Dating Isn’t Broken — But the Fairy Tale Might Be

Dating takes guts—vulnerability, risk, and putting yourself out there—and lately, it’s been feeling a lot.

Between fairy tale myths and the post-lockdown social weirdness, it’s no wonder so many of us feel stuck or just straight-up over it. Swiping feels safer than saying hi, texting is easier than talking, and ghosting? Yeah, it stings.

But here’s the good news: your love story is still yours to write.

This week, TED speaker, podcast host, and modern love expert Francesca Hogi joins me to talk about ditching outdated fairy tales and building real-deal connections. Plus, we tackle a juicy Dear Damona & Dear Franny question: “Dating apps keep feeding me the same old matches. How do I meet someone IRL?”

Take a breath—today’s episode is all about rewriting the rules and stepping into the dating life you actually deserve.

(2:06) Meet Your Dating Reality Check: Francesca Hogi

You might know Francesca Hogi as the host of the Dear Franny podcast, a TED speaker, or the survivor who once literally competed for love on national TV. But today, she’s here wearing another crown: expert guide in tearing down outdated myths about love.

Franny has been featured everywhere from The Today Show to The New York Times, and her new book How to Find True Love is all about giving you the tools to stop chasing fairy tales and start building the real thing.

When she’s not dismantling the “fairy tale industrial complex,” she’s teaching singles how to step back into their power, trust themselves again, and find true love on their own terms.

(2:11) Why Your Love Life Feels Stuck And What Fairy Tales Have to Do With It

From Cinderella to rom-coms, we’ve been sold a very specific idea of what love is supposed to look like: effortless, instantaneous, magical. Francesca calls it the “fairy tale industrial complex,” a billion-dollar business that profits off keeping us chasing a fantasy.

But the truth? Real love doesn’t happen to you. It’s something you build, with trust, respect, and emotional safety at the center.

Franny explains, “When you meet someone, you’re not just admiring their traits, you’re co-creating a whole new relationship. That’s what you actually live inside of.”

(5:00) Are You Dating or Just Swiping?

Sure, dating apps started as a tool. But somewhere along the way, they became a crutch.

Today, many of us feel safer sending a text than making eye contact across a room. Rejection stings less when it’s a silent unmatch rather than a face-to-face conversation. But that “safety” might actually be costing us the very thing we want most: a real connection.

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the swipe-scroll-ghost spiral, this part of the episode will hit close to home and offer a way out you might not have considered yet

(12:13) The Self-Love Formula No One Taught You in School

You’ve heard “love yourself first” a million times. But Francesca actually shows you how to do it in a way that’s tangible, empowering, and actionable.

Self-love isn’t about thinking you’re the best person in the room. It’s about treating yourself with the same respect, compassion, and care you wish to receive from others.

As Franny puts it, “You’re not waiting to wake up one day magically feeling worthy. You create that feeling through action, one decision at a time.”

(22:29) How to Meet Cute (Without Feeling Weird About It)

What if every time you stepped outside, you believed something amazing could happen?

Francesca introduces the “Meet Cute Mindset” — a simple but powerful way to move through the world with openness and intention. It’s not about forcing conversations or awkwardly flirting with strangers. It’s about reminding yourself that connection is always possible… if you’re willing to be present enough to notice it.

Spoiler: there’s a cheeky million-dollar thought experiment that might just change how you walk through your local coffee shop tomorrow.

Connect with Francesca:

• Francesca’s book: How to Find True Love: Unlock Your Romantic Flow and Create Lasting Relationships
• @DearFranny on all social media platforms
• Dear Franny Podcast

(38:01) Dear Damona & Dear Franny: Dating Feels Like It’s on Pause

This week’s question comes from Sheryl on Instagram, who shares:

“I use dating apps but remain open to connection when I am out and about. Still, I haven’t met anyone IRL, and my dating apps seem to be repeating candidates I already turned down. My love life feels like it’s on pause. How can I turn it back on?”

If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in a loop, seeing the same faces and feeling like real connection is out of reach, this part of the episode will feel like a deep exhale. It’s about shifting from passive hope to active creation and building the kind of dating life you actually want to be living.

Hint: It’s less about chasing outcomes and more about practicing openness, curiosity, and confidence one conversation at a time.

💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!

Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!