Tag Archive for: nontraditional relationships

The 5 Dating Loops : Featuring the Multiamory Podcast

As we continue our “Summer Series” this week, we are turning the tables with another crossover episode. It is from another groundbreaking podcast, one that creates a space for non-traditional relationships, the Multiamory Podcast. 

Damona recently sat down on Dates & Mates with Multiamory hosts, Jace, Emily and Dedeker, who have made it their mission to raise awareness, provide resources, and destigmatize non-monogamy. In this episode, Damona joins Jace and Dedeker on the Multiamory Podcast and shares tips to avoid or overcome dating app fatigue, why you should microdose your dating, and how to know if you should go on a second or third date.


(7:10) Why we need real-time communication…

Damona breaks down how the concepts of texting and social media are fairly new concepts in dating and how we really need to be prioritizing real-time communication. Because when your primary mode of communication with someone is over text, you lose the nuance of tone, eye contact and body language to inform it. 

Damona also describes how texting chemistry doesn’t always translate to IRL chemistry.

(11:30) How can we overcome dating app fatigue (and the different types of it)?

Dedeker asks Damona about her thoughts on dating app fatigue – what causes it, how to get out of it, etc. Firstly, Damona says one of the biggest issues is that when we start to feel fatigue, we don’t give ourselves a break. Usually we just push through our fatigue until we hit burnout. But giving yourself a break from dating apps does not mean you’ve failed or given up, and is perfectly okay!

(27:45) Debunking popular dating advice.

With the rise of TherapyTok and the reality dating renaissance, it’s easy to get caught up in the “shoulds” of dating. But Damona states that each individual’s timeline is different and that there’s really no set rules. 

Damona also goes into some of the rules her past clients have set for themselves, and how our “type” is usually informed by the people we’ve dated in the past.

(33:45) Damona answers listener questions!

I’m on the fence about my match but I’m still curious – should I go on another date? How much should I disclose about myself on my dating profile? Am I using dating apps the wrong way? Damona answers these questions and more…


Check out Multiamory on your favorite podcast app and be sure to follow Dedeker, Jace and their co-host Emily on Instagram @multiamory_podcast.




There is no Dear Damona this week, but please submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear your answers during a future episode of Date & Mates!Unsure if your question is right for Dates & Mates?

Check out our recent all-Dear Damona episode to get a taste of what our listeners are thinking. 📝

Multiamory & Short King Spring


Look, relationships aren’t one size fits all. We each have unique needs and desires, origin stories and goals. And with so many people out in the world today, there seems to be a match (or two, or three) for everyone out there. That coupled with the fact that relationships are no longer solely a financial commitment means you really can build your own. That’s part of the beauty in dating today, we have choice.

We can choose to be in a monogamous relationship, to be multiamorous OR to be lifelong bachelors and bachelorettes. And of course, there are even lifestyles in between. We get to choose the relationship types that best suit our lifestyles and the futures we have in mind. 

Whatever YOU choose, it all comes down to communication. That is what will determine how well you and your partner, or partners, connect and build trust. And that is why we have Dedeker, Emily and Jase, the hosts of the Multiamory Podcast, joining us today to talk about how to identify what you need from a conversation, how to use microscripts to manage difficult topics, and how to make repairs after things get heated.


Why has height become such a significant factor in dating?:

If we’re being honest, height has ALWAYS been a significant factor for folks in dating. But this recent article from Glam Magazine helps break down the exact origins of our height biases, how our instinct for survival plays a factor, and how this all plays into our perception of gender roles. Damona further explains why what we’re attracted to doesn’t just “happen.”


Jase, Emily, and Dedeker created the Multiamory Podcast in 2014 to raise awareness, provide approachable resources, and combat the stigma faced by people in non-traditional relationships. 

Together they have been featured in numerous publications, including NPR, Vice, Huffington Post, Oprah Daily, Cosmopolitan, and Elle. In addition to their national tours, they have presented at the Google campus in Seattle and have been keynote speakers and presenters at numerous conferences.

Their new book “Multiamory: Essential Tools For Modern Relationships” is out now!

(17:55) Origins of the Multiamory Podcast…

Fun fact: before they launched their podcast exploring relationship archetypes and nonmonogamy, Jase, Emily, and Dedeker were in a relationship quad with another partner. 

Although the quad eventually broke up, Jase, Emily and Dedeker decided to launch the Multiamory Podcast. At that time (around 9 years ago), there wasn’t NEARLY as much research about non-monogamy or alternative relationship models out there as there is today. 

Dedeker continues that “over time, we started to find that a lot of this advice was about good relationships in general. Whether you’re monogamous, non-monogamous, sometimes even going beyond whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not.”

Jase also dives deeper into how the perception around non-monogamy has shifted over the years, and the biggest misconceptions about this relationship model.

(23:30) The Triforce of Communication

Having researched it so much, Jase, Emily, and Dedeker are ready to share their biggest insights on what makes great communication. Emily starts, “I think it’s really important to be able to look inward at your own history with how you communicate with others. And that’s from your childhood or the way that your parents may have communicated with you, and the ways that may translate to how you communicate with your partner.” 

Emily and the gang bring up a concept from their book called the Triforce of Communication and how to use it to gain clarity on what you need from your partner (or another person) in a conversation.

(32:05) Let’s talk about neurodivergence.

Dedeker mentions that when diving deeper into the non-monogamous community, you will find a lot of non-neurotypical people. “Often people who are different flavors of neurodivergent really appreciate clear structure, a clear sense of the rules of engagement for how we’re going to engage in this conversation, for people’s intentions to be very clearly laid out.” 

Dedeker then shares her experience with being on the neurodivergent spectrum, specifically dealing with some significant PTSD.

Jase and Dedeker also explain how they worked through their gaps in communication, using something they refer to as personalized “micro-scripts.”

(42:30) What should we keep in mind when establishing boundaries?

Many of us often conflate boundaries with rules or limitations on our partner, but Emily asserts that boundaries are necessary because they allow us to advocate for ourselves in a relationship – “it’s not something you’re doing to punish a partner, but rather something you’re doing to keep yourself safe.” Dedeker adds that the power of boundaries is all about what you can do to change your own behavior, because that’s the thing we have the most control over.

Jase then describes another concept for repairing conflict in their book called “SHOP” and how it works.


Be sure to follow them on Instagram @multiamory_podcast and grab a copy of their new book, Multiamory: Essential Tools For Modern Relationships, by visiting Multiamory.com/book.


Submit your questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

IG Message from S – Hi Damona, I’m trying to get my brother back into the dating pool. After a failed marriage, and 3 kids later, he feels that he won’t ever find love or have a family again. He feels he’s not going to find someone who will want a man with 3 kids. He is also afraid to be used, and that people will only want him for his money. How do I approach this conversation to tell him that love is out there just waiting for him, when he is so down on himself and being negative?