How To Be Dateable & Rarely Into Anyone
Dating can be tough these days, even for our regular Dates & Mates listeners who are putting in the work to date with intention.
Many of us grew up in the Disney Prince and Princess era, absorbing these fairy tales about love at first sight and happily ever after. But as adults, we have had to unlearn those stories and redefine what love looks like in the real world.
The good news? Today’s singles are stepping onto a new path, one of authenticity and intentionality in dating.
This week, we’re talking with Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu about their brand new book “How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love.” They share practical strategies that help us date smarter and connect deeper.
(2:03) From First Date Horror Stories to Dating’s Dynamic Duo
When Julie Krafchick and Yue Xu met in San Francisco, neither had figured dating out.
Together, Yue, a former dating coach who specialized in helping clients “trick” people into liking them, and Julie, with her background in human-centered design, realized none of the old rules worked anymore.
Now, after a decade of hosting the Dateable podcast and launching their dating experiment show Exit Interview, they’ve interviewed thousands of daters and uncovered the truth about modern love.
In their new book “How to Be Dateable: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Person and Falling in Love,” they share what really works (and what definitely doesn’t) in today’s dating landscape.
The Hidden Reason Modern Dating Feels Impossible (4:05)
“Back in the day, people dated within their network. They formed organic connections.
They didn’t have to win people over because they saw these people over and over again,” Yue revealed, highlighting why today’s expanded dating pools create unique challenges.
The conversation explored how dating has evolved from organic community connections to convincing strangers of our worth. While dating apps have expanded our options, they’ve also created new hurdles in our search for authentic connection – and understanding these dynamics is the first step to mastering them.
The Dating Personality Test That Changes Everything (15:38)
Julie opened up about her own dating patterns as a Dreamer-Achiever type, sharing how it kept her in a two-year situationship: “I would give people the sixth chance… I would think something was more than it was because I was in a fantasy of what I wanted from someone.”
Their five archetypes – the Achiever, Dreamer, Energizer, Maverick, and Thinker – reveal the hidden patterns in our dating lives.
Through personal stories and real examples, Julie and Yue demonstrate how understanding your type helps you leverage your strengths while spotting potential pitfalls.
The Sunday Dating Rule That Will Save Your Sanity (30:36)
Though she is partnered now, Julie’s dating app strategy sparked an “aha” moment in the studio – she only logged in on Sundays, the highest traffic day, with notifications turned off. This simple shift transformed her experience from exhausting to energizing.
The conversation dove into why treating dating apps like a full-time job backfires and how setting clear boundaries around your dating energy creates space for genuine connection.
The Million Dollar Dating Question No One’s Asking (42:49)
When Julie and Yue introduced their Dating North Star concept, it completely shifted how we think about dating goals.
Instead of generic aims like “finding a relationship” or “not being lonely,” they dig deeper into what actually drives our desire for partnership.
Through fascinating examples from their research and podcast interviews, they reveal how getting crystal clear on your true dating motivation changes everything about how you approach finding love.
Connect with Julie & Yue:
- Instagram: @DateablePodcast
- DateablePodcast.com
- Book: “How to Be Dateable” available now
(41:04) Dear Damona: When the Spark Feels Lost
A listener struggles to find attraction after breaking free from emotionally unavailable partners. Damona shares insights on rewiring attraction patterns and why taking it slow might be the key to finding lasting chemistry.
💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!
Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!