You Are Your Own Magic Wand

Do you feel like you didn’t get dealt the right cards when it comes to love? Maybe your family dynamics, personal history, or past relationships have shaped your path in ways that feel hard to break free from. You’ve done the work therapy, journaling, and mindset shifts, but still feel stuck.

This week on Dates & Mates, New York Times bestselling author and transformational teacher Laura Day joins the show to share how we can begin to shift those long-held patterns and reconnect with our power in love.

Later in the episode, Damona answers a listener’s question about being too picky in dating and how to tell the difference between honoring your standards and blocking your own connection.

(2:06) The Intuition Architect

Laura Day has spent the past four decades helping people sharpen their intuition and transform their lives—from high-profile celebrities to everyday people navigating big transitions. She’s the author of seven books, including Practical Intuition, The Circle, and her newest: The Prism: Seven Steps to Heal Your Past and Transform Your Future.

While she’s long been known for her work in intuitive development, Laura says The Prism came from somewhere more personal.

“This process was what allowed me not only to find a wholeness in myself,” she says, “but also to create what I wanted in my life.”

The book distills her life’s work into a seven-step structure that helps you identify which part of your inner system is driving your decisions—and how to work with it, not against it.

(12:44) Don’t Mistake Familiar for Safe

Let’s talk about patterns. You think you’re making different choices. But the results keep looking strangely similar. It’s not a coincidence.

According to Laura, many of us are wired to recreate the emotional experiences we had early in life, even the painful ones, because that’s what our nervous system knows how to process. Without realizing it, we’re attracted to what’s familiar, not necessarily what’s healthy.

The key is interrupting that loop with new behaviors and new awareness. And no, it does not require perfection or a total overhaul. Just one conscious shift at a time.

(19:47) The “No New Damage” Rule

Ever leave a date feeling off, even when everything “looked good on paper”? Or walk away from a friend hang feeling emotionally hungover?

Laura’s simple but powerful rule: No New Damage

If a person, habit, or dynamic starts eroding your peace, your progress, or your sense of self, pause. Reassess.

“Is your sleep better? Your job going smoother? Are you more emotionally regulated?” Laura asks. “If not, the relationship might be doing harm even if it looks good on paper.”

No new damage doesn’t mean avoiding discomfort. It means protecting your nervous system from relationships that feel more like regression than growth.

(27:22) Your Red Flags Might Not Be Universal

There is a moment in the conversation where Damona and Laura reflect on the lists we make when dating, green flags, red flags, must-haves, dealbreakers, and how rigid those checklists can become.

Laura challenges the idea that love should follow a fixed formula. What one person needs to feel safe or supported might not apply to someone else.

The episode explores how our “non-negotiables” are often built from pain, not clarity, and how real connection happens when we move beyond generalized rules and start tuning into what feels nourishing and sustainable for us as individuals.

(32:18) Rewire, Don’t Rewrite

Change does not have to come from understanding every piece of your past. Sometimes it begins with doing just one thing differently in the present.

Laura shares examples from her own life and relationship, including how she gradually shifted the way she showed up to be more aligned with the kind of love she wanted to co-create.

“There are a lot of great loves out there,” she says. “But what makes someone your person is that you choose them, and you build the structure of love together.”

This episode is not about waiting for fate or finding the perfect partner. It is about stepping into your own power, one choice at a time.

Connect with Laura Day
Website: https://lauraday.com/
Instagram: @lauradayintuit
Book: The Prism: Seven Steps to Heal Your Past and Transform Your Future

(58:11) Dear Damona: Too Picky or Just Discerning?

A listener writes:
“I always thought I’d be married by now, but here I am at 39, still single. I’ve dated great people, but something always felt off. So I kept holding out for the one. Now I’m wondering… was I being too picky, or was I just protecting myself from settling?”

In this week’s Dear Damona, we explore the real difference between high standards and emotional self-sabotage—and why the “spark” might not be the signal you think it is.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

 

Dating Isn’t Broken — But the Fairy Tale Might Be

Dating takes guts—vulnerability, risk, and putting yourself out there—and lately, it’s been feeling a lot.

Between fairy tale myths and the post-lockdown social weirdness, it’s no wonder so many of us feel stuck or just straight-up over it. Swiping feels safer than saying hi, texting is easier than talking, and ghosting? Yeah, it stings.

But here’s the good news: your love story is still yours to write.

This week, TED speaker, podcast host, and modern love expert Francesca Hogi joins me to talk about ditching outdated fairy tales and building real-deal connections. Plus, we tackle a juicy Dear Damona & Dear Franny question: “Dating apps keep feeding me the same old matches. How do I meet someone IRL?”

Take a breath—today’s episode is all about rewriting the rules and stepping into the dating life you actually deserve.

(2:06) Meet Your Dating Reality Check: Francesca Hogi

You might know Francesca Hogi as the host of the Dear Franny podcast, a TED speaker, or the survivor who once literally competed for love on national TV. But today, she’s here wearing another crown: expert guide in tearing down outdated myths about love.

Franny has been featured everywhere from The Today Show to The New York Times, and her new book How to Find True Love is all about giving you the tools to stop chasing fairy tales and start building the real thing.

When she’s not dismantling the “fairy tale industrial complex,” she’s teaching singles how to step back into their power, trust themselves again, and find true love on their own terms.

(2:11) Why Your Love Life Feels Stuck And What Fairy Tales Have to Do With It

From Cinderella to rom-coms, we’ve been sold a very specific idea of what love is supposed to look like: effortless, instantaneous, magical. Francesca calls it the “fairy tale industrial complex,” a billion-dollar business that profits off keeping us chasing a fantasy.

But the truth? Real love doesn’t happen to you. It’s something you build, with trust, respect, and emotional safety at the center.

Franny explains, “When you meet someone, you’re not just admiring their traits, you’re co-creating a whole new relationship. That’s what you actually live inside of.”

(5:00) Are You Dating or Just Swiping?

Sure, dating apps started as a tool. But somewhere along the way, they became a crutch.

Today, many of us feel safer sending a text than making eye contact across a room. Rejection stings less when it’s a silent unmatch rather than a face-to-face conversation. But that “safety” might actually be costing us the very thing we want most: a real connection.

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the swipe-scroll-ghost spiral, this part of the episode will hit close to home and offer a way out you might not have considered yet

(12:13) The Self-Love Formula No One Taught You in School

You’ve heard “love yourself first” a million times. But Francesca actually shows you how to do it in a way that’s tangible, empowering, and actionable.

Self-love isn’t about thinking you’re the best person in the room. It’s about treating yourself with the same respect, compassion, and care you wish to receive from others.

As Franny puts it, “You’re not waiting to wake up one day magically feeling worthy. You create that feeling through action, one decision at a time.”

(22:29) How to Meet Cute (Without Feeling Weird About It)

What if every time you stepped outside, you believed something amazing could happen?

Francesca introduces the “Meet Cute Mindset” — a simple but powerful way to move through the world with openness and intention. It’s not about forcing conversations or awkwardly flirting with strangers. It’s about reminding yourself that connection is always possible… if you’re willing to be present enough to notice it.

Spoiler: there’s a cheeky million-dollar thought experiment that might just change how you walk through your local coffee shop tomorrow.

Connect with Francesca:

• Francesca’s book: How to Find True Love: Unlock Your Romantic Flow and Create Lasting Relationships
• @DearFranny on all social media platforms
• Dear Franny Podcast

(38:01) Dear Damona & Dear Franny: Dating Feels Like It’s on Pause

This week’s question comes from Sheryl on Instagram, who shares:

“I use dating apps but remain open to connection when I am out and about. Still, I haven’t met anyone IRL, and my dating apps seem to be repeating candidates I already turned down. My love life feels like it’s on pause. How can I turn it back on?”

If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in a loop, seeing the same faces and feeling like real connection is out of reach, this part of the episode will feel like a deep exhale. It’s about shifting from passive hope to active creation and building the kind of dating life you actually want to be living.

Hint: It’s less about chasing outcomes and more about practicing openness, curiosity, and confidence one conversation at a time.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

 

The Singles Tax: Is Moving In Together About Love or Money?

Have you ever noticed that life just seems a little bit more expensive when you’re living solo? If you’ve felt the pinch of paying full rent, utilities, and groceries without someone to split the costs, you’re not imagining things.

This week we dive into a topic that hits daters right in the wallet: the singles tax. Whether it’s splitting the rent, closing costs, or that pesky electric bill, having someone to share the financial burdens of life can really take the load off.

But while moving in together often seems like a relationship milestone, is it always the right decision?

And then later in Dear Damona, we address this question of the week: New relationship. Yay! Long distance. Oh boy. Advice for making it work?

(2:23) Living Solo Is Costing You HOW Much?!

Meet Amanda Pendleton, an Emmy Award winning storyteller and television personality who serves as Zillow’s home trends expert. Her practical, data-driven advice on real estate and design has been featured on Today, Real Simple, Glamour, Forbes, NBC, ABC, CBS, and Fox around the country.

“This is the premium that you pay in order to live alone, to live single,” Amanda explains. “And it’s a lot.”

The difference between splitting costs with a partner versus paying solo is eye-opening, especially in major cities. But is saving money enough of a reason to give up your sacred thermostat control?

(8:22) Moving In Together? Ask These Questions First!

Before moving in together, every couple should consider the complete picture, not just the financial benefits.

Damona discusses her “Who, What, When, Where, Why” framework for cohabitation. 

Amanda emphasizes having a written cohabitation agreement: “It is so important to have some kind of written cohabitation agreement before you enter this situation.”

(15:10) Why Your Rent Keeps Skyrocketing (It’s Not Just You)

The pressure to cohabitate has increased dramatically due to the housing market. Rental rates for single-family homes have increased significantly from pre-pandemic numbers!

This supply-demand mismatch has created an affordability crisis that makes the “singles tax” even more painful for solo dwellers. We explore what factors are driving these changes and how they’re affecting dating decisions.

(21:08) When Your Credit Score Becomes a Dating Issue

We often talk about emotional compatibility, shared interests, and chemistry, but what about financial compatibility?

Damona explores with Amanda how money conversations can pressure-test your relationship in valuable ways. Does one partner have excellent credit while the other struggles with debt? How will that impact your future housing options together?

These financial compatibility factors might not be romantic, but they’re crucial to address before signing a lease or mortgage together.

(24:26) Buy a House, Find a Spouse?

Amanda shares some surprising Zillow research: “We did a study last year, and it found that more than 2 in 5 recent home buyers say that they fell in love after they bought a home.”

This challenges the traditional “love, marriage, homeownership” sequence many of us grew up expecting. Could buying property actually improve your dating prospects? The discussion reveals what this means for singles hesitant to make major life moves without a partner.

Connect with Amanda on Zillow.com

(32:09) Dear Damona: Long Distance Love Without the Stress

A listener asks: “Do you have any advice on newly dating someone long distance?”

Long distance relationships require intentionality and planning.  Our advice includes having “the future” conversation earlier than you might in a local relationship, since you need to know if relocation is even possible. 

Creating meaningful virtual dates keeps your connection strong, while making sure some of your time together includes normal, everyday experiences helps build a realistic foundation.

With the right approach and the four pillars of compatibility, distance doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

 

Do dating apps have you feeling exhausted? Tired of matches who never read your profile? This week’s all-Dear-Damona episode tackles your biggest dating frustrations with straight-to-the-point advice.

From outdated “men should chase” myths to those frustrating matches who never read your profile, we tackled the dating dilemmas keeping you up at night.

Whether you’re dusting off your dating apps, stepping back into the social scene, or just trying to figure out if that celebrity DM is legit (spoiler: it’s probably not) we’ve got you covered.

(00:57) Hot Topics on the Dating Agenda

This week’s listener questions covered everything from making the first move to spotting sophisticated romance scams, proving once again that sharing our dating struggles helps everyone navigate this wild journey together.

• Should women ever make the first move?
• How to handle matches who never read your dating profile
• Finding partners who’ve done their own personal growth work
• Determining if that celebrity sliding into your DMs is legit or a scam

Spoiler alert: one of these situations could cost you more than just your heart!

(01:53) Is “Men Should Chase” Just an Outdated Myth?

“What year is it? It’s 2025, right? I was just checking because I wanted to remind you that we do not live in the olden times,” Damona quipped when Angela called wondering if women making the first move has “psychological consequences.”

Angela’s heard all about how “men are programmed to chase women,” but the men pursuing her aren’t the ones she’s interested in.

This outdated notion belongs in the history books alongside other dating myths that are holding you back from finding genuine connection.

(10:58) When Your Dating Profile Goes Unread

Spent hours crafting the perfect dating profile only to have matches immediately ask questions you’ve already answered? Brigid’s frustration might mirror your own!

We tackled why this happens so frequently and shared a refreshing perspective that might change how you respond. 

After all, dating apps are a numbers game – but that doesn’t mean you can’t play to win!

(20:41) Finding Partners Who’ve Done the Inner Work

After investing in therapy and personal development, Karina wonders if looking for men who’ve done similar work makes her “unicorn hunting.”

Turns out, the stats on men in therapy might surprise you! 

We crunched the numbers and discovered an eye-opening reality about the dating pool when it comes to emotional intelligence and personal growth.

(28:45) Is That Celebrity DMing You? Probably Not.

“Jane, you sound like a very logical person with a good heart who really just wants to be loved,” Damona shared with a listener caught in what had all the warning signs of a sophisticated romance scam.

When someone claiming to be a famous singer-songwriter contacts you through an “unverified fan account,” should you believe it? 

We unpacked the red flags that everyone should know about – especially when gift card requests enter the picture!

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

Is Finding Love Different in 2025? (The Answer Might Surprise You)

Between crafting the perfect text response, managing multiple dating app profiles, and dealing with unexpected ghosting, modern dating can feel like a full-time job. But is finding love actually harder today, or is it just a different game that needs new rules?

In this week’s episode of Dates & Mates, relationship expert Johnny Fernandez brings two decades of love-coaching wisdom to challenge everything you thought you knew about modern dating.

As the creator of Love Breakthrough Live, Johnny’s unconventional approach has helped thousands find lasting love – and his take on today’s dating landscape might just change your entire perspective.

(2:20) This Former Lawyer Cracked the Love Code

When Johnny Fernandez’s wife kept extending her chiropractic appointments to give dating advice, they discovered something revolutionary about modern love. 

Now, after 20 years of helping thousands find lasting relationships, their unconventional approach is challenging everything we thought we knew about dating. 

Johnny shares how their accidental start in love coaching unveiled patterns of success that anyone can follow.

(6:21) The Dating Pool Paradox

Could having more dating options actually be the solution rather than the problem? Johnny breaks down fascinating research about modern dating challenges while revealing why today’s expanded opportunities might be your greatest advantage.

Learn how successful couples are leveraging choice to create stronger connections, and why the “good old days” of dating might not have been as golden as we think.

(14:04) Why “Playing It Cool” Is Killing Your Love Life

Tired of trying to seem unbothered? Johnny introduces a refreshing framework for authenticity in dating that’s helping singles stand out for all the right reasons.

Is traditional dating advice about keeping your cards close to your chest sabotaging your chances at real connection? Learn Johnny’s proven strategies his clients use to attract partners who are ready for something real.

(21:53) The One Phrase That Changes Everything

Johnny shares the exact words that help his clients filter out casual daters and attract serious partners from the first interaction. 

Certain types of dates might be undermining your relationship potential! How can you communicate your standards without pushing quality partners away? Plus, discover the psychology behind why this approach works with today’s dating dynamics.

(27:15) The Career Success Dating Trap

Think your impressive resume is attracting the right partners?

Johnny presents compelling evidence about how modern achievement culture impacts our love lives.

Learn why leading with your professional success might be sending unintended signals, and discover how to showcase your accomplishments while creating genuine emotional connections.

Connect with Johnny:

• Experience Love Breakthrough Live events
• Follow @JohnnyandLara on Instagram

(30:57) Dear Damona: When Distance Tests Your Heart

Damona addresses a 70-year-old listener contemplating a cross-country move for love, offering practical guidance on maintaining standards while navigating geographical challenges. 

Plus, she shares valuable insights for managing dating confidence while dealing with personal health situations that affect intimacy.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner! Whether you’re feeling the love or dodging Cupid’s arrow, we’ve got something special for you.

In this episode, we’re celebrating all things love and dating with a fun twist – testing our knowledge with Tinder Trivia! Professional matchmaker and Tinder’s resident relationship expert Devyn Simone steps into the hot seat to challenge conventional dating wisdom and reveal surprising truths about finding love in the digital age.

Plus, we’ve got a special “Dear Damona & Dear Devyn” segment with two burning questions from our listeners about ghosting and dating app dynamics.

(41:04) Tinder’s Go-TO Guru Who Found Love on an App (Twice)

For anyone wondering whether dating apps actually work, Devyn Simone brings proof positive – complete with a ring! 

This powerhouse matchmaker and dating expert has gone from sharing wisdom on Good Morning America and The Today Show to co-hosting “Love at First Swipe” on TLC with Clinton Kelly.

Now, as Tinder’s resident relationship expert, she’s pulling back the curtain on what really works in modern dating. Her own success story was so compelling it earned a spotlight in Damona’s book “F the Fairy Tale”!

Game On: Tinder Trivia Reveals Surprising Dating Truths (9:08) 

The game kicks off with a challenge that catches everyone off guard: Which day sees the most activity on dating apps? 

As Devyn puts the question to the test, the conversation explores how timing can make all the difference in your dating app success. From peak usage hours to the psychology behind why certain days lead to more matches, this segment uncovers data-driven insights that most users never consider.

Myth-Busting: What Singles Really Want (15:38)

Think most people on dating apps are just looking for casual connections? Think again. 

The trivia continues with shocking statistics about what men and women are actually seeking on Tinder. The numbers tell a completely different story than what most people assume, leading to an eye-opening discussion about how these misconceptions affect dating behavior. 

Devyn shares real stories from her years of matchmaking experience that challenge everything singles think they know about dating app culture, while revealing how these insights can lead to more authentic connections.

The Profile Photo Strategy No One Talks About (30:36)

The next round of trivia dives into the science of profile photos, revealing exactly how long successful daters spend selecting their images. 

This sparks a fascinating conversation about the psychology behind profile photos and how Tinder’s new AI-powered tools are changing the game. The discussion explores common photo mistakes that might be sabotaging potential matches, along with practical strategies for showcasing authenticity in a digital world.

The Dating Feature That Can Expand Your Matches (42:49) 

The final trivia round unveils Tinder’s most powerful yet underutilized feature for expanding dating possibilities. 

This revelation leads to an in-depth exploration of how geography affects dating success and why thinking outside your zip code might be the key to finding meaningful connections. We challenge traditional assumptions about distance and dating, offering fresh perspectives on how to expand your dating pool without compromising on what matters most.

Connect with Devyn:

• Instagram: @DevynSimone
• Website: DevynSimone.com

(41:04) Dear Damona & Dear Devyn

• When “Let’s Meet Up” Comes Too Soon

Siggy asks: “How do you suggest handling men on apps who seem to just want to set up a date from the onset before even exchanging any texts? Video chat requests seem to make them disappear.” 

Our experts break down why this behavior is actually a gift in disguise and share strategies for maintaining your standards while efficiently screening potential matches.

• Why Do the “Good Ones” Keep Disappearing?

B writes: “Why is it that when I feel like I meet a quality guy and we connect, they ghost me or it doesn’t lead anywhere? Could I be coming on too strong with my excitement?” 

Devyn and Damona explore the psychology behind this common pattern, offering insights on attachment styles, emotional availability, and how to maintain enthusiasm while protecting your energy.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!