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The Texting Trap: Why Too Much Texting Can Ruin Your First Date

The way we communicate has completely transformed, especially when it comes to dating. Texting is quick, easy, and feels low-risk, but could it actually be sabotaging your first dates before you even meet?

If you’ve ever found yourself in an awkward silence after days of non-stop texting, you’re not alone. We call this the Texting Trap, a cycle of endless messaging that creates false intimacy and burns out the excitement before the real date even happens.

Let’s unpack the ways over-texting could be killing your first-date potential and how to change that for good.

1. Too Much Texting Kills the Mystery

First dates thrive on curiosity and discovery. But if you’ve already exchanged every favorite movie, breakfast choice, and pet peeve over text, there’s little left to uncover when you finally meet.

The magic of a first date is in the unknown, those fresh questions that spark real-time reactions. When texting turns into a full-blown autobiography, that anticipation fades. Keep some of your stories for the date to keep the energy fresh and engaging.

2. Miscommunication Is Practically Guaranteed

Without tone, facial expressions, or body language, texts can easily be misinterpreted. A sarcastic joke might come off as harsh. A delay in response could be read as disinterest.

These micro-misunderstandings pile up, setting the wrong tone before you even meet. Saving the deeper conversations for in-person interactions allows for clarity and connection.

3. Texting Builds False Expectations

Let’s be honest: texting lets us curate our responses. We can pause, think, and craft the perfect reply, but that’s not how real conversations work.

The person you’ve been texting for days might seem sharp and charming through their carefully chosen words, but in real life, that chemistry might not translate.

First dates should be about real-time connection, not trying to match the polished versions of ourselves we’ve been texting.

4. Emotional Intimacy Develops Too Fast

It’s easy to share personal stories over text because it feels less vulnerable. But that rapid connection can lead to unrealistic expectations before you’ve even shared a meal together.

Emotional intimacy needs the balance of face-to-face interaction to really take root. Otherwise, it can feel like you’re on a third date emotionally when it’s actually your first in person.

5. Over-Texting Leads to Burnout Before You Even Meet

Conversations should be building excitement, not draining it.

If you’ve been texting nonstop for days or weeks, that first date can feel more like a formality than an adventure. Keep the pre-date texting light and focused on logistics to avoid burnout.

6. It Steals the Build-Up of Anticipation

Anticipation is half the fun of dating. When you’ve already spilled everything over text, there’s no room left for those fun ‘getting to know you’ moments.

Keep some stories for when you’re face-to-face, it’ll make the experience feel more authentic and exciting.

7. Texting Stays Surface-Level

While it’s great for quick check-ins and flirty banter, texting rarely dives deep.

Real conversations, the ones that build lasting connections, happen face-to-face. Save those more meaningful discussions for when you’re together.

8. You Miss the Chance to Gauge Real Chemistry

Chemistry isn’t something you can feel through a screen.

That spark, that laugh, that body language, you only get those signals in person. If you’re spending too much time in the texting phase, you might be missing the real-world connection entirely.

9. It Makes You Overthink Everything

The more you text, the more room there is for second-guessing.

Did they like that joke? Was that emoji too much? Did I reply too quickly? By the time you meet, you might already feel drained from all the mental gymnastics.

Breaking Free from the Texting Trap

Texting is great for setting up dates and sharing quick thoughts, but it’s not a substitute for real-world connection.

The key is to text with purpose, not out of habit. Keep your texts light and focused on making plans, not spilling your life story. When you do finally meet, you’ll find there’s so much more to discover, and that’s where the real magic happens.

If you’re tired of texting games and fairy tale expectations, it’s time for a fresh approach. Grab a copy of F the Fairy Tale: Rewrite the Dating Myths and Live Your Own Love Story and learn how to create a real connection, without the burnout.

Get the book on Amazon and start writing your own love story today.

5 Steps to Start Dating Again After a Breakup

Getting back into the dating game after a breakup, divorce, or just a long pause can feel like learning to walk in heels again—awkward, unsteady, and honestly, a little terrifying. It’s natural to wonder: What if it’s different now? What if it’s too soon?

It is different now. But that doesn’t mean it’s not possible.

Whether it’s in the late 20s, 30s, or 40s, stepping back into dating isn’t about chasing some perfect outcome. It’s about reconnecting with what matters and creating space for something new. It doesn’t have to drain energy or self-worth.

Here’s how to ease back in without burning out:

1. Give Yourself Permission to Start Slow

There’s no need to rush. Sometimes, a soft launch back into the dating world is exactly what’s needed. That might look like updating a profile and then ignoring the apps for a week. Or just having a conversation with someone new—no pressure attached.

Check in regularly. Is there curiosity, or does it still feel like too much? That answer will guide the pace, and that pace is perfect.

Starting slow isn’t about hesitation; it’s about self-awareness. If the nervous system still feels frazzled at the idea of swiping, that’s a sign to go easy. Dip a toe in, observe how it feels, and step back out if necessary. Intentional dating is sustainable dating.

2. Get Clear on Boundaries and Needs

This time, dating isn’t happening on autopilot. It’s about intention.

Consider: What is available now? What is no longer acceptable? Whether it’s connection, companionship, or something more serious, clarity is everything.

Write down non-negotiables. Keep them accessible as reminders. These aren’t walls; they’re guardrails. They help maintain alignment with values, even when chemistry is strong.

If a reminder is needed: Boundaries are bridges to authentic connection, not barriers to love.

3. Try Just One New Way to Meet People

There’s no need to sign up for every app, agree to every setup, or spend Saturdays speed dating unless that’s genuinely exciting. Choose one way to dip a toe back in.

Maybe it’s attending a local mixer, trying a single dating app, or saying yes to that invite from a social circle. The goal here is simple: show up. Not to impress—just to connect.

No pressure. No performance. Just presence.

4. Watch the Inner Dialogue—Before and After Dates

This one’s big because the way thoughts are framed shapes the entire experience.

If thoughts like “It’s too late for this” or “No one decent is out there” pop up, it’s time to pause and reframe. Try: “Showing up fully.” Or “Every interaction teaches something new.”

Inner dialogue can either fuel energy or drain it. Choose wisely.

5. Celebrate the Small Wins

Not every date will lead to butterflies or a second meeting, and that’s perfectly fine. Progress isn’t always flashy. Sometimes, it looks like:

Updating a profile after months off.
Making it through a first date without overthinking everything.
Saying “no” to someone who didn’t meet personal standards.

These are wins. Celebrate them. Progress in dating, like in anything else, is built one small, courageous act at a time.

Final Thought: Start Where You Are

Dating again isn’t about being ready in some mythical, fully healed way. It’s about being willing—willing to try, to learn, to stay curious.

There’s no need to be fearless. Just be present.

Take a deep breath. Set the pace. Keep boundaries firm. Speak with kindness internally. And celebrate every single step taken back toward love.

Because it’s not starting over—it’s starting from experience.

Ready to step back into dating with confidence?

Start with a profile that truly reflects you. Our Profile Starter Kit gives you plug‑and‑play templates, storytelling prompts, and a bonus photo‑selection video so your profile feels real, energetic, and aligned with who you are now.

Get the Profile Starter Kit and make your next swipe a match on your terms.

How to Avoid Love-Bombing Heartbreak

What is Love-Bombing?

Love-bombing is when someone overwhelms you with excessive attention, flattery, and gifts in the early stages of dating. They text constantly, want to see you all the time, and make grand declarations that feel like you’ve stepped into a rom-com. But like any good movie, it’s scripted, and the ending is rarely a happy one.

At its core, Love-Bombing is about control. It’s designed to create dependency by making you feel like you’ve found “the one” almost instantly. But real love is built over time; it’s a slow burn, not a flash in the pan. If the connection feels too good to be true right out of the gate, it might be.

Why Does It Feel So Good at First?

The initial rush of a love bomber’s attention is intoxicating. The constant texts, surprise gifts, and over-the-top compliments tap right into our brain’s reward system. That’s because all that attention floods your system with dopamine, making you feel euphoric. It’s like a fireworks display, brilliant, intense, and impossible to ignore.

But here’s the catch: fireworks fade, and so does the intensity of Love-Bombing. Once the emotional hook is set, love bombers often start to pull back, leaving you confused and craving that initial high. It’s emotional whiplash, and it’s designed to keep you chasing that first rush.

Neurologically, love-bombing hits like a new crush on steroids. All that attention floods your brain with dopamine—the “feel good” chemical—and oxytocin, the one that makes you want to bond fast. That combo lights up your brain’s reward center like a pinball machine. It feels amazing… and addictive. But just like any high, what goes up usually comes crashing down.

How to Spot Love-Bombing Early

To protect yourself from Love-Bombing, you have to know what to look for. Here are some major signs:

Over-the-top gestures early on. Grand declarations of love or constant texting before you’ve really gotten to know each other.
Rushing relationship milestones. Pushing for exclusivity, talking about the future, or wanting to meet your family within weeks.
Constant contact. They need your attention all the time, texting, calling, and DMing nonstop.
Love as a transaction. Their affection comes with strings attached; they may get upset if you don’t respond quickly or reciprocate at the same intensity.

If you notice these patterns, it’s time to slow things down. True connection takes time to grow, and anyone worth building with will respect your pace.

How to Protect Yourself

Set Boundaries Early. Healthy relationships respect your time and space. If someone’s intensity feels suffocating, it’s okay to ask for breathing room.
Take Your Time. Love should unfold naturally. If someone is pushing you to move faster than you’re comfortable with, that’s a sign to pause and evaluate.
Trust Your Gut. If something feels off, trust that feeling. Manipulative behaviors often mask themselves as affection.
Communicate Clearly. If you sense Love-Bombing, communicate your need for balance and space. A genuine partner will respect that.

The Bottom Line

Love-bombing might feel like a fireworks show—dazzling at first, but over in a flash.

If you’ve been a victim of love-bombing, it’s not your fault! Most people who do this are masters of manipulation and have done it so many times they’re completely cut off from the emotional consequences that you’re suffering through.

While we cannot change someone else’s behavior, we can do our best to protect ourselves, communicate clearly, and spot the signs of love-bombing before they break our hearts. True love is possible for you if you believe you deserve someone who shows up for you fully and you’re patient enough to let it unfold.

Still wondering how to spot love-bombing early?

In the Dates & Mates podcast episode “2025 Love Astrology & Lovebombing Bombshell,” we answer a listener’s question about what to do when someone showers you with affection on a dating app… only to vanish. We break down the signs, explain why it happened, and share real strategies to stay open without getting played.

Listen now and learn how to protect your heart and your hope.

warning signs red flags dating mr. wrong

Top 15 Signs You’re Wasting Time on Mr. or Ms. Wrong

Dating should add to your life, not drain it. But so many smart, strong women (and men) find themselves stuck giving time and energy to someone who isn’t right for them. Recognizing the signs early can save your heart, mental health, and years of effort. Some red flags are obvious, while others are subtle, showing up as quiet aches or little disappointments. This list cuts through the confusion to help you see when it’s time to walk away.

We’ve all been there, holding onto someone who just isn’t right, hoping things will change. But deep down, you know when it’s time to stop second-guessing and start listening to your gut. A relationship should be a source of joy and growth, not confusion and self-doubt. If you’re noticing more red flags than real connection, it might be time to take a step back and evaluate. Here are the 15 clearest signs you’re investing your time in Mr. or Ms. Wrong.

1. Lack of Consistent Communication

If reaching them feels like a guessing game, interest is likely low. You’re left waiting for texts that never come, or when they finally reply, it’s short and dismissive. You find you’re always the one to keep things going, without real effort on their part. Experts agree that connection is consistent and intentional. If it’s not, it’s time to pause and ask why.

Watch for:

Sporadic messages, especially when you need them most
Long silences, only to reappear like nothing happened
Never initiating conversations or plans

2. You Feel Drained After Interactions

Spending time together shouldn’t wear you out.

Normal tiredness is different from the heavy, anxious feeling that lingers after another difficult chat. If you breathe easier when they leave, emotional balance is missing. Experts agree that love should lift you up, not weigh you down.

3. They Avoid Introducing You to Friends or Family

You don’t know anyone important in their life. They dodge invites or make vague promises.

Meeting loved ones builds deeper trust. Avoidance here keeps you at arm’s length. Real connection is about integration, not isolation.

4. You’re Always the One Initiating Plans

If you stopped texting, calls, and plans would dry up. You’re the event planner and motivator, while they coast. Keeping a little log of who makes the first move week after week can reveal the pattern. Remember, healthy relationships have balance; it shouldn’t feel one-sided.

Checklist:

Who texted first last time?
Who chose the place to meet?
Who followed through on plans?

5. Lack of Respect for Your Time

Late again? Canceled at the last minute?

You begin to expect disappointment. Regular disrespect for your schedule shows low regard and keeps you on the back foot. Experts agree that respect is non-negotiable; your time is just as valuable as theirs.

6. They Don’t Make an Effort to Understand You

When you talk about your dreams, values, or even your day, the interest isn’t there. They forget what matters to you and brush aside your feelings.

Relationships thrive on curiosity and care. If they’re not interested in understanding you, they’re not invested.

7. You Feel More Anxious Than Happy

You walk on eggshells, unsure if today will be another letdown. Excitement has been replaced by knots in your stomach. Happiness should come easily, not be squeezed out by worry.

Experts agree that peace over pressure is key—if you’re more tense than joyful, it’s a sign.

8. They’re Secretive or Hide Important Details

You know nothing about their schedule, their past, or even basic facts friends already share.

They change the subject or feed you half-truths, leaving you uneasy. Authentic love doesn’t hide; it shows up fully.

9. You Constantly Make Excuses for Their Behavior

You defend them to your friends, explaining away lateness, silence, or rudeness.

You rewrite the script to make them look better and silence your own doubts. Experts agree that accountability matters—if you’re the only one justifying, it’s time to rethink.

10. Their Actions Don’t Match Their Words

They talk big, but follow-through is a joke. Grand promises drop flat.

Words and actions should line up. If not, trust unravels. Experts agree that consistency is key.

11. You Feel Lonely Even When You’re Together

The silence between you feels louder than any argument.

Even seated side-by-side, you feel alone. Companionship without connection is just sharing space. Real love fills the room with presence and partnership.

12. They Don’t Prioritize You During Important Moments

You celebrate alone, cry alone, and face big days solo.

Birthdays, job milestones, and tough times pass without their presence or effort. Experts agree that prioritization is an act of love, and you deserve to feel seen.

13. You’re Hiding Parts of Yourself Around Them

You bite your tongue or downplay your quirks, afraid you’ll push them away.

Authenticity fades, and you lose pieces of yourself trying to keep peace. Experts agree that you should always feel safe to be yourself.

14. They Seem Indifferent to Your Needs

Your needs—emotional, physical, or mental—get dismissed or ignored.

You feel invisible or burdensome for asking for basic care. True connection is about meeting each other where you are.

15. You Feel Relief or Happiness When You’re Apart

When they leave, you breathe easier. You’re lighter, happier, and more like yourself without them.

If you’d rather be alone than together, that’s your intuition speaking. Listen, because your heart already knows what your mind is resisting.

Remember

The right person will add to your life, not subtract from it. Experts agree that real love makes the everyday feel extraordinary. If you’re not getting that, it’s time to step back and ask yourself what you really deserve.

woman looking at her phone after has been scammed by an online catfish romance scammer

Love Bombing or True Love? 10 Ways to Spot Romance Scams

“He told me I am his soulmate but won’t video chat with me.”

Online dating can feel like a thrilling adventure, but not every match has good intentions. Romance scams, designed to prey on emotions and wallets, are on the rise. Scammers create fake profiles, build trust, and manipulate their targets into sending money or sharing personal information. Spotting the red flags early is crucial to protecting yourself.

Here’s how to recognize and avoid romance scams while keeping your heart and bank account safe:

They Move the Conversation Off the App Quickly

A common tactic scammers use is asking to switch to text, email, or another messaging platform. They might say the dating app “isn’t secure” or they rarely check the app so they prefer to text or use WhatsApp. While it might seem harmless, this allows them to avoid being flagged by the app’s security systems and it disrupts the chain of information making them harder to track

Stick to communicating through the app in the early stages, especially if something about their behavior feels off. Scammers often want to control the narrative away from platform monitoring.

Their Profile Seems Perfect—Maybe Too Perfect

Does their profile read like a dream? Gorgeous photos, a great job abroad, and a life you’ve only seen in movies? Be cautious. Scammers often paint an idealized version of themselves to hook victims.

Look for inconsistencies. Does their bio seem to conflict with what you see in pictures? Do the pictures include a lot of group shots, sunglasses, or elements that make it unclear what the person actually looks like? Reverse search their photos to see if they appear on unrelated accounts or websites. Authenticity isn’t flawless—real people have quirks, imperfection, and natural details.

They Profess Love Too Quickly

Genuine connections take time. Scammers, however, often will Love Bomb you. They might declare feelings of love after just a handful of conversations. Grand, romantic language like, “You’re my soulmate,” or, “I’ve never felt like this before,” is common bait.

Be wary if declarations of love happen before you’ve even met in person. Real relationships grow over time, not overnight

They’re Always ‘Unavailable’ to Meet in Person

Does your match always have a reason they can’t meet? Scammers often claim to live or work far away, making in-person interactions impossible. Favorites include being stationed overseas in the military, working on an oil rig, or completing a project in another country.

While long-distance relationships can be real, persistent excuses for avoiding face-to-face or video calls are a red flag. A genuine partner will want to connect beyond texts.

They Create Emotional Sob Stories

Scammers excel at storytelling. They’ll often share tragic tales to evoke your sympathy. They might talk about losing a loved one, battling an illness, or facing financial hardship. This is all part of building emotional trust.

Ask yourself: Is the story consistent, or does it conveniently shift to justify a new request? Emotional manipulation is a cornerstone of romance scams.

They Ask for Money or Financial Assistance

This is the biggest red flag. Whether it’s a loan for an unexpected emergency, travel costs to visit you, or help with “frozen” bank accounts, any request for money should raise immediate alarm bells, even if it’s an unbelievable crypto investment that they believe will surely pay off in the future. It won’t!

Scammers might also frame it in ways that seem temporary or unintrusive, like asking for gift cards. And of course gift cards can’t be tracked so that allows them a clean and easy getaway. Always remember: a genuine partner won’t ask for financial help, especially so early in a relationship.

Grammar and Communication Might Not Match Their Profile

Does their polished persona on the app mismatch their writing? Scammers often use fake profiles but struggle with grammar or phrasing that doesn’t align with the professional image they project.

Watch for inconsistencies in tone, frequent typos, or clunky responses. Poor communication skills can signal that you’re not speaking to who you think. Conversely if it seems over-written or unnaturally formal, they are mostly likely using A.I. to sound more believable.

They Avoid Answering Direct Questions

When you ask simple questions, do they deflect or change the subject? Scammers avoid revealing details that could expose their lies. They might give vague answers or tell you they’re too busy to respond thoughtfully.

This is a manipulative tactic to keep the focus on emotions rather than facts. If their stories feel shallow or evasive, your gut is probably right.

Their Sob Story Leads to a Crisis

After earning your trust, scammers often stage a sudden “crisis.” They’ll say their wallet got stolen, a relative needs emergency surgery, or their business deal fell through. These situations almost always result in a plea for financial help.

Stay firm—don’t send money, no matter how heartbreaking their tale might sound. Scammers will often disappear as soon as their demands are met.

They Pressure You to Act Fast

Scammers create urgency as part of their scheme. Whether it’s needing money “today” to resolve an issue or pushing you to commit emotionally, they thrive on making you act without thinking.

If someone you’ve never met is applying pressure, take a step back. Healthy, real relationships respect time and boundaries.

Protect Yourself: Stay Vigilant and Trust Your Instincts

Romance scams prey on the desire for love and connection. Awareness is your best defense. Stay cautious by keeping the conversation on verified platforms, looking for inconsistencies, and avoiding financial entanglements.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it’s okay to walk away. Real love isn’t built on secrecy, pressure, or manipulation—it’s grounded in trust, honesty, and mutual respect.

By staying alert, you can protect yourself while searching for a relationship that’s truly worth your time and energy.

Learn more about spotting a romance scam in this episode of the Dates & Mates podcast