MANIFEST YOUR FAIRYTALE
Damona usually says ditch the fairytale, but the concept of fairytale ending always seems to manifest in different ways.
Everyone is looking for a magical fairytale ending. They want to be Cinderella and find a Prince who sweeps them off their feet and then live happily ever after.
But when we talk about fairytales, we usually skirt over the fact that before any of these princesses found their princes, they had to do some hard work to find the magic. Cinderella didn’t just wish on a star and get a whole kingdom handed to her, she had to sweep some chimneys and clean some dishes before she could manifest love.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth, an Intuition + Manifestation Mentor, speaker, and host of Made of Magic: The Podcast joins Damona to talk about the magic in our lives. Stephanie helps us awaken, embody, and amplify our magic so we can invite the next level in life, love, and business.
DATING DISH (2:30)
Do you and your boo need a marriage pact like William and Kate?
According to Katie Nicholle, author of “Kate The Future Queen,” Kate Middleton decided she needed to a marriage pact amidst her on again off again relationship with Prince William. What is a marriage pact and should you consider one?
On a scale of 0 to 100, how “textpatible” are you?
Have you ever been in a situation where you need to change the way your partner communicates over text? We’ve got some suggestions.
What Millennials can learn about flirting from older generations
According to Business Insider, millennials hire Amy Nobile to “ghost banter” – or flirt in their place on dating apps – to learn how to flirt better. What’s up with this?
MANIFESTING MAGIC (14:60)
Put in work to find your fairytale
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth has a great love story. In the middle of a two year long engagement, she realized that she didn’t feel the magic. Now she’s teaching women how to find the magic in their lives so they can attract the best
We go in-depth on:
- What is magic?
- How do you find magic?
- What does it mean to manifest what you want?
- What you want and how you get it doesn’t always add up
- How do you clarify manifestation methods that work for you?
- A huge part of manifesting has to feel good
- Magic Mornings!
- Are you settling? How do you know?
Find Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth on Instagram @StephanieDawnElizabeth and make sure to listen to Made of Magic: The Podcast!
TECHNICALLY DATING (31:00)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
- What do you do if you can’t be intimate with your wife, but you still have needs?
- How to navigate dating as a young professional who doesn’t want kids?
WANT TO GO EVEN DEEPER? HERE IS A TRANSCRIPT OF THE SHOW IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ALONG!
Damona 3:32
Hello lovers, welcome to Dates & Mates. I’m your host certified dating coach Damona Hoffman here to help you navigate all of the challenges of modern dating and relationships. You know, I usually say, ditch the fairy tale, but the concept of a fairytale ending keeps coming up. Everyone is looking for this magical fairy tale story of love. They want to be Cinderella and find a prince who will sweep them off their feet and then live happily ever after. But when we talk about fairy tales, we usually skirt over all that hard work, all of that, that manifestation, all of that effort that these princesses are putting out to find their princes. You have to do some work to find the magic. And that is why my guest today Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth, an intuition and manifestation mentor, speaker and the host of the Made of Magic Podcast is here to help me help you get on your mission to make the magic in your love life. Today, Stephanie is going to help us awaken embody and amplify our magic so we can invite our love lives to the next level and maybe it will also impact your other areas of your life and also your business. Please help me give big smooches to my guest, Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 4:57
Hi. Thank you. As you were talking about like, Oh, is she talking about me?
Damona 5:03
Yeah, we’re making fairy tale magic here. And your podcast is made of magic. So we want the goods girl. We want to know how we can make this magic happen.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 5:16
Okay, well I’m here to share.
Damona 5:18
Great and we’re also going to do the headlines including, do you and your boo need a marriage pact like William and Kate? And how to improve your partner’s texting style. Plus what millennials can learn about flirting from older generations. And then we’ll be answering your questions like how to make an LDR work and what’s up with women on dating apps? All that more today’s Dates & Mates! Stephanie, Are you ready to make this magic?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 5:47
So ready
Damona 5:49
All right, I was checking out the book “Kate to the Future Queen” by Katie Nicole and turns out Kate Middleton And Prince William may have made a marriage pact. You may recall that back in the day they were dating, they met at university – I almost in college, but I have to go English for this. They met at the university. And then it was on again off again. They broke up for a few months. And Kate was like, it doesn’t matter if she’s dating the Prince of England. She’s like, “Listen, I need to know what your intentions are. If we’re going to get back together. We need a pact we need to make sure that this relationship is headed towards marriage.” So according to the book, they actually agreed to take the pressure off their relationship. They didn’t have a timeline, but they said we’re going to end up together if we’re going to get back together. I want to know Stephanie, what are your thoughts on doing a marriage pact? Is it too much pressure?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 6:53
Yeah. So okay, did they have a marriage pact and not a proposal or did he also propose?
Damona 7:00
No, it was not a proposal. It was sort of like, it was a verbal promise ring.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 7:08
I feel like this is so hard because I wouldn’t say I’m against it. Like, I actually love anything unconventional. So, like eloping or just deciding we’re going to get married. I don’t know how I I’m like, kind of torn. Where are you at with it?
Damona 7:26
I think that you don’t know the trajectory of the relationship. And yeah, pressure on it, when you’re just getting back together to me seems like a little bit much like I had not a marriage pact with my husband, but I had, I had an understanding before. Before he moved in, I said, I need to know that this relationship is headed towards marriage. Now if you move in, and it doesn’t work, and we end up hating each other So be it, I’m not going to force you to propose, but I just need to know that’s where your head is at. So we don’t really know the terms of Kate and William’s marriage pact, but if it was something like that, then obviously I’m for it. If it was, we must get married and don’t waste my time, William. I love how it’s just, it feels so ordinary, right? This is what we’re all dealing with. And you think you would think that if you’re going to be the future Queen that you’re above all of this, but no Prince William was acting like a fool and you know, being a dumb single guy way back then he’s he’s the prince, but he’s just, he’s just like one of us.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 8:39
Yeah, like when you were first telling, like that whole scenario, I took it a totally different way of like, they just kind of decided, Okay, we’re going to get married. We don’t know when but it’s going to happen. But which I think is cool. Like, I think obviously, you should have a conversation that you’re moving the same direction you want the same thing, but then the way you just said it, the second time is like you that pressure of like you must marry me, which is totally different energy.
Damona 9:05
Yeah, especially if there’s the whole kingdom is at stake!
Well, let’s bring it down from the 30,000 foot level to what people are really dealing with in dating and relationships today. I’m always talking about texting. This is now the way that so many of us are communicating. And there was an article today in elite daily about how to change your partner’s texting style. I found this really interesting that everyone has their specific style of texting which we know right. But for some it’s a deal breaker if texting styles don’t match up. The article actually quoted this term “Textpatible”. And some of the people that they interviewed said it’s not a bad thing if you have to end a relationship over texting in compatibility. But my friend Julie Spira, who was quoted in it said, “Why don’t you just talk in person and ask them if you can shift if they could shift their texting style a little bit.” What are your thoughts on on texting compatibility?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 10:17
I don’t know. My first initial reaction is it’s kind of funny that that’s a quote unquote problem. But I also understand it from a sense of like, okay, let’s say one person is a person who really like thrives in relationship off of like that communication all the time. You know, like, some people text a lot. Some people don’t text a lot. I can understand that being kind of like a I wouldn’t say deal breaker but a conversation. But in terms of like, they talk a certain way and texts and I don’t like it that I kind of don’t get and I think, like you said, it’s a lot more important to have a conversation in person. I think, conversation in person that’s incompatible would make a whole lot more of a deal breaker than a text. You know what I mean?
Damona 11:00
Yeah, you definitely can’t ask someone to change their texting style over text. But there was actually a tip in the article that I really liked. a linguist and researcher Michelle McSweeney said first you have to ask yourself why it’s bugging you. Because Yeah, if it’s, if it’s annoying you it’s probably violating your own cultural norms. So just because you have a certain text etiquette, text ticket, you have to understand that that person might not be playing by the same rulebook. And I really worry about asking someone to change their text behavior, and then they’re conscious of what words they’re choosing and how they’re texting you. And it might make it less spontaneous, less authentic, and you may lose the communication because they weren’t communicating exactly on your rulebook.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 11:55
Oh, I totally agree. 100% with what you just said,
Damona 12:00
Although it also said that the longer people know each other and the more bonded they get, people tend to start texting the same way. Now I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, we text totally differently. I’m wondering if this is a bad thing: I have finally after 16 years was like, Can you just acknowledge that you’ve received a text for me? Like if, yeah, I I’m not into sexting, so I don’t send them like, I don’t send them nudes or anything like that. So all of a sudden, it was like a grocery list, you know, and I’ll just be like, I send it into the ether. And then I was like, Can you just like click the like button or just like respond Okay, or something, to just acknowledge that you’ve received it, but he, he’s consistent. He hates texting. He doesn’t like being on the phone at all. He hates texting. He it’s not at all the way he communicates face to face. And I wouldn’t really feel right like forcing him into a different different communication style. Tt hasn’t lined up. I Have you ever experienced that texting like somebody that you’re with?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 13:08
Not really? Uh, no, not really. That’s why I think I’m just like, oh, wow, I didn’t realize that was a thing. I’m like, actually, probably other people get annoyed with me in the same way where I’m either like, all in on the conversation via text or I totally forget to respond. Not necessarily in like a romantic relationship. But when you were talking to I was just thinking that kind of, you know, like the non response that I could see being a thing just by the other person feeling like, “Okay, are you listening? Do you hear me like do are you recognizing that I’m trying to connect” even if it’s about like a grocery list, but I can’t think of like a time when that was a thing for me in a relationship.
Leah Schell 13:53
I actually have been in this situation.
Damona 13:55
Oh, Producer Leah in the house.
Leah Schell 13:59
Okay. It was my high school boyfriend and I just hated the way he spoke to me over text. It was just like, he kept misspelling words. And he kept like, I don’t know, this makes me sound awful. But I just got really annoyed. And I think it was like, a manifestation of just like another issue I had, like, I did not like how he spoke in general. So I was just like annoyed about the text messages.
Damona 14:23
You just didn’t like who he was as a person.
Leah Schell 14:24
I was not a great person in high school.
Damona 14:29
No, none of us were. But I know sometimes I think about things I did in high school, and I’m just like, oh my god…
Well, being a stickler for grammar, though that does indicates I’m just going to go there. Not that I’m analyzing you right now, but I’m kind of analyzing grammar is an indicator of intelligence in written communication, right. So I don’t know. Maybe you felt like he wasn’t keeping up with you intellectually?
Leah Schell 14:57
Yeah, I did feel that way. I know my parents were like, “why are you with him?” He’s not the brightest person so it just you know…
Damona 15:05
The doctor is in. But the question is Producer Leah and Stephanie, how was your flirt game back then? And can you flirt effectively? Can you learn to flirt over text? Because according to Business Insider, Millennials are just failing on the flirting game and they actually can learn to flirt from older generations. They interviewed Amy Nobile, who’s the founder of a dating concierge service in New York. She basically does a very similar thing to what I do, but she’ll like jump in there and flirt and banter for people and teach them. I like to teach to do that. I don’t like to do what she calls ghost bantering because I want you to know that you’re talking to the real person and not not me. How many times does that happen? You show up on a date and you’re like, oh, you’re a really funny and charming over text, but now you’re kind of dull. I want to teach people how to be able to do this text banter. But what Amy Nobile, who’s 50 herself and she met her her boo on Bumble. And now she wants to teach other people how to do it. She’s seeing that the baby boomers and Gen Xers are much better at flirting and have developed that skill. I’m always saying that flirting is a learned skill. And if you haven’t flexed that muscle or if you’re only if you’re only flirting over text, then you get on the date and you don’t know how to let that. Let that you know, flirt. The I’m trying to think of like a catchy word now and it’s not coming but like let that you know that playful flirt out.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 16:47
Oh, yeah. I don’t know if I’m a good floater.
Damona 16:53
What’s your game like? What’s your style?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 16:56
I don’t know. Like, I’m one I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know that’s that’s like such a I have no idea. I think probably like, maybe charming witty like quick kind of just like go lean in and I don’t even know.
Damona 17:17
I’ll give you a tip then from Amy Nobile who is is all about flirting in the right way because I mean there are definitely ways you can flirt. And there are people that will send you the Hey beautiful text but she says instead Yeah, do it not in a sexual way. But in a warm, charming or validating way. And instead of saying hey, beautiful, which I oh my gosh, I see this up for my clients time. It’s, it’s just like what is the response to that? Hey, beautiful. Hey, she says say Happy Tuesday. Instead, I always say callback something else that picks up on the thread where you left off or picks up a new thread and starts the day like just Happy Tuesday.
Leah Schell 18:02
It seems like a good morning text. I hate good morning texts.
Damona 18:08
What’s the point of that? So we need to step it up we need to step up your tax game. But first, we are going to take a break and when we come back we will be talking more to Stephanie Donna Elizabeth host of made a magic the podcast about how you can manifest love in your life. We’ll be back right after this.
Welcome back to Dates & Mates. We are here with Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth, who is going to give us a quick pep talk on our inner magic and how you can manifest the love that you want. Stephanie I’m into this girl! I am into this idea i think, you know, I do a lot of technical dating advice but there is an element of magic in making that connection and having that fairy tale like if I go back and look at the trajectory of any of my clients and how we made it happen I do the foundational stuff, but there’s also a little bit of mindset and a little bit of timing and luck that I think you can manifest. You can create your own luck. Now tell me you you identify as an intuition and manifestation mentor, what does that mean to you?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 19:46
Well, just a quick kind of like backstory for me of how I manifested my next level love, like I like to talk about it, and just how I really got to get in touch with my intuition and really had that like spark of figuring out what manifestation was and how I did it and what my magic was? So, about a year ish ago, just over a year ago, I called up my engagement. And yeah,
Damona 20:12
oh my gosh, sorry.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 20:14
No, it’s okay. it was my choice. And it was what sparked so much magic. I think, so much of my life and you even said this in the beginning, it’s like, all of your life is connected. So your relationship, if it’s out of alignment, a lot of your other life is going to feel and be out of alignment to and that’s going to like really affect your magic and manifesting and all of that. And for me, like that relationship, I had so much of my own intuition like, first kind of whispering at me then talking to me then like screaming at me that this was not the relationship and nothing was wrong. Nothing happened. He’s a great guy, but I always had that like underlying feeling of settling and this is not it and there’s something so magic. That’s like going to click everything into place. And so finally, I just trusted myself and my intuition and called up the engagement last September. And honestly like, although, yes, it’s it was the hardest thing I’ve ever actually had to physically do to hurt somebody else. It 100% changed my entire life and clicked all of that magic into place. Because I gave myself like time to get back to knowing who I was what I wanted. And I was not trying to manifest love or relationship at that time. But two months later, I decided, Okay, I’m just going to go on Bumble. Like I feel ready and I’m so clear in my own power and what I want and what I desire, in that like, unwavering way, and I met my now boyfriend who is 100% my my person, like, a week later.
Damona 21:52
Oh my gosh, it sounds like a marriage pact is coming. No! I’m kidding!
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 21:55
no, no, no,
Damona 21:56
no, no. I want to back it up. Yeah, or people listening because I, I’m also an intuitive and one of my missions. I’m just going to say it here on the data made show. I haven’t said it aloud yet. But one of my missions is to be able to teach people how to hear their own intuition, because people always ask me like, oh, if you’re psychic, like you have you’ve some, some gift from God, something magic that happened to you and it’s in your family bloodline, and you you, you can do this magical thing. And it’s like, No, no, no, no, everyone, in my opinion, everyone can do this. Everyone has intuition. But we squash it down. We call it we think, Oh, well, I’m already engaged and the invitations are being mailed and everything is moving so quickly. And so I can’t hear that right now. Because I’m already on this panel. And I mean, it happens all the way down to the micro level of should you go out on a date with this person or not? Which a lot of our listeners are dating and going through that decision process. So let’s slow it down for everybody and go back to that moment that you said your intuition was speaking to you first it was whispering then it was nudging you then it was screaming at you. What did that actually feel like look like sound like when you were in the moment?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 23:29
Yeah. I mean, looking back, I can recognize it. I don’t know if in the moment I was like, Oh, that’s my intuition until it was so loud that I couldn’t not listen to it. But I remember like looking back now times like when we first started dating, I remember actually trying to break up with him. When we first started dating. We dated for five years and got engaged and we’re engaged feel sorry for years then got engaged and we’re engaged for two years. So I remember like, the beginning of our relationship, like when I dates and making it fit. And even like trying to break up with him thinking like, oh, we’re not really that compatible, like, we’re so different he like just that was my intuition saying No, not this isn’t the way and the universe kind of trying to nudge me in a different direction. But then we stay together. And those feelings of like, your intuition for me is like that, knowing that almost I always explain it as there’s no emotion attached to it. It’s that clear? Oh, this person is not right for me, or, oh, I need to call off my engagement. It’s super cold. It has no emotion, but your fear and your ego and all that are so much louder and your human part kind of like takes over really quickly. And so unless you kind of take that time in that space, to give yourself time to hear what it’s actually trying to say and like, listen to it. It’s hard to actually It’s hard to hear it and then actually do the thing. Because the thing you have to do a lot of the time is not necessarily the thing you want to do. So looking back, I can see like all of those feelings in my gut, or when I saw my friends and relationships where they were actually so happy and in love and like, looking at them, like, are they faking? Like, Is this real? I don’t, and looking at my own relationship and realizing that’s not how I feel about him. But this must be everyone must be lying. So I think we always have that knowing, but we cover it up with layers of Yeah, like fear or just stuff that’s true to try and not have to do the thing we know we need to do.
Damona 25:40
Well, a lot of times the thing we know we need to do is the harder thing, hopefully, and then you also layer in the pressure of family and friends at work and all of these other other plans that life has for you, right?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 25:57
Yeah, well, for me, it was like that. Well, I Already, I, we had talked about getting engaged. I said I wanted to be engaged, deeper pose. And I said I was going to do it. So it was like my intuition was saying this is the thing, but it’s like, well, I already said yes. And I’ve already committed and I can’t change my mind.
Damona 26:14
Right? Right. And what will that look like to other people if I’ve changed my brand? Exactly. No, I didn’t. Yeah, I didn’t know and I’ve made a mistake. Let’s Yeah, let’s now look at this term of magic because I’m sure there’s also some people listening that are like, hold on Dimona. This sounds like witchcraft. I’m not like, I’m a Christian. I’m not here for this. I don’t look at it as witchcraft and I think sometimes using the term magic has different connotations. What is man mean to you? And like what is it is what are the associations that it brings up when you say magic?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 26:55
Yeah, I love that you said that because it is true. I think sometimes we do have resistance to it or There’s so many different ways we use the word. For me magic is just kind of the word that I use for all of the things that there’s no other word to describe them. So calling off my engagement, and then what happened after that there’s no word for how that clicked and what happened, except for magic. You know what I mean?
Damona 27:21
Right, it doesn’t, it doesn’t make sense on paper, but somehow it all worked out.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 27:27
Yeah. And that and then the thing that I really work with women on the most is really getting back to their own magic, like we a lot of the time are seeking out the right answer or the right thing that’s going to click it all into place, or even when we’re talking about manifesting like we think we have to follow this 123 or to find the relationship we have to follow this like 123 step. And although obviously there are things that are good for a foundation or like learning and strategy if we’re talking about business, that kind of stuff, but everybody has their own unique magic that is the thing that will click everything into place and that’s why you have to listen to your intuition and find what it is for you instead of figuring out what it is for everybody else.
Damona 28:16
So let’s say we’ve tapped into intuition we got that part down check got it what is the manifestation piece when you’re talking to people on on your podcast on made of magic about how to manifest what you want? Because it’s like you said something actually very profound. I don’t know if you realize that you said I wanted to be married and I wanted that wedding. But then there’s this other piece of with the right person that may be left out of the out of the the dream or the wish or the fairytale that you were telling yourself Right, right. Oh, yeah. How do you clarify how do people clarify their, their manifestation process and find one That works for them. Because you’ve said on the show different manifestation methods that work for some won’t work for it necessarily work for you.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 29:10
Yeah, well, part of that is trial and error in a sense of like figuring out what feels good for you, a huge part of manifesting is you have to have to feel good. So what I do and how I manifest is really journaling in the morning. I call it magic mornings, like creating space, at the beginning phases of okay. I mean, there’s something everyone wants to manifest, whether it’s a relationship, whether it’s getting married, whether it’s a business or whatever. But behind all of that is how you want to feel so what we miss a lot of the times and what I missed was okay, I want to be married. I know that that’s the thing I want to do. I want to have kids, but I forgot like that, like you said that whole piece of who it was and what that person is like and what I like in the relationship, even towards the end of the engagement like that really relationship, I got to a point where I was like, I don’t even like who I am. It’s not even about him. It’s like, I don’t like how I’m showing up. And what happens I think a lot of the time is we don’t give ourselves time and space to stop and ask the better questions of not What do you like not just what do you want in terms of marriage and all of that. But how do you want to feel? How do you want to show up in that? what feels good for you? What doesn’t feel good for you? And then figuring out what in your life is in and out of alignment with that?
Damona 30:31
Yeah, that’s very helpful. And I like this idea of it doesn’t have to be perfect, right? It’s just a to be out there. And for anyone that’s listening, that’s like, I don’t know if I buy it to Mona and Stephanie, I’m not sure. If you don’t have that time to vision, if you don’t have that magic morning, like Stephanie said, it’s at some point in your life. If you haven’t placed the goal in your mind. It’s really hard for you to achieve. And it’s kind of like when you look at just breaking it down to human behavior. When I don’t have the exact stats on this, but I remember reading an article about, there was a particular race pace that everybody was hitting, and nobody can break through the barrier. And then once the first person broke the barrier, then it was like the next person, the next person, the next person because they knew it was possible. And right, what I’d love for people to do is to just place that as a possibility, like you said, you saw amongst your friends that a dream relationship was a possibility. And then when you looked at your own life, at that time, it wasn’t vibrating at that level, but you had to like, you had to set the intention. You had to have that, that dream goal, somewhere out there so that you knew what you could strive for. Right
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 31:58
100% I love all of what you just said. I think part of it, especially for me, and just especially for so many of us, whether it’s relationships or any area of your life, we do kind of settle in and just settle with that like, thing that feels quote unquote, comfortable. But there could be more out there. So exactly what you said, we think, well, that’s not going to work, or that’s not available to me or, for me, I thought people were just lying, that that’s not actually how people feel. Now, I know that that is completely not true, because I feel that so I think what happens is we don’t have a reference point for that. So I’d never experienced the love that I am experiencing now. So therefore, I didn’t know it was possible. Or, you know, if in our life, we’ve never seen people in really beautiful relationships, they’re out there, you just kind of have to give yourself a reference point for create your own reference point that anything’s possible. And the more evidence you get that that’s true, meaning like Okay, so, whether that’s your journaling and you’re visualizing or You’re just getting back to knowing yourself, and then you start to see the magic or that things, oh, they do click into place, or Oh, I didn’t make that happen, then you start to get that little bit of hope that the things are possible, the more that you see that they do happen.
Damona 33:16
And I like what you said about seeing, seeing the little pieces of it actually come to fruition. We don’t do that enough. We don’t acknowledge where we’ve where we’ve come from. And a lot of times with my when I begin a one on one coaching program with a client, I always have them start with a snapshot of their current dating life, and then set goals for where they want to be a month from now, two months from now, three months from now. And that way you can go back and track your progress because maybe, I mean, lined up for you the magic happened after two months of after moving on from your previous relationship, but for some people The timeline, the magic timeline might be a little bit longer. But if you haven’t taken the time to look back and say, wait a minute, three months ago, I’d had no dates and I felt terrible about my dating prospects. I was not putting myself out there. I was not showing up on dates I I felt miserable. I dreaded going on dates. And then now I’m like, Oh, I can do this and Mad Men on two dates this week. And maybe I haven’t met my person. But that’s still progress. And I think that’s a really big piece of the manifestation and creating magic that people leave out to that that reminder like yeah, you’re on the right path. Keep going with it.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 34:41
Yeah, I actually literally just wrote excuse me this on Instagram the other day that we’re so focused on how far we still have to go. So what we don’t have or what we are still have so much work to do on it that we don’t either stop and notice the moment of what we actually do have an audience Things that we asked for that are now here, or we don’t give ourselves the credit for how far we’ve already come. Yes. So and that kind of gratitude is so magnetic when you can just stop and be present in the moment with everything that you have, instead of always, because we we can get stuck in manifesting in that way too, which was I love that you said that. We were constantly trying to get more always looking in the future and not really being present in the moment and actually how you manifest the best or how you just feel the best is to be incredibly present incredibly grateful for what is already with you.
Damona 35:39
So true, and even. We were talking about flirting earlier. Actually, I’ll tell you all the secret to flirting. It’s not a magical formula. It’s not really saying Happy Tuesday instead of a beautiful, it’s actually yeah, being present and being in the moment and listening and responding like Stephanie and I are doing right now and having this conversation like I’m feeling really connected to you, Stephanie. Yeah, we’re nowhere.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 36:08
Yeah, yeah, I was actually thinking that after you were talking about flirting, that the reason I was like, I don’t know, is because we think of flirting as that. That sexual or that the, you know, that old school way of thinking about flirting, but when I’m thinking now of what my flirting quote unquote game is, or why I feel so good in my relationship, and vice versa is because that’s the kind of flirting that we have that in the moment, I’m listening to you, you’re listening to me we’re responding and that it feels so good.
Damona 36:42
And even if we reframe the idea of flirting, like yeah, make it not about not about sexual attraction, but even just make it about exchange of energy because I’ll tell you, my five year old son is like the biggest flirt. I know and I know that’s not it’s not a sexual thing, but it’s just like, it’s this exchange of energy. Like he likes to see the reaction he gets when he looks at them in a certain way. And maybe if we could find a little bit more of that play, and that joy, like you were saying, then we can take the pressure off of ourselves and just be
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 37:20
well, because then you are just being you’re not thinking, oh, what’s the witty, flirty thing to say for them to like me?
Damona 37:29
Exactly. I I like you. Like everything you brought into dates and mates today. You also have your own podcast. I do mate of magic. What what exciting things can people explore and experience if they pop over to your podcast and what we’ve explored today?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 37:50
Oh my gosh, it’s kind of like my open diary. Honestly, I share a ton about it’s probably very interesting for people honestly to start from episode one. It actually used to be called the girl kind of podcasts. And when I started it, it was really from a place of just wanting connection and a place for women to share their stories and be honest and say the things we’re all wanting to say. So that’s kind of if you go from the beginning, you’re going to get that kind of those episodes. And then it’s sort of organically changed to native magic. And so it’s probably wild to listen from the beginning because you’ll hear like when I was engaged to when I called up my engagement to meeting Justin to dating and what that was like to where we’re at now. So you can get a huge journey of all of it. And I share so much about what my own intuition has been saying through the journey or ego or all of this stuff. And then I have really incredible guests on to talk about all things magic manifestation what it’s like to be a woman in the world like all the things I love it. I love it.
Damona 38:56
I know people will get so much more from following your podcast made a magic. But before you go, we have questions. Yeah, definitely don’t Elizabeth, we have questions from our listeners. People need some help, and it’s time for our next segment. All right, this one comes to us from Facebook. This lady says I’ve been single eight years and I’ve been in a couple of relationships, but just not finding anyone quality until I met will just call him K. She told me the name but secret. He’s everything I’m looking for. He tells me I’m what he’s looking for, but he’s moving out of state. So we both decide to meet and see if there’s a connection and we have an incredible couple days together. But we don’t know where to go from here. Sadly, we also currently live three hours apart so seeing each other until he moves is limited two weekends for us to even find out if there is more to us. It’s taken me six years to find him and I don’t want to let go how Can we make this work?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 40:04
Oh, okay, well, I’m not a dating expert like you, but
Damona 40:08
you’re a manifestation expert. She wants to be a relationship girl.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 40:14
Well, I don’t see anything wrong with long distance relationships. Justin and I like we’re not long distance, long distance, but we live like an hour away. And honestly, I think that was a really good thing in the beginning, I tend to jump into relationships or having a past like real quick, fall real hard and like, go all in and I was all in with him. But that distance kind of allowed us to like slowly get to know each other in a different way, which ended up being so incredible. So I don’t know like, I’m all for it. If you can figure out a way that it’s going to work for both of you and that your needs are both met. And I mean, if this is the person that you been waiting for Don’t think that should break it up. What do you think?
Damona 41:04
First I’m glad that you said slow love, basically, slow it down. I just did an episode of the kind of dating podcast all on this topic about low love. So I will not be labor the issue you guys can check it. If you want to hear me, wax poetic about that. I hear a lot of anxious words, though, in this statement like, because I know she’s been single for eight years and I know what that feels like. It feels like you’ve been in the desert and you finally got a drink of water. And now you’re going to just guzzle it all down. But still, you have to have slow love and you don’t have to figure it out before he moves. So like I think the tendency when you have been looking for someone for so long, and you know she said a couple of times like it took me eight years to find him is to then take this. Take this peg that may or may not fit, and just like jamming in there, we have to figure this out right now. And you don’t like Yes, a lot of time has passed, and you’ve invested a lot, but you still need to proceed cautiously and carefully, and mindfully, and especially if you’re going to be investing in a long distance relationship. Like I’ll say, Stephanie, it can work to meet someone long distance, but eventually you have to have a plan to be together. Hopefully, very few relationships work long term long distance. Yeah. But you just have to, you have to figure it out and not be I think she shouldn’t be in a rush to figure it out before he goes, you will still have Skype dates, you’ll be able to travel to one another. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing that they can only see each other on weekends. because like you said, having that space in between the dates will make it will give you the opportunity to really assess if this is something different if it has that magic like Stephanie was
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 42:58
that’s so true. So much of what you just said, one being like that energy is different. If the energy is like, hold on, cling, don’t leave me. We got to figure this out, then no, that’s not going to feel good for anyone. And I love what you said about the weekends to even honestly now, Justin and I don’t, we’re moving in together in like a month, but we don’t really see each other during the week. And that’s okay. And for me, that’s what me release and heal so much of that unhealthy attachment or that I need you, you need to need me and has allowed us to, like individually grow in such a huge way and then we come together in a really healthy way. Exactly. That’s the goal.
Damona 43:42
Any relationships? Yeah. relationships. Okay, we have one more question. This gal says women always say that men only want them for sex. But I never get any responses on dating apps. What’s up with
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 43:56
that? It’s a guy
Oh,
Unknown Speaker 44:01
I’m gonna pick up that whole thing. Okay,
Damona 44:05
this question, okay.
Okay, this question comes to us from a fella. He says women always say that men only want them for sex. But I never get any responses on dating apps. What’s up with that? So this guy is trying to have like a more serious connection. He’s sending messages on dating apps or women of substance. And he’s getting shut out in the cold. What’s he doing wrong? You think? Other than not manifesting his magic?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 44:36
Well, I mean, I guess it if you get logical with it, it’s like what’s, what is the conversation? And then the other part of it is like, what’s the energy that it’s coming from? It’s kind of similar to the last question, you were just saying, like, Are you going out with that energy of? I need it now? I want something serious. Where are you? I don’t want anything like that that energy that you come to it with is also super important. Yes.
Damona 45:08
And it’s I feel like we’re coming back full circle to where we began at the show. It’s a combination right of, of the logistics. What What is your profile? pictures? Do you? Do you need the profile starter kit that you can get a dates and mates calm for free. And maybe you need to redo your profile because chances are you if you’re not getting responses back, there’s something amiss in your profile or in your approach. So if you’re not like chasing down women and sending them novels and acting weird, which, if you’re listening to this podcast, then surely or not, you might just need to refresh on your dating profile and have some pictures that really amplify your magic and show people who you are and what what would make you a great match. But I would say don’t be a Afraid, especially for a guy to let people know that you’re, you’re there for something more serious, right? Because if you if people I think are so afraid to say what they mean or say really what their intentions are, they’re afraid someone might run away. So I think it pushes away the wrong people and it magnet magnetized is the right people to you
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 46:22
100% I say that all the time people Justin and I met on Bumble And people always ask me, my God, how did you find a person on Bumble or vice versa? they asked him to both of us for very honest about what we wanted, and with our energy, but also in what we physically said. And I think especially for women, I mean men to or they were just afraid to say that because we think, oh, then people will leave or they’ll think like, oh, okay, he wants something serious. I’m out. But good. That’s good information that does not the person that’s on the same level of what you want. And so the more Yes, like you said part of it is what does your profile say? What are you coming into the conversation with? And then the other part of it is just be vulnerable and honest about what you actually want from the beginning.
Damona 47:07
And then let the magic take hold. Right? This has been so much fun so
all of our listeners will check out made a magic the podcast, it’s on all of your favorite podcast platforms. You can also follow Stephanie on Instagram at Stephanie dawn Elizabeth. We will put the links in the show notes along with all the the links to the dating dish stories. Those are always for your reading pleasure, along with fabulous GIFs by the wonderful Producer Leah at dates and mates.com This is Episode 282 of dates and mates. Do you have a question? Do you have a question that you want me to answer on future show? Don’t be shy. Tell me what’s on your mind. Chances are somebody if you’re having a question, there’s somebody else listening, that’s having the same issue. So you can help somebody else out and also help out your yourself, you can message me at Dimona Hoffman on all the socials. I also love voice messages. So you can call me or you can leave me a voice message on on Instagram. You can call me at 424-246-6255 you can email me, just find me and get me your questions so I can help you out. And don’t forget to do three keep it free. Number one, subscribe to this show on whichever platform you’re listening right now click that little subscribe button number to give us a review. And number three, share this episode with a friend. Everyone has a friend that needs a little bit of manifestation magic in their life. So why not click share and let somebody know that you found a fabulous podcast and you are going to help them live their best life while you’re living your best to. We’ll be back again next week with more dates and mates. Thank you to my guest Stephanie Don Elizabeth.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 48:52
Thank you.
Damona 48:53
Until next week, my lovers I wish you happy dating
Should you bring your partner to Friendsgiving?
SIGNS THEY ARE COMFORTABLE AROUND YOUR FRIENDSGIVING FRIENDS
I love the idea of Friendsgiving. If your friend group is anything like mine, we love a good sit down meal. Now, I’m usually out of town for Friendsgiving Day, but I’m always there in spirit.
Even after the kids, the spirit of Friendsgiving still lives on!
One of my favorite things about Friendsgiving is the unique safe space it affords newly serious relationships to tip-toe into the deeper waters of intermingled family holidays.
It’s basically THE stress test for all relationships that get serious right around this time of year.
You want to know that your boyfriend or girlfriend is cool with your chosen family of friends before you bring them home to a potentially much more stressful full-blown family Thanksgiving.
How is this new person going to react to the environment around them? Are they going to get along with your friends? If some drama happens, will they have your back? Hopefully, no drama happens. Let’s keep Friendsgiving fun.
But how do you know that your partner is cool with your friends? Here are three super sure signs that your partner has passed the stress test:
Your partner asks questions about your friends
This might seem like not such a big deal, but the best partner is one that is interested in all aspects of your life. Even the lightest of polite questions is a good sign.
Your partner is positive about your friends and they give compliments where they are due.
Something that insecure or manipulative people do in relationships is to attempt to separate their partner from their friends – either intentionally blocking you from spending time with friends or otherwise discrediting or undermining friendships so that you become reliant on your relationship for all of your emotional needs.
Okay.. maybe not this compliment. But I like the spirit.
You can go to an event with your friends without you partner attached at your hip.
If your partner can have independent conversations with the people close to you, that’s a great sign. If your partner isn’t comfortable yet, perhaps don’t start on a full-blown Friendsgiving.
For situations like this, perhaps begin with small dinners or group events with only 1 or 2 other friends at a time. It can be very overwhelming for a partner – especially someone who is shy – to be introduced to all your friends and to be expected to feel as comfortable with them as you are.
Pro Tip:
Prep your partner on the people they are going to be meeting so they have easy jumping off points for conversation. You don’t have to make them flashcards and stand behind them with conversation prompts á la Devil Meets Prada –
But it’s nice and it might ease the pressure of walking into a room full of new people.
Good luck on your Friendsgivings Lovers! Tell me how it goes!
Wash Post: Left Disney to become a Taxidermist?
If you know the story of how I came to be a dating coach – you know that I have a soft spot for entrepreneurs who strike out on their own to pursue their passion.
Allis Markham of Prey Taxidermy is so magnificent and inspiring! I’m so honored to share her story for the Washington Post on newsstands this Sunday.
Here’s a sneak peek:
She left her social media job to take up taxidermy. Now her work is on TV.
You never forget your first deer, especially when it took several days to skin, stuff and dye the fur pink. It was 2013 and Allis Markham was working as a director of social media strategy at Disney in the Los Angeles area when she decided to spend two weeks in Montana to learn the art of taxidermy. At the time, she was interested in creating avant-garde pieces that merged her love of wildlife with her passion for art, hence the pink deer.
She went on to volunteer at the Natural History Museum of Los Angeles and studied under Tim Bovard, the museum’s head taxidermist. “I volunteered so long I think they were embarrassed to not pay me anymore,” Markham remembers. Though she says she would have paid them for the experience, she officially became part of the team after a year of apprenticeship. Her time there shifted her focus from “rogue taxidermy” to creating works that were true to their natural state. (She gave the pink deer away.)
Continue Reading here!
Body Language & Wife Guys
FIND YOUR ‘WIFE GUY’ USING BODY LANGUAGE CLUES
Susan Ibitz, the Human Behavior Hacker, teaches us this week that you can find your ‘wife guy’ by looking at specific body language cues or even wrinkle lines!
What is a wife guy? Glad you asked: a wife guy is basically a marriage-minded man. And while body language and wrinkle lines can’t exactly tell you if the men you are looking for has marriage on the mind, they can tell you if they would be a good candidate for marriage.
More on body language later, first we have headlines!
DATING DISH (2:50)
Why are y’all hating on Sexiest Man Alive, John Legend?
People has crowned this year’s sexiest man alive, and we are elated to report that John Legend won the crown. But not everyone is as excited as we are it seems. The internet seems to be rioting over the fact that John Legend is a nerdy “wife guy.” We see no problem.
This year’s best cities for singles
Every year, Wallet Hub gives us a definitive list of the best cities for singles. Can you guess the top city? Here’s a clue:
Are your dating profile topics inappropriate?
We might agree with GQ – maybe don’t debate Jeffrey Epstein conspiracy theories on Hinge? BUT, Damona does say that keeping your dating profiles current with lots of hot tops is a good idea. She breaks it down.
BODY LANGUAGE & FACE READING (13:30)
Read them like an open book
Susan Ibitz, a longtime professional in face reading and behavior hacking, actually started her career negotiating hostage situations and analyzing faces for the police. She wrote the book on face and behavior reading – no seriously she was the first person to create a training program that incorporates things like statement analysis in linguistics, micro expressions, and body language.
So basically, she’s more than qualified to tell us if the person you’re dating is who you are looking for.
We go in-depth on:
Don’t forget to share this episode on social media and tag Damona (@DamonaHoffman) on all the socials for a chance to win your free consultation with Susan Ibitz!
TECHNICALLY DATING (44:41)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
WANT TO GO EVEN DEEPER? HERE IS A TRANSCRIPT OF THE SHOW IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ALONG!
Damona 0:17
Welcome to Dates & Mates, I’m certified dating coach Damona Hoffman and I’m here to handle all of the challenges you’re having in love as I have on this show for the last seven years, and on to A&E Networks TV series. And for Match.com users or Match dating app users and so much more.
So no matter how you got here, I’m happy to have you and I’m happy to be able to share what I know about love, relationships, sex, dating, all of that on today’s show.
You know, I have a question for you: If you’re dating, wouldn’t it be so much easier if we all had the ability to tell if someone was a match, just from a glance? How much time and heartache would it save you ff you could read your dates from the start like an open book? Actually, this is possible. And no, you don’t even have to be psychic to do it!
On the show, I will be talking to Susan Ibitz, the Human Behavior Hacker, about how to know the real deal about your date just by looking at their profile or by what they say and do on a date.
But first, we’ve got headlines. Today we were talking about the New Sexiest Man Alive, and why people are so mad about him being picked.
And the numbers are in: which cities are the best ones for dating this year.
Plus, are the topics in your dating profile inappropriate?
We’ll find all of that and more plus, we’ll be answering your questions including how to find a girlfriend who wants to date both you and your wife. And what’s the best place to go on a situationship date. All that and so much more on today’s Dates & Mates.
Producer Leah is in the house and ready to do these headlines with me.
Leah Schell
Hi friends!
Damona
Hi, Leah. You sound like you’ve had your coffee.
Leah Schell
I have!
Damona
So have I so let’s do this!
The new issue of People magazine has hit newsstands and yes, they are naming the Sexiest Man Alive this year. It’s John Legend. And some people on Twitter are kind of turned up about it. Turns out not everyone is as excited as I am about John Legend being picked. I think this man who they are calling the “King of all Wife Guys”, is a perfect pick. He’s gorgeous. First of all, he is also extremely talented. I mean, have you heard his music and PS he is an excellent partner to his wife. He is an excellent father. He is out here like repin for the Marriage minded men. Why people gotta hate Leah?
Leah Schell 3:04
Honestly. He’s so perfect. And I don’t know why there’s so much hate like he’s so much better than Blake Shelton. So
Damona 3:12
(disgusted noise)
That was my death rattle for Blake Shelton. I don’t know, which was worse. Adam Levine or Blake Shelton? Like I know the voice is really huge. And it’s a show I used to really dig and watch
Leah Schell 3:26
Oh my god, maybe they’re going through all the voice judges
Damona 3:29
NO! LIke they just must have a really great publicist.
Leah Schell 3:34
I will say that like I did go through my Adam Levine phase like in high school. Oh my god, “Songs About Jane” era, Adam Levine. So, so top notch.
Damona 3:44
I just feel like it’s just from his, his performance on the Super Bowl performance alone. That’s enough for him to just be scratched off. For forever and eternity.Just shameless like taking off Your shirt and showing that your entire body is covered and
Leah Schell 4:05
I feel like that’s what people expect out of Sexiest Man Alive so maybe like that’s why they’re rioting over John Legend
Damona 4:11
John Legend’s too classy this man has an EGOT for crying out loud! An Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and Tony. There’s a handful of people alive that even have that many awards, let alone those specific awards. But I you know, I like that Chrissy has jumped in and people have just taken this to the nth degree, saying like, “oh, it should be Idris Elba” and then putting up pictures of Idris next to
Leah Schell 4:40
Yeah, a 1994 picture of John Legend and unfortunately, John Legend did look like the most nerdy I’ve ever seen him look in my entire life.
Damona 4:52
Well, you know what, I gotta tell you something from as a married lady who is with someone That maybe on the nerd spectrum. I think nerds make really great husbands as Chrissy Teigen has found out, but I mean, he’s sexy, he is undeniably sexy. So I think people just need to back off. It’s like such a blessing and a curse to be named the sexiest man alive. Because you know people are going to come out of the woodwork and and they’re going to throw stuff at you. And you just have to be ready.
Leah Schell 5:27
Also, I’d rather not be like Brad Pitt for the 80th time, you know?
Damona 5:31
Yeah, yeah, we’re so over that are so over that. Get your life together. Take care of your wife and kids and maybe you can –
Leah Schell
Ex-Wife-
Damona
Maybe he should have taken care of his wife. Obviously he didn’t. He’s addressing his alcoholism problem. He’s trying to take care of his kids, so maybe he can be back on top again. But for this year, I’m repping for John Legend.
Speaking of new things this year that come around every year this time of year: Wallet Hub. Our friends at Wallet Hub have done their survey of the best and worst cities to date. I think we’ve covered this like for the last three years. And it changes periodically. But essentially a lot of the same cities stay on top. A lot of the same cities are the bottom.
But if you weren’t listening to this episode last year, I’m going to tell you what this year’s results are. If you are in Atlanta, you’re keeping it hot and hotlanta that is, according to Wallet Hub, the top city for singles. Denver, San Francisco, San Diego, and Portland rounded out the top five.
How do they come to these numbers you ask? Well, I’m glad you asked. They look at the economics rank. Like how much does it cost to go on a date in the city? They look at fun and recreation. How fun is it to go on a date in the city? And then they look at dating opportunities. How many people here are single and how many people are already coupled up. So according to that, my city of Los Angeles number seven, we could do worse. But then they really broke it down into some other smaller cities.
And Glendale, which is not too far from me, was almost at the bottom of the list, followed only by Pembroke Pines, Florida, which I’ve never heard of. I’m sorry for all my pembrokies that are listening. And Pearl City, Hawaii, which leads me to think we’re in Hawaii, if you’re in Hawaii. Isn’t that good enough? What you think about these rankings Producer Leah?
Leah Schell 7:40
Okay. Well, I mean, I could see Pearl City, Hawaii, because Isn’t that like an army base?
Damona 7:46
Yeah, but you’re in Hawaii.
Leah Schell 7:49
Right. Totally
Damona 7:53
Hawaii. Yeah, the ranking for for singles was pretty low. The dating opportunities rank compared to It was, like 175 is compared to Atlanta where it’s three. Right? But people ask me a lot of times, they ask: Are there certain cities that are better to date in than other cities? But then I also hear from listeners that say, my city is the worst city to date. And like it’s so hard today
Leah Schell 8:18
and it’s always somebody who lives in Los Angeles.
Damona 8:22
No, it’s not always though. Yes, people in LA Love, love to talk about how hard it is to date here. And we’re number seven, but I hear it in New York. I hear it from people in Chicago. I hear it. I’ve heard it in Atlanta as well. So maybe it’s not so much about the city as it is about the way that you are approaching dating in that city. I get it. You know, it’s Wallet Hub. So the dating economics is a factor. It is more expensive to date in certain cities and others but another reason Producer Leah why I say do the one hour just just do drink or coffee or ice cream or something really low commitment for the first date because you can’t be spending all this money on a dinner date.
If you’re in if you’re in a market like Los Angeles 177 in the economics factor.
Speaking of haters, if you are on a dating app, there are some topics that you may want to avoid mentioning. You know how on hinge and different dating apps, they prompt you to answer different questions. Well, it turns out people are answering these questions in a pretty provocative way. According to GQ, they’re saying we should not be talking about things like Jeffrey Epstein’s death and conspiracy theories around it on dating apps, maybe we shouldn’t be talking about politics. And people are using these headlines to give their dating profile, a little umph. Now, I believe that there are certain topics you shouldn’t discuss on a first date and definitely not on a dating profile. But I can see pros and cons to to weeding people out with topical headlines. What do you think Producer Leah?
Leah Schell 10:17
I mean not to get too into the politics. I do like a see how it would be awkward.
Damona 10:23
It’s not hot talking about Jeffrey Epstein.
Leah Schell 10:25
Definitely not. I just thought would be a huge turnoff to me. But like, I don’t know, a provocative question might be interesting.
Damona 10:35
Here’s what I like about it. I like that your dating profile needs to evolve. Like I’ve said on the show before people have this set it and forget it mentality like oh, I did my dating profile two years ago and I don’t know why I’m not getting anyone who aligns with what I’m looking for. And you have to think of your dating profile as a living document. It has to be continually evolving and updating and growing and changing just like you are. But when you have something that’s current in the news, other than Jeffrey Epstein’s death, that can show first of all that you are keeping current and that you care about what’s happening in the world. And also that your profile is current, because sometimes I’m on here swiping for clients. And I’m like, I know this profile has not been touched in two years. And this person is not even active on the site, because it feels so out of date. So according to this article, it actually can get you a higher response rate. Even though it may be a huge turnoff to some. It could be something that engages the right kind of person.
Leah Schell 11:44
Yeah, actually, I just remembered this one guy on a dating app that I saw like a year ago, and I don’t think he was too political, but he’s still had like an engaging question. It was: “I hate ice cream, debate me” and like that got him lots of responses. So I don’t know maybe that’s just another way.
Damona 12:05
I think that could work for a guy. I think if a girl was like, “debate me” they’d be like she’s too aggro. I would, I would jump into that debate just because I’ve discovered I’m lactose intolerant. But that’s a whole other topic for a whole other day. I have discovered that there is a really good coconut ice cream that is at my local ice cream shop. So I can have my cake – I can have my cake flavored ice cream, and I can eat it too. And so can you if you’re listening to Dates & Mates.
In just a moment, we will be back with Susan Ibitz of the Human Behavior Lab. Y’all let me tell you, this woman knows things. She can tell you how to read the face of your potential dates on a dating app, how to read someone in a first date setting and also how to tell what their body language is saying to you when you’ve been missing all of these signals all along.
This is one episode that you have to stay tuned for. And don’t forget to do three to keep it free, subscribe to the show, give us a review, and share this episode with a friend. And it’s that simple. You do those three, and you’ll keep Dates & Mates free for maybe seven more seasons.
We’ll have more Dates & Mates in just a minute.
13:21 Commercial Break
Damona
I’m here with Susan Ibitz, who is a longtime professional in face reading and behavior hacking. Susan actually started her career negotiating hostage situations and analyzing faces for the police. She literally wrote the book on face and behavior reading. No, seriously. She was the first person to create a training program that incorporates things like statement analysis in linguistics and micro expressions, and body language. And now all of that juicy info can actually be applied to dating. And today she’s going to tell us if the person that you’re dating is really the person that you’re looking for. Please help me give big speeches to Susan Ibitz.
Susan Ibitz 14:07
Hi Damona, how’re you doing? Thank you for the intro
Damona 14:11
Oh my gosh, this is such a valuable skill. I don’t know how you go through life like without just analyzing every single person that you meet. I imagine that’s happening on some level but I want to impart some of that wisdom and get some takeaway for our listeners today.
Susan Ibitz 14:28
Who told you then I’m not going through life analyzing everyone. Yesterday, I hired a handyman to do work on the studio in the office. And like, Oh, I get it. And I start talking to him. And he’s like, Oh, I feel like you know me. Oh, you don’t have any idea how much I know you’re ready.
Damona 14:49
But as these folks that are listening are beginning new relationships are there they’re meeting people for the first time or even let’s back it up to we’re swiping on dating profiles. Can you actually tell just by looking at someone’s face on a dating profile if they are a good match for you or not?
Susan Ibitz 15:09
How do you think I get my boyfriend?
Damona 15:13
Sounds like there’s a story there, Susan.
Susan Ibitz 15:15
I did an experiment and I wasn’t the first person to do it a couple I was thinking of like a year and a half ago, where I was analyzing profiles on dating sites. So you have two ways to determine how the person is by what they write and by what their face is telling you. So I start on the weekends for fun because I was single at that point experiment called the Victorian Secret. So I was given keynote speaking in classes in sex shops and people who is matchmaker and they bring these so I can read the profiles. And I found out that people who doesn’t use I on their profile like for example, “Love to hiking, love the outdoors, love to go for food “ They don’t use I love I do I want there are people who hiding things more than the others. So if you find a profile that says I love to hike, I love these i that is a good sign. But if you don’t find the word I on a profile, we have a problem.
Damona 16:28
This is very profound and people ask me all the time, what to say in a profile to to be attractive. If you say I too much, though, couldn’t that be a problem as well?
Susan Ibitz 16:43
Well, maybe for the normal I. For me when I have friends Believe me, my friends call me the first thing they do when they found a match is like so so here’s the picture and here’s the profile. Even though I have the passport and access to multiple My friends profile there ones are single you it’s it’s a thing like too much I can be kind of narcissistic. But if I telling you what I love if I telling you what I like and I don’t put myself there, he didn’t defy with the things that I like that must be a problem they’re constructing from not reality what they want you to think about themselves and know what they’re really is going on. So if I says, I love to read on the weekends and if I says love read on the weekends is maybe I want to look like intellectual one, what I want to look refined or something like that. It’s That’s the difference. So you need to make you need to measure if you’re not saying you’re not owning the experience. It’s something that you’re putting on to try to be attractive. Correct. You need to own the experience by saying, I want to win you talking about the things that you like, you need to own it. But if somebody somebody is talking about the things they like, and they’re not owning it, that is a big warming that you need to pay attention.
Damona 18:15
Okay, so now let’s talk about the face to face reading. And I see, I know that through Human Behavior Lab, your company, you actually provide reports for people and you ask for a photo of a face in a neutral position, a photo of the face smiling, and the right ear and head and left here in it. So you’re getting you’re getting the 360 there. But for the dating, let’s say you’re just looking browsing on dating apps. What can you tell from someone’s dating app photos?
Susan Ibitz 18:45
Depends on what you’re looking for. You can determine if somebody’s going to be generous with their money. They’re going to be a good father. good husband, a good partner, one amazing sexual experience for the weekend. Oh,
Damona 18:58
how do we know this? How can we tell other than Of course hiring you to do a full now? How can we tell you? At first glance,
Susan Ibitz 19:06
I guess what you want to know how to know that a person is going to be a really good sexual partner.
Damona 19:13
Girl you read into that? Actually, I know some of my listeners are like yes please please tell us. I would love to know that but more importantly, I would love to know if there are any red flags like sometimes they say someone who is a psycho sociopath or a psychopath may have certain facial expressions or their eyes may be may look at a different way. What is your research show on that?
Susan Ibitz 19:40
Well, I will be brutally delicate with this sociopath psychopath and psychologist tendencies. I’m not a I’m not a therapist. I’m not a psychologist. I’m not a therapist. So I will not go to go deep there. What I can say is that we have wrinkles on the face the wrinkles On the eyes, the wrinkles on the chick, the wrinkles between the eyes. Those are wrinkles who has to do with empathy has to do with the strain has to do with intelligent has to do with you mark. If you find a person who is over the age of 30 in they don’t have any empathy, wrinkle lines, who are the lines like we the women called CrossFit. If you don’t find in a men, any of those wrinkles, that is a huge sign because that’s mean that doesn’t have empathy to others. So
Damona 20:33
another thing is crow’s feet like on the corner of your eye, if you have empathy, you would have basically created those wrinkles through empathetic facial expressions.
Susan Ibitz 20:46
Yes, when you hold expression for too long is like laughing and smiling and going through pain. Those wrinkles get a GPS to your brain. So if you find someone who doesn’t have any wrinkles who had to do with empathy with a smile and or pain, how you read pain on people’s life, you see those lines to start on the tip of the nose, on the bottom of the nose and go all around until your chin. Those are lines who has to do with pain and grieving. So if you find somebody who is over the age of 30, and they don’t have any line who show that they went through life, feeling things that can be a person who’s really cold and detached from feelings, so depending what you’re looking for, in my case, I’m really a Brainiac. I look for a person who is more about the brain than the feelings I’m not a feeling I’m not a failure. I’m not like oh, I don’t feel your pain. I don’t cry with you. I don’t want people who like Oh my love how you feeling like I don’t care how how a fan is how I want to fix it. So his health has a lot to do with you look in an abbreviation Most women look for a men who can listen and who can understand. So I would says instead to concentrate on the wrinkles go to the ears. When a person has big ears is a good listener. When a men have ears that, for example, your head start in the two bumps, where your hairline start, even though if you’re bald, you can find two bumps on the top of your head and your face and your chin. So if you draw lines on the top of your ear, and the bottom of your ear, and that ear, feed your face, three times and more that is a person who has small ears is a person who’s gonna listen with their eyes, their visual they need to see that the reason women we pay so much attention how we look on a date and how the our date look on now, multiple Men have big ears. So if you grab the same ear and you try to make it match on the face and match two and a half times or or less, that is a big ear. That’s a recent men listen and listen and listen and listen. And sometimes you get to your partner like, Hey, dude, are you paying attention to me? like yeah, I listen, everything that uses I don’t want to interrupt you. So men tend to be a better listen and on the way, they’re going to get through what you saying they’re not going to interact as much as women one by asking question or going back to questions. Now, if you find a men who have low distance between the eyelid and the eyebrow is a person who going to tend to interrupt so the mana you’re going to ask me like, wait a minute, I have a good listener, but interrupt is because their mind is going too fast and they tried to captivate information as much as they want, and they’re going to come back to you with a lot of caution. So I, a couple of years ago, I used to do couples like problems of coaching. And the problem wasn’t they’re not good communicators there weren’t communicating on the wrong way. big ears are listening. Small ears are visual, hyper eccentric, but that is the distance between the eyelid and the eyebrows is if you have high proximity. You see women tend to have high distance between the eyelid and the eyebrow. There need more time. They don’t want to be rushed. Men tend to have low proximity they’d like do it now yesterday. Good. Let’s go for it. You never heard about a couple who’s like Saturday 1145. And he says, oh, let’s go to get our car and she says like, wait a minute. We didn’t do a budget. We didn’t talk about it. We don’t need to rush on that. So and the shape of the iris has to do with that too. Sorry.
Damona 24:52
I want to understand is this. It sounds like it’s a balance between the way you have used your face throughout your life and also some innate traits that lend yourself to developing certain skill sets more than others
Susan Ibitz 25:10
in my understanding that right I’ve been a studied twins identical twins that are over the age of 40. And if you look on the pictures until the age of 1618, they have the same wrinkles. When you want to be clear, when you read on the face is features, who are the ears, the eyebrows, the team, you studied dimples, where your dimples are located is with people get attention to your face and you started wrinkles. So wrinkles has to do with experience who have to do with love, pain and grieving. The features are the intake process and express information. And the dimples is where people pay attention and how lucky you can be with certain things. If you do if you do phase rating on the Asian Wait, I do it on the word what Western way is more hardcore? So I don’t I don’t thing yeah you have to kind of fishy enemies wonder used by the Chinese to diagnose people with medical problems and we have the west or one who’s been used by hostage negotiator dating lawyers. Jury selection. Oh my god this is way deeper has been happening for 5000 years. It’s not a lot of people who that phrase reading because it’s complex but you can learn the basic. So everything who happened in your face is a GPS to your brain. Micro expressions are GPS to your emotion, emotions happening right now. And body language is everything that you want to conceal. But it’s so strong that your body give you away emotion hiding, I’m not connected disconnected. So regarding face reading, if you hold expression. If you hold pain for a long time, that pain is going to start showing in your face because your face become a map of the agreement or the happiness you have people who have a line on the tops on the top of them, the nose and the corner of the nose, that you see those wrinkles when people smile. That is people who handled things with humor. In your case we was talking before we started the interview as our Damona, you cope everything with you more you must be really fun to work around. Whatever totally
Damona 27:35
can can chime in on that or not. But um yes, I do approach everything with humor and you totally nailed it. Like I you also said I’m a fixer. And obviously if I’m doing the show, I try to fix people’s problems. But the way that I do it, like you said with humor is absolutely is absolutely it. So I would get a swipe right
Susan Ibitz 28:00
What if you’re looking for someone? Okay? There are two different ways that we date him. I don’t know if you ever read George Miller, the mating mind, he’s an order to who talk about what are different between what we look in when we’re in the 20s. And we went to meet and have kids, and maybe when your 40s and use your second relationship or your second marriage, and you’re not expecting to have kids or you already have your kids, so when you look in on that person is different. When you’re 20 you’re looking for the first perfect father and it has been to go through the having a baby getting the baby to become an adult going to college. And maybe today it’s really difficult, grow to be a partner in crime when you’re on the 70s. But in my case, when you’re in your late 40s and you already has been married, you went through all the things and when you look for a partner in crime, you’re looking for different things. You look for intelligent you look for ways to manage money, you look for ways to retire, you look for somebody who make you smile, share your
Damona 29:04
sexual compatibility element that we that we teased earlier.
Susan Ibitz 29:10
Oh, now you want to know we want to know that you are on the face to
Susan Ibitz 29:15
Well, I’m going to tell you two things. And I have my cheat sheet here. Levy, the lines are the two lines who gone from the bottom of your nose to the top of your lips. So there are two lines and some people had a really, really identify in some people as like, under define. So people who have white lines, they like physical cards and affection, they tend to be more sexual. Now when those lines are close together, there are more reserved, they can be hot, but they’re going to be more reserved. You’re going to need to wait to see they’re not going to be touchy and get on to you. Now if those lines are defined on the top of the lip, the lip. Don’t underestimate the passion but don’t expect to be recognized for being sexy or being sexual. So they’re going to be more like comedian. Everything who is undefined on your face like people who doesn’t have seek Oh well, prominent eyebrows. We call it comedian. That is the kind of people who’s like, oh, they’re going to be hiding on the back and waiting to see what happened. So your labs are important too. So if you find a person with large ear lobes who are really easy to be fine, in the case of the gentleman don’t see that fear loves when women have like long and heavy earrings. And by the way, we have three faces, the faces that we was born with, the phrase that we want to become on the face of the life give us somebody do Pearson And they want to enlarge the era. lobs would happen is they want to tell you that’s how they going to reflect themselves. So people with long Arabs who can be by Pearson are natural, they notice everything good with details, they’ll will remember everything, even the clothing, the colors the remit deal was wearing. So if you see somebody with big beer loads, and you want to attract the person, make sure you pay attention to details and the color and make sure to do these kind of question like, what is your preferred color? What is the if you have a passion of a night of passion, what color you will like your partner to be wearing? So make sure to take notes.
Damona 31:44
Wow, that is that’s in depth information, Susan Ibitz. I you touched on body language as well. And I really want to know what people can tell on a first second third date from the body language. Because that’s where it gets sort of, it gets sort of confusing for a lot of clients and what their comfort level is with touch or with be just being in their own body on a first date may differ from what the other person is bringing to the table.
Susan Ibitz 32:21
First advice. One thing that I and I see people doing on the first date, it’s sitting in front of each other. When you sit in front of each other, usually it’s a business date is not a this is a business meeting is not a date, you want to create rapport. When I was dating, I always met the person on the bar and when they asked you want to be moving to the table, only if we set next next to each other but not for in front of each other. Because when you put a barrier is more difficult to touch is more difficult to approach is more difficult to smell is more difficult to listen is really difficult to find a restaurant or bar that is not too noisy. So if you’re not sitting next to each other, so if you want to create, like fast rapport, what you need to do is sex and sit next to each other on the bar on the table on a 90 degree, never in front, don’t put everything. Don’t put everything in front of you who can be a barrier. It’s like when women holding their hand backs against the chest. That is a barrier that is like I don’t feel comfortable I want to run away from here. I’m so glad you said that because I’ve said this for a long time just in terms of building connection and everything that you said that you can be close enough to touch if you sit kitty corner catty corner however you say it. I’ve said that for a while Susan, but I didn’t. I didn’t have the social science, the behavioral science to back it up and so thank you forgiving me receipts for my long term dating life long You know, I’m done wanna we are Natural we we are born with these naturally. Dr. Matsumoto in 2008 do and study in find out that athletes who are born blind and the one who are not born blind, they have the same micro micro and body language, body language expression when they lose and they win. So it’s encoded in our DNA. What happen is, I’m going to give an example. You get your husband take the kids to dinner, and it says, honey, make sure you give the kids health engineer your husband says, Okay, good I going to give you we’re going to go to McDonald’s, but don’t tell your mom. So what happened is we learn from our parents to high emotions to do white lights. And we tend to like all tell your kids don’t put that phase when your grandmother come with a lemon pie even though you hate it, but smiley face, so we tend to high emotion We tend to encode, can you imagine if we can get a kid who’s between five and 10 years old, and we help them to develop these way to communicate to have in human intelligence will be unstoppable. So what you saying is your success sense, as a matchmaker as a person who’s a fixer, who is who you perceive and you see, and what you say is is naturally encoded in your brain. Now you have this studies showing that is true.
Damona 35:31
I love it. Thank you for giving us that info. So just to recap, everybody, don’t sit interview style. And just like Susan said, don’t have the barriers between you. But how do you know if something How can you tell if someone is interested in you, I hear all the time. From our listeners and from my clients. They’ll say well, I kind of liked him, but I couldn’t tell if he was into me. It doesn’t differ between genders.
Susan Ibitz 36:00
I have a trick. I never ever pay attention to the body. I never pay attention to the hands even though we’re going to talk about hands. The real important is the feet. If you see a capital face in the feet each other, they like each other. But I used to go and the bar closed in Chicago and like oh my god, I know the bartender and when I was born in my house, I used to go to the bar and we played taps, who’s gone with whom what is the first day what is going wrong what is going good and by the way, I was training him and can get better teach thing to that so Charlie only a lot of money. We will start looking on the feet. If the people is facing the fear because remember for years to says, you can lie with your mouth, you can lie with your body, but your feet are going to give you away so pay attention to the other person Phaedra They’re facing even though for example you’re in a bar and you both facing the bar when you just met the first person tilting the chair or tilting the body to face you is the one the first one who gets back on the attention and is the first one or I like you wait for the second person to do the same action. So if the second person doesn’t get the action, what can happen is more introvert is more shy feel like oh my god what I’m doing here this woman is too hot. She’s going to dump me all these guys too hard. He’s going to see then I forgot to watch my my my legs. So there are another situation who can happen a never happened to you that your team during the daily nap at 10am in the morning says hey, let’s go to the for for drinking it. Should I teach him to watch? My legs doesn’t show like what a date I need to hide it. So there another circles stanzas. But in one point, you forget where you’re located. You forget that your conscience and your body is going to be facing. So pay attention to the feet doesn’t matter the hand is smiling or not pay attention to the feet and everything. If you’re with someone and you notice the other person is nervous and doesn’t give away and is like in this country situation, what you can do, Jim Kelly, and asking permission initially, is put the hand on the knee and says, Hey, everything is okay. Do you want another dream? Do you want to eat something? gently put a hand for five seconds on the on the leg and let it go until the other person is start feeling better. Another thing touch the elbow to the to the shoulder softly and a trick that I used to you when I was dating is like I touch the chest of the guy like oh my god, that is awesome. And take take it away. Oh my God. That is awesome. Take it away and teach touching the need. And at the end of the day, even though I’m not a feeler, I’m not a culture. I’m not the kind of person who Cardinals are walking on the street holding hands. It was like, Oh, you make me feel really comfortable. I really appreciate it. And at the end of the day, what happened is no what happened during all the date is not what you did is no what you say is how you make me feel. So if you’re approachable, if you if you was warm to me, if you make me feel comfortable, because remember, we don’t know what is going on with our date until we start knowing each other and we can talk in a way that we can express those feelings but in the beginning, doesn’t matter how much exposure you are and how much dating you have done is a horrible situation because it’s telling your story again, is like controlling yourself is thinking like, Oh, this person is gonna like me isn’t I’m not gonna like me. I’m too weird. I’m not weird, like, what’s going on?
Damona 40:03
That I love everything that you’re saying, Susan, because this is the stuff that people don’t talk about with dating. And it’s so valuable and so useful, because we’re all out here, like swiping by chance, and second guessing what we’re feeling on the date. And I’m so glad that you said, it’s about how they make you feel. I was just talking to a client yesterday. And you know, I asked her about how this date when she’s going down the checklist like well, he was smart. He had a good job. And I said, but how did he make you feel? Because that’s really what you should be paying attention to. We can we can do this on paper all day long. But if you don’t feel right with the person, then it’s not going to go anywhere.
Susan Ibitz 40:47
If someone is I’m sorry. You know what it’s not about who is the most interesting person on the conversation? Is that person make you feel like nobody else is on the room? If I have a person in front of me to make me feel like nobody else is walking in the room, we are alone on the wall that is a taker.
Damona 41:10
That is a really good way to look at it. Any final words of wisdom that you can share you shared so much. And I know you have a lot more that people can explore. And if they want to go more in depth with someone that they’re dating, they can get an analysis that Human Behavior Lab calm. But any final words of wisdom as people are, are on dating apps and looking for the right match how they can, how they can tell if they have the right person for them in front of
Susan Ibitz 41:41
them. First of all, for personal experience, I like complex personalities, but I don’t want to complicated people. We need to understand the different, every human, every human being is complex and the wrong way even even though you think you’re simple. You’re a complex machine. So Be true to yourself and identify when somebody is trouble and when somebody conflicts. Second of all, you never know what is going on with the other person. My partner, we was for three months texting until we finally met. All my friends that are he’s dating somebody else. He’s playing with you. You know what happened. He was going through a really difficult situation with a family member who finally died. And he didn’t feel good to say it. It was something in my guts who says, You know what, he’s not lying to me something else is going on. So be aware who you are your five confident people in your life. Dating should be private to the people that you can trust and can be neutral until you’re sure who you have in front of you. Because friends always looking for the best of you but nobody have enough maturity not to be bad. Because everybody put their own experience in your experience. So be true to your gods. If someone is telling you that that person that you’re talking is why for you, keep it private sometime is better to surprise your friend like, Oh, we had been seen each other for three months. You didn’t say anything like, because was my business because at the end of the day, you’re the person putting the head on the people. And you need to be true to yourself. Another thing is, you have warning signs, pay attention. It’s a little dangerous outside, that the reason is good to have somebody like you the Mona, who can lead us to be aware of the danger things. If somebody asked you for money is something doesn’t sit right. Get away. Another thing. What I did when I was dating is I always have the first date on the same bar, and I knew the bartender I even knew when he wasn’t there. So if I’m going to the bathroom. And if I need to leave for any reason for a call, I always make sure that he checked my drink that he checked, I checked and gone leader so he could check on my date and text me was going on, go to a safe place, feel safe emotionally and physically is part of the date. Because at the end of the night, we don’t know where we’re going to encounter. So be true to yourself sometime is good to talk things with your pillow or people who is an expert on the field. And be be true to your Gods because at the end, we have that intrinsic instinct. Just follow that doesn’t matter how old you are
Damona 44:41
such great advice, Susan and also such great information. I hope everyone at home was taking copious notes and will follow up with you to get their in depth report at human behavior. lab.com Thank you so much for being here Susan. By girls. Thank you
And now you have questions. I have answers and it’s time for our next segment. Alright, Producer Leah is here with me to tackle these questions. We have this one who comes to us from Instagram. And this is from a listener who heard me on the horrible decisions podcast last week. If you haven’t heard that, go check out horrible decisions. It’s an awesome and provocative show. But this person says, My wife and I are seeking a third to be our girlfriend. What apps or advice could you give us in finding the perfect match? Ooh, Producer lyst coming in hot today. Hot Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Okay, I could tell you, there are some dating apps. Okay, so there’s there’s a couple different categories here. There’s swingers apps. And there are apps for people that are polyamorous that are more looking for a relationship and then there is just Straight up creeping. So I would say you’re best off going sounds like with the second. And this is apps that are either designed for polyamorous situations or that are open to polyamorous situations I find and I actually wrote an article on polyamory for BT. com y’all can look it up or maybe we’ll put it we’ll put in the show notes on Dates & Mates calm. But I did a lot of research I learned way more than I actually needed to know about polyamory. But the important thing was that many of the people who were polyamorous tended to use OK Cupid as their app of choice but the really important thing is that you lead with that info because you don’t want to be misleading somebody else who’s thinking that they’re getting a relationship just with you, and then spring it on them on the first day. Oh, by the way, I’m actually looking for a triad I want you to be in a relationship also, with my wife. Like that cannot happen on the first date that has to happen in filter. Through the dating profile, and there are plenty of women that you can find that are open to that. But you have to be transparent and upfront about it. Many of the other swipe apps people do use for that, ie Tinder. I really wouldn’t recommend Bumble for it or Coffee Meets Bagel because that’s not a volume site. I don’t know if people are doing this on hint or not. I can do some more research. Maybe I’ll write another PT. com article.
Leah Schell 47:28
Yeah, I do know that. There was an episode a few weeks ago gold digger and the sexuality secret. Wendy Miller gave us a few examples to for people who are looking for a triad situations.
Damona 47:41
Oh, right. Yeah. So just go back to day two mates for your form for more information.
Leah Schell 47:46
Also, I will say that my friends who have like successfully found triads, just went to a bar and started picking up women together. And then that just kind of more evolved. into your relationship.
Damona 48:01
Yes, yes. And then they have they have both of you there that they can, they can determine. I actually read a book recently about a woman who gave her husband a threesome for a for a birthday present. And I think they just, they think they just put it up on Craigslist or something. And it didn’t end up working on that. Well, they had like a couple of interview situations before. And then they were like, Okay, this girl and then it was good until it wasn’t and then they couldn’t get her out of the house. It could go very wrong. So you want to tread lightly.
Leah Schell 48:40
I feel like giving your husband a threesome for birthday will like I don’t know, inevitably always go wrong, but that’s a conversation for a different day.
Damona 48:48
Well, I got her book deal. Yeah, there’s trade offs. This one also comes to us from Instagram. This person asks, What’s the best type of date for a situation ship? Ask her for coffee move. or dinner? My let’s define situation ship which I actually we talked about situation ships last week on the show. But situation ship is like this is someone you’re kind of dating but it may not really be serious. Maybe for you. Maybe for them you’re not trying to wine and dine this person you’re just trying to hang and maybe get it in a little bit. Right so why dinner? Why would you have dinner for a situation ship dinner is for someone that you really are wanting to connect to on an emotional level and maybe impress or build a relationship with. So now we’re at coffee, which is just that just the lowest, lowest form of connection, or a movie. Again, if you’ve already been on a date with this person, and you already have a little bit of a rapport and you know where it’s headed, then a movie is fine. A movie is a is a good way to say I want to be close to you. I want to build connection with you, but we don’t necessarily need to spend a lot of time talking.
Leah Schell 49:59
Yeah, I always Maybe too that’s a good
Damona 50:01
for your situation ships yeah well yeah you don’t want to do it though for first date or second day it’s it’s it’s only once you’ve kind of been you’ve been in it for a little while. Coffee though. Coffee is great for a first online date moving off of the app, but I don’t I don’t know that’s going to earn you any points like if you’re going to do coffee for a situation ship and you just really want to hook up you might as well just invite her over for a drink instead. What do you think Producer Leah
Leah Schell 50:35
Netflix and chill?
Damona 50:38
Chill. Okay, one more that came to us from email you know, you can email me your questions to Mona at Damona Hoffman calm or even just go to Dates & Mates.com and there’s a contact me form that you can fill out and send me your question that way. This person says a casually dated after a serious relationship that turned toxic And have met a guy who I’m interested in. When we’re together, everything feels natural and easy. But when we’re apart, I convinced myself he’s not interested or that it won’t work. What can I do to control my anxiety over this relationship? Is it a sign that I’m not ready for a relationship after the toxic one? I quit the toxic relationship four months ago, but it’s been too since we last spoke. Who? Producer Leah? There’s a lot in here. Yeah, that’s a lot. Okay. First, I have to say your relationship past does not have to be your relationship future. And if you’re just even taking the time to assess why you had a toxic relationship before, you’re already halfway there, to changing the pattern and not reliving that, but if you obsess about it, or if you let fear drive your decision, like fear that it’s going to happen to you again, then I hate to say it but you’re going to keep repeating the same pattern. Over and over again. So let’s look at the facts. You’re here with somebody that feels really natural and easy. And if it’s natural and easy, can we just let it be easy? Can we let it be good, without feeling like things are all going to go terrible again, just because that happened in the past. You want to see if this person is who He really says he is, if he shows up for you when he says he’s going to, and if so, give him the give him the benefit of the doubt and give him the the dignity of having his own life that doesn’t necessarily align with what has happened in the past, right? Because if we start to like overlay things that somebody else did on this person, it’s going to make him feel like he’s he’s not he doesn’t have agency over his own choices and you want to give him the respect, have the same kind of respect that he’s given you so far and the relationship
Leah Schell 52:59
right Yeah, and also I’ve been kind of in the situation before where I was just having a lot of anxiety for, I don’t know, I just like was overthinking things when we’re apart and actually ended up like talking through it with my therapist. And like working through it myself, just because like, I knew that it really had nothing to do with the relationship I was in currently, it was just something like me working myself up. So
Damona 53:27
yes, yeah. I’m glad that you said that. And you know, I’m a big fan of therapy. And it’s different than dating coaching. This is really what I do is dating strategy. But I think it’s a great, great one two punch to also be doing therapy and all your base and cover all your bases so you can come to your next relationship hole. And look, we all have anxiety, some people more than others. I totally get it. So I don’t want to downplay the fact that, that you’re dealing with anxiety and anxiety and depression can be very powerful. powerful emotions that drive our actions. But like I said, if you are at least acknowledging it, recognizing it and feeling what’s coming up for you, then you have a choice right now remember, you have a choice. And you can choose to let the anxiety lead your, the way you behave in this relationship and the decisions that you make, or you can choose to let that live in the past and to move forward with your life. I think that’s a great place to end today’s show. Producer Leah? Yeah, totally. Why don’t we put up all the links for today’s show in the show notes at Dates & Mates.com I hope you enjoyed Episode 284 of Dates & Mates. I’m at Simone Hoffman on all of the socials. Please join in the conversation and send me your questions for future episodes. And by the way, we have a special extra gift from Susan Ibitz, our guest for today. She is giving away a 30 minute consultation with her Yes, you can get a face reading for yourself or for someone that you’re dating, to figure out if it’s a good match or not, and it’s all free to one lucky person. All you have to do is share this episode on the social media platform of your choice and tag me at Damona Hoffman, I’m literally on every social media platform as at demoed. hapa not Snapchat. Don’t tag me on Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, wherever you want to share this episode, please share it with a friend. And then make sure you tag me and that will get you a chance to win a 30 minute consultation with Susan you can tag me all the way through December 1 at 11:59pm Pacific. And I will choose one lucky winner but at random from all the people who have entered on December 2, all you have to do share the episode tag me and you could win that 30 minute free consultation with Susan face reading for you face reading for someone new dating, face reading for both of you. I think it’s a good deal Producer Leah
Leah Schell 55:59
Yeah. Definitely I’m excited for you all.
Damona 56:01
Well, and I’m also excited that next week we have a Dear Damona episode coming your way you have sent in so many amazing questions that we had to dedicate an entire episode to it. So tune in next week. We’ll be back here Monday morning, bright and early. Until then I wish you happy dating!
Finding Soulmates When Dating Over 30
The Right Time To Find Your Soulmate
This week at Dates & Mates, we’re talking a lot about dating over 30 and the right time to find your soulmate. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again: Dating over 30 is no joke. But especially for women dating over 30, there’s a lot of pressure to find a soulmate by a certain age.
I am here to debunk the myth that there is an ideal age for meeting your lifelong partner. In fact, I’m not even sure that soulmates exist… but more on that later.
There is absolutely no specific age to meet your partner, HOWEVER
with my clients I get very specific with life goals (career, kids, etc.) and we work backward from those deadlines.
If you are dating over 30 and you want to have kids, biologically speaking, you’re ideally going to want to be married by 33 so you can have a few blissful married years before kids.
You see stories of celebrities having kids into their mid 40s and even 50s but the reality is that it becomes more challenging between 35-40 and downright expensive and frustrating from 40-50.
So unless you have the money to freeze your eggs and stop the ticking hands of reproductive time, your choices need to align with a target of being married before 35.
Does this differ based on gender? Would you say that the male/female ideal age range sink up?
But I do like to acknowledge that dating over 30 looks a little different for men than it does for women.
I find that the age range for men to settle down is usually a couple of years older than women yet proportional to the men in his area.
In major metropolitan cities like LA, NY, and SF, both men and women tend to settle down a little later than in other parts of the country but it’s usually in a similar range to their female counterparts in that location.
I will actually go into this A LOT more in-depth on next week’s episode of Dates & Mates. There are a bunch of new stats that break down what to expect from dating over 30 in your area. So don’t miss out!
If you leave this blog with one takeaway, I want you to remember that at any age and in any area, you’re going to have to put in the work to connect.
One of my taglines is “Date Like It’s Your Job.”
You can date by chance and hope you connect with your dream partner or you can date strategically and find someone who is an ideal match for you. I would rather do a little work to get a better result. I also find that the single women over 30 I coach are very successful in their careers – in part because they have given it all of their attention.
I teach women how to use the skills that have made them professionally successful (analytics, strategy, networking, training, mentorship, determination) to be just as successful in love.
Now, I know I’ve been talking a lot about soulmates, but I’m just going to give it to you straight.
Soulmates don’t exist.
Don’t panic! I’m just telling you what I’ve observed in my 15 years as a dating coach. Many times, a single woman over 30’s quest for the perfect soulmate causes her to leave a lot of amazing men on the sidelines.
There are many possible compatible partners out there.
For my clients, I find that it’s far less daunting to consider that you’re not looking for a needle in a haystack.
It’s more like you’re looking for a cute outfit on the clothing rack. You have to try on a few options but if you want to take something home, you will find a good fit if you just spend a little time figuring out what works.
I say this having been happily and passionately married to a compatible partner for 10 years. So I do believe this philosophy can lead to deep love.
Do you think there is such a thing as a “forever person” or do you think it’s more realistic to approach relationships as more of an uncertain thing that can change as the people involved change?
I believe that relationships should always be changing and evolving – just as people change and evolve throughout your lifetime. You might find that as you grow, your relationship either grows with you or away from you. I hope for all of my clients that they find a forever person.
However, I think every relationship has its merits in helping you learn and grow as a person and if you come to a place where the relationship becomes more work than it brings you joy, that might have been the right relationship for a phase in your life but not forever.
If you’re dating over 30 and you’re feeling the pressure to find love fast, hopefully this was helpful. Remember, you can always DM me your dating questions on all the socials (@DamonaHoffman) or if you just need some dating confidence I’m always here for you.
xoxo Happy Dating!
Here are a few other resources from this week you might want to check out:
WHOREible Decisions : Dating apps can be brutal. Check out this HILARIOUS interview I did with Mandii if you need a little refresher on how to make the apps work for you!!
The Dating Advice Girl : Does your mom give the worst dating advice? She might. The Dating Advice Girl and I analyze dating advice from the 50s and tell you exactly what is wrong!
PepsiCo Jobs’ Podcast, UNEXPECTED PROFESSOR : Just like I said above – Date like it’s your job. And actually you can use dating tips to level up your professional networking game. Trust me, this absolutely works.
Thirty-Life Crisis & Gay Ex-Boyfriend
DATING IN YOUR 30s A LA EMMA WATSON
Listen, dating in your 30s and later is no joke. Even mega-celebrity Emma Watson interviewed this week on the pressure of dating when everyone around you seems to be ahead of the game.
Are your social media feeds never-ending streams of engagement photos and baby pictures?
Are you thinking of tying the knot too but constantly on the quest for Mr. and Mrs. Right?
Are you wondering how this became your life?
Maybe you’re also asking yourself the question, “Is my boyfriend gay?”
Are you having a quarter-life crisis, mid-life crisis or even a thirty-life crisis? TRUST. We’ve all been there.
DATING DISH (2:35)
Are you single or “self-partnered” like Emma Watson?
Emma gave an interview in British Vogue this week about her mindset shift around dating in your 30s. Damona actually thinks this has the potential to inhibit to your dating journey.
Can dating apps lead you to develop a disease?
According to a new Harvard study, a high percentage of daters develop eating disorders while using dating apps. Damona breaks it down.
If you had your ex’s IG password, would you log in?
Cosmo reports that a staggering amount of people log into their ex’s instagram account. WHAT.
THIRTY-LIFE CRISIS (14:38)
Dating in your 30s and quarter-life crises
Are you having a quarter life crisis, mid life crisis or even a 30 life crisis? Well Lisa Schwartz joins Damona to open up about hers.
You probably know her from her wildly popular YouTube channel, Lisbug, which features original comedic and musical content.
Lisa found herself in a Thirty-Life Crisis after her boyfriend came out as gay to some 6 million fans – you probably know him. Shane Dawson, he’s a huge youtube celebrity.
But now Lisa has turned that moment into a guide to figuring out where your passion is in your life with her new book, Thirty-Life Crisis.
We go in-depth on:
Find Lisa on YouTube and make sure to get your copy of Thirty-Life Crisis!
TECHNICALLY DATING (32:42)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
Manifesting Magic & Marriage Pacts
MANIFEST YOUR FAIRYTALE
Damona usually says ditch the fairytale, but the concept of fairytale ending always seems to manifest in different ways.
Everyone is looking for a magical fairytale ending. They want to be Cinderella and find a Prince who sweeps them off their feet and then live happily ever after.
But when we talk about fairytales, we usually skirt over the fact that before any of these princesses found their princes, they had to do some hard work to find the magic. Cinderella didn’t just wish on a star and get a whole kingdom handed to her, she had to sweep some chimneys and clean some dishes before she could manifest love.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth, an Intuition + Manifestation Mentor, speaker, and host of Made of Magic: The Podcast joins Damona to talk about the magic in our lives. Stephanie helps us awaken, embody, and amplify our magic so we can invite the next level in life, love, and business.
DATING DISH (2:30)
Do you and your boo need a marriage pact like William and Kate?
According to Katie Nicholle, author of “Kate The Future Queen,” Kate Middleton decided she needed to a marriage pact amidst her on again off again relationship with Prince William. What is a marriage pact and should you consider one?
On a scale of 0 to 100, how “textpatible” are you?
Have you ever been in a situation where you need to change the way your partner communicates over text? We’ve got some suggestions.
What Millennials can learn about flirting from older generations
According to Business Insider, millennials hire Amy Nobile to “ghost banter” – or flirt in their place on dating apps – to learn how to flirt better. What’s up with this?
MANIFESTING MAGIC (14:60)
Put in work to find your fairytale
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth has a great love story. In the middle of a two year long engagement, she realized that she didn’t feel the magic. Now she’s teaching women how to find the magic in their lives so they can attract the best
We go in-depth on:
Find Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth on Instagram @StephanieDawnElizabeth and make sure to listen to Made of Magic: The Podcast!
TECHNICALLY DATING (31:00)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
WANT TO GO EVEN DEEPER? HERE IS A TRANSCRIPT OF THE SHOW IF YOU WANT TO FOLLOW ALONG!
Damona 3:32
Hello lovers, welcome to Dates & Mates. I’m your host certified dating coach Damona Hoffman here to help you navigate all of the challenges of modern dating and relationships. You know, I usually say, ditch the fairy tale, but the concept of a fairytale ending keeps coming up. Everyone is looking for this magical fairy tale story of love. They want to be Cinderella and find a prince who will sweep them off their feet and then live happily ever after. But when we talk about fairy tales, we usually skirt over all that hard work, all of that, that manifestation, all of that effort that these princesses are putting out to find their princes. You have to do some work to find the magic. And that is why my guest today Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth, an intuition and manifestation mentor, speaker and the host of the Made of Magic Podcast is here to help me help you get on your mission to make the magic in your love life. Today, Stephanie is going to help us awaken embody and amplify our magic so we can invite our love lives to the next level and maybe it will also impact your other areas of your life and also your business. Please help me give big smooches to my guest, Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 4:57
Hi. Thank you. As you were talking about like, Oh, is she talking about me?
Damona 5:03
Yeah, we’re making fairy tale magic here. And your podcast is made of magic. So we want the goods girl. We want to know how we can make this magic happen.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 5:16
Okay, well I’m here to share.
Damona 5:18
Great and we’re also going to do the headlines including, do you and your boo need a marriage pact like William and Kate? And how to improve your partner’s texting style. Plus what millennials can learn about flirting from older generations. And then we’ll be answering your questions like how to make an LDR work and what’s up with women on dating apps? All that more today’s Dates & Mates! Stephanie, Are you ready to make this magic?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 5:47
So ready
Damona 5:49
All right, I was checking out the book “Kate to the Future Queen” by Katie Nicole and turns out Kate Middleton And Prince William may have made a marriage pact. You may recall that back in the day they were dating, they met at university – I almost in college, but I have to go English for this. They met at the university. And then it was on again off again. They broke up for a few months. And Kate was like, it doesn’t matter if she’s dating the Prince of England. She’s like, “Listen, I need to know what your intentions are. If we’re going to get back together. We need a pact we need to make sure that this relationship is headed towards marriage.” So according to the book, they actually agreed to take the pressure off their relationship. They didn’t have a timeline, but they said we’re going to end up together if we’re going to get back together. I want to know Stephanie, what are your thoughts on doing a marriage pact? Is it too much pressure?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 6:53
Yeah. So okay, did they have a marriage pact and not a proposal or did he also propose?
Damona 7:00
No, it was not a proposal. It was sort of like, it was a verbal promise ring.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 7:08
I feel like this is so hard because I wouldn’t say I’m against it. Like, I actually love anything unconventional. So, like eloping or just deciding we’re going to get married. I don’t know how I I’m like, kind of torn. Where are you at with it?
Damona 7:26
I think that you don’t know the trajectory of the relationship. And yeah, pressure on it, when you’re just getting back together to me seems like a little bit much like I had not a marriage pact with my husband, but I had, I had an understanding before. Before he moved in, I said, I need to know that this relationship is headed towards marriage. Now if you move in, and it doesn’t work, and we end up hating each other So be it, I’m not going to force you to propose, but I just need to know that’s where your head is at. So we don’t really know the terms of Kate and William’s marriage pact, but if it was something like that, then obviously I’m for it. If it was, we must get married and don’t waste my time, William. I love how it’s just, it feels so ordinary, right? This is what we’re all dealing with. And you think you would think that if you’re going to be the future Queen that you’re above all of this, but no Prince William was acting like a fool and you know, being a dumb single guy way back then he’s he’s the prince, but he’s just, he’s just like one of us.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 8:39
Yeah, like when you were first telling, like that whole scenario, I took it a totally different way of like, they just kind of decided, Okay, we’re going to get married. We don’t know when but it’s going to happen. But which I think is cool. Like, I think obviously, you should have a conversation that you’re moving the same direction you want the same thing, but then the way you just said it, the second time is like you that pressure of like you must marry me, which is totally different energy.
Damona 9:05
Yeah, especially if there’s the whole kingdom is at stake!
Well, let’s bring it down from the 30,000 foot level to what people are really dealing with in dating and relationships today. I’m always talking about texting. This is now the way that so many of us are communicating. And there was an article today in elite daily about how to change your partner’s texting style. I found this really interesting that everyone has their specific style of texting which we know right. But for some it’s a deal breaker if texting styles don’t match up. The article actually quoted this term “Textpatible”. And some of the people that they interviewed said it’s not a bad thing if you have to end a relationship over texting in compatibility. But my friend Julie Spira, who was quoted in it said, “Why don’t you just talk in person and ask them if you can shift if they could shift their texting style a little bit.” What are your thoughts on on texting compatibility?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 10:17
I don’t know. My first initial reaction is it’s kind of funny that that’s a quote unquote problem. But I also understand it from a sense of like, okay, let’s say one person is a person who really like thrives in relationship off of like that communication all the time. You know, like, some people text a lot. Some people don’t text a lot. I can understand that being kind of like a I wouldn’t say deal breaker but a conversation. But in terms of like, they talk a certain way and texts and I don’t like it that I kind of don’t get and I think, like you said, it’s a lot more important to have a conversation in person. I think, conversation in person that’s incompatible would make a whole lot more of a deal breaker than a text. You know what I mean?
Damona 11:00
Yeah, you definitely can’t ask someone to change their texting style over text. But there was actually a tip in the article that I really liked. a linguist and researcher Michelle McSweeney said first you have to ask yourself why it’s bugging you. Because Yeah, if it’s, if it’s annoying you it’s probably violating your own cultural norms. So just because you have a certain text etiquette, text ticket, you have to understand that that person might not be playing by the same rulebook. And I really worry about asking someone to change their text behavior, and then they’re conscious of what words they’re choosing and how they’re texting you. And it might make it less spontaneous, less authentic, and you may lose the communication because they weren’t communicating exactly on your rulebook.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 11:55
Oh, I totally agree. 100% with what you just said,
Damona 12:00
Although it also said that the longer people know each other and the more bonded they get, people tend to start texting the same way. Now I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, we text totally differently. I’m wondering if this is a bad thing: I have finally after 16 years was like, Can you just acknowledge that you’ve received a text for me? Like if, yeah, I I’m not into sexting, so I don’t send them like, I don’t send them nudes or anything like that. So all of a sudden, it was like a grocery list, you know, and I’ll just be like, I send it into the ether. And then I was like, Can you just like click the like button or just like respond Okay, or something, to just acknowledge that you’ve received it, but he, he’s consistent. He hates texting. He doesn’t like being on the phone at all. He hates texting. He it’s not at all the way he communicates face to face. And I wouldn’t really feel right like forcing him into a different different communication style. Tt hasn’t lined up. I Have you ever experienced that texting like somebody that you’re with?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 13:08
Not really? Uh, no, not really. That’s why I think I’m just like, oh, wow, I didn’t realize that was a thing. I’m like, actually, probably other people get annoyed with me in the same way where I’m either like, all in on the conversation via text or I totally forget to respond. Not necessarily in like a romantic relationship. But when you were talking to I was just thinking that kind of, you know, like the non response that I could see being a thing just by the other person feeling like, “Okay, are you listening? Do you hear me like do are you recognizing that I’m trying to connect” even if it’s about like a grocery list, but I can’t think of like a time when that was a thing for me in a relationship.
Leah Schell 13:53
I actually have been in this situation.
Damona 13:55
Oh, Producer Leah in the house.
Leah Schell 13:59
Okay. It was my high school boyfriend and I just hated the way he spoke to me over text. It was just like, he kept misspelling words. And he kept like, I don’t know, this makes me sound awful. But I just got really annoyed. And I think it was like, a manifestation of just like another issue I had, like, I did not like how he spoke in general. So I was just like annoyed about the text messages.
Damona 14:23
You just didn’t like who he was as a person.
Leah Schell 14:24
I was not a great person in high school.
Damona 14:29
No, none of us were. But I know sometimes I think about things I did in high school, and I’m just like, oh my god…
Well, being a stickler for grammar, though that does indicates I’m just going to go there. Not that I’m analyzing you right now, but I’m kind of analyzing grammar is an indicator of intelligence in written communication, right. So I don’t know. Maybe you felt like he wasn’t keeping up with you intellectually?
Leah Schell 14:57
Yeah, I did feel that way. I know my parents were like, “why are you with him?” He’s not the brightest person so it just you know…
Damona 15:05
The doctor is in. But the question is Producer Leah and Stephanie, how was your flirt game back then? And can you flirt effectively? Can you learn to flirt over text? Because according to Business Insider, Millennials are just failing on the flirting game and they actually can learn to flirt from older generations. They interviewed Amy Nobile, who’s the founder of a dating concierge service in New York. She basically does a very similar thing to what I do, but she’ll like jump in there and flirt and banter for people and teach them. I like to teach to do that. I don’t like to do what she calls ghost bantering because I want you to know that you’re talking to the real person and not not me. How many times does that happen? You show up on a date and you’re like, oh, you’re a really funny and charming over text, but now you’re kind of dull. I want to teach people how to be able to do this text banter. But what Amy Nobile, who’s 50 herself and she met her her boo on Bumble. And now she wants to teach other people how to do it. She’s seeing that the baby boomers and Gen Xers are much better at flirting and have developed that skill. I’m always saying that flirting is a learned skill. And if you haven’t flexed that muscle or if you’re only if you’re only flirting over text, then you get on the date and you don’t know how to let that. Let that you know, flirt. The I’m trying to think of like a catchy word now and it’s not coming but like let that you know that playful flirt out.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 16:47
Oh, yeah. I don’t know if I’m a good floater.
Damona 16:53
What’s your game like? What’s your style?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 16:56
I don’t know. Like, I’m one I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know that’s that’s like such a I have no idea. I think probably like, maybe charming witty like quick kind of just like go lean in and I don’t even know.
Damona 17:17
I’ll give you a tip then from Amy Nobile who is is all about flirting in the right way because I mean there are definitely ways you can flirt. And there are people that will send you the Hey beautiful text but she says instead Yeah, do it not in a sexual way. But in a warm, charming or validating way. And instead of saying hey, beautiful, which I oh my gosh, I see this up for my clients time. It’s, it’s just like what is the response to that? Hey, beautiful. Hey, she says say Happy Tuesday. Instead, I always say callback something else that picks up on the thread where you left off or picks up a new thread and starts the day like just Happy Tuesday.
Leah Schell 18:02
It seems like a good morning text. I hate good morning texts.
Damona 18:08
What’s the point of that? So we need to step it up we need to step up your tax game. But first, we are going to take a break and when we come back we will be talking more to Stephanie Donna Elizabeth host of made a magic the podcast about how you can manifest love in your life. We’ll be back right after this.
Welcome back to Dates & Mates. We are here with Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth, who is going to give us a quick pep talk on our inner magic and how you can manifest the love that you want. Stephanie I’m into this girl! I am into this idea i think, you know, I do a lot of technical dating advice but there is an element of magic in making that connection and having that fairy tale like if I go back and look at the trajectory of any of my clients and how we made it happen I do the foundational stuff, but there’s also a little bit of mindset and a little bit of timing and luck that I think you can manifest. You can create your own luck. Now tell me you you identify as an intuition and manifestation mentor, what does that mean to you?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 19:46
Well, just a quick kind of like backstory for me of how I manifested my next level love, like I like to talk about it, and just how I really got to get in touch with my intuition and really had that like spark of figuring out what manifestation was and how I did it and what my magic was? So, about a year ish ago, just over a year ago, I called up my engagement. And yeah,
Damona 20:12
oh my gosh, sorry.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 20:14
No, it’s okay. it was my choice. And it was what sparked so much magic. I think, so much of my life and you even said this in the beginning, it’s like, all of your life is connected. So your relationship, if it’s out of alignment, a lot of your other life is going to feel and be out of alignment to and that’s going to like really affect your magic and manifesting and all of that. And for me, like that relationship, I had so much of my own intuition like, first kind of whispering at me then talking to me then like screaming at me that this was not the relationship and nothing was wrong. Nothing happened. He’s a great guy, but I always had that like underlying feeling of settling and this is not it and there’s something so magic. That’s like going to click everything into place. And so finally, I just trusted myself and my intuition and called up the engagement last September. And honestly like, although, yes, it’s it was the hardest thing I’ve ever actually had to physically do to hurt somebody else. It 100% changed my entire life and clicked all of that magic into place. Because I gave myself like time to get back to knowing who I was what I wanted. And I was not trying to manifest love or relationship at that time. But two months later, I decided, Okay, I’m just going to go on Bumble. Like I feel ready and I’m so clear in my own power and what I want and what I desire, in that like, unwavering way, and I met my now boyfriend who is 100% my my person, like, a week later.
Damona 21:52
Oh my gosh, it sounds like a marriage pact is coming. No! I’m kidding!
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 21:55
no, no, no,
Damona 21:56
no, no. I want to back it up. Yeah, or people listening because I, I’m also an intuitive and one of my missions. I’m just going to say it here on the data made show. I haven’t said it aloud yet. But one of my missions is to be able to teach people how to hear their own intuition, because people always ask me like, oh, if you’re psychic, like you have you’ve some, some gift from God, something magic that happened to you and it’s in your family bloodline, and you you, you can do this magical thing. And it’s like, No, no, no, no, everyone, in my opinion, everyone can do this. Everyone has intuition. But we squash it down. We call it we think, Oh, well, I’m already engaged and the invitations are being mailed and everything is moving so quickly. And so I can’t hear that right now. Because I’m already on this panel. And I mean, it happens all the way down to the micro level of should you go out on a date with this person or not? Which a lot of our listeners are dating and going through that decision process. So let’s slow it down for everybody and go back to that moment that you said your intuition was speaking to you first it was whispering then it was nudging you then it was screaming at you. What did that actually feel like look like sound like when you were in the moment?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 23:29
Yeah. I mean, looking back, I can recognize it. I don’t know if in the moment I was like, Oh, that’s my intuition until it was so loud that I couldn’t not listen to it. But I remember like looking back now times like when we first started dating, I remember actually trying to break up with him. When we first started dating. We dated for five years and got engaged and we’re engaged feel sorry for years then got engaged and we’re engaged for two years. So I remember like, the beginning of our relationship, like when I dates and making it fit. And even like trying to break up with him thinking like, oh, we’re not really that compatible, like, we’re so different he like just that was my intuition saying No, not this isn’t the way and the universe kind of trying to nudge me in a different direction. But then we stay together. And those feelings of like, your intuition for me is like that, knowing that almost I always explain it as there’s no emotion attached to it. It’s that clear? Oh, this person is not right for me, or, oh, I need to call off my engagement. It’s super cold. It has no emotion, but your fear and your ego and all that are so much louder and your human part kind of like takes over really quickly. And so unless you kind of take that time in that space, to give yourself time to hear what it’s actually trying to say and like, listen to it. It’s hard to actually It’s hard to hear it and then actually do the thing. Because the thing you have to do a lot of the time is not necessarily the thing you want to do. So looking back, I can see like all of those feelings in my gut, or when I saw my friends and relationships where they were actually so happy and in love and like, looking at them, like, are they faking? Like, Is this real? I don’t, and looking at my own relationship and realizing that’s not how I feel about him. But this must be everyone must be lying. So I think we always have that knowing, but we cover it up with layers of Yeah, like fear or just stuff that’s true to try and not have to do the thing we know we need to do.
Damona 25:40
Well, a lot of times the thing we know we need to do is the harder thing, hopefully, and then you also layer in the pressure of family and friends at work and all of these other other plans that life has for you, right?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 25:57
Yeah, well, for me, it was like that. Well, I Already, I, we had talked about getting engaged. I said I wanted to be engaged, deeper pose. And I said I was going to do it. So it was like my intuition was saying this is the thing, but it’s like, well, I already said yes. And I’ve already committed and I can’t change my mind.
Damona 26:14
Right? Right. And what will that look like to other people if I’ve changed my brand? Exactly. No, I didn’t. Yeah, I didn’t know and I’ve made a mistake. Let’s Yeah, let’s now look at this term of magic because I’m sure there’s also some people listening that are like, hold on Dimona. This sounds like witchcraft. I’m not like, I’m a Christian. I’m not here for this. I don’t look at it as witchcraft and I think sometimes using the term magic has different connotations. What is man mean to you? And like what is it is what are the associations that it brings up when you say magic?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 26:55
Yeah, I love that you said that because it is true. I think sometimes we do have resistance to it or There’s so many different ways we use the word. For me magic is just kind of the word that I use for all of the things that there’s no other word to describe them. So calling off my engagement, and then what happened after that there’s no word for how that clicked and what happened, except for magic. You know what I mean?
Damona 27:21
Right, it doesn’t, it doesn’t make sense on paper, but somehow it all worked out.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 27:27
Yeah. And that and then the thing that I really work with women on the most is really getting back to their own magic, like we a lot of the time are seeking out the right answer or the right thing that’s going to click it all into place, or even when we’re talking about manifesting like we think we have to follow this 123 or to find the relationship we have to follow this like 123 step. And although obviously there are things that are good for a foundation or like learning and strategy if we’re talking about business, that kind of stuff, but everybody has their own unique magic that is the thing that will click everything into place and that’s why you have to listen to your intuition and find what it is for you instead of figuring out what it is for everybody else.
Damona 28:16
So let’s say we’ve tapped into intuition we got that part down check got it what is the manifestation piece when you’re talking to people on on your podcast on made of magic about how to manifest what you want? Because it’s like you said something actually very profound. I don’t know if you realize that you said I wanted to be married and I wanted that wedding. But then there’s this other piece of with the right person that may be left out of the out of the the dream or the wish or the fairytale that you were telling yourself Right, right. Oh, yeah. How do you clarify how do people clarify their, their manifestation process and find one That works for them. Because you’ve said on the show different manifestation methods that work for some won’t work for it necessarily work for you.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 29:10
Yeah, well, part of that is trial and error in a sense of like figuring out what feels good for you, a huge part of manifesting is you have to have to feel good. So what I do and how I manifest is really journaling in the morning. I call it magic mornings, like creating space, at the beginning phases of okay. I mean, there’s something everyone wants to manifest, whether it’s a relationship, whether it’s getting married, whether it’s a business or whatever. But behind all of that is how you want to feel so what we miss a lot of the times and what I missed was okay, I want to be married. I know that that’s the thing I want to do. I want to have kids, but I forgot like that, like you said that whole piece of who it was and what that person is like and what I like in the relationship, even towards the end of the engagement like that really relationship, I got to a point where I was like, I don’t even like who I am. It’s not even about him. It’s like, I don’t like how I’m showing up. And what happens I think a lot of the time is we don’t give ourselves time and space to stop and ask the better questions of not What do you like not just what do you want in terms of marriage and all of that. But how do you want to feel? How do you want to show up in that? what feels good for you? What doesn’t feel good for you? And then figuring out what in your life is in and out of alignment with that?
Damona 30:31
Yeah, that’s very helpful. And I like this idea of it doesn’t have to be perfect, right? It’s just a to be out there. And for anyone that’s listening, that’s like, I don’t know if I buy it to Mona and Stephanie, I’m not sure. If you don’t have that time to vision, if you don’t have that magic morning, like Stephanie said, it’s at some point in your life. If you haven’t placed the goal in your mind. It’s really hard for you to achieve. And it’s kind of like when you look at just breaking it down to human behavior. When I don’t have the exact stats on this, but I remember reading an article about, there was a particular race pace that everybody was hitting, and nobody can break through the barrier. And then once the first person broke the barrier, then it was like the next person, the next person, the next person because they knew it was possible. And right, what I’d love for people to do is to just place that as a possibility, like you said, you saw amongst your friends that a dream relationship was a possibility. And then when you looked at your own life, at that time, it wasn’t vibrating at that level, but you had to like, you had to set the intention. You had to have that, that dream goal, somewhere out there so that you knew what you could strive for. Right
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 31:58
100% I love all of what you just said. I think part of it, especially for me, and just especially for so many of us, whether it’s relationships or any area of your life, we do kind of settle in and just settle with that like, thing that feels quote unquote, comfortable. But there could be more out there. So exactly what you said, we think, well, that’s not going to work, or that’s not available to me or, for me, I thought people were just lying, that that’s not actually how people feel. Now, I know that that is completely not true, because I feel that so I think what happens is we don’t have a reference point for that. So I’d never experienced the love that I am experiencing now. So therefore, I didn’t know it was possible. Or, you know, if in our life, we’ve never seen people in really beautiful relationships, they’re out there, you just kind of have to give yourself a reference point for create your own reference point that anything’s possible. And the more evidence you get that that’s true, meaning like Okay, so, whether that’s your journaling and you’re visualizing or You’re just getting back to knowing yourself, and then you start to see the magic or that things, oh, they do click into place, or Oh, I didn’t make that happen, then you start to get that little bit of hope that the things are possible, the more that you see that they do happen.
Damona 33:16
And I like what you said about seeing, seeing the little pieces of it actually come to fruition. We don’t do that enough. We don’t acknowledge where we’ve where we’ve come from. And a lot of times with my when I begin a one on one coaching program with a client, I always have them start with a snapshot of their current dating life, and then set goals for where they want to be a month from now, two months from now, three months from now. And that way you can go back and track your progress because maybe, I mean, lined up for you the magic happened after two months of after moving on from your previous relationship, but for some people The timeline, the magic timeline might be a little bit longer. But if you haven’t taken the time to look back and say, wait a minute, three months ago, I’d had no dates and I felt terrible about my dating prospects. I was not putting myself out there. I was not showing up on dates I I felt miserable. I dreaded going on dates. And then now I’m like, Oh, I can do this and Mad Men on two dates this week. And maybe I haven’t met my person. But that’s still progress. And I think that’s a really big piece of the manifestation and creating magic that people leave out to that that reminder like yeah, you’re on the right path. Keep going with it.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 34:41
Yeah, I actually literally just wrote excuse me this on Instagram the other day that we’re so focused on how far we still have to go. So what we don’t have or what we are still have so much work to do on it that we don’t either stop and notice the moment of what we actually do have an audience Things that we asked for that are now here, or we don’t give ourselves the credit for how far we’ve already come. Yes. So and that kind of gratitude is so magnetic when you can just stop and be present in the moment with everything that you have, instead of always, because we we can get stuck in manifesting in that way too, which was I love that you said that. We were constantly trying to get more always looking in the future and not really being present in the moment and actually how you manifest the best or how you just feel the best is to be incredibly present incredibly grateful for what is already with you.
Damona 35:39
So true, and even. We were talking about flirting earlier. Actually, I’ll tell you all the secret to flirting. It’s not a magical formula. It’s not really saying Happy Tuesday instead of a beautiful, it’s actually yeah, being present and being in the moment and listening and responding like Stephanie and I are doing right now and having this conversation like I’m feeling really connected to you, Stephanie. Yeah, we’re nowhere.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 36:08
Yeah, yeah, I was actually thinking that after you were talking about flirting, that the reason I was like, I don’t know, is because we think of flirting as that. That sexual or that the, you know, that old school way of thinking about flirting, but when I’m thinking now of what my flirting quote unquote game is, or why I feel so good in my relationship, and vice versa is because that’s the kind of flirting that we have that in the moment, I’m listening to you, you’re listening to me we’re responding and that it feels so good.
Damona 36:42
And even if we reframe the idea of flirting, like yeah, make it not about not about sexual attraction, but even just make it about exchange of energy because I’ll tell you, my five year old son is like the biggest flirt. I know and I know that’s not it’s not a sexual thing, but it’s just like, it’s this exchange of energy. Like he likes to see the reaction he gets when he looks at them in a certain way. And maybe if we could find a little bit more of that play, and that joy, like you were saying, then we can take the pressure off of ourselves and just be
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 37:20
well, because then you are just being you’re not thinking, oh, what’s the witty, flirty thing to say for them to like me?
Damona 37:29
Exactly. I I like you. Like everything you brought into dates and mates today. You also have your own podcast. I do mate of magic. What what exciting things can people explore and experience if they pop over to your podcast and what we’ve explored today?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 37:50
Oh my gosh, it’s kind of like my open diary. Honestly, I share a ton about it’s probably very interesting for people honestly to start from episode one. It actually used to be called the girl kind of podcasts. And when I started it, it was really from a place of just wanting connection and a place for women to share their stories and be honest and say the things we’re all wanting to say. So that’s kind of if you go from the beginning, you’re going to get that kind of those episodes. And then it’s sort of organically changed to native magic. And so it’s probably wild to listen from the beginning because you’ll hear like when I was engaged to when I called up my engagement to meeting Justin to dating and what that was like to where we’re at now. So you can get a huge journey of all of it. And I share so much about what my own intuition has been saying through the journey or ego or all of this stuff. And then I have really incredible guests on to talk about all things magic manifestation what it’s like to be a woman in the world like all the things I love it. I love it.
Damona 38:56
I know people will get so much more from following your podcast made a magic. But before you go, we have questions. Yeah, definitely don’t Elizabeth, we have questions from our listeners. People need some help, and it’s time for our next segment. All right, this one comes to us from Facebook. This lady says I’ve been single eight years and I’ve been in a couple of relationships, but just not finding anyone quality until I met will just call him K. She told me the name but secret. He’s everything I’m looking for. He tells me I’m what he’s looking for, but he’s moving out of state. So we both decide to meet and see if there’s a connection and we have an incredible couple days together. But we don’t know where to go from here. Sadly, we also currently live three hours apart so seeing each other until he moves is limited two weekends for us to even find out if there is more to us. It’s taken me six years to find him and I don’t want to let go how Can we make this work?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 40:04
Oh, okay, well, I’m not a dating expert like you, but
Damona 40:08
you’re a manifestation expert. She wants to be a relationship girl.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 40:14
Well, I don’t see anything wrong with long distance relationships. Justin and I like we’re not long distance, long distance, but we live like an hour away. And honestly, I think that was a really good thing in the beginning, I tend to jump into relationships or having a past like real quick, fall real hard and like, go all in and I was all in with him. But that distance kind of allowed us to like slowly get to know each other in a different way, which ended up being so incredible. So I don’t know like, I’m all for it. If you can figure out a way that it’s going to work for both of you and that your needs are both met. And I mean, if this is the person that you been waiting for Don’t think that should break it up. What do you think?
Damona 41:04
First I’m glad that you said slow love, basically, slow it down. I just did an episode of the kind of dating podcast all on this topic about low love. So I will not be labor the issue you guys can check it. If you want to hear me, wax poetic about that. I hear a lot of anxious words, though, in this statement like, because I know she’s been single for eight years and I know what that feels like. It feels like you’ve been in the desert and you finally got a drink of water. And now you’re going to just guzzle it all down. But still, you have to have slow love and you don’t have to figure it out before he moves. So like I think the tendency when you have been looking for someone for so long, and you know she said a couple of times like it took me eight years to find him is to then take this. Take this peg that may or may not fit, and just like jamming in there, we have to figure this out right now. And you don’t like Yes, a lot of time has passed, and you’ve invested a lot, but you still need to proceed cautiously and carefully, and mindfully, and especially if you’re going to be investing in a long distance relationship. Like I’ll say, Stephanie, it can work to meet someone long distance, but eventually you have to have a plan to be together. Hopefully, very few relationships work long term long distance. Yeah. But you just have to, you have to figure it out and not be I think she shouldn’t be in a rush to figure it out before he goes, you will still have Skype dates, you’ll be able to travel to one another. And I don’t think it’s a bad thing that they can only see each other on weekends. because like you said, having that space in between the dates will make it will give you the opportunity to really assess if this is something different if it has that magic like Stephanie was
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 42:58
that’s so true. So much of what you just said, one being like that energy is different. If the energy is like, hold on, cling, don’t leave me. We got to figure this out, then no, that’s not going to feel good for anyone. And I love what you said about the weekends to even honestly now, Justin and I don’t, we’re moving in together in like a month, but we don’t really see each other during the week. And that’s okay. And for me, that’s what me release and heal so much of that unhealthy attachment or that I need you, you need to need me and has allowed us to, like individually grow in such a huge way and then we come together in a really healthy way. Exactly. That’s the goal.
Damona 43:42
Any relationships? Yeah. relationships. Okay, we have one more question. This gal says women always say that men only want them for sex. But I never get any responses on dating apps. What’s up with
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 43:56
that? It’s a guy
Oh,
Unknown Speaker 44:01
I’m gonna pick up that whole thing. Okay,
Damona 44:05
this question, okay.
Okay, this question comes to us from a fella. He says women always say that men only want them for sex. But I never get any responses on dating apps. What’s up with that? So this guy is trying to have like a more serious connection. He’s sending messages on dating apps or women of substance. And he’s getting shut out in the cold. What’s he doing wrong? You think? Other than not manifesting his magic?
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 44:36
Well, I mean, I guess it if you get logical with it, it’s like what’s, what is the conversation? And then the other part of it is like, what’s the energy that it’s coming from? It’s kind of similar to the last question, you were just saying, like, Are you going out with that energy of? I need it now? I want something serious. Where are you? I don’t want anything like that that energy that you come to it with is also super important. Yes.
Damona 45:08
And it’s I feel like we’re coming back full circle to where we began at the show. It’s a combination right of, of the logistics. What What is your profile? pictures? Do you? Do you need the profile starter kit that you can get a dates and mates calm for free. And maybe you need to redo your profile because chances are you if you’re not getting responses back, there’s something amiss in your profile or in your approach. So if you’re not like chasing down women and sending them novels and acting weird, which, if you’re listening to this podcast, then surely or not, you might just need to refresh on your dating profile and have some pictures that really amplify your magic and show people who you are and what what would make you a great match. But I would say don’t be a Afraid, especially for a guy to let people know that you’re, you’re there for something more serious, right? Because if you if people I think are so afraid to say what they mean or say really what their intentions are, they’re afraid someone might run away. So I think it pushes away the wrong people and it magnet magnetized is the right people to you
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 46:22
100% I say that all the time people Justin and I met on Bumble And people always ask me, my God, how did you find a person on Bumble or vice versa? they asked him to both of us for very honest about what we wanted, and with our energy, but also in what we physically said. And I think especially for women, I mean men to or they were just afraid to say that because we think, oh, then people will leave or they’ll think like, oh, okay, he wants something serious. I’m out. But good. That’s good information that does not the person that’s on the same level of what you want. And so the more Yes, like you said part of it is what does your profile say? What are you coming into the conversation with? And then the other part of it is just be vulnerable and honest about what you actually want from the beginning.
Damona 47:07
And then let the magic take hold. Right? This has been so much fun so
all of our listeners will check out made a magic the podcast, it’s on all of your favorite podcast platforms. You can also follow Stephanie on Instagram at Stephanie dawn Elizabeth. We will put the links in the show notes along with all the the links to the dating dish stories. Those are always for your reading pleasure, along with fabulous GIFs by the wonderful Producer Leah at dates and mates.com This is Episode 282 of dates and mates. Do you have a question? Do you have a question that you want me to answer on future show? Don’t be shy. Tell me what’s on your mind. Chances are somebody if you’re having a question, there’s somebody else listening, that’s having the same issue. So you can help somebody else out and also help out your yourself, you can message me at Dimona Hoffman on all the socials. I also love voice messages. So you can call me or you can leave me a voice message on on Instagram. You can call me at 424-246-6255 you can email me, just find me and get me your questions so I can help you out. And don’t forget to do three keep it free. Number one, subscribe to this show on whichever platform you’re listening right now click that little subscribe button number to give us a review. And number three, share this episode with a friend. Everyone has a friend that needs a little bit of manifestation magic in their life. So why not click share and let somebody know that you found a fabulous podcast and you are going to help them live their best life while you’re living your best to. We’ll be back again next week with more dates and mates. Thank you to my guest Stephanie Don Elizabeth.
Stephanie Dawn Elizabeth 48:52
Thank you.
Damona 48:53
Until next week, my lovers I wish you happy dating
Dating Horrors & Avoiding Ghosting
WELCOME TO THE DATES & MATES HOUSE OF HORRORS!
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Big Takeaways from this episode are: Don’t be weird on first dates and avoid ghosting!
For everyone who is new to the Dates & Mates community, every year we round up the funniest stories of the absolute WORST dates in history. Let’s laugh together about the most horrible, freaky, WILD dates
Then I break them down and tell you how you can avoid getting yourself trapped in one of these situations!
SPOOKY DATING DISH (1:30)
Should you join a paternity union?
WARNING: Do not procreate with Future. His baby mamas are unionizing and Damona gives us the run down.
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What’s up with the ghosts?
According to a new study from Dating.Com, 45% of daters ghost after the first date because they feel that it’s just easier to drop all communication. Aren’t y’all tired of ghosts and ghosting? Damona has THOUGHTS on avoiding ghosting.
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What is a paperclipping and why won’t it leave you alone?
NEW fun dating term courtesy of AskMen: Paperclipping. Damona breaks it down, but this picture says it all:
LET’S LAUGH TOGETHER (12:00)
DATING A RICH GUY ISN’T ALL THAT GREAT (13:00)
We’re TEAM NATASHA! Don’t forget to subscribe to her podcast, Kinda Dating, so you don’t miss Damona’s upcoming interviews!
PROM NIGHT (22:00)
For more HILARIOUS stories, you can find Rob on instagram (@icecoldrob)
CREEPY STALKERS (25:00)
Rhumel of Girrrl Can I Ask You Something, is GREAT! Check out her podcast!
DON’T STICK YOUR HANDS IN PEOPLE’S MOUTHS! (32:00)
Lysz Flo is cracking us UP! Check out her podcast, Creatively Exposed!
Gold Digger & The Sexuality Secret
I AIN’T SAYING SHE’S A GOLD DIGGER… BUT SHE MIGHT BE A UNICORN
Do you ever wish you could be a little sexier? More free with your sexuality – the way you see people in media?
What could you learn if you could go behind the scenes a Playboy? Well today we have Wendy Miller with us to give us the inside scoop on all those dirty little secrets.
Wendy Miller, Host of Sex Ed The Musical, Former Playboy TV Head of Programming, and self-proclaimed “Sex Sherpa”, gives secrets on how to get comfortable with your sexuality and achieve fulfillment in all types of relationships
DATING DISH (5:50)
Is Kanye Wrong?
Kanye has requested that Kim stop dressing so sexy because it is “hurting his soul.” Wendy and Damona have THOUGHTS.
Everything you need to know before you start your sugar career
Have you ever wondered if a sugar mama or sugar daddy situation is right for you? Damona and Wendy break it down.
How to find a unicorn on dating apps
Actually, “unicorn hunting” is a term for finding a third party to join your threesome. This article brought up a lot of extra questions. Damona asks and Wendy answers.
Sexy Secrets (19:30)
Everything Wendy learned at Playboy
Wendy worked at Playboy so you don’t have to. She gives us the GREATEST insights on everything about sexuality and self love.
We go in-depth on:
Wendy’s podcast, Sex Ed The Musical, gives us LIFE. Don’t miss it.
TECHNICALLY DATING (40:20)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
DO YOU HAVE A DATING HORROR STORY?
Done with Dating & The Cheerleader Effect
BE THE HOST WITH THE MOST
Okay so we talked about breakups last week, what do you do when you are ready to take on dating?
Party!
Samantha Burns, AKA the millennial love expert, tells us her exact steps to ditching dating forever in her new book: Done with Dating: 7 Steps to Finding Your Person
DATING DISH (2:00)
Is it weird that Kayley Cuoco isn’t living with her new husband?
You may remember that in her last divorce – asked for a HUGE alimony. Maybe she’s still healing from that and needs to take it slow? We have thoughts.
Find your soulmate before the end of the world!
Tinder’s new content-forward programming will find help you love while you play a “choose your own adventure” game on their platform. Damona breaks it down.
Did you know there are apps to fix your relationships?
There are dating apps and now there are relationship apps backed by the Gottman researchers. Are these worth it? Damona breaks it down.
DATING IS A PARTY (14:00)
Be the host with the most
Samantha’s new book Done with Dating: 7 Steps to Finding Your Person is a great follow up to her first book Breaking Up and Bouncing Back: Moving On to Create the Love Life You Deserve. She gives us her seven steps to get back on the horse and find your person.
We go in-depth on:
TECHNICALLY DATING (35:00)
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week:
DO YOU HAVE A DATING HORROR STORY?
Love & Loss
AM I EVER GOING TO LOVE OR LOVE AGAIN?
After a breakup, divorce, or a loss of a partner, we often ask ourselves this question.
In the description of this show we say you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll believe in love again. But have you ever had to learn how to love again after loss?
Whether you’ve been through a breakup, divorce, or the passing of your partner this episode is for you. Healing your heart is a long process – A lot of us feel guilty moving on or feel like we’ll never find someone as great as what we once had.
We’ve all been there.
But today we want to give you hope. That is why I’ve brought in Gladys Diaz – a love expert who helps people learn to love and trust again.
She is the co-founder of The Love Twins of Heart’s Desire International.
After being widowed at a young age, Gladys believed that she would never love or be loved again. She and her sister developed a program that women how to love after loss – a program that she followed to meet the second man of her dreams 19 years ago. Here’s the rundown:
DATING DISH
How to find the perfect first date spot
According to GQ, you should find a few first date spots and stick to them. Damona and Gladys discuss.
Do you really need to find your intellectual match?
Damona and Gladys have thoughts on this article from Female First.
Do you want to feel safer when dating?
Apparently there is a brand new chaperoning / matchmaking service that takes away the pressure of meeting a stranger in public for the first time. Is this really necessary?
Love & Loss
Learn to Love Again
Gladys lost the love of her life at age 27. After some time, she developed a program to heal her own heart and open herself up to love again. Gladys now helps women of all backgrounds heal from breakups, divorce, and the loss of a partner.
We cover:
TECHNICALLY DATING
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Argument Addiction & Chemistry Lies
Chemistry is a LIAR
Today’s episode is all about Identifying past relationship patterns is crucial to restructuring your dating strategy to find success.
DATING DISH (1:50)
Does your wedding budget predict your chances at divorce?
According to Novi Money, if you spend $1000 or less, you are more likely to get divorced within 10 years. Damona and Producer Leah discuss.
#NationalCourtshipDay
Do you remember the Duggars? Apparently they’re trying to make #NationalCourtshipDay happen. What is the difference between courtship and dating?
Demi Moore spills the tea on her marriage with Ashton Kutcher
Should he respond? Damona and Producer Leah break it down.
Argument & Chemistry Addiction (15:00)
Silent but Deadly Relationship Killers
We’ve said it many times but will say it again: Identifying past relationship patterns is crucial to restructuring your dating strategy to find success.
In Damona’s own personal dating journey, she had to overcome an addiction.
I had an addiction to “chemistry.” She LOVED that serotonin rush she got from a new connection and equated conflict with “passion.” But none of these relationships worked.
As it turns out, this is really common. Dr. Phillip Lee, notable marital therapist and co-head of the Cornell Medical Center, joins us today to break it down.
According to his new book, Argument Addiction, co-authored with his wife, our biological predisposition to chemistry addiction can make stable relationships difficult.
But there is a solution! Drs. Lee and Rudolph have unlocked the secrets to successful relationships through their extensive research. We cover:
Get your copy of Argument Addiction and be sure to follow Drs. Lee and Phillip on Twitter (@ArgumentBook) and Instragram (@ArgumentAddictionBook)
TECHNICALLY DATING (30:20)
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Dating Fatigue & Dumbing it Down
Have you ever wanted to give up on dating?
Today’s episode is all about dating fatigue and finding purpose in dating with author, Kacie Main!
DATING DISH (2:30)
Do ladies dumb themselves down to date?
According to Mirror UK new study shows that 37% of women feel that men are intimidated by their intellect. Damona and Kacie have thoughts.
One trick to get a second date
Daily Mail reports that saying your dates name multiple times may be the key to getting a second date.
Plenty of Fish has banned filtered photos!
What exactly does this mean? Damona and Kacie break it down.
A Drastic Solution to Dating Fatigue
Giving Up Men for Lent & Finding Purpose in Dating
We’ve talked about dating fatigue on Dates & Mates in the past, but have you ever been so burnt out on it that you decided to quit the dating game entirely?
Kacie Main did. In 2017, she got so burnt out on searching for love after a string of questionable decisions, that she decided to hit the reset button and give up men for lent (about 40 days.)
A little drastic, maybe?
Maybe not, it turns out! I loved hearing about Kacie’s journey from what she calls “dating desperation” to really understanding and finding her purpose in dating.
We go in-depth on dating fatigue and also cover:
You can find Kacie at kaciemain.com! Make sure to get a copy of her book “I Gave Up Men For Lent: The story of a jaded, hopelessly romantic, health-conscious party girl’s search for meaning” on Amazon!
TECHNICALLY DATING
Submit your questions Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook and hear our answers live on the show! Here’s what our listeners asked about this week: