Being si
ngle often gets lumped into an either/or narrative. You’re either looking for someone or just “enjoying the moment.”
What gets lost in all this noise are the hidden benefits of being single, advantages we rarely talk about, but ones that can truly reshape how we see ourselves and the world.
Here’s a closer look at why the single life may just be the secret source of happiness you didn’t know you had.
1. You’re in Full Control of Your Time
When you’re single, your schedule belongs to you. There’s no need to coordinate plans, check in with anyone, or compromise on how you spend your weekends.
Feel like binge-watching your favorite series for hours or saying yes to a last-minute trip? Go for it. Every decision about your time is completely yours to make, and that kind of autonomy is powerful.
Relationships often require emotional labor and shared schedules, leaving little room for personal spontaneity. Being single gives you the gift of time to pursue what genuinely makes you happy without guilt or hesitation.
2. You Rediscover Who You Really Are
Being single gives you space to turn inward and evaluate what matters most to you, without external influences.
You start to notice what you enjoy, not because a partner likes it, but because you do. From hobbies to values, you get to rediscover the corners of yourself that might’ve been overlooked.
This self-awareness isn’t just empowering; it lays the foundation for more fulfilling relationships if or when you decide to enter one again. Knowing yourself well ensures you bring your best, most authentic self to the table.
3. Financial Freedom is Yours
Splitting expenses or saving for joint goals can be rewarding, but being single allows you to focus solely on your personal financial priorities.
Want to splurge on a new gadget or invest in your dream course? The decision is entirely yours.
You’re not bound by anyone else’s financial habits or goals, which can sometimes be a source of tension in relationships. Singlehood is a time to build, save, and spend in ways that reflect your unique financial vision.
4. You Strengthen Other Relationships
Romantic relationships often demand a significant amount of time and energy, which can unintentionally sideline friendships and family bonds.
When you’re single, you have more space to nurture other connections in your life. This isn’t about filling a void but about truly appreciating the richness of diverse relationships.
Reach out to friends for a coffee date. Reconnect with siblings or parents you’ve missed catching up with. These relationships often deepen when you have more time to genuinely invest in them.
5. No Compromise on Career or Life Goals
Being single means your life decisions are centered around your goals alone. Want to move across the country for a dream job?
There’s no need to factor in anyone else’s preferences. Ambitious career choices, big moves, or starting a new business come with fewer hurdles when you’re making decisions solo.
This self-centered goal setting isn’t selfish—it’s purposeful. Focusing entirely on what drives you ensures you’re building the life you truly want.
6. Your Mental Health Gets Priority
Relationships, even the best ones, come with stress. Arguments, managing expectations, and maintaining emotional intimacy can sometimes weigh heavily.
Being single allows you the space to prioritize your mental health in ways that might not be possible otherwise.
You can develop self-care routines without interruptions, attend therapy sessions without judgment, and focus on healing past wounds. The space to grow emotionally, without the pressure of meeting someone else’s needs, is a rare and valuable gift.
7. You Can Embrace True Independence
Independence isn’t just about paying your own bills or living alone.
It’s about knowing you’re capable of meeting your needs, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Being single forces you to learn how to stand strong on your own.
The confidence that comes from knowing you don’t need someone else is unmatched. And when you eventually choose to share your life with someone, it’ll be from a place of strength, not necessity.
8. You’re Free to Explore Without Limits
Being single is the ultimate green light for exploration.
Whether it’s testing out new hobbies, pursuing different interests, or traveling solo to places you’ve always dreamed of, your options are wide open.
Without the constraints of someone else’s preferences or plans, you can try things you’ve never done before. This kind of freedom often leads to personal discoveries you might’ve never stumbled on in a relationship.
9. You Build a Stronger Relationship With Yourself
At the heart of all the benefits of being single is this: It’s the ultimate time to grow your relationship with yourself.
You learn to enjoy your own company, celebrate your wins, and sit with your thoughts without distraction.
This isn’t about self-love as a catchphrase; it’s about genuinely knowing that you are enough just as you are. Cultivating this level of self-acceptance carries into every future relationship, making them healthier and more balanced.
10. You Develop a Deeper Appreciation for Future Relationships
Ironically, being single can help you better understand what you want in a relationship.
Without the distraction of being in one, you can reflect on your past experiences, understand what worked, and identify what didn’t.
This clarity ensures you’re not settling for “good enough” down the line. You’ll enter any future relationships with a clearer understanding of your needs, boundaries, and desires.
Being Single has its Perks
Being single isn’t a stopgap or a temporary inconvenience, it’s a season with its own beauty and purpose.
The hidden upsides of single life can shape you into a stronger, happier person, ready to take on whatever comes next. So instead of looking at singlehood as something to escape, see it as a time to embrace and celebrate.
Your relationship status doesn’t define your worth. What defines you is how you choose to live, grow, and thrive…single or not.
Coaching Session: Love Intuitive
Trust Your Gut: Unlocking Intuition in Dating
Have you ever had a gut feeling about someone, only to second-guess it later? Wondered if butterflies meant excitement or a warning sign? If so, you’re not alone.
The truth is, intuition isn’t just a vague sense; it’s a powerful internal compass shaped by past experiences, personal values, and subconscious wisdom. But learning how to tune into it, especially in dating, can be a challenge.
This week on Dates & Mates, we offer a rare behind-the-scenes look at an intuitive coaching session with a real client, Mya. With incredible openness and vulnerability, Mya invited us into her journey of learning how to hear and trust her own inner voice in love.
During the session, a powerful question emerged—one that resonates with so many daters today: “How will I know when it’s actually working?”
Settle in, take a breath, and get ready to explore how intuition could become your most important dating superpower.
(2:06) Your Inner Compass Is Speaking (Are You Listening?)
For many singles, intuition is often drowned out by overthinking, self-doubt, or fear.
But as Mya discovered in this session, learning to recognize internal signals—before second-guessing them can make dating feel clearer and more empowering.
Sometimes the answers we’re searching for are already inside us; we just need to learn how to hear them.
(5:00) When Your Body Sends a Message, Believe It
Physical sensations are often the first sign that something is either right or wrong.
Through live exercises with Mya, we explored how subtle feelings like a headache, chest warmth, or a twinge of unease can provide important information about a new connection.
Tuning into these cues can help avoid heartache and steer toward the relationships that truly align.
(14:30) Swipe Fatigue? Your Energy Might Be Trying to Tell You Something
Mya shared that dating apps sometimes left her feeling drained and disconnected, and she’s not alone.
In the session, we unpacked how digital dating overload can mute intuition and why following your energy, not just your inbox, can lead to more fulfilling real-world connections.
When the process starts feeling heavy, it might be your intuition asking for a different approach.
(20:00) How to Know When It’s Working (Even If You Don’t See It Yet)
One of the biggest breakthroughs of Mya’s session centered on redefining success in dating.
Instead of chasing fast results, true progress often looks like building trust with yourself, feeling aligned with your decisions, and moving through dating with confidence, even before the perfect match appears.
Sometimes, the biggest win is learning how to trust the journey.
Experience the full intuitive coaching session with Mya on this week’s Dates & Mates. Learn how to sharpen your inner compass, reconnect with your instincts, and date in a way that feels clear, confident, and true to who you are.
Interested in booking your own solo coaching session?
Email Asst@DamonaHoffman.com or DM @damonahoffman on Instagram or Facebook!
How To Find True Love & IRL Real Deal
Dating Isn’t Broken — But the Fairy Tale Might Be
Dating takes guts—vulnerability, risk, and putting yourself out there—and lately, it’s been feeling a lot.
Between fairy tale myths and the post-lockdown social weirdness, it’s no wonder so many of us feel stuck or just straight-up over it. Swiping feels safer than saying hi, texting is easier than talking, and ghosting? Yeah, it stings.
But here’s the good news: your love story is still yours to write.
This week, TED speaker, podcast host, and modern love expert Francesca Hogi joins me to talk about ditching outdated fairy tales and building real-deal connections. Plus, we tackle a juicy Dear Damona & Dear Franny question: “Dating apps keep feeding me the same old matches. How do I meet someone IRL?”
Take a breath—today’s episode is all about rewriting the rules and stepping into the dating life you actually deserve.
(2:06) Meet Your Dating Reality Check: Francesca Hogi
You might know Francesca Hogi as the host of the Dear Franny podcast, a TED speaker, or the survivor who once literally competed for love on national TV. But today, she’s here wearing another crown: expert guide in tearing down outdated myths about love.
Franny has been featured everywhere from The Today Show to The New York Times, and her new book How to Find True Love is all about giving you the tools to stop chasing fairy tales and start building the real thing.
When she’s not dismantling the “fairy tale industrial complex,” she’s teaching singles how to step back into their power, trust themselves again, and find true love on their own terms.
(2:11) Why Your Love Life Feels Stuck And What Fairy Tales Have to Do With It
From Cinderella to rom-coms, we’ve been sold a very specific idea of what love is supposed to look like: effortless, instantaneous, magical. Francesca calls it the “fairy tale industrial complex,” a billion-dollar business that profits off keeping us chasing a fantasy.
But the truth? Real love doesn’t happen to you. It’s something you build, with trust, respect, and emotional safety at the center.
Franny explains, “When you meet someone, you’re not just admiring their traits, you’re co-creating a whole new relationship. That’s what you actually live inside of.”
(5:00) Are You Dating or Just Swiping?
Sure, dating apps started as a tool. But somewhere along the way, they became a crutch.
Today, many of us feel safer sending a text than making eye contact across a room. Rejection stings less when it’s a silent unmatch rather than a face-to-face conversation. But that “safety” might actually be costing us the very thing we want most: a real connection.
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the swipe-scroll-ghost spiral, this part of the episode will hit close to home and offer a way out you might not have considered yet
(12:13) The Self-Love Formula No One Taught You in School
You’ve heard “love yourself first” a million times. But Francesca actually shows you how to do it in a way that’s tangible, empowering, and actionable.
Self-love isn’t about thinking you’re the best person in the room. It’s about treating yourself with the same respect, compassion, and care you wish to receive from others.
As Franny puts it, “You’re not waiting to wake up one day magically feeling worthy. You create that feeling through action, one decision at a time.”
(22:29) How to Meet Cute (Without Feeling Weird About It)
What if every time you stepped outside, you believed something amazing could happen?
Francesca introduces the “Meet Cute Mindset” — a simple but powerful way to move through the world with openness and intention. It’s not about forcing conversations or awkwardly flirting with strangers. It’s about reminding yourself that connection is always possible… if you’re willing to be present enough to notice it.
Spoiler: there’s a cheeky million-dollar thought experiment that might just change how you walk through your local coffee shop tomorrow.
Connect with Francesca:
(38:01) Dear Damona & Dear Franny: Dating Feels Like It’s on Pause
This week’s question comes from Sheryl on Instagram, who shares:
“I use dating apps but remain open to connection when I am out and about. Still, I haven’t met anyone IRL, and my dating apps seem to be repeating candidates I already turned down. My love life feels like it’s on pause. How can I turn it back on?”
If you’ve ever felt like you’re stuck in a loop, seeing the same faces and feeling like real connection is out of reach, this part of the episode will feel like a deep exhale. It’s about shifting from passive hope to active creation and building the kind of dating life you actually want to be living.
Hint: It’s less about chasing outcomes and more about practicing openness, curiosity, and confidence one conversation at a time.
💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!
Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!
NBC News: Communication in the Digital Dating Age
Dating and communication can seem even more complicated in the digital age, but Damona Hoffman explains it all in her latest appearance on NBC News Daily.
In this segment, she joins Kate Snow to explain how texting habits differ across generations, why small choices like emojis and punctuation matter more than we realize, and how setting clear communication expectations can transform both new relationships and long-term partnerships.
Plus, Damona shares her expert advice on moving from messaging to meetings and why waiting too long can derail a budding connection.
Breadcrumbing Is the New Ghosting, and It Hurts More
Emotional breadcrumbing is a subtle but toxic behavior that can leave you confused, drained, and questioning your worth.
Recognizing it early can save you from unnecessary heartbreak and guide you toward healthier relationships. Let’s explore what emotional breadcrumbing is, how to spot it, and what you can do to protect yourself.
What is Emotional Breadcrumbing?
Emotional breadcrumbing happens when someone gives you just enough attention to keep you interested but never commits to a deeper connection.
It’s like giving you crumbs of affection without ever offering the whole loaf. While it can occur in romantic relationships, it’s also common in friendships or even family dynamics.
Picture this: They send sporadic texts saying, “I miss you” or “We should catch up soon,” but they never make concrete plans. Or, they compliment you just enough to keep you hopeful but always seem busy when you want to spend quality time.
Unlike healthy relationships, where intentions are clear and consistent, breadcrumbing thrives on vagueness and mixed signals. True connections involve effort, mutual respect, and emotional reciprocity. Breadcrumbing, on the other hand, is based on control and selfishness.
Recognizing the Breadcrumbs
How do you know if someone’s breadcrumbing you? Here are some telltale signs:
Pay attention to these patterns. Breadcrumbing doesn’t show up as one big red flag—it’s a trail of little clues that leave you frustrated and unfulfilled.
The Psychology Behind It
Why would someone breadcrumb you? The reasons often have more to do with them than with you.
Understanding the motivations behind breadcrumbing doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it can help you see it for what it is: a reflection of their issues, not your worth.
Why Emotional Breadcrumbing Hurts
Breadcrumbing might seem harmless at first, but its long-term effects can take a serious toll on your mental and emotional well-being.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
This cycle of highs and lows can drain you emotionally, leaving you confused and questioning what you did wrong. It’s exhausting to invest energy into a connection that never fully materializes, and over time, it can feel like a never-ending ride you can’t escape.
Impact on Self-Worth and Relationships
One of the most damaging effects of breadcrumbing is how it chips away at your self-esteem. Being fed crumbs of attention can make you feel like you’re not deserving of more, but that’s far from the truth.
Breadcrumbing can also impact future relationships. The lingering trust issues, fear of being let down again, and emotional scars can make it harder to open up to someone new. That’s why recognizing it early is so critical.
How to Spot Emotional Breadcrumbing Early
The earlier you identify breadcrumbing, the sooner you can protect yourself. Knowing the signs and trusting your gut are key.
Red Flags to Watch For
These red flags often appear gradually, so it’s important to reflect on the dynamics of the relationship and be honest with yourself.
Questions to Ask Yourself
If you’re unsure whether someone is breadcrumbing you, ask yourself these questions:
Your answers can reveal whether it’s time to set boundaries or walk away altogether.
The Role of Boundaries
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish, it’s essential. Let the other person know what you need from the relationship and what you won’t tolerate. For example, you might say, “I value consistent communication, and if that’s not possible for you, this won’t work for me.”
Boundaries not only protect your emotional health but also make it clear that you won’t settle for less than you deserve.
Breaking Free from Breadcrumbing
If you’ve discovered you’re in a breadcrumbing situation, it’s time to take back control of your emotional well-being.
Acknowledging the Problem
The first step is recognizing and accepting what’s happening. Don’t make excuses for the other person’s behavior. They’ve shown you who they are through their actions. Be honest with yourself, no matter how hard it feels.
Prioritizing Self-Care and Healing
Healing from breadcrumbing requires focusing on yourself. Spend time with supportive friends, journal your feelings, or consider talking to a therapist. Engage in hobbies or activities that bring you joy and self-fulfillment. The goal is to rebuild your sense of self-worth and remind yourself that you deserve meaningful, respectful connections.
Building Future Relationship Resilience
Use the experience as a lesson for the future. Learn to trust your intuition, recognize red flags, and establish boundaries early in relationships. The stronger your sense of self-worth, the harder it’ll be for anyone to breadcrumb you again.
Time to Reclaim Your Energy
Emotional breadcrumbing can feel like emotional quicksand, keeping you stuck in a cycle of hope and disappointment. But you don’t have to stay trapped. By recognizing the signs early, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your emotional health, you can protect yourself and move toward authentic, fulfilling connections.
You deserve more than crumbs. You deserve the whole loaf: someone who values, respects, and shows up for you. Trust yourself to walk away from anything less.
Dear Damona & Seth: Porcelain Anniversary
Have you ever wondered what 18 years of marriage really looks like?
Not the Instagram highlight reel, but the thousands of conversations, quiet compromises, and inside jokes that only come from choosing each other every single day?
This week on Dates & Mates, Damona does something she’s never done before. In honor of her 18th wedding anniversary (yes, 6,500+ days of love and lessons!), Damona is joined by her husband Seth on the mic to co-host an entire episode of Dear Damona where the couple tag-teams your biggest dating and relationship dilemmas.
From dating app anxiety to long-term communication ruts, they bring advice straight from the front lines of a real, evolving partnership. Seth may be a behind-the-scenes guy (TV writer, Virgo, very anti-social media), but he brings thoughtful insight and a few surprises too.
(6:03) When the Peanut Gallery Gets Too Loud
“I feel like I’m constantly second-guessing my own judgment…”
The first question comes from Bella, who’s 24 and feeling overwhelmed by unsolicited opinions, from friends and Facebook groups. When everyone’s got something to say about who you’re dating, how do you know what to take seriously and when to trust your gut?
Damona and Seth unpack the difference between a red flag and a rumor, and reflect on how the dating landscape today is more crowded with outside voices than ever before.
(14:38) Singles Events Are My Nightmare
“I freeze. I feel awkward… I end up standing on the sidelines.”
Shawn wants to show up intentionally and find real-life connection, but every time he gets to a singles event, anxiety shuts him down. Sound familiar?
Seth shares a psychological trick that helped him overcome social anxiety back in his single days. Damona adds her signature PS World technique (plus a few ice cream-based openers that actually work).
(25:24) Am I Talking or Just Repeating Myself?
“It feels like my partner isn’t truly listening anymore.”
Beth has been with her partner for several years but feels like she’s hitting a communication wall.
Damona and Seth talk about how to reset connection, why “invisible conversations” happen more than we realize, and how therapy doesn’t have to mean something is broken; it can be a tool for growth.
(35:55) Help! My Friends Are Dating Cynics
“Every time dating comes up, the conversation turns negative.”
Jill is trying to stay hopeful about love, but her friend group is stuck in a doom spiral.
Damona explains why protecting your dating mindset is crucial (and sometimes means snoozing the group chat), while Seth adds perspective on why some people stay stuck in dating cynicism.
💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!
Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!
10 Hidden Benefits of Being Single!
Being si
ngle often gets lumped into an either/or narrative. You’re either looking for someone or just “enjoying the moment.”
What gets lost in all this noise are the hidden benefits of being single, advantages we rarely talk about, but ones that can truly reshape how we see ourselves and the world.
Here’s a closer look at why the single life may just be the secret source of happiness you didn’t know you had.
1. You’re in Full Control of Your Time
When you’re single, your schedule belongs to you. There’s no need to coordinate plans, check in with anyone, or compromise on how you spend your weekends.
Feel like binge-watching your favorite series for hours or saying yes to a last-minute trip? Go for it. Every decision about your time is completely yours to make, and that kind of autonomy is powerful.
Relationships often require emotional labor and shared schedules, leaving little room for personal spontaneity. Being single gives you the gift of time to pursue what genuinely makes you happy without guilt or hesitation.
2. You Rediscover Who You Really Are
Being single gives you space to turn inward and evaluate what matters most to you, without external influences.
You start to notice what you enjoy, not because a partner likes it, but because you do. From hobbies to values, you get to rediscover the corners of yourself that might’ve been overlooked.
This self-awareness isn’t just empowering; it lays the foundation for more fulfilling relationships if or when you decide to enter one again. Knowing yourself well ensures you bring your best, most authentic self to the table.
3. Financial Freedom is Yours
Splitting expenses or saving for joint goals can be rewarding, but being single allows you to focus solely on your personal financial priorities.
Want to splurge on a new gadget or invest in your dream course? The decision is entirely yours.
You’re not bound by anyone else’s financial habits or goals, which can sometimes be a source of tension in relationships. Singlehood is a time to build, save, and spend in ways that reflect your unique financial vision.
4. You Strengthen Other Relationships
Romantic relationships often demand a significant amount of time and energy, which can unintentionally sideline friendships and family bonds.
When you’re single, you have more space to nurture other connections in your life. This isn’t about filling a void but about truly appreciating the richness of diverse relationships.
Reach out to friends for a coffee date. Reconnect with siblings or parents you’ve missed catching up with. These relationships often deepen when you have more time to genuinely invest in them.
5. No Compromise on Career or Life Goals
Being single means your life decisions are centered around your goals alone. Want to move across the country for a dream job?
There’s no need to factor in anyone else’s preferences. Ambitious career choices, big moves, or starting a new business come with fewer hurdles when you’re making decisions solo.
This self-centered goal setting isn’t selfish—it’s purposeful. Focusing entirely on what drives you ensures you’re building the life you truly want.
6. Your Mental Health Gets Priority
Relationships, even the best ones, come with stress. Arguments, managing expectations, and maintaining emotional intimacy can sometimes weigh heavily.
Being single allows you the space to prioritize your mental health in ways that might not be possible otherwise.
You can develop self-care routines without interruptions, attend therapy sessions without judgment, and focus on healing past wounds. The space to grow emotionally, without the pressure of meeting someone else’s needs, is a rare and valuable gift.
7. You Can Embrace True Independence
Independence isn’t just about paying your own bills or living alone.
It’s about knowing you’re capable of meeting your needs, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Being single forces you to learn how to stand strong on your own.
The confidence that comes from knowing you don’t need someone else is unmatched. And when you eventually choose to share your life with someone, it’ll be from a place of strength, not necessity.
8. You’re Free to Explore Without Limits
Being single is the ultimate green light for exploration.
Whether it’s testing out new hobbies, pursuing different interests, or traveling solo to places you’ve always dreamed of, your options are wide open.
Without the constraints of someone else’s preferences or plans, you can try things you’ve never done before. This kind of freedom often leads to personal discoveries you might’ve never stumbled on in a relationship.
9. You Build a Stronger Relationship With Yourself
At the heart of all the benefits of being single is this: It’s the ultimate time to grow your relationship with yourself.
You learn to enjoy your own company, celebrate your wins, and sit with your thoughts without distraction.
This isn’t about self-love as a catchphrase; it’s about genuinely knowing that you are enough just as you are. Cultivating this level of self-acceptance carries into every future relationship, making them healthier and more balanced.
10. You Develop a Deeper Appreciation for Future Relationships
Ironically, being single can help you better understand what you want in a relationship.
Without the distraction of being in one, you can reflect on your past experiences, understand what worked, and identify what didn’t.
This clarity ensures you’re not settling for “good enough” down the line. You’ll enter any future relationships with a clearer understanding of your needs, boundaries, and desires.
Being Single has its Perks
Being single isn’t a stopgap or a temporary inconvenience, it’s a season with its own beauty and purpose.
The hidden upsides of single life can shape you into a stronger, happier person, ready to take on whatever comes next. So instead of looking at singlehood as something to escape, see it as a time to embrace and celebrate.
Your relationship status doesn’t define your worth. What defines you is how you choose to live, grow, and thrive…single or not.
The Singles Tax & New LDR
The Singles Tax: Is Moving In Together About Love or Money?
Have you ever noticed that life just seems a little bit more expensive when you’re living solo? If you’ve felt the pinch of paying full rent, utilities, and groceries without someone to split the costs, you’re not imagining things.
This week we dive into a topic that hits daters right in the wallet: the singles tax. Whether it’s splitting the rent, closing costs, or that pesky electric bill, having someone to share the financial burdens of life can really take the load off.
But while moving in together often seems like a relationship milestone, is it always the right decision?
And then later in Dear Damona, we address this question of the week: New relationship. Yay! Long distance. Oh boy. Advice for making it work?
(2:23) Living Solo Is Costing You HOW Much?!
Meet Amanda Pendleton, an Emmy Award winning storyteller and television personality who serves as Zillow’s home trends expert. Her practical, data-driven advice on real estate and design has been featured on Today, Real Simple, Glamour, Forbes, NBC, ABC, CBS, and Fox around the country.
“This is the premium that you pay in order to live alone, to live single,” Amanda explains. “And it’s a lot.”
The difference between splitting costs with a partner versus paying solo is eye-opening, especially in major cities. But is saving money enough of a reason to give up your sacred thermostat control?
(8:22) Moving In Together? Ask These Questions First!
Before moving in together, every couple should consider the complete picture, not just the financial benefits.
Damona discusses her “Who, What, When, Where, Why” framework for cohabitation.
Amanda emphasizes having a written cohabitation agreement: “It is so important to have some kind of written cohabitation agreement before you enter this situation.”
(15:10) Why Your Rent Keeps Skyrocketing (It’s Not Just You)
The pressure to cohabitate has increased dramatically due to the housing market. Rental rates for single-family homes have increased significantly from pre-pandemic numbers!
This supply-demand mismatch has created an affordability crisis that makes the “singles tax” even more painful for solo dwellers. We explore what factors are driving these changes and how they’re affecting dating decisions.
(21:08) When Your Credit Score Becomes a Dating Issue
We often talk about emotional compatibility, shared interests, and chemistry, but what about financial compatibility?
Damona explores with Amanda how money conversations can pressure-test your relationship in valuable ways. Does one partner have excellent credit while the other struggles with debt? How will that impact your future housing options together?
These financial compatibility factors might not be romantic, but they’re crucial to address before signing a lease or mortgage together.
(24:26) Buy a House, Find a Spouse?
Amanda shares some surprising Zillow research: “We did a study last year, and it found that more than 2 in 5 recent home buyers say that they fell in love after they bought a home.”
This challenges the traditional “love, marriage, homeownership” sequence many of us grew up expecting. Could buying property actually improve your dating prospects? The discussion reveals what this means for singles hesitant to make major life moves without a partner.
Connect with Amanda on Zillow.com
(32:09) Dear Damona: Long Distance Love Without the Stress
A listener asks: “Do you have any advice on newly dating someone long distance?”
Long distance relationships require intentionality and planning. Our advice includes having “the future” conversation earlier than you might in a local relationship, since you need to know if relocation is even possible.
Creating meaningful virtual dates keeps your connection strong, while making sure some of your time together includes normal, everyday experiences helps build a realistic foundation.
With the right approach and the four pillars of compatibility, distance doesn’t have to be a deal-breaker.
💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!
Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!
9 Quick Ways to Spring Clean Your Dating Profile
Think of it as spring cleaning for your online dating presence. With a few strategic updates based on proven methods, you can make your profile more engaging, approachable, and reflective of who you truly are.
Below, we’ll break down expert steps to give your dating profile the boost it needs.
1. Evaluate Your Current Profile
Before making changes, evaluate what’s already there. Is your profile still accurate? Are the photos and bio reflective of your current self?
2. Refresh Your Photos Using “The Three Cs”
Your pictures are the first thing potential matches notice—don’t underestimate their power. The expert “Three Cs” approach can transform your photo lineup:
Remember: “Your profile is only as good as your worst photo,” and the order matters. Lead with your strongest image, and absolutely avoid filters—they signal inauthenticity.
3. Rewrite Your Bio Through Storytelling
Your bio is your sales pitch. Storytelling beats listing traits every time.
Your profile should paint a complete picture of who you are. Interests and hobbies are perfect connection points with like-minded matches.
5. Revisit Your Match Preferences
Sometimes, your dating preferences might be too narrow: ” death by dating deal breaker.”
6. Double-Check for Grammar and Clarity
A profile full of typos or unclear statements sends the wrong message. Your written content should be polished and easy to understand.
7. Protect Your Privacy
Sharing too much personal information can put you at risk. It’s important to balance openness with safety.
8. Revamp Your Messaging Approach
Even the best profile won’t lead to meaningful connections if you’re not engaging with your matches thoughtfully. Try these specific communication strategies:
9. Explore Features on Dating Apps
Most apps have tools that can increase your chances of finding matches—use them to your advantage.
Spring cleaning your dating profile goes beyond just updating photos or rewriting your bio—it’s about presenting an authentic version of yourself that attracts the right people. The best dating methods emphasize values-based connections, storytelling, and intentional communication.
Remember that dating is not about quantity but quality connections. When you represent yourself authentically and focus on your true relationship goals, you create opportunities for meaningful relationships.
Take the time to implement these steps and watch your matches improve. Whether you’re looking for casual conversations or a serious relationship, a refreshed profile opens the door to endless possibilities. Now, go make that profile sparkle!
Are you looking for more in-depth help with your dating app profile? Check out our Profile Starter Kit.
Dysregulated Dating & Beginning Again
Have you ever felt your heart race before a first date? Do you shut down during conflict, or find yourself in an anxious spiral waiting for a text back, you’re not alone.
The truth is, love isn’t just in your head, it’s in your body too. The way we attach, react, and connect is deeply wired into our nervous system, shaped by past experiences and, for many of us, past wounds.
This week we are joined in our journey by master certified Somatic Life coach Beatriz Victoria Albina. She’ll be breaking down the ways that a dysregulated nervous system gets in our way romantically, how to tune in to the cues your body is sending you, and how to heal ourselves for healthier, happier relationships.
Later we’ll answer this Dear Damona question of the week: How do I begin dating again now that my 15-year marriage has ended?
So take a deep breath, settle in, and get ready. Because today we’re going to give you a lot of advice, a lot of key takeaways, and a whole mind-body-spirit journey on love from the inside out.
(2:06) The Nervous System Whisperer
Meet Beatriz Victoria Albina, a master certified somatic life coach who helps us understand how our bodies affect our love lives!
“My work is all about helping humans who are socialized as women to overcome our codependent, perfectionist and people pleasing habits, which relates to every millisecond of how we relate,” Beatriz explains. “It’s really a relational issue, and the lens I use is both a feminist one and a nervous system lens.”
She’s a family nurse practitioner, somatic experience practitioner, and breathwork meditation guide with a master’s degree in public health from Boston University and hosts the Feminist Wellness podcast.
Your Inner Caveperson is Freaking Out (5:00)
Did you know your dating anxiety is actually a prehistoric survival mechanism?
When your nervous system detects a potential threat – whether it’s a predator in the wild or an unanswered text – it triggers the same biological response. Your body can’t tell the difference between facing a lion and facing rejection on a dating app!
Beatriz breaks down the three surprising nervous system states that control your dating life and explains why understanding them is the key to transforming your relationship patterns.
Swiping Into a Nervous Breakdown (14:04)
“We’re not designed to be swiping hundreds of faces or be scrolling doomscrolling Instagram after we get ghosted for like six hours of doomscrolling with the TV on while drinking wine,” Beatriz warns. These digital dating habits are literally rewiring our nervous systems.
The constant swiping and ghosting creates intense cycles of hope and disappointment – much like an addictive loop.
We explore the hidden neurological cost of dating app burnout and what you might be missing when your nervous system is constantly frazzled by digital dating.
The 30-Second Date Calm-Down Trick (20:57)
Panicking before a date? There’s a science-backed trick that’s surprisingly simple.
When dating anxiety hits, your brain’s emotion center hijacks your thinking. But what if you could redirect that energy in less than a minute?
Beatriz shares a counterintuitive technique that sounds almost too basic to work – yet the neuroscience behind it is solid.
This easy practice could be the difference between shutting down on a promising date and staying present enough to make a real connection.
Your Dating Superhero Has Your Back (32:38)
Everyone needs a secret weapon when dating anxiety strikes.
Beyond just positive self-talk, Beatriz introduces a powerful concept that creates an emotional anchor in turbulent dating waters. This technique helps you stay grounded when dating triggers your deepest insecurities.
The approach draws on both ancient wisdom and modern neuroscience, and it might completely change how you handle pre-date jitters, awkward silences, and post-date overthinking.
Connect with Beatriz:
(41:48) Dear Damona: Starting Over After Divorce
A listener shares:
“Dear Damona, after my 15-year marriage ended last year, I haven’t been able to start dating yet. I was raised in a conservative religious environment and never dated until meeting my ex and subsequently marrying him in a matter of months, so I actually have no idea how to even start dating.”
Dating after a long marriage isn’t just about meeting new people – it’s about meeting a new version of yourself.
We suggest a fresh approach that takes all the pressure off and reframes the entire dating process.
💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!
Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!
Love Bombing or True Love? 10 Ways to Spot Romance Scams
“He told me I am his soulmate but won’t video chat with me.”
Online dating can feel like a thrilling adventure, but not every match has good intentions. Romance scams, designed to prey on emotions and wallets, are on the rise. Scammers create fake profiles, build trust, and manipulate their targets into sending money or sharing personal information. Spotting the red flags early is crucial to protecting yourself.
Here’s how to recognize and avoid romance scams while keeping your heart and bank account safe:
They Move the Conversation Off the App Quickly
A common tactic scammers use is asking to switch to text, email, or another messaging platform. They might say the dating app “isn’t secure” or they rarely check the app so they prefer to text or use WhatsApp. While it might seem harmless, this allows them to avoid being flagged by the app’s security systems and it disrupts the chain of information making them harder to track
Stick to communicating through the app in the early stages, especially if something about their behavior feels off. Scammers often want to control the narrative away from platform monitoring.
Their Profile Seems Perfect—Maybe Too Perfect
Does their profile read like a dream? Gorgeous photos, a great job abroad, and a life you’ve only seen in movies? Be cautious. Scammers often paint an idealized version of themselves to hook victims.
Look for inconsistencies. Does their bio seem to conflict with what you see in pictures? Do the pictures include a lot of group shots, sunglasses, or elements that make it unclear what the person actually looks like? Reverse search their photos to see if they appear on unrelated accounts or websites. Authenticity isn’t flawless—real people have quirks, imperfection, and natural details.
They Profess Love Too Quickly
Genuine connections take time. Scammers, however, often will Love Bomb you. They might declare feelings of love after just a handful of conversations. Grand, romantic language like, “You’re my soulmate,” or, “I’ve never felt like this before,” is common bait.
Be wary if declarations of love happen before you’ve even met in person. Real relationships grow over time, not overnight
They’re Always ‘Unavailable’ to Meet in Person
Does your match always have a reason they can’t meet? Scammers often claim to live or work far away, making in-person interactions impossible. Favorites include being stationed overseas in the military, working on an oil rig, or completing a project in another country.
While long-distance relationships can be real, persistent excuses for avoiding face-to-face or video calls are a red flag. A genuine partner will want to connect beyond texts.
They Create Emotional Sob Stories
Scammers excel at storytelling. They’ll often share tragic tales to evoke your sympathy. They might talk about losing a loved one, battling an illness, or facing financial hardship. This is all part of building emotional trust.
Ask yourself: Is the story consistent, or does it conveniently shift to justify a new request? Emotional manipulation is a cornerstone of romance scams.
They Ask for Money or Financial Assistance
This is the biggest red flag. Whether it’s a loan for an unexpected emergency, travel costs to visit you, or help with “frozen” bank accounts, any request for money should raise immediate alarm bells, even if it’s an unbelievable crypto investment that they believe will surely pay off in the future. It won’t!
Scammers might also frame it in ways that seem temporary or unintrusive, like asking for gift cards. And of course gift cards can’t be tracked so that allows them a clean and easy getaway. Always remember: a genuine partner won’t ask for financial help, especially so early in a relationship.
Grammar and Communication Might Not Match Their Profile
Does their polished persona on the app mismatch their writing? Scammers often use fake profiles but struggle with grammar or phrasing that doesn’t align with the professional image they project.
Watch for inconsistencies in tone, frequent typos, or clunky responses. Poor communication skills can signal that you’re not speaking to who you think. Conversely if it seems over-written or unnaturally formal, they are mostly likely using A.I. to sound more believable.
They Avoid Answering Direct Questions
When you ask simple questions, do they deflect or change the subject? Scammers avoid revealing details that could expose their lies. They might give vague answers or tell you they’re too busy to respond thoughtfully.
This is a manipulative tactic to keep the focus on emotions rather than facts. If their stories feel shallow or evasive, your gut is probably right.
Their Sob Story Leads to a Crisis
After earning your trust, scammers often stage a sudden “crisis.” They’ll say their wallet got stolen, a relative needs emergency surgery, or their business deal fell through. These situations almost always result in a plea for financial help.
Stay firm—don’t send money, no matter how heartbreaking their tale might sound. Scammers will often disappear as soon as their demands are met.
They Pressure You to Act Fast
Scammers create urgency as part of their scheme. Whether it’s needing money “today” to resolve an issue or pushing you to commit emotionally, they thrive on making you act without thinking.
If someone you’ve never met is applying pressure, take a step back. Healthy, real relationships respect time and boundaries.
Protect Yourself: Stay Vigilant and Trust Your Instincts
Romance scams prey on the desire for love and connection. Awareness is your best defense. Stay cautious by keeping the conversation on verified platforms, looking for inconsistencies, and avoiding financial entanglements.
Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it’s okay to walk away. Real love isn’t built on secrecy, pressure, or manipulation—it’s grounded in trust, honesty, and mutual respect.
By staying alert, you can protect yourself while searching for a relationship that’s truly worth your time and energy.
Learn more about spotting a romance scam in this episode of the Dates & Mates podcast
Dear Damona: Waiting for Love & Inner Work
Do dating apps have you feeling exhausted? Tired of matches who never read your profile? This week’s all-Dear-Damona episode tackles your biggest dating frustrations with straight-to-the-point advice.
From outdated “men should chase” myths to those frustrating matches who never read your profile, we tackled the dating dilemmas keeping you up at night.
Whether you’re dusting off your dating apps, stepping back into the social scene, or just trying to figure out if that celebrity DM is legit (spoiler: it’s probably not) we’ve got you covered.
(00:57) Hot Topics on the Dating Agenda
This week’s listener questions covered everything from making the first move to spotting sophisticated romance scams, proving once again that sharing our dating struggles helps everyone navigate this wild journey together.
Spoiler alert: one of these situations could cost you more than just your heart!
(01:53) Is “Men Should Chase” Just an Outdated Myth?
“What year is it? It’s 2025, right? I was just checking because I wanted to remind you that we do not live in the olden times,” Damona quipped when Angela called wondering if women making the first move has “psychological consequences.”
Angela’s heard all about how “men are programmed to chase women,” but the men pursuing her aren’t the ones she’s interested in.
This outdated notion belongs in the history books alongside other dating myths that are holding you back from finding genuine connection.
(10:58) When Your Dating Profile Goes Unread
Spent hours crafting the perfect dating profile only to have matches immediately ask questions you’ve already answered? Brigid’s frustration might mirror your own!
We tackled why this happens so frequently and shared a refreshing perspective that might change how you respond.
After all, dating apps are a numbers game – but that doesn’t mean you can’t play to win!
(20:41) Finding Partners Who’ve Done the Inner Work
After investing in therapy and personal development, Karina wonders if looking for men who’ve done similar work makes her “unicorn hunting.”
Turns out, the stats on men in therapy might surprise you!
We crunched the numbers and discovered an eye-opening reality about the dating pool when it comes to emotional intelligence and personal growth.
(28:45) Is That Celebrity DMing You? Probably Not.
“Jane, you sound like a very logical person with a good heart who really just wants to be loved,” Damona shared with a listener caught in what had all the warning signs of a sophisticated romance scam.
When someone claiming to be a famous singer-songwriter contacts you through an “unverified fan account,” should you believe it?
We unpacked the red flags that everyone should know about – especially when gift card requests enter the picture!
💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!
Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!
Master Class: Beyond Dating Burnout
Bringing Back Empathy: The Key to Deeper Relationships
Is dating feeling disconnected? Are you experiencing dating burnout?, This week on Dates & Mates, we reveal why bringing back empathy is the key to deeper relationships.
Science actually says that empathy makes you more attractive. In this special 550th masterclass episode, we explore how to cultivate empathy, share exercises to strengthen your empathy muscles, and reveal why having compassion for yourself is just as important as having it for others.
Get ready for a transformative episode that will help you feel empowered, whole, and full – because that’s ultimately the best place to date from.
(2:16) Dating Without Empathy? It’s Like Swimming Without Water!
Swipe, chat briefly, move on, repeat. Without empathy, dating has turned into a fast-food experience where no one leaves satisfied!
The speed of communication has changed everything. What happened to connection? In this segment, we dive into why ghosting and breadcrumbing have become the norm, and how this disconnect leaves us all feeling burnt out and hungry for something real.
(6:06) Turns Out Being a Good Listener Makes You Hotter (Science Says So!)
Your ears might be your most underrated dating asset! Research shows that empathetic people aren’t just nicer – they’re actually perceived as more charismatic and trustworthy.
Why is empathy declining worldwide? We break down the fascinating science linking screen time to emotional disconnection and reveal exactly how strengthening your empathy muscles can make you magnetically attractive to potential partners.
(14:04) The 80/20 Rule That Will Transform Your Dating Life
Ever feel like your dates are more like job interviews than genuine connection? There’s a simple rule that changes everything – and it’s not what you think!
Active listening creates “stickiness” between people. By validating emotions and asking thoughtful follow-up questions, you’ll stand out from the crowd of daters who are just waiting for their turn to talk. The best part? This technique works whether you’re 25 or 75!
(21:53) Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who’s The Most Dateable Of Them All?
Self-empathy – your dating superpower in disguise! Before you can truly understand others, you’ve got to understand yourself (and yes, it might feel awkward at first).
What do mirror work, letters to your younger self, and pre-date emotional check-ins have in common? They’re all tools to build self-compassion that naturally extends to others. In this segment, we break down simple exercises that feel good and make you better at connecting with potential partners.
(30:57) Rapid Fire Q&A: Dating Empathy To The Rescue!
“They say they want a relationship but act completely unavailable.” Sound familiar? You’re not alone! In this lightning round, we tackle your burning dating questions:
💌 Do you have questions? Damona has the answers!
Don’t forget you can submit your dating and relationship questions for our Dear Damona segment on Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook, or leave us a voicemail or text to 424-246-6255, and hear Damona’s answers live in a future episode!