allows for plenty of laughs when things don’t go as planned. Bonus: you can enjoy some sweet treats along the way.

3. Holiday Market Stroll

Wander through a local holiday market or craft fair. The cozy booths, festive music, and hot drinks create a cheerful vibe. You can shop for small gifts or trinkets while sharing stories about favorite holiday traditions.

4. Ice Skating Adventure

Whether you’re a seasoned skater or a total beginner, an ice-skating outing is charming and fun. Holding hands while gliding—or wobbling—across the ice naturally builds a connection. Follow it up with warm drinks at a nearby café.

5. Home Movie Night with Holiday Classics

Transform your living room into a holiday theater. Pick classic holiday movies, gather soft blankets, and enjoy popcorn or seasonal snacks. This cozy option lets you relax without the distractions of a crowded theater.

6. Charity Volunteering Together

Spread holiday cheer by giving back. Sign up to serve meals at a shelter, host a toy drive, or pack care packages together. You’ll connect on a deeper level through shared purpose and compassion. Plus, it feels great to help others during the season.

7. Holiday-Themed Escape Room

If you both enjoy puzzles, this is a fun way to test your teamwork. Many escape rooms offer holiday-themed challenges this time of year. Working side-by-side to “escape” gives you insight into how the other person communicates and thinks.

8. Wine Tasting with Seasonal Pairings

Visit a local winery or wine bar offering seasonal tasting menus. Savoring wines paired with holiday snacks or desserts sets the mood. You can chat about your preferences and learn something new together in a relaxed, cozy setting.

9. Christmas Tree Farm Outing

Head to a local Christmas tree farm to pick out a tree (if they need one) or just enjoy the atmosphere. Roam under the evergreens together, sip apple cider, and maybe even snap a photo or two. It’s an easy way to enjoy classic holiday charm.

10. Cooking a Festive Meal Together

Skip the crowded restaurants and plan a holiday cooking night at home. Choose fun, festive recipes—like roasted veggies, spiced cookies, or mulled wine. Cooking together is an intimate way to bond, share laughs over mishaps, and enjoy a homemade meal.

11. Winter Hike with Scenic Views

Not all holiday dates need to be indoors. If you both enjoy nature, bundle up for a winter hike. Many trails are quieter this time of year, and snow-dusted landscapes can feel almost magical. Pack a thermos with warm drinks to share at the summit.

12. Festive DIY Ornament Crafting

Bring out your creative sides by making holiday ornaments together. Whether simple or elaborate, it’s an activity that encourages laughter and teamwork. You’ll leave with mementos you can both cherish, no matter where the relationship leads.

Conclusion

Holiday dates don’t need to be complicated or expensive to be special. By focusing on shared activities, creativity, and the season’s warmth, you’ll leave a lasting impression. Whether skating under twinkling lights or crafting ornaments, these unique holiday ideas go beyond the ordinary and help build genuine connections. Get out there, have fun, and let the holiday magic work its charm.

The Great Dating Power Shift: Who Really Makes the Rules Now?

Dating today looks different than it did just a few decades ago. Gender roles, once rigid and predictable, are now more fluid and open to interpretation. 

As traditional expectations shift, single women aged 20-45 are navigating these evolving dynamics in their search for love. 

Let’s look at how gender roles play out in modern dating and what it means for women stepping into the dating world in an era that values balance and equality.

Are Traditional Gender Roles Still Relevant?

Some of us wonder if traditional gender roles still hold sway in a world that champions individuality. In past decades, men were typically expected to make the first move, pay for dates, and take on the role of the protector. Meanwhile, women were often seen as the nurturers, the ones to be “wooed.”

Fast forward to today, and we’re seeing more of a mixed approach. Many Gen Z daters are grappling with questions like, “Who should pay on the first date?” While some believe men should always foot the bill, others argue for the importance of sharing financial responsibility.

But here’s the truth, as noted in “F the Fairy Tale”: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, dating should feel like a dance, not a tug-of-war. Reevaluate outdated scripts and embrace authenticity in relationships.

The First Move: Who Makes It?

A growing number of women feel empowered to take the lead when it comes to asking someone out. For some, it’s a clear rejection of old-school norms. However, others still appreciate when men initiate—the key is understanding and respecting each person’s individual preferences.

We also see this reflected on dating apps. Bumble initially launched as the app where women make the first move and although they have recently rolled that back and allow anyone to initiate a chat after matching, it caused us to reevaluate antiquated rules about who makes the first move. 

In fact, OkCupid data revealed that conversations lasted twice as long when women messaged first so there are tangible benefits behind shaking up gender rules. Ultimately, what we’re striving for is balance—a dynamic where both partners feel equally valued and invested.

Sharing or Splitting Responsibilities?

The topic of finances in dating often sparks debate. Should men continue paying for most dates, or should we share the cost? Surveys suggest opinions are divided. Some women prefer traditional chivalry and view it as a sign of effort, while others see shared expenses as reflective of an egalitarian partnership.

Cultural expectations influence these choices, too. For example, studies highlight how some Australian women still lean toward traditional dating scripts. Their preference often aligns with broader societal values they grew up with.

In contrast, many women today are financially independent and don’t feel comfortable allowing someone else to always pay. Splitting helps them maintain autonomy and signals respect for mutual effort.

We also hear confusion from LGBTQ daters around bill-splitting. Overall, for daters of all genders, it seems that the fairest thing is for the person who asked to offer to pay or to “go dutch.”

Shifting Expectations Around Masculinity

One of the most intriguing currentdating trends focuses on reimagining masculinity. Articles discuss “open-hearted masculinity,” which redefines male roles in relationships. The focus shifts from dominance to emotional vulnerability, recognizing that closeness and trust build lasting connections.

Women are seeking men who listen, communicate openly, and show emotional awareness. These modern “masculine traits” challenge outdated gender stereotypes, helping couples create healthier dynamics.

Are We Doing Things “Right”?

It’s easy to feel unsure about where we stand when navigating updated relationship dynamics. One partner might prefer traditional gestures, while the other sees them as outdated. This clash of expectations can lead to misunderstandings.

So, how do we navigate these issues? Simple—communication. Talk openly about what makes each of you comfortable. Are thoughtful actions, like opening doors, appreciated or unnecessary? Is it important that one person leads, or does balance feel better? When both partners listen, they’re more likely to find common ground.

The Bottom Line on Gender Roles in Dating

The days of strict gender roles in dating are fading, but that doesn’t mean they’re gone entirely. Instead, modern dating sees a fusion of old and new. Some people still hold on to classic ideas, while others embrace flexibility.

Ultimately, finding love requires authenticity. Be upfront about what feels natural to you. Whether you enjoy chivalry or prefer splitting the check, there’s no wrong way—just what works best in your relationship.

Stop striving for what’s ‘normal.’ Start building the love story that works for you.

Dating is less about conforming to rules and more about creating mutual happiness. Instead of worrying whether you’re doing it “right,” focus on what feels genuine. With communication, respect, and balance, modern relationships can surpass outdated molds—and lead us to meaningful connections.

 

single and sitting around the thanksgiving dinner table being asked if they are single.

Single for the Holidays? Here’s How to Handle Nosy Family Questions

Holidays can be heartwarming—gathered around the table, enjoying laughs, and sharing stories. But for singles, they can also bring relentless questioning.

“Why are you still single?” or “Are you dating anyone?” suddenly become the headliners of family conversations. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone in dreading that annual pressure.

Let’s unpack how to navigate these moments with grace, humor, and confidence.

Understanding Family Dynamics

Whether it’s your chatty aunt or a curious cousin, families love updates. Often, this stems from a genuine concern or love for you.

However, the constant focus on your relationship status can feel isolating if you’re single. Families tend to project their views about milestones—relationships, marriage, kids—onto younger generations.

It’s less about personal attacks and more about their expectations of “what’s next” for you. But that doesn’t make it any easier to sit through.

Common Questions You Might Hear

Here’s a sneak peek at the greatest hits you might hear this holiday season:

  • “Why are you still single?”: Often said as though your relationship status is a puzzle to solve.
  • “Have you tried dating apps?”: As if they’ve cracked modern romance.
  • “Don’t you want kids?”: A question that could not feel more personal.
  • “I know someone perfect for you!”: Cue the awkward blind-date matchmaking.

No matter the intent, these phrases can feel invasive.

The Pressure of Expectations

Family dynamics create moments where expectations rise like an invisible fog.

For singles, there’s often the unspoken assumption that the ultimate life goal is finding a partner. If you’re content in your singlehood, it might feel invalidated by repeated questioning.

The result? Stress, self-doubt, or frustration by the time dessert is served. Understanding this dynamic can help you take a compassionate approach—even as you find strategies to manage the discomfort.

Coping Strategies for Singles

Here are ways to shield your peace when conversations about your singlehood arise.

Prepare Your Responses

Having a response ready makes unexpected questions much less awkward. Use humor, honesty, or even deflection, depending on the mood:

Humor: “I figured I’d save room at the table for extra pie instead of a partner.”

Honest but firm: “I’m happy where I am right now—thanks for asking.”

Playful: “Still single! Any takers here know Prince Harry’s backup cousin?”

Practice these responses ahead of time to deliver them calmly and with a smile.

Shift the Focus

When conversations veer into uncomfortable territory, subtly change the topic. Ask about their hobbies, interests, or holiday plans. It’s easier to dodge questions when you steer the conversation elsewhere. For example:

“Enough about me! How’s your new project going?”

“Speaking of relationships, how did you and Uncle Bob first meet?”

Redirecting the spotlight can take the pressure off you.

Practice Self-Care

Family gatherings can be draining, so prioritize checking in with yourself.

Whether it’s stepping outside for fresh air or finding a quiet corner for a moment to breathe, don’t underestimate the power of small breaks.

If staying overnight, bring comforting items like a book or playlist to unwind.

Self-care also means knowing when to say no—don’t overextend yourself for anyone’s expectations.

Finding Joy in Being Single

The holidays are an excellent time to celebrate where you are in life—single, dating, or otherwise.

Celebrating Independence

Being single means ultimate flexibility. You control your decisions, your time, and how you enjoy the season.

Want to binge a feel-good movie marathon? Go for it. Interested in splurging on a gift for yourself? You deserve it.

Embrace your freedom during the holidays rather than feeling pressured by societal norms.

Creating Your Own Traditions

Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, create traditions that celebrate you.

Cook your favorite festive meal, decorate your space exactly how you want, or host a “Friendsmas” with other singles.

These personalized traditions can make the holiday season feel refreshing and rewarding.

When to Seek Support

If holiday stress feels overwhelming, seeking support can help.

Building a Support Network

Friends and like-minded communities can offer a buffer. Some friends may also struggle with similar family conversations, so lean on each other.

Plan outings or virtual catch-ups between holiday gatherings to decompress and share laughs.

Professional Help

If the pressure and comments about your singlehood feel too heavy, consider speaking with a therapist. They can provide tools to manage stress, set boundaries, or respond to tough conversations.

Find Your Joy!

The holidays aren’t just about family traditions—they’re a reminder to find joy, regardless of your relationship status.

By preparing responses, shifting the focus, and embracing your independence, you can transform uncomfortable moments into opportunities for self-assurance.

Stay confident, surround yourself with supportive people, and enjoy the season exactly as you are: whole, complete, and thriving.

The *Ultimate* Dates & Mates Holiday Gift Guide

THE BEST HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

Some people have a hard time shopping for their significant others during the holiday season. The pressure is on during this crucial time in a relationship. So… this year we’re gifting you with a list of our FAVORITE gift ideas for every occasion.

 

A first rule of thumb: Emotional value always trumps monetary value.  

Get them something that shows you’ve been listening rather than something that shows you waited until the last minute and just plunked down a wad of cash instead of taking the time to choose something that your significant other would specifically want.

I’ve put together this holiday gift guide to help you think through your options if you want to make this holiday special. I’ve made it super easy for you: 

You can either read through my extensive guide to picking the perfect holiday gift OR scroll down to the bottom for my cheat sheet gift guide.

IF YOU WANT TO GET BROKEN UP WITH… 

A one-way ticket to relationship discord is a bad gift. This can be anything from a flat out thoughtless gift, to misconstrued presents, to showing up empty-handed.

Here are a few things to stay away from:

Electronics

From iPods to Kindles to a new microwave, if it’s got a warranty it’s an appliance—not a sign of affection. Anything that plugs in, takes batteries or is powered by the sun, no matter how cool you may think it is will be too impersonal for the first gift-giving exchange in a new relationship.

Jewelry

Dating is not the same as marriage, and even the rules of giving back the ring after divorce are muddy so why get caught up in the big expense of something that may or may not last in the long run? Or even worse, cheap jewelry will just look like you don’t care. 

Diamonds are forever, but a new relationship may not be. Wait until a meaningful anniversary to give something shiny.

Clothing

Unless you’re a successful clothing designer, you’re still learning the style AND SIZE of your new mate. Instead of risking a huge fight about the difference between a petite small and a small small, opt for something a little more tailored to their taste than to their waist.

Novelty Items

Even if Spencer’s Gifts does see a huge influx of customers during the holidays, you don’t have to be one of them. A black-light poster, Snuggie or lava lamp (see No.1) may be cool in your crib, but anything that elicits a laugh may not be quite the reaction you were hoping for.

Sexy Anything

Lingerie, silk boxers, and (heaven forbid) sex toys can and will send the wrong message. Especially when your lady’s friends ask her what she received for the holidays. Save the kinky stuff until you make it to Valentine’s Day.

Nothing

Showing up empty-handed is even worse than showing up with a dildo. Even if you’re two weeks into a relationship, giving something is always better than nothing. So if you’re stumped on what to get and are only coming up with items from this list, at least make sure it’s something, not nothing.

Cards

And I don’t mean playing cards either (which would also make a terrible gift). While the simple act of giving a card is better than the dump-worthy gift of nothing, it’s still not enough. If you have to give a card, make one yourself. Make it meaningful with photos or showcase your artistic side. Rule of thumb: If someone else is quoted is on the card, choose again.

Gift Certificates

Practical, necessary and sometimes thoughtful, gift certificates can be a great gift for co-workers, employees and handymen. For anyone you sleep next to, not so much. If you know where they like to shop get them something from there with a gift receipt, not a blank check to take time out of their day to buy themselves a gift. 

Home Furnishings

Because nothing says “I don’t want to see you anymore” like the gift of a fleece blanket.

Lotion or Soap

Do not be tempted by the Bed, Bath, and Beyond gift basket. Even though the sales lady says women always love it, chances are she already received several from people who don’t really give a crap about her. Try to be the exception.

Also, if someone were to give you the gift of soap, wouldn’t your first thought be, “oh my god, do I smell bad?” Definitely stay away from soap.

Money

You laugh, but it’s been done. Aside from being kind of totally rude, it shows no originality, no emotion and is really, really lame. If you’re so out of your element that you are thinking about resorting to giving the gift of green, it may be time to get some professional help.

BEFORE YOU PICK OUT A GIFT (NOTE: GUYS DEF READ THIS)

Talk and Listen

Many times women think they are dropping hints about what they want for months and weeks before the holiday. Often times men are completely oblivious to these hints.  If you think you may have missed the message, simply try asking what she wants. 

Even if it’s direct, it will show her that you care about her and want to get her something she would like.

What they want most is YOU

Spending quality time with you is one of the most valuable things you can give your lady. Take a moment this holiday season to treat her like the queen she is. Take the reigns in the kitchen and cook for her tonight. Offer a foot massage at the end of a long day. These gestures will mean more than anything that comes in a box.

Let’s not forget the JEWISH HOLIDAYS

If your family is anything like mine, you are planning for Christmas AND Jewish Holidays. It’s always appreciated if you do something to acknowledge every night of Hanukkah, but usually not expected. You have the opportunity to be clever though and build each gift upon the last.  Perhaps you order candy hearts made that spell out a special message across the eight nights. Or give her some chocolate Hanukkah gelt nightly and then give her a guide illustrating how the number of coins corresponds to different gifts of her choice on the eighth evening. You can give her a variety of options and let her decide how she wants to spend her gelt. That will give you points for being cute and creative but also ensure that she gets exactly what she wants.

OKAY NOW HERE’S YOUR CHEAT SHEET!

FOR THE NEW BOO

Regardless of how far along you are in your relationship, from benign dating to almost boyfriend/girlfriend status – get them something for Hanukkah or Christmas. 

You don’t have to overthink this gift and you should probably not spend a lot of money. However, all relationships – even new ones – do warrant some sort of acknowledgment this season.

Here are a few ideas to get you started or spark some inspiration:

Remember that what they want most is to spend time with you. Try giving the gift of an experience!

Groupon has everything from painting classes to concerts to kayaking trips.

Are they obsessed with music? Try a stylish crate for their record collection.

Have they ever mentioned wanting to make time to read more? Try gifting an Audible Membership.

 

FOR YOUR LONG TIME BAE

Sometimes partners can feel taken for granted after a few months or years so this is your time to remind her how special they are to you. 

Again, try the gift of an experience! Do something new to get you out of your routine.

Most ladies love jewelry so if you’re not ready to pop the question (which I don’t usually recommend doing during the holidays) try a lovely necklace instead. The box MUST NOT be misleading to her. There’s nothing worse than thinking you’re getting an engagement ring and ending up with a pair of earrings.

For a guy, try a nice watch. A good watch is a timeless gift. There’s something for every price point.

Whatever you do this season, it’s a good idea to talk about how you like to spend the holidays in advance to make sure you’re on the same page.

And don’t forget to ask them out for New Year’s Eve. There’s a superstition that you’re doing on NYE alludes to what you’ll be doing the rest of your year. So make sure that this New Year’s, the fireworks aren’t only in the sky.

 

 

Surviving The Holidays While Single

A Few Dating Dangers For Singles To Avoid This Holiday Season

Navigating the holidays can be hard when your parents keep asking why you’re still single. Top it all off with dating app fatigue, and Millennials & Gen Zers are ditching dating apps more than ever. But mostly, holiday dating app fatigue comes around due in large part to awkward questions from relatives.

How many times have you heard something on the order of, “Why are you still single” or “when are you going to settle down?” Be prepared for all of the awkward questions because you’re going to get them. 

If you don’t want to talk about why you’re single during the holidays, share all the accomplishments that you want to share instead of focusing on the negative. If all else fails and they just keep asking, tell them some of your bad date stories.

Here are a few tips on handling awkward conversations with relatives:

1. Stay optimistic about dating apps.

Dating apps are the most powerful tool in your dating tool box. If you’re feeling down about dating apps just remember this:

Now more than ever daters are finding love online. But regardless of this shift, people do tend to get down on dating apps around the holidays. Often parents and relatives don’t understand that online dating is the norm now. The latest news may not have helped that…

2. Tell your parents the dating apps aren’t dangerous.

You may have seen in the news that the safety of some of the best dating apps has been called into question. A recent investigation proved that registered sex offenders are finding victims through free dating apps and websites such as Tinder, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish, and more. 

This is terrifying. But, it’s also an opportunity to examine 1) which dating apps you are using and 2) how we are filtering potential dates. 

On episode #287 Dates & Mates, Damona discussed this with Rene Lynch, editor of LA Affairs in the LA Times. They break down this controversy: 

  • If you’re concerned about your safety, certain dating apps automatically use background checks against the sex offender registry – like Match. These are typically paid subscription dating apps that have the resources to filter for dangerous situations.
  • Do some research on your own! Before you meet your date in person:
    • Schedule a pre-date phone call or video chat & make sure that everything checks out.
    • A quick search on all social media platforms can tell you all you need to know about your match.
    • If something feels off to you, follow your intuition.

3. Think about dedicating some extra time to dating.

Damona always encourages daters to be proactive in finding love. And since we’re all on holiday, let’s take advantage of all the free time! A good rule of thumb is to dedicate five hours a week or more to your dating process.

4. If you’re experiencing dating app fatigue, take a break!

We have all been there. Sometimes you get tired of the seemingly endless and monotonous game of swiping. But once you take a step back, you realize that the dating apps are more than just swiping at faces. 

If you’re in a dating rut, make sure you take some time to regroup. As Damona says, it’s better to take a break than to bring the wrong energy into dating.

5. Revisit making IRL connections.

While you’re taking a break from dating apps, make an effort to meet people in real life and be more conscious about the kind of person you are looking for. You can actively search in relevant spaces where you can find potential matches with common interests. 

6. Where’s your match hiding?

If you’re looking for someone that has a professional career, you might want to go downtown at happy hour and chat up the people that work in those office buildings. Or if you’re looking for someone who has a big heart, try attending a charity event and places with people who make philanthropy a part of their lifestyle.

Do you have a dating resolution for next year? Reach out to us on socials (@DamonaHoffman on all platforms). Happy dating!