9 Quick Ways to Spring Clean Your Dating Profile

Online dating is much like any other aspect of life—it benefits from regular maintenance. If you’ve been swiping with no success or your matches feel stale, it’s probably time to refresh your profile. 

Think of it as spring cleaning for your online dating presence. With a few strategic updates based on proven methods, you can make your profile more engaging, approachable, and reflective of who you truly are.

Below, we’ll break down expert steps to give your dating profile the boost it needs.

1. Evaluate Your Current Profile

Before making changes, evaluate what’s already there. Is your profile still accurate? Are the photos and bio reflective of your current self?

  • Identify Your App Type: Did you know that there are  four types of dating apps? Legacy (like Match or OkCupid), Swipe (Tinder, Bumble), Curated (Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony), and Niche ( JDate or Loosid). Different app types work better for different dating styles, so choose what fits your approach.

  • Analyze Engagement: Review how your profile has performed recently. Are you getting likes, matches, or meaningful messages? If those numbers are lower than you’d like, it might be time for a revamp.

  • Ask for Feedback: Friends, especially those who’ve had success with dating apps, can provide valuable insight. A fresh set of eyes will catch details you might overlook.

2. Refresh Your Photos Using “The Three Cs”

Your pictures are the first thing potential matches notice—don’t underestimate their power. The expert “Three Cs” approach can transform your photo lineup:

  • Color: Wear bold colors to stand out in a sea of profiles. Research shows that red particularly increases perceived attractiveness, especially for women. But any color will stand out from an endless swipe of Little Black Dresses. A vibrant background can also draw attention if you’re not into wearing bold clothing

  • Context: Show yourself in environments that tell a story about your life. If you love hiking, include a trail photo. If you’re a foodie, share a dining experience. These visual cues spark conversation better than words.

  • Character: Reveal your personality through your expressions and activities. Include at least one photo that shows your unique spirit or sense of humor.

Remember: “Your profile is only as good as your worst photo,” and the order matters. Lead with your strongest image, and absolutely avoid filters—they signal inauthenticity.

3. Rewrite Your Bio Through Storytelling

Your bio is your sales pitch. Storytelling beats listing traits every time.

  • Trade Lists for Stories: Instead of writing “I love hiking, movies, and cooking,” share a mini-story like “My dad taught me to say hello to strangers and clap at airplane landings. I blush when someone opens my door, cry at romantic movies, and make the best Thanksgiving pumpkin pie.”

  • Use Passion Words: Swap boring words (like, enjoy, nice, fun, great) for passion words (love, exciting, explore, fascinating, driven, thrilling, compelling). These evoke stronger emotional responses.

  • Include Elements That Connect: It’s recommended that you focus on three key bio elements:

    • Nostalgia: Share positive memories that create an immediate connection
    • Values: Demonstrate what matters to you through stories, not statements
    • Humility: Show self-awareness and the ability to laugh at yourself
  • Include a Conversation Starter: Add something that makes it easy for matches to message you about.

4. Highlight Your Interests with Keywords

Your profile should paint a complete picture of who you are. Interests and hobbies are perfect connection points with like-minded matches.

  • Use Keyword Strategy: Searching profiles for keywords (like “motorcycle” or “travel”) often yields better matches than relying on the app’s algorithm. Include specific keywords related to your passions to make yourself findable.

  • Focus on What Makes You Feel Alive: Share activities that you would describe with passion words. Research shows mentions of travel, dogs, or music tend to get the most engagement because people speak passionately about these topics.

  • Create Vivid Images: Instead of simply stating “I love music,” write something like “Friday nights in my childhood home were filled with Aretha Franklin records and endless games of Spades” to paint a picture of your experience.

  • Be Authentic: Don’t list interests that don’t truly excite you. Authenticity attracts people who’ll connect with the real you.

5. Revisit Your Match Preferences

Sometimes, your dating preferences might be too narrow: ” death by dating deal breaker.”

  • Do the Dating Math: Each requirement dramatically reduces your pool of potential matches. For example, requiring someone over 6 feet tall immediately eliminates about 85% of men. Being too selective across multiple criteria can mathematically eliminate everyone!

  • Focus on Deal Breakers vs. Must-Haves: Have just ONE true deal breaker and only THREE must-haves. This keeps your options open while still honoring your core needs.

  • Evaluate Your Filtering: Are you filtering for traits that actually predict compatibility? Reconsider superficial criteria in favor of values alignment and shared goals.

  • Be Open to Surprises: Many successful matches come from expanding beyond rigid “types.”

6. Double-Check for Grammar and Clarity

A profile full of typos or unclear statements sends the wrong message. Your written content should be polished and easy to understand.

  • Proofread Thoroughly: Read your bio carefully to ensure there are no spelling errors, grammatical mistakes, or awkward phrasing.

  • Keep It Concise: Avoid lengthy paragraphs. Aim for short, impactful sentences that get your point across.

  • Consider AI Assistance: Use AI text generators to help craft profiles as long as the information remains authentic to you. If you struggle with writing, this tool can help you find the right words.

  • Read It Aloud: Hearing your profile read out loud helps you catch anything that sounds off or unnatural.

7. Protect Your Privacy

Sharing too much personal information can put you at risk. It’s important to balance openness with safety.

  • Get a Dating Burner Phone: Safety experts recommend using a secondary phone number for dating contacts. One easy way to do this is by utilizing Google Voice. Avoid giving out your personal phone number

  • Limit Personal Details: Avoid including your last name, address, or workplace in your profile. It’s enough to share your general city or profession.

  • Set Boundaries: Think about what you’re comfortable sharing with matches upfront versus what can wait until you’ve built trust.

  • Trust Your Gut: If a match behaves suspiciously, report their profile through the app’s safety features. Your well-being always comes first.

8. Revamp Your Messaging Approach

Even the best profile won’t lead to meaningful connections if you’re not engaging with your matches thoughtfully. Try these specific communication strategies:

  • Use the Callback Technique: Reference something previously discussed to reinvigorating text threads that have gone quiet. For example, if a match mentioned a restaurant they love, send a picture when you walk by it with “This made me think of you!”

  • Remember Texting is for Information, Not Conversation: Save deeper conversations for in-person meetings. Use texting primarily to coordinate and build light rapport.

  • Craft Better Openers: Ditch “Hey” or “What’s up?” Instead, reference something in their bio or photos that genuinely interests you.

9. Explore Features on Dating Apps

Most apps have tools that can increase your chances of finding matches—use them to your advantage.

  • Leverage Keyword Searches: On apps like OkCupid that allow searching profiles for keywords, use this feature to find matches with shared specific interests rather than relying solely on the algorithm.

  • Answer Prompts Thoughtfully: Choose prompts that highlight your personality, creativity, or humor. Make responses specific rather than generic.

  • Consider Paying for Premium: While not necessary, premium features can sometimes give you insights into who’s already liked you, saving time and energy.

  • Try Profile Boosts: Many platforms offer features to increase your visibility for a short window. Use these strategically when you know more people are active (Sunday evenings are often peak usage times).

Spring cleaning your dating profile goes beyond just updating photos or rewriting your bio—it’s about presenting an authentic version of yourself that attracts the right people. The best dating methods emphasize values-based connections, storytelling, and intentional communication.

Remember that dating is not about quantity but quality connections. When you represent yourself authentically and focus on your true relationship goals, you create opportunities for meaningful relationships.

Take the time to implement these steps and watch your matches improve. Whether you’re looking for casual conversations or a serious relationship, a refreshed profile opens the door to endless possibilities. Now, go make that profile sparkle!

Are you looking for more in-depth help with your dating app profile? Check out our Profile Starter Kit.

woman looking at her phone after has been scammed by an online catfish romance scammer

Love Bombing or True Love? 10 Ways to Spot Romance Scams

“He told me I am his soulmate but won’t video chat with me.”

Online dating can feel like a thrilling adventure, but not every match has good intentions. Romance scams, designed to prey on emotions and wallets, are on the rise. Scammers create fake profiles, build trust, and manipulate their targets into sending money or sharing personal information. Spotting the red flags early is crucial to protecting yourself.

Here’s how to recognize and avoid romance scams while keeping your heart and bank account safe:

They Move the Conversation Off the App Quickly

A common tactic scammers use is asking to switch to text, email, or another messaging platform. They might say the dating app “isn’t secure” or they rarely check the app so they prefer to text or use WhatsApp. While it might seem harmless, this allows them to avoid being flagged by the app’s security systems and it disrupts the chain of information making them harder to track

Stick to communicating through the app in the early stages, especially if something about their behavior feels off. Scammers often want to control the narrative away from platform monitoring.

Their Profile Seems Perfect—Maybe Too Perfect

Does their profile read like a dream? Gorgeous photos, a great job abroad, and a life you’ve only seen in movies? Be cautious. Scammers often paint an idealized version of themselves to hook victims.

Look for inconsistencies. Does their bio seem to conflict with what you see in pictures? Do the pictures include a lot of group shots, sunglasses, or elements that make it unclear what the person actually looks like? Reverse search their photos to see if they appear on unrelated accounts or websites. Authenticity isn’t flawless—real people have quirks, imperfection, and natural details.

They Profess Love Too Quickly

Genuine connections take time. Scammers, however, often will Love Bomb you. They might declare feelings of love after just a handful of conversations. Grand, romantic language like, “You’re my soulmate,” or, “I’ve never felt like this before,” is common bait.

Be wary if declarations of love happen before you’ve even met in person. Real relationships grow over time, not overnight

They’re Always ‘Unavailable’ to Meet in Person

Does your match always have a reason they can’t meet? Scammers often claim to live or work far away, making in-person interactions impossible. Favorites include being stationed overseas in the military, working on an oil rig, or completing a project in another country.

While long-distance relationships can be real, persistent excuses for avoiding face-to-face or video calls are a red flag. A genuine partner will want to connect beyond texts.

They Create Emotional Sob Stories

Scammers excel at storytelling. They’ll often share tragic tales to evoke your sympathy. They might talk about losing a loved one, battling an illness, or facing financial hardship. This is all part of building emotional trust.

Ask yourself: Is the story consistent, or does it conveniently shift to justify a new request? Emotional manipulation is a cornerstone of romance scams.

They Ask for Money or Financial Assistance

This is the biggest red flag. Whether it’s a loan for an unexpected emergency, travel costs to visit you, or help with “frozen” bank accounts, any request for money should raise immediate alarm bells, even if it’s an unbelievable crypto investment that they believe will surely pay off in the future. It won’t!

Scammers might also frame it in ways that seem temporary or unintrusive, like asking for gift cards. And of course gift cards can’t be tracked so that allows them a clean and easy getaway. Always remember: a genuine partner won’t ask for financial help, especially so early in a relationship.

Grammar and Communication Might Not Match Their Profile

Does their polished persona on the app mismatch their writing? Scammers often use fake profiles but struggle with grammar or phrasing that doesn’t align with the professional image they project.

Watch for inconsistencies in tone, frequent typos, or clunky responses. Poor communication skills can signal that you’re not speaking to who you think. Conversely if it seems over-written or unnaturally formal, they are mostly likely using A.I. to sound more believable.

They Avoid Answering Direct Questions

When you ask simple questions, do they deflect or change the subject? Scammers avoid revealing details that could expose their lies. They might give vague answers or tell you they’re too busy to respond thoughtfully.

This is a manipulative tactic to keep the focus on emotions rather than facts. If their stories feel shallow or evasive, your gut is probably right.

Their Sob Story Leads to a Crisis

After earning your trust, scammers often stage a sudden “crisis.” They’ll say their wallet got stolen, a relative needs emergency surgery, or their business deal fell through. These situations almost always result in a plea for financial help.

Stay firm—don’t send money, no matter how heartbreaking their tale might sound. Scammers will often disappear as soon as their demands are met.

They Pressure You to Act Fast

Scammers create urgency as part of their scheme. Whether it’s needing money “today” to resolve an issue or pushing you to commit emotionally, they thrive on making you act without thinking.

If someone you’ve never met is applying pressure, take a step back. Healthy, real relationships respect time and boundaries.

Protect Yourself: Stay Vigilant and Trust Your Instincts

Romance scams prey on the desire for love and connection. Awareness is your best defense. Stay cautious by keeping the conversation on verified platforms, looking for inconsistencies, and avoiding financial entanglements.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it’s okay to walk away. Real love isn’t built on secrecy, pressure, or manipulation—it’s grounded in trust, honesty, and mutual respect.

By staying alert, you can protect yourself while searching for a relationship that’s truly worth your time and energy.

Learn more about spotting a romance scam in this episode of the Dates & Mates podcast

The Great Dating Power Shift: Who Really Makes the Rules Now?

Dating today looks different than it did just a few decades ago. Gender roles, once rigid and predictable, are now more fluid and open to interpretation. 

As traditional expectations shift, single women aged 20-45 are navigating these evolving dynamics in their search for love. 

Let’s look at how gender roles play out in modern dating and what it means for women stepping into the dating world in an era that values balance and equality.

Are Traditional Gender Roles Still Relevant?

Some of us wonder if traditional gender roles still hold sway in a world that champions individuality. In past decades, men were typically expected to make the first move, pay for dates, and take on the role of the protector. Meanwhile, women were often seen as the nurturers, the ones to be “wooed.”

Fast forward to today, and we’re seeing more of a mixed approach. Many Gen Z daters are grappling with questions like, “Who should pay on the first date?” While some believe men should always foot the bill, others argue for the importance of sharing financial responsibility.

But here’s the truth, as noted in “F the Fairy Tale”: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, dating should feel like a dance, not a tug-of-war. Reevaluate outdated scripts and embrace authenticity in relationships.

The First Move: Who Makes It?

A growing number of women feel empowered to take the lead when it comes to asking someone out. For some, it’s a clear rejection of old-school norms. However, others still appreciate when men initiate—the key is understanding and respecting each person’s individual preferences.

We also see this reflected on dating apps. Bumble initially launched as the app where women make the first move and although they have recently rolled that back and allow anyone to initiate a chat after matching, it caused us to reevaluate antiquated rules about who makes the first move. 

In fact, OkCupid data revealed that conversations lasted twice as long when women messaged first so there are tangible benefits behind shaking up gender rules. Ultimately, what we’re striving for is balance—a dynamic where both partners feel equally valued and invested.

Sharing or Splitting Responsibilities?

The topic of finances in dating often sparks debate. Should men continue paying for most dates, or should we share the cost? Surveys suggest opinions are divided. Some women prefer traditional chivalry and view it as a sign of effort, while others see shared expenses as reflective of an egalitarian partnership.

Cultural expectations influence these choices, too. For example, studies highlight how some Australian women still lean toward traditional dating scripts. Their preference often aligns with broader societal values they grew up with.

In contrast, many women today are financially independent and don’t feel comfortable allowing someone else to always pay. Splitting helps them maintain autonomy and signals respect for mutual effort.

We also hear confusion from LGBTQ daters around bill-splitting. Overall, for daters of all genders, it seems that the fairest thing is for the person who asked to offer to pay or to “go dutch.”

Shifting Expectations Around Masculinity

One of the most intriguing currentdating trends focuses on reimagining masculinity. Articles discuss “open-hearted masculinity,” which redefines male roles in relationships. The focus shifts from dominance to emotional vulnerability, recognizing that closeness and trust build lasting connections.

Women are seeking men who listen, communicate openly, and show emotional awareness. These modern “masculine traits” challenge outdated gender stereotypes, helping couples create healthier dynamics.

Are We Doing Things “Right”?

It’s easy to feel unsure about where we stand when navigating updated relationship dynamics. One partner might prefer traditional gestures, while the other sees them as outdated. This clash of expectations can lead to misunderstandings.

So, how do we navigate these issues? Simple—communication. Talk openly about what makes each of you comfortable. Are thoughtful actions, like opening doors, appreciated or unnecessary? Is it important that one person leads, or does balance feel better? When both partners listen, they’re more likely to find common ground.

The Bottom Line on Gender Roles in Dating

The days of strict gender roles in dating are fading, but that doesn’t mean they’re gone entirely. Instead, modern dating sees a fusion of old and new. Some people still hold on to classic ideas, while others embrace flexibility.

Ultimately, finding love requires authenticity. Be upfront about what feels natural to you. Whether you enjoy chivalry or prefer splitting the check, there’s no wrong way—just what works best in your relationship.

Stop striving for what’s ‘normal.’ Start building the love story that works for you.

Dating is less about conforming to rules and more about creating mutual happiness. Instead of worrying whether you’re doing it “right,” focus on what feels genuine. With communication, respect, and balance, modern relationships can surpass outdated molds—and lead us to meaningful connections.

 

How to Decode Mixed Messages

We’ve all been there – on the other end of texts, DMs, or in-person interactions that seem to carry hidden meanings, leaving us teetering on the edge of confusion. The ability to decode mixed messages is a skill that transcends personal and professional realms alike. It’s about peeling back the layers of ambiguity and gaining insight into the genuine meaning beneath.

From examining the reasons behind mixed messages to strategies for clearer communication, this guide will empower you to become a more astute interpreter of human interaction.

Here are some tips on how to decode mixed messages:

  • Escape The Texting Trap: The allure of texting lies in its convenience, but it’s also a breeding ground for misunderstanding. A concise response could indicate your match’s communication style or potentially signal disinterest. But if you’re uncertain, remember that opting for a call or an in-person conversation might provide the clarity you seek.

  • Nix Early Exclusivity: In an age where opportunities abound, people like to keep their options open. You are not exclusive until proven otherwise so try to embrace the discovery in the first few weeks or months and don’t be in too much of a rush to demand a commitment. 
  • Don’t Play It Cool: One common pitfall is pretending to be casual when you’re yearning for something more. Being authentic about your feelings prevents the heartache that often arises from misaligned intentions. Prioritize your emotional well-being and be truthful about your desires.

  • Teasing and Tension: Teasing, often misunderstood, can be an intriguing mixed signal. Embracing a lighthearted banter reveals layers of interest beneath the surface. In today’s dating landscape, showcasing a sense of humor and demonstrating your ability to engage playfully can be incredibly attractive. However, if a line is crossed, address your discomfort promptly before frustration festers.
  • Translating What’s Unspoken: Confused about something they said? Here are some translations for common miscommunications…
    • Maybe we should hang out sometime. = I’m interested in more than friendship but I’m trying to play it cool.
    • What’s up with your friend? = I’m not interested in you; I’m interested in your friend.
    • What are you looking for? = Are you seeking a serious relationship or not, be honest.
    • I’m going to that party. = I want to spend more time with you; please come to the party – and maybe even suggest we go together.
    • I’ll see you around. = I see you as a friend, not a romantic interest.
    • I’m single. = Could mean that they are still dating others but not in a committed relationship.
    • I’m not looking for anything serious. = I’m not looking for anything serious (don’t waste your time if you are.)

Communication is a dynamic landscape influenced by culture, technology, and individuality. So when getting to know your match, keep in mind that navigating communication is a fusion of understanding timeless human behavior and adapting to the ever-changing ways we connect.

 

First Date Conversation Tips

Finding love and companionship has taken on a new dimension, with online dating becoming the norm rather than the exception. While dating apps offer exciting opportunities to connect with potential partners, one of the key aspects of a successful date, whether online or offline, is the ability to hold a captivating conversation. But don’t worry; this isn’t about being the funniest person in the room or having the perfect pick-up lines. It’s about being genuine, passionate, and creating a comfortable atmosphere for both you and your date.

Below are some first date conversation tips to keep your date from turning into another boring interview:

  1. Pre-select topics with passion: Your authenticity will shine through in your conversation when you come to the date prepared to discuss things you genuinely care about. While starting with media and pop culture can be a good icebreaker, remember to transition into other meaningful topics as the conversation progresses.
  2. Share stories that define you: Our personal experiences make us unique, and sharing these experiences is a great way to let your date see the real you. Think about defining moments in your life or childhood anecdotes that give insight into your character and values. Offering personal stories creates a deeper connection – and while you shouldn’t dominate the conversation, having a couple of compelling stories in your back pocket will help when the time is right.
  3. Ask the right questions: Being a great conversationalist is actually more about being a good listener than being a good talker. Pay attention to what your date says and respond with specific questions about their interests or experiences. Most people love talking about themselves, and showing genuine interest in their lives will make them feel valued and appreciated. Also remember to strike a balance between sharing your own stories and asking about theirs to keep the conversation flowing naturally.
  4. Read the room and adjust: Read your date’s cues during the conversation, be flexible and adapt to the flow of the discussion. If they seem enthusiastic about a topic, explore it further. If a subject doesn’t resonate with them, gracefully transition to something else. Remember, a successful date is not about impressing someone but making a meaningful connection.
  5. Study their profile: Before your date, take the time to study the person’s dating app profile if you met online. Make a curiosity list of things you’d like to know more about before you leave for the date. This allows you to pick up on common interests and talking points, making it easier to steer the conversation in the right direction. Demonstrating that you’ve taken the time to read and remember their profile shows genuine care and consideration, and increases the chances of a successful date.

All in all, successful online dating is not just about making as many matches and going on as many dates as possible.; It’s about mastering the art of engaging conversation. By being authentic, passionate, and attentive, you can create a comfortable and enjoyable atmosphere for both you and your date.

 

 

Great Date Ideas (that don’t break the bank)

BALLIN’ ON A BUDGET?

Looking to impress someone without spending a lot of money but don’t want to look like a cheapskate?  Here are a few suggestions on how to have a cheap date without looking like one:

DINNER

There are many websites where you can get discounts if you plan ahead. On restaurant.com you can purchase gift certificates for less than their printed value.  How to settle the bill without looking like a bargain-hunter? Tell your date you have to use the restroom, grab the check, and take care of it while you’re up.   Then you’ll seem like someone who knows how to handle business efficiently and they will still feel taken care of, even if it cost you 15% less.

CULTURE

Many museums have “free days” where you can enter at no cost.  Usually, it’s a little busier than other days but that just means your date will have to snuggle up close to you to get to see the exhibit.  You don’t have to tell them that you knew about the free day just say “Hey, want to go to the modern art museum on Wednesday.” Play it off as a surprise, whatever you need to do but as long as it doesn’t seem pre-meditated.  Sometimes these museums take donations instead of charging a specific amount. Even if you give a “generous” $10 donation you’ll still pay less than admission for two but you’ll look like a philanthropist…very sexy.

BARS

A lot of bars have adjusted happy hours to go later or run on the weekends.  Research which places in your area have happy hour during a date-appropriate time and get yourself a reservation.  If the place is busy, it’ll just seem popular and you’ll have to get closer together to hear one another.

OUTDOORS

Emphasize how into fitness and/or the outdoors you are and invite them to go on a hike with you.  After the hike you can surprise your date with a pre-packed picnic basket and blanket and turn the day into a romantic outdoor retreat.

You don’t have to spend a lot of money to make a good impression.  Effort should win over dollars spent any day.