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Singles In America

CALLING ALL SINGLES IN AMERICA

Match released their 2020 Singles in America study and we are so excited to share some key points that we found super relevant to Dates & Mates listeners:

SEX WITH ROOMMATES 

The study found 1 in 4 singles had sex with a non-romantic roommate. That’s about 24% of singles who had sex with their roommate during lockdown. Sexologists call this “situational sexual behavior”, which means social or environmental factors cause people to express sexual behaviors differently than their previous preferences. 

Damona says to be mindful of your choices, because they do have repercussions.

 

CHANGES IN ATTRACTION AND IDEAL MATE QUALITIES

Singles are now practicing slow love: 63% said they are spending more time getting to know their partners. About 69% of app daters said they are more honest with their potential partners on things like the kind of relationship they’re looking for, the qualities they’re looking for, and chatting with people they won’t meet with in person.

Now 53% of singles say prioritizing their search for a relationship more now than they did before the pandemic. Singles are focusing less on physical attraction than before.

 

INTERRACIAL DATING/SOCIAL JUSTICE AS A MATCH FILTER

This is the first time Match has studied this particular subject and we are so excited to see that more people are open to new dating possibilities!

In the past, singles tended to seek partnerships with people with cultural similarities (same race, religion, socioeconomic status, etc.). This is called homogamy.

Now 64% of singles say they cannot have a relationship with someone who has a very different view about racial equality. Women feel stronger about this than men (72% of women vs. 59% of men).

Since the murder of George Floyd and the re-start of the Black Lives Matter movement, 24% of singles are now open to dating people of a different race or ethnicity. 

How has the changing political climate affected your views on interracial dating? Are choices in dating accurately reflecting these views? If you don’t know, check out Damona’s article in the Washington Post on Racial Bias in Dating.

Dating Safety & You’ve Got Mail

IT’S NATIONAL CYBERSECURITY AWARENESS MONTH!

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In honor of #CybersecurityAwarenessMonth, we’ve got important tips on how to date safely in today’s online dating climate. Evin Rose, dating and love life transformation coach for millennial women, returns to co-host this week’s episode. Here’s the rundown:

D’S DATING DISH (3:07)

Ariana gave back the ring, but kept the pig

Ariana and Pete Davidson have called it quits, TMZ reports. Even though this isn’t surprising, we are sad for them. Ariana has been going through a lot, but Pete’s comedy may have something to do with the split. Do you think that his jokes go too far?

Hillary Clinton defends Bill Clinton’s affair

Hillary Clinton is in hot water this week after defending Bill’s affair with Monica Lewinsky. According to Hillary, Bill’s affair was not an abuse of power because Monica was an adult. We have thoughts.

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Has anyone ever told you that you look like your BF? 

You’re not the only one. According to the HuffPost, there is an actual scientific reason why. Damona and Evin look into the Theory of Assortative Mating and explain why Brad Pitt looks like every one of his girlfriends. 

Dating App algorithms are limiting your options

Some apps are filtering out your matches based on race, according to the Chicago Tribune. In this episode, Damona and Evin tell you why this happens and what you can do to broaden your options.

DATING SAFETY (17:28)

For dating safety tips we welcomed Elise Oberliesen, LA times contributor and author of the Times’ article 7 safety tips to remember for online dating. Damona, Evin, and Elise talked about:

  • Dating Scams and Dangerous Online Dates
  • Dating Safety Tips
  • When to be cautious
  • Red Flags to look out for
  • Listening to your intuition
  • How to tell your if match is a catfish
  • What to do before you meet in person
  • When to give out your contact info?
  • If you met online, should you go home with them on the first date?
  • How online etiquette has changed since #MeToo

This is one segment you don’t want to miss. While catfish situations and dating scams aren’t the norm, it’s important to always be in the know about what you need to look out for. Like Elise says, remember to always listen to your intuition and if a date seems too good to be true, then it’s time to be cautious.

TECHNICALLY DATING  (37:30)

Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:

  • Should you ask your college professor out?
  • What does it mean when your boyfriend tells you he’s asexual?
  • What do you do when you want your husband to be more spontaneous?

ROMANCE ROLLBACK (46:03)

Did you know that online dating had it’s origins in the 60s? Even before Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan made online dating popular in You’ve Got Mail, people started the online dating trend with something called “computer dating”. Damona gives us a dating history lesson.

To get Beachbody on demand free for 14 days, click the banner at DatesandMates.com. There you can also join the Dates & Mates listening community.

Read more of Elise Oberliesen’s work on Twitter @eliseannette or check out her Instagram @eliseoberliesen

You can join Evin’s Empowered Dating Community on Facebook @empowereddatingwithevinrose. She’s @evinrose on Instagram and online at EvinRoseCoaching.com

Long-Term Love & Super Bowl Swiping

Our guest co-hosts this week were Lee and Mimi Hoffman, Damona’s beloved in-laws. They joined us to share their love story and give dating advice to the next generation.

D’S DATING DISH (2:46)

The Stats on Super Bowl Swiping

During the Big Game, dating apps see an increase in use, whether you’re in the town where the Super Bowl’s occurring or just scrolling through your phone while the game is on. In the days leading up to the Super Bowl, some apps report increases as high as 50%, with a 60% increase in message responses. Spruce up your profile, maybe get a sports-themed bio in there, and read more about it via Elite Daily here.

Lady Gaga’s Secret Lover

The recent Grammy’s had us wondering just who, exactly, Lady Gaga is shacked up with. Turns out she got engaged to boyfriend Christian Carino last November. Her manager over at CAA who’s so into her he got a tattoo of her face, we wish her all the best in love. You can read more via Romper here.

Dane Cook’s Dating a 19-Year-Old

We generally think age is just a number, but comedian Dane Cook is dating a 19-year-old despite the fact he’s a whopping 26 years older than her. What do you think, is over a quarter of a century a little too much of an age gap? You can read more via People here.

Match.com’s Singles in America Survey

We got the exclusive scoop on Match.com’s annual Singles in America survey just hours after it dropped. Each year, Match.com publishes an extensive study on dating trends they’ve analyzed, and we highly recommend everyone checks it out. You can find it right here.

TECHNICALLY DATING (34:44)

We pull the best questions posted on The Textpert App and BlackPeopleMeet.com, including:

  • How to be more confident with your body image
  • What to do if the person you’re interested in just wants to be friends
  • How to tell a partner you’re not ready to move across the country with them

And many more . . .

 

Get 1 week free at BlackPeopleMeet.com/datesandmates

Download your free dating or relationship course at damonahoffman.com

Top Dating Profile Tips

Whether you’re new to online dating or a veteran user, an amazing profile is always the key to digital dating success. Here are my top dating profile tips that can take you from a left swipe to an amazing night.

  1. A LITTLE PHOTO MAGIC –Photo editing is only controversial if you are actually changing the way you look. However, most people now add filters, adjust lighting, exposure, sharpness or contrast or otherwise improve photo quality so if you’re not doing it, you could be left standing on the sidelines. One simple trick to make yourself stand out is to crop out anyone else in the photo. If you crop it yourself, you can control where the eye goes and make sure it doesn’t wander to your very attractive friend standing next to you.
  2. SMILE FOR THE CAMERA – You’re on instagram daily and you post pics of your girlfriends at the bar every weekend so the old, “I don’t have any pics I can use for my profile” excuse isn’t going to fly anymore. Take the next three days and go on a photo spree. Get solo pics of you using the 3Cs: color, context, and character and you’re bound to start turning heads.
  3. TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT – Most of my clients come to me with a profile that talks more about what they don’t want than what they do. Eliminate any demands about what your new partner must do or cannot do and cut the rants about how you’re tired of getting emails from losers. You might be turning the good guys off along with the bad.
  4. BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU – Studies have shown that you are more likely to be messaged if your profile is a total turnoff to some yet intriguing to others than if you have a safe, middle-of-the road profile. Don’t be afraid to show off your quirky, nerdy, or goofy side. That could be the just the thing that makes someone sit up and take notice of you.
  5. MANAGE YOUR EXPECTATIONS–A couple of pounds, inches, or years of age do not really matter in the long run. In your searches, you should be more open so that you can decide if someone is worth pursuing once the email comes in.
  6. MAKE EVERY WORD COUNT– The only thing worse than a profile that is bare is a profile that could double as a novel. Thin out your profile and make it more readable by starting with a headline for each key part of your life that you want to dedicate a sentence to.

Now, log on, make these simple changes, and get ready to hit the town! These tips are not meant to change who you are; they are meant to make it easier for potential dates to see through to the real you. So, be confident and have fun!