Many dating sites ask about past relationships in their profile questionnaire. My clients are always stumped on how to answer the question, and rightly so. If movies like ‘The Other Woman’ have taught us anything, the lines can get crossed quickly—cheating with Kate Upton or not. So the question remains: When should you talk to your current lover about your former lover?
1. Definitely NOT on the first date – A first date is never the place to air your dirty laundry or release your breakup baggage. Keep the first meeting short and sweet and if the subject of exes comes up, just tell your date that’s a story for another day.
2. Once you are intimately involved – If there’s something your new beau should know about your previous partner, especially if it’s something you have a bedroom hang-up about, it’s better to share it than to bottle it up.
3. If you have children – Most lovers want to know how your ex is involved in your life if you share custody of kids. Unlike those without children who can walk away from the relationship without ever having contact again, kids mean you (and your new partner) will likely have to deal with the ex on a regular basis.
4. If you have an STD – With the growth of niche sites for those with STDs, this question has been coming up more and more for me lately. I think you should wait until you believe that your relationship is progressing towards intimacy before revealing that you have an STD. But if your last partner left you with an unwanted gift, you definitely need to reveal it before you have sex with someone new for their own safety and your own self-respect.
5. Only in general terms on your profile – This perplexing profile question is not the place to get deep and contemplative. You can choose to give a cheeky response or none at all, just don’t turn your profile into a bitch session about your ex or what you don’t want from your next mate.
6. After you run into them unexpectedly – My husband was with me when ended up at a party with one of the guys who really broke my heart. I totally lost my composure when I saw him but my husband (who was just my boyfriend at the time) didn’t get jealous or standoffish. He just held my hand and supported me and that moment brought me even closer to him.
If you’re looking to have a new beau to begin with, read HERE for the steps to take to write that online dating profile!