You Are Your Own Magic Wand

Do you feel like you didn’t get dealt the right cards when it comes to love? Maybe your family dynamics, personal history, or past relationships have shaped your path in ways that feel hard to break free from. You’ve done the work therapy, journaling, and mindset shifts, but still feel stuck.

This week on Dates & Mates, New York Times bestselling author and transformational teacher Laura Day joins the show to share how we can begin to shift those long-held patterns and reconnect with our power in love.

Later in the episode, Damona answers a listener’s question about being too picky in dating and how to tell the difference between honoring your standards and blocking your own connection.

(2:06) The Intuition Architect

Laura Day has spent the past four decades helping people sharpen their intuition and transform their lives—from high-profile celebrities to everyday people navigating big transitions. She’s the author of seven books, including Practical Intuition, The Circle, and her newest: The Prism: Seven Steps to Heal Your Past and Transform Your Future.

While she’s long been known for her work in intuitive development, Laura says The Prism came from somewhere more personal.

“This process was what allowed me not only to find a wholeness in myself,” she says, “but also to create what I wanted in my life.”

The book distills her life’s work into a seven-step structure that helps you identify which part of your inner system is driving your decisions—and how to work with it, not against it.

(12:44) Don’t Mistake Familiar for Safe

Let’s talk about patterns. You think you’re making different choices. But the results keep looking strangely similar. It’s not a coincidence.

According to Laura, many of us are wired to recreate the emotional experiences we had early in life, even the painful ones, because that’s what our nervous system knows how to process. Without realizing it, we’re attracted to what’s familiar, not necessarily what’s healthy.

The key is interrupting that loop with new behaviors and new awareness. And no, it does not require perfection or a total overhaul. Just one conscious shift at a time.

(19:47) The “No New Damage” Rule

Ever leave a date feeling off, even when everything “looked good on paper”? Or walk away from a friend hang feeling emotionally hungover?

Laura’s simple but powerful rule: No New Damage

If a person, habit, or dynamic starts eroding your peace, your progress, or your sense of self, pause. Reassess.

“Is your sleep better? Your job going smoother? Are you more emotionally regulated?” Laura asks. “If not, the relationship might be doing harm even if it looks good on paper.”

No new damage doesn’t mean avoiding discomfort. It means protecting your nervous system from relationships that feel more like regression than growth.

(27:22) Your Red Flags Might Not Be Universal

There is a moment in the conversation where Damona and Laura reflect on the lists we make when dating, green flags, red flags, must-haves, dealbreakers, and how rigid those checklists can become.

Laura challenges the idea that love should follow a fixed formula. What one person needs to feel safe or supported might not apply to someone else.

The episode explores how our “non-negotiables” are often built from pain, not clarity, and how real connection happens when we move beyond generalized rules and start tuning into what feels nourishing and sustainable for us as individuals.

(32:18) Rewire, Don’t Rewrite

Change does not have to come from understanding every piece of your past. Sometimes it begins with doing just one thing differently in the present.

Laura shares examples from her own life and relationship, including how she gradually shifted the way she showed up to be more aligned with the kind of love she wanted to co-create.

“There are a lot of great loves out there,” she says. “But what makes someone your person is that you choose them, and you build the structure of love together.”

This episode is not about waiting for fate or finding the perfect partner. It is about stepping into your own power, one choice at a time.

Connect with Laura Day
Website: https://lauraday.com/
Instagram: @lauradayintuit
Book: The Prism: Seven Steps to Heal Your Past and Transform Your Future

(58:11) Dear Damona: Too Picky or Just Discerning?

A listener writes:
“I always thought I’d be married by now, but here I am at 39, still single. I’ve dated great people, but something always felt off. So I kept holding out for the one. Now I’m wondering… was I being too picky, or was I just protecting myself from settling?”

In this week’s Dear Damona, we explore the real difference between high standards and emotional self-sabotage—and why the “spark” might not be the signal you think it is.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

 

Dating Isn’t Broken — But the Fairy Tale Might Be

Dating takes guts—vulnerability, risk, and putting yourself out there—and lately, it’s been feeling a lot.

Between fairy tale myths and the post-lockdown social weirdness, it’s no wonder so many of us feel stuck or just straight-up over it. Swiping feels safer than saying hi, texting is easier than talking, and ghosting? Yeah, it stings.

But here’s the good news: your love story is still yours to write.

This week, TED speaker, podcast host, and modern love expert Francesca Hogi joins me to talk about ditching outdated fairy tales and building real-deal connections. Plus, we tackle a juicy Dear Damona & Dear Franny question: “Dating apps keep feeding me the same old matches. How do I meet someone IRL?”

Take a breath—today’s episode is all about rewriting the rules and stepping into the dating life you actually deserve.

(2:06) Meet Your Dating Reality Check: Francesca Hogi

You might know Francesca Hogi as the host of the Dear Franny podcast, a TED speaker, or the survivor who once literally competed for love on national TV. But today, she’s here wearing another crown: expert guide in tearing down outdated myths about love.

Franny has been featured everywhere from The Today Show to The New York Times, and her new book How to Find True Love is all about giving you the tools to stop chasing fairy tales and start building the real thing.

When she’s not dismantling the “fairy tale industrial complex,” she’s teaching singles how to step back into their power, trust themselves again, and find true love on their own terms.

(2:11) Why Your Love Life Feels Stuck And What Fairy Tales Have to Do With It

From Cinderella to rom-coms, we’ve been sold a very specific idea of what love is supposed to look like: effortless, instantaneous, magical. Francesca calls it the “fairy tale industrial complex,” a billion-dollar business that profits off keeping us chasing a fantasy.

But the truth? Real love doesn’t happen to you. It’s something you build, with trust, respect, and emotional safety at the center.

Franny explains, “When you meet someone, you’re not just admiring their traits, you’re co-creating a whole new relationship. That’s what you actually live inside of.”

(5:00) Are You Dating or Just Swiping?

Sure, dating apps started as a tool. But somewhere along the way, they became a crutch.

Today, many of us feel safer sending a text than making eye contact across a room. Rejection stings less when it’s a silent unmatch rather than a face-to-face conversation. But that “safety” might actually be costing us the very thing we want most: a real connection.

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the swipe-scroll-ghost spiral, this part of the episode will hit close to home and offer a way out you might not have considered yet

(12:13) The Self-Love Formula No One Taught You in School

You’ve heard “love yourself first” a million times. But Francesca actually shows you how to do it in a way that’s tangible, empowering, and actionable.

Self-love isn’t about thinking you’re the best person in the room. It’s about treating yourself with the same respect, compassion, and care you wish to receive from others.

As Franny puts it, “You’re not waiting to wake up one day magically feeling worthy. You create that feeling through action, one decision at a time.”

(22:29) How to Meet Cute (Without Feeling Weird About It)

What if every time you stepped outside, you believed something amazing could happen?

Francesca introduces the “Meet Cute Mindset” — a simple but powerful way to move through the world with openness and intention. It’s not about forcing conversations or awkwardly flirting with strangers. It’s about reminding yourself that connection is always possible… if you’re willing to be present enough to notice it.

Spoiler: there’s a cheeky million-dollar thought experiment that might just change how you walk through your local coffee shop tomorrow.

Connect with Francesca:

• Francesca’s book: How to Find True Love: Unlock Your Romantic Flow and Create Lasting Relationships
• @DearFranny on all social media platforms
• Dear Franny Podcast

(38:01) Dear Damona & Dear Franny: Dating Feels Like It’s on Pause

This week’s question comes from Sheryl on Instagram, who shares:

“I use dating apps but remain open to connection when I am out and about. Still, I haven’t met anyone IRL, and my dating apps seem to be repeating candidates I already turned down. My love life feels like it’s on pause. How can I turn it back on?”

If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in a loop, seeing the same faces and feeling like real connection is out of reach, this part of the episode will feel like a deep exhale. It’s about shifting from passive hope to active creation and building the kind of dating life you actually want to be living.

Hint: It’s less about chasing outcomes and more about practicing openness, curiosity, and confidence one conversation at a time.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

 

Have you ever wondered what 18 years of marriage really looks like?

Not the Instagram highlight reel, but the thousands of conversations, quiet compromises, and inside jokes that only come from choosing each other every single day?

This week on Dates & Mates, Damona does something she’s never done before. In honor of her 18th wedding anniversary (yes, 6,500+ days of love and lessons!), Damona is joined by her husband Seth on the mic to co-host an entire episode of Dear Damona where the couple tag-teams your biggest dating and relationship dilemmas.

From dating app anxiety to long-term communication ruts, they bring advice straight from the front lines of a real, evolving partnership. Seth may be a behind-the-scenes guy (TV writer, Virgo, very anti-social media), but he brings thoughtful insight and a few surprises too.

 

(6:03) When the Peanut Gallery Gets Too Loud

“I feel like I’m constantly second-guessing my own judgment…”

The first question comes from Bella, who’s 24 and feeling overwhelmed by unsolicited opinions, from friends and Facebook groups. When everyone’s got something to say about who you’re dating, how do you know what to take seriously and when to trust your gut?

Damona and Seth unpack the difference between a red flag and a rumor, and reflect on how the dating landscape today is more crowded with outside voices than ever before.

(14:38) Singles Events Are My Nightmare

“I freeze. I feel awkward… I end up standing on the sidelines.”

Shawn wants to show up intentionally and find real-life connection, but every time he gets to a singles event, anxiety shuts him down. Sound familiar?

Seth shares a psychological trick that helped him overcome social anxiety back in his single days. Damona adds her signature PS World technique (plus a few ice cream-based openers that actually work).

(25:24) Am I Talking or Just Repeating Myself?

“It feels like my partner isn’t truly listening anymore.”

Beth has been with her partner for several years but feels like she’s hitting a communication wall.

Damona and Seth talk about how to reset connection, why “invisible conversations” happen more than we realize, and how therapy doesn’t have to mean something is broken; it can be a tool for growth.

(35:55) Help! My Friends Are Dating Cynics

“Every time dating comes up, the conversation turns negative.”

Jill is trying to stay hopeful about love, but her friend group is stuck in a doom spiral.

Damona explains why protecting your dating mindset is crucial (and sometimes means snoozing the group chat), while Seth adds perspective on why some people stay stuck in dating cynicism.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

 

Have you ever felt your heart race before a first date? Do you shut down during conflict, or find yourself in an anxious spiral waiting for a text back, you’re not alone. 

The truth is, love isn’t just in your head, it’s in your body too. The way we attach, react, and connect is deeply wired into our nervous system, shaped by past experiences and, for many of us, past wounds.

This week we are joined in our journey by master certified Somatic Life coach Beatriz Victoria Albina. She’ll be breaking down the ways that a dysregulated nervous system gets in our way romantically, how to tune in to the cues your body is sending you, and how to heal ourselves for healthier, happier relationships. 

Later we’ll answer this Dear Damona question of the week: How do I begin dating again now that my 15-year marriage has ended?

So take a deep breath, settle in, and get ready. Because today we’re going to give you a lot of advice, a lot of key takeaways, and a whole mind-body-spirit journey on love from the inside out.

(2:06) The Nervous System Whisperer

Meet Beatriz Victoria Albina, a master certified somatic life coach who helps us understand how our bodies affect our love lives!

“My work is all about helping humans who are socialized as women to overcome our codependent, perfectionist and people pleasing habits, which relates to every millisecond of how we relate,” Beatriz explains. “It’s really a relational issue, and the lens I use is both a feminist one and a nervous system lens.”

She’s a family nurse practitioner, somatic experience practitioner, and breathwork meditation guide with a master’s degree in public health from Boston University and hosts the Feminist Wellness podcast.

Your Inner Caveperson is Freaking Out (5:00)

Did you know your dating anxiety is actually a prehistoric survival mechanism?

When your nervous system detects a potential threat – whether it’s a predator in the wild or an unanswered text – it triggers the same biological response. Your body can’t tell the difference between facing a lion and facing rejection on a dating app!

Beatriz breaks down the three surprising nervous system states that control your dating life and explains why understanding them is the key to transforming your relationship patterns.

Swiping Into a Nervous Breakdown (14:04)

“We’re not designed to be swiping hundreds of faces or be scrolling doomscrolling Instagram after we get ghosted for like six hours of doomscrolling with the TV on while drinking wine,” Beatriz warns. These digital dating habits are literally rewiring our nervous systems.

The constant swiping and ghosting creates intense cycles of hope and disappointment – much like an addictive loop. 

We explore the hidden neurological cost of dating app burnout and what you might be missing when your nervous system is constantly frazzled by digital dating.

The 30-Second Date Calm-Down Trick (20:57)

Panicking before a date? There’s a science-backed trick that’s surprisingly simple.

When dating anxiety hits, your brain’s emotion center hijacks your thinking. But what if you could redirect that energy in less than a minute?

Beatriz shares a counterintuitive technique that sounds almost too basic to work – yet the neuroscience behind it is solid. 

This easy practice could be the difference between shutting down on a promising date and staying present enough to make a real connection.

Your Dating Superhero Has Your Back (32:38)

Everyone needs a secret weapon when dating anxiety strikes.

Beyond just positive self-talk, Beatriz introduces a powerful concept that creates an emotional anchor in turbulent dating waters. This technique helps you stay grounded when dating triggers your deepest insecurities.

The approach draws on both ancient wisdom and modern neuroscience, and it might completely change how you handle pre-date jitters, awkward silences, and post-date overthinking.

Connect with Beatriz:

• Website: https://beatrizalbina.com/
• Podcast: Feminist Wellness Podcast 
• Instagram: @beatrizvictoriaalbinanp

(41:48) Dear Damona: Starting Over After Divorce

A listener shares:

“Dear Damona, after my 15-year marriage ended last year, I haven’t been able to start dating yet. I was raised in a conservative religious environment and never dated until meeting my ex and subsequently marrying him in a matter of months, so I actually have no idea how to even start dating.”

Dating after a long marriage isn’t just about meeting new people – it’s about meeting a new version of yourself.

We suggest a fresh approach that takes all the pressure off and reframes the entire dating process.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!