Usually once you’re attracted to someone, as much as you might have grown to hate them, there’s always some residual level of attraction that remains. Does that mean that it’s a good idea to sleep together again? Even if you both agree that there are no feelings involved. Absolutely not!!!
This phenomenon happens so frequently because people prefer the comfortable and familiar over the uncomfortable feeling of being alone or the awkwardness of being intimate with someone new. Being involved with your ex not only keeps you from being physically or emotionally able to connect with a new partner, it also means you’re wasting your time from finding the right person and keeping yourself stuck in reverse until you let go of the past.
When you break up with someone it’s imperative that you give yourself the time to heal from the breakup. Even if you think you’re not still emotionally attached, biologically it’s very difficult (particularly for women) to completely separate feelings of intimacy from the act of sex.
Usually I recommend that my clients avoid contact with an ex so that they have time to heal and process what happened in the relationship. This means at least one month for every six months that they were together. So if you were together for four years give yourself eight months before reconnecting with your ex in any way. With this time you can gain the perspective on what went wrong and improve things for your next relationship. Going back and having sex with your ex a few weeks after a breakup usually leads to the beginning of those painful off again/on again months. And going through those holding on phases usually result in another breakup again after the first breakup. It’s like picking at a scab. You’re better off leaving it alone to heal.
While I have been able to form friendships with most of my own exes, but only after having sufficient time to heal from the relationship. Someone who knows you so intimately, as an ex does, is never a bad person to have in your corner. Unless something completely unforgiving occurred. So while a friendship—or acquaintanceship—is the ideal, it’s not a goal meant to be scored or maintained on any level. When the relationship ends, let it end.
Although many women claim that they can have casual sex like a man, we are biologically predisposed to have more feelings about a sexual encounter. After all, we’re the ones left holding the baby if sex results in conception, right? So if you’re on the fence about getting back into bed with an ex, or feeling lonely and receiving a tickle in your cell phone to drunk dial them for a late night bootie call, pop open a bottle of wine, turn on Netflix and phone a good pal to talk you off the ledge.
Still chomping at the bit to get back in the sack with your ex? Here’s some information on why casual sex can depress you enough to rethink it.