The Right Time To Find Your Soulmate

This week at Dates & Mates, we’re talking a lot about dating over 30 and the right time to find your soulmate. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: Dating over 30 is no joke. But especially for women dating over 30, there’s a lot of pressure to find a soulmate by a certain age.

I am here to debunk the myth that there is an ideal age for meeting your lifelong partner. In fact, I’m not even sure that soulmates exist… but more on that later.

There is absolutely no specific age to meet your partner, HOWEVER

with my clients I get very specific with life goals (career, kids, etc.) and we work backward from those deadlines. 

If you are dating over 30 and you want to have kids, biologically speaking, you’re ideally going to want to be married by 33 so you can have a few blissful married years before kids. 

You see stories of celebrities having kids into their mid 40s and even 50s but the reality is that it becomes more challenging between 35-40 and downright expensive and frustrating from 40-50.

So unless you have the money to freeze your eggs and stop the ticking hands of reproductive time, your choices need to align with a target of being married before 35. 

Does this differ based on gender? Would you say that the male/female ideal age range sink up? 

But I do like to acknowledge that dating over 30 looks a little different for men than it does for women.

I find that the age range for men to settle down is usually a couple of years older than women yet proportional to the men in his area. 

In major metropolitan cities like LA, NY, and SF, both men and women tend to settle down a little later than in other parts of the country but it’s usually in a similar range to their female counterparts in that location. 

I will actually go into this A LOT more in-depth on next week’s episode of Dates & Mates. There are a bunch of new stats that break down what to expect from dating over 30 in your area. So don’t miss out!

If you leave this blog with one takeaway, I want you to remember that at any age and in any area, you’re going to have to put in the work to connect. 

One of my taglines is “Date Like It’s Your Job.” 

You can date by chance and hope you connect with your dream partner or you can date strategically and find someone who is an ideal match for you. I would rather do a little work to get a better result. I also find that the single women over 30 I coach are very successful in their careers – in part because they have given it all of their attention. 

I teach women how to use the skills that have made them professionally successful (analytics, strategy, networking, training, mentorship, determination) to be just as successful in love.

Now, I know I’ve been talking a lot about soulmates, but I’m just going to give it to you straight. 

Soulmates don’t exist.

Don’t panic! I’m just telling you what I’ve observed in my 15 years as a dating coach. Many times, a single woman over 30’s quest for the perfect soulmate causes her to leave a lot of amazing men on the sidelines. 

There are many possible compatible partners out there. 

For my clients, I find that it’s far less daunting to consider that you’re not looking for a needle in a haystack.

It’s more like you’re looking for a cute outfit on the clothing rack. You have to try on a few options but if you want to take something home, you will find a good fit if you just spend a little time figuring out what works. 

I say this having been happily and passionately married to a compatible partner for 10 years. So I do believe this philosophy can lead to deep love.

Do you think there is such a thing as a “forever person” or do you think it’s more realistic to approach relationships as more of an uncertain thing that can change as the people involved change?

I believe that relationships should always be changing and evolving – just as people change and evolve throughout your lifetime. You might find that as you grow, your relationship either grows with you or away from you. I hope for all of my clients that they find a forever person. 

However, I think every relationship has its merits in helping you learn and grow as a person and if you come to a place where the relationship becomes more work than it brings you joy, that might have been the right relationship for a phase in your life but not forever.

If you’re dating over 30 and you’re feeling the pressure to find love fast, hopefully this was helpful. Remember, you can always DM me your dating questions on all the socials (@DamonaHoffman) or if you just need some dating confidence I’m always here for you.

xoxo Happy Dating!

Here are a few other resources from this week you might want to check out:

WHOREible Decisions : Dating apps can be brutal. Check out this HILARIOUS interview I did with Mandii if you need a little refresher on how to make the apps work for you!!

The Dating Advice Girl : Does your mom give the worst dating advice? She might. The Dating Advice Girl and I analyze dating advice from the 50s and tell you exactly what is wrong!

PepsiCo Jobs’ Podcast, UNEXPECTED PROFESSOR : Just like I said above – Date like it’s your job. And actually you can use dating tips to level up your professional networking game. Trust me, this absolutely works. 

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