Have you ever been told you need to be “softer” to be loved?

Or felt like you had to shrink parts of yourself to fit into someone else’s idea of what a woman “should” be? You’re not alone.

This week on Dates & Mates, we dedicate the entire episode to a listener question that is at the heart of modern gender dynamics in dating. 

Esther left us a voice memo asking: How can I be a strong woman who supports a partner without losing myself? And how do I get into my feminine energy on a date?

There’s a lot to unpack. And that’s exactly what we do in this episode.

(2:00) Can You “Build Up” a Man, and Should You?

We start with a powerful question about the role women are often expected to play in their relationships. 

Esther wants to know how to be a strong woman who helps build up her man. Is that really your job? Or are we just repeating old patterns handed down through outdated relationship narratives?

Damona says, “That’s his work. That’s not your work. It’s not your job to make your partner feel any kind of way other than safe and cared for.” 

It’s a reminder that real support doesn’t mean sacrificing your own needs.

(6:00) Encouragement > Fixing

Let’s talk about one of the most common traps we fall into when trying to support a partner: trying to fix them.

How can you shift from correction mode into true encouragement? Maybe the better question is why this change makes all the difference in how secure and seen your partner feels.

We also look at how over-correcting in relationships can erode trust and create imbalance.

(9:00) Vulnerability Is a Superpower

Especially for men, showing emotion has often been misunderstood as weakness.

But we explain why emotional openness is actually one of the strongest things we can bring into a relationship.

We dig into what emotional safety looks like and why so many people struggle to create it. You’ll come away thinking differently about how vulnerability works in healthy love, and how to invite it in.

(12:00) Feminine Energy Isn’t a Costume

Esther’s second question? How to get into her feminine energy around men.

“If you’ve been telling yourself, ‘I just need to get more into my feminine energy so I can attract the right man,’ I gently want to challenge that,” Damona says. “Because here’s the truth: feminine energy is fake…it’s a label”

Are we talking about being agreeable? Submissive? Passive? Let’s challenge the idea that “feminine energy” is something you need to switch on to be desirable, and instead ask, what if it’s just about feeling safe enough to receive?

(16:00) The Risk of Performing for Love

Trying to mold yourself into someone else’s ideal, even subtly, always comes at a cost.

Let’s talk about the danger of trying to “act feminine” in a way that doesn’t feel authentic. What does it cost you to pretend you don’t have preferences? To mute your voice? To play small?

You need to get real about what performance in dating looks like and how letting it go might be your path to true connection.

(19:00) Strength Isn’t a Problem — It’s the Point

Esther asked how to be strong and still be cherished. 

The answer isn’t to soften yourself into someone else’s comfort zone, it’s to be whole. Damona shares why the right partner won’t just tolerate your strength, they’ll value it.

This episode is a celebration of the full you…the ambitious you, the assertive you, the emotional you. Because strength isn’t something to hide, it’s something to bring boldly into your relationships.

💌Have a communication conundrum? Damona’s got you.

Whether it’s love, conflict, or just figuring out what to text back, no question is too big or too small. Submit your dating, relationship, or communication questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!

And don’t forget — Dates & Mates is now about all your significant relationships, not just romantic ones.