Today I will be sharing an extremely important conversation in as part of our Summer Encore Series.  

If you’re listening to this podcast then you’re likely looking for romance or already in love, but there’s another kind of love I want to encourage you to nurture – self love.  You may have heard the phrase “you have to love yourself, before you can love someone else”, and it’s true. Being able to understand yourself and being able to take care of yourself will prepare you for a healthier relationship or improve the one you already have.

And that’s why I have author and America’s leading mid-life dating and relationship coach, Jonathan Aslay, joining me today.  He will be breaking down the idea of self love and outlining his techniques for mastering the concept.

JONATHON ASLAY (1:55)

(1:55) What the heck is self love anyway?

Jonathon’s book, What the Heck is Self Love Anyway?, works to answer that very question. According to Jonathon, self love is getting to a state of inner peace. But how do we even begin to get to that place? 

Jonathon notes that the way we speak to ourselves, and how we speak to others, is crucial for finding that fulfillment. Are you communicating from a sense of negativity or hypercriticism? If so, try to take steps to shift your inner world away from feeling like a victim to your own circumstances, and more towards hopefulness.

(7:40) Learn to lift yourself up.

Damona asks Jonathon what advice he can give listeners to begin lifting themselves out of that negative or dark place. Jonathon explains the two key phrases that helped him on his self love journey. Plus, he gives ideas on some activities you can do to develop more self love (and how to make a self love practice work for YOU). 

(10:55) Your body is a machine, not a temple.

One thing that Jonathon emphasizes in his book is that taking care of your body is a big form of self love. So giving your body the nutrients it needs is the easiest way to begin your journey of self love. Additionally, slowing down and paying attention to nature on a daily basis will move you towards connecting with yourself.

(13:10) Shifting your energy.

Damona mentions something she learned in her kids’ yoga class called “the mean bug” – if something happens to you that then causes you to have a bad day, you’ve caught the mean bug. She notes that it’s important to not let the more negative aspects of your day overshadow the good.

Jonathon agrees, adding that we have the power to change our inner narrative if we choose to. In order to take charge of the energy you bring into your dating life, Jonathon recommends always setting an intention beforehand. 

(15:25) Your wonderful, weird self.

As a dating coach, Jonathon says that one of the biggest pieces of advice he gives is to embrace what makes you weird or unique. He brings up the classic rom-com When Harry Met Sally, and how Harry ended up falling in love with Sally not because of how polished or perfect she was, but because it took her an hour to order a ham sandwich and that she finds 70 degree weather cold. So it’s not the perfection that people embrace the most, it’s the quirks.

 

Be sure to check out Jonathon’s book, What The Heck Is Self-Love Anyway, and follow him on Twitter @JonathonAslay.

 

You can learn more about Jonathon at JonathonAslay.com, and download his free gift for Dates & Mates listeners at jonathonaslay.com/gift.

 

DEAR DAMONA (19:50)

Submit your Dear Damona questions on Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear your answers in a future episode of the show!

**This week’s questions are from the vault. We will continue answering your dating dilemmas during Season 10 of Dates & Mates, airing August 23, 2022.

• Question #1 – I decided to really let my walls down and be open and vulnerable in my new relationship. I feel that if I keep walls up and I’m too reserved, I may miss out. There’s always the possibility of being hurt and I have been hurt in the past. How do I learn to be more open and vulnerable this time so that I don’t have any regrets?
• Question #2 – You said not to talk about politics, religion, or money on a first date. But these topics will come up eventually. So should there be a hold on certain discussions?