First Coaching Call and Notes:
Some highlights from the meeting:
You can find the Profile Starter Kit here
THE WHAT IF SCENARIO
- You are not required to answer the difficult questions on a first date, “why would i talk about my divorce when I here with a handsome guy like you?”
- Average text time is 90 seconds – if your messages aren’t coming in a timely way, you might be picking up on his energetic interest level
- Release the anxiety from date mistakes
THE EX IN THE PICTURE
- Write a pros and cons list
- Because we’re isolated, we’re more likely to go into emotional replay
- If you fail to plan, you plan to fail
- Get on dating apps and knowing that there is something out there
- Because of political climate are people are clinging to what they know – he called her recently
- If you’re attached to the idea of a soulmate you’re missing out on a plethora of possibilities
THE COMMUNICATION ANXIETY
- Look at your attachment style: understand your patterns
- Find other things that you can pour your anxious energy into, you can also date other people
- Attached – by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
- Tap into a shared experience and inspire him to write back. Ask a specific questions
WASTING TIME WITH THE WRONG ONES
- Mindset shift: the time isn’t wasted, it should be invested
- Stricter filtering and screening process: Do 20 minute check in call within a set window to give him and opportunity to show up for you
- Rewrite the narrative: you are the prize and they have to demonstrate that they are emotionally available and respect your time and are going to show up for you. Your job is just to believe it when you see it
Meditation For Anxiety
Final Coaching Call and Notes:
How to continue the conversation in the app before you move to phone, video or IRL.
- You’re not trying to get to know the person in the app
- Video chat adds a layer of pressure, go for the phone call. Great way to get to know someone
- Move to phone call or video chat within a week
- Go based on their actions, men aren’t the best conversationalists
- Turn your energy towards someone who is the right match
- You’re right to ask for more photos if they don’t have any good ones
- Could be a red flag for a catfish
Would it be okay to skip video calls and go to a social distance date?
- Create the system that works best for you. Go for the phone call instead of video chat
Lots of likes, but only gets one message. Should I have better pictures?
- Don’t assume interest based on the like
- Change your pictures if you feel like you’re not getting a response.
- Return message rate correlates with profile, remember the 3Cs but lead with a colorful date look for your primary pic
What do you do if he keeps asking questions because he was new to dating?
- Lack of asking questions doesn’t mean lack of interest
- If you are a take-charge person, be authentic and find someone who embraces that side of you
- Are you curious enough to learn more about him?
How long do you allow yourself to keep going when you’re not getting anything in return?
- You can take a break if you’re burnt out
- Journaling, find music to lift your mood. Find other ways to lift your mood
- Don’t take the interactions personally
- You’re being spared or be prepared
- Seek clarity over validation
I tend to have expectations and get disappointed, how to stay in the moment with dating?
- Fixation on how to avoid previous relationship pitfalls can get in the way
- Signs of a good partner won’t be seen right away, it takes months
- Ask yourself, are you seeking out patterns and jumping to the end?
- If this something I know or a story I’m telling myself?
- Stay present, don’t play ahead, feel the magic
How long do you stay when you’re getting mixed messages?
- You might be allowing too much flexibility
- Does it feel authentic?
- Understanding where you are is the biggest piece to unlock the mystery
- Knowing where you guys stand, understand how to communicate with them
- You can change attachment styles by changing your mindset and partner
I’m too busy to look through matches and feel annoyed and frustrated – it’s like a chore. Feeling burnt out and not really hopeful. What do I do?
- Dating apps don’t work well if you don’t have clarity and conviction around it.
- When you’re in survival mode, it’s not the best mindset for dating
- Make a goal to make dating a top priority
- One month, six weeks of deliberate action—put it on your calendar
- This may not be the time, if not now, when?