Tag Archive for: The Dog and The Lion: 3 Men To Avoid and 1 to Marry

Codependent Patterns & Are We Dating The Same Guy

In her book, F The Fairy Tale Damona says choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. Goals, values, communication, and trust are key to a successful relationship and that begins before you’ve even met your match, because it begins with you.

One of our guests today says, “Real choice comes when we don’t need the other person to be okay.” We couldn’t have said it better ourselves and that’s why we invited friends, co-authors, podcasters, and spouses, Mark Groves and Kyle McBeth, to share their stories. 

But first, we have a dangerously hot dating dish to serve up. According to Axios, Facebook groups like, Are We Dating the Same Guy, are stirring up controversy and we’re going to unmask the dark side.  

DATING DISH (1:54)

Several articles were published this week detailing legal action being taken against members of a private group called, Are We Dating The Same Guy. These groups originally served as a kind of background check to keep women safe, were a great idea, but critics say they’ve become an arena for public persecution. 

But there are real-world consequences  – like being sued for defamation.  A lot of these claims are subjective. Damona warns us, “if you say somebody is clingy or psycho, and that means that they don’t get a job because of it, or that they lose clients because of it, you actually could be liable for damages.”

Damona unpacks the story further saying that daters seem to think that talking to these groups will give them closure or give a sense of power back. She suggests we talk to our match about our concerns to create real change.

We know this was a dating dish of a different color, but with all of the headlines, we felt like it had to be said. 

(8:30) Mark Groves & Kylie McBeath

Second-time guest Mark Groves is a Human Connection Specialist, founder of Create the Love and host of the Mark Groves Podcast. Mark’s work bridges the academic and the human, inviting people to explore the good, the bad, the downright ugly, and the beautiful sides of connection.

Kylie McBeath, also known as @beingisbeautiful to her 130K Instagram followers, shares daily guidance and teachings on relationships, spirituality, and embodied liberation. She is also a Certified Health Coach and the host of The Journey Home podcast.

(9:54) Tell us about liberated love

Kylie explains liberated love is about coming from a place of grounded centeredness where you’re not needing somebody for a source of safety, security, validation, or to soothe aloneness. Liberated love is about actively, fully choosing a relationship.

Mark agrees that liberated love is about being dedicated to telling the truth. He says so many people are afraid to fully express themselves in a relationship because we’re afraid we’ll lose someone, we’ll push them away.

Liberated love is all about freedom. 

(18:34) Is it codependency or co-creating?

Codependency, Kylie shares, is any relational dynamic where we source safety outside of ourselves at the expense of our own needs and well-being. “But it’s when it becomes at the expense of your wholeness, at the expense of your core needs, at the expense of your total well-being, that we begin to have a problem.”

We all have emotional, sexual and safety needs, Damona says, but it’s sometimes difficult to discern if we are co-creating or being codependent. 

 

(25:27) Your body, your compass

Daters need to get in touch with their bodies. Kylie says,,  “I think this is probably one of the most important pathways we are being invited to walk on the planet at this time is returning back to the body and returning back to trusting our intuition and our instincts and our somatic experience. 

Kylie explains that for her it meant accessing her anger so that she could listen to and honor her emotional input impulses as a compass.

 

Be sure to grab a copy of Mark and Kylie’s new book, “Liberated Love: Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire” and follow them on Instagram @CreateTheLove and @BeingIsBeautiful

 

(41:02) DEAR DAMONA 
Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok, or Facebook, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

Question from Spotify listener, Brent.

Question about navigating fake profiles on dating websites. I’ve learned some cues that seem to be linked to the fakes, but any advice on not getting exhausted weeding through the nonsense?

Speed Dating Do’s and Don’ts & Heartbreak Coach

Spring is here! We love new beginnings, the hope, and the possibility of a blank slate.

However, most new relationships form after another one has ended. So this week, we are looking at the other side of the dating equation – breakups.

And, our guest is flipping the script on heartache. Keishorne Scott, author and heartbreak coach, will share his strategies for healing after a breakup and setting boundaries. Plus he’ll also tell us which matches to avoid and to whom to give your precious heart.

But first, we have a steamy hot dating dish to serve up for you. Damona was recently interviewed by USA Today for a piece called,  “Speed dating is making a comeback as Gen Z ditches dating apps…and we shouldn’t be surprised.”

DATING DISH (2:37)

Is speed dating making a resurgence? Is the rhetoric around Gen Z ditching dating apps true? 

Damona says dating apps are all Gen Z has ever known, and while they’re frustrated with them, they often end up redownloading the apps after a short hiatus.

You CAN make dating apps work for you while and dip your toe into the IRL waters. Damona tells her clients to create a balanced portfolio for their dating life.

(06 51: ) Ready to give speed dating a try?

In speed dating, you only have 5-7 minutes to be memorable. It’s not about getting matches from everyone, it’s about getting matches with the right people.  

In her Dating Accelerator course, Damona talks about demonstrating your goals and values and having preloaded topics to talk about. Ask someone for their opinion on something benign like do they like the scent of grapefruit, are they a morning person or a night owl? 

Skip the, “Where do you work” and “Where are you from?” questions. They’re boring and won’t make you memorable.

(14:00) – Planting the seeds of hope and possibility

If you don’t have your copy of “F The Fairy Tale” yet, you can grab a copy right now on Amazon on sale for a limited time! 

KEISHORNE SCOTT (15:02)

Keishorne Scott is an author, speaker, media personality, and relationship and heartbreak coach. 

His best-selling books include, “The Mouse, The Bird, The Dog and The Lion: 3 Men To Avoid and 1 to Marry” and “The Heartbreak Workbook: 10 Proven Strategies for Healing, Renewing and Recovering.” 

Keishorne has also been featured by Forbes, Good Morning America, BBC Radio, ABC News, MSN.com, and Marriage.com. 

(16:22) From heartbreak to happiness

Keishorne says, it’s possible to go from disappointment, frustration and heartbreak to a healthy relationship, though it takes time. He says that he had to “take a step back, start to love myself, care about myself, invest in myself and then I started the healing process.”

Damona says he flipped the script. While most people might think that they are not good enough, Keishorne decided that someone wasn’t  good enough for him.

(20:51) What do a mouse, a bird, a dog and a lion have to do with love?

Keishorne breaks it down in his book, but shared:

  1. The Mouse is sneaky.
  2. The Bird doesn’t deal with conflict.
  3. The Dog will run out the gate if it’s left open and he’s also jealous.
  4. But the Lion is the king. He’ll be accountable. 

Damona appreciates the metaphors but wonders if we sometimes expect too much from our partners. She emphasizes the importance of balance in a relationship.


(30:49) How do you know you’re ready to move on?

Keishorne says everyone wants an exact answer for how long the process of healing after heartbreak will take. 

Healing is a non-negotiable and you have to do the work. Keishorne says, “there’s no timeline for it. Everybody heals and falls in love at their own pace.” 

Damona encourages people to push through the pain to seek healing. She quotes a line from her book, “F The Fairy Tale”, “discomfort is the feeling of change happening.”

 

Find Keishorne Scott on Instagram @keishornescott or learn more about his work by visiting Keishornescott.com.

 

DEAR DAMONA (40:22)

Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok, or Facebook, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

Text from Alexandra. 

Dear Damona,

I’m approaching 30 in 2 months, and I’ve been single for the past seven and a half years and recently been giving a shot at the dating world. I’ve had a very busy work life, so real dating was off the table. 

And in the past, I have invested too much in men who were not available. But I finally met someone who truly seems like he could be the right match for me. I thought we hit it off on our date and we have been intermittently texting throughout the day since. It was a Bumble match, and we met in person before he headed back to his home state. 

I don’t really like to be pushy, but I’m starting to doubt if he enjoyed the date as much as I did. I also do not know his dating intentions. 

Obviously, many more details that apply, but my main question is how frequently do I text? Do I worry about texting first, or reading too much into short messages and not too muchto much deeper conversations? 

It’s been five days. Mostly it’s hard because I really felt it with him and I don’t know where he stands.