Dating App Deja Vu & The Tinder Rule
As we approach Valentine’s Day, let’s shift our focus from the idyllic scenes painted by Hallmark, See’s, and Tiffany’s. Instead, let’s embrace the essence of the holiday: LOVE.
Our esteemed guest, MJ Harris, author of “Get The F*ck Out Your Own Way,” joins us to reveal the secrets of empowering your relationships—be they personal, platonic, or romantic. He challenges conventional notions, including the surprising perspective that there might be nothing wrong with ghosting?! As a seasoned world traveler, MJ will also share The Tinder Rule for those navigating the dating scene abroad. Get ready for insightful revelations and a dose of love wisdom!
But first, we have the Dating Dish this week, and it’s right on time for Valentine’s Day!
DATING DISH (2:34)
Damona explores the phenomenon of “avalanching” highlighted by Stylist Magazine – a frantic, quantity-centric dating approach fueled by the pressure of Valentine’s Day. Damona’s upbeat advice centers around intentional dating. She advises singles to avoid the rush and focus on slow love.
Citing Sylvia Liza Loni, an expert from FindingtheOne.com app, Damona shares three quick tips on capturing the conclusion of peak dating season and maybe even a date for Valentine’s Day!
MJ HARRIS (13:36)
MJ Harris is an international speaker, social media celebrity, and the author of the new book, “Get The F*ck Out Your Own Way: A Guide to Letting Go of the Sh*t That’s Holding You Back”. MJ has been featured by Oprah, USA, Today and Black Enterprise. He’s also the CEO and founder of the MJ Harris Financial Group.
(16:20) Are You a Recovering People Pleaser?
People pleasing is a hard habit to break, but being aware of this tendency allows you to pause and respond intentionally. As MJ says, anytime someone presses you to answer right away, that likely serves them more than you. A thoughtful pause is so much better than quick reactions we might regret. Moving too fast or on auto-pilot can mean ignoring our needs and wants.
MJ gives himself space when asked for something: “I am conscious of processing my feelings so my decisions reflect my best interest – not just pleasing others.”
(23:10) No is a Complete Sentence
Saying “no” challenges even the most caring people pleasers. We tend to over-explain, trying to talk ourselves into a “yes” instead of setting clear boundaries.
MJ suggests that “no” can be a complete sentence and it doesn’t have to be blurted out directly. Give yourself permission to phrase it in whatever format feels most comfortable to you. The priority becomes honoring what you actually want or don’t want to do.
(27:50) Ghosting is ok??
MJ doesn’t demonize ghosting. He says that ending communication abruptly causes real hurt, but not everyone has the tools to confront disappointment directly due to past trauma. Rather than excuse it, he suggests accepting that ghosting exists as an unfortunate dating reality.
He says that staying attuned to subtle cues along the way can alert you to a potential situation. MJ shares his own ghosting experiences saying, “there were normally some nonverbal cues along the way that I may have kind of overlooked,” he says. Essentially, if texts decline in warmth and plans grow platonic way before the final silence forms, a fade is brewing.
(37:17) The Tinder Rule
MJ shares his “Tinder rule”. Different cultures find different looks attractive. So vet destinations beforehand by asking locals if your vibe resonates there.
When asked about LDRs, MJ says, “I think that long-distance relationships can work if there is the prospect of you two living in the same place within a very clear timeline.” Most important emotional needs don’t get met without frequent in-person contact, but for busy careers, scheduled mini-reunions help maintain bonds.
Follow MJ on Instagram @MJHarrisSpeaks and grab a copy of his book, Get The F*ck Out Your Own Way, wherever books are sold!
DEAR DAMONA (41:23).
Submit your questions on Instagram, X, TikTok or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
Instagram DM from Pearl:
- I’m going back on the apps after having been on and off for a few years now. What do you do when you see men you’ve previously matched with, went on one or multiple dates with, or have slept with?
