Almost a month into Dear Mrs D’s online dating experiment with my love life and I have to say I’m totally enjoying it! I’ve gone out on six dates—two with the same guy (it wasn’t a match), and I have FOUR lined up for the next week alone. I’ve had a few phone calls with guys who never made it to the first date, since they either talked over me, seemed to creepy, or I just didn’t feel a spark. I told one fella who texted me WAY too late at night WAY too early in the relationship (the night after our first date) that his eagerness to see me was charming but better suited for a woman who is looking as quickly as he is to find love. There have been good dates, bad dates, and mediocre dates. But all in all, online dating is a hoot! But with that are a few cautions, warnings and pieces of advice I’d like to spread around.
Here’s the dating rules that I’ve learned so far:
1) If they don’t listen now, they never will—If you find yourself nodding along and nodding off to someone’s incessant jabber about themselves, move on. Whether it’d be nerves or narcissism, if they don’t catch their breath at some point to say, “but enough about me, let’s talk about you” then you’re wasting your time. Communication is a two-way street from the get-go. I told one chatterbox that I didn’t think we were meant to be after our first phone conversation. He not only talked OVER me, he didn’t give me a chance to get a word in. He appreciated my honesty and apologized, so maybe he’ll be ready for the next phone call, but for me, it was already too late.
2) No talking about exes, divorces, or previous online dates—Nothing sours a conversation faster than the topic of what went wrong the last time and why they are sitting across from you now. I had to explain to one ex-basher that I’d rather know what he’s like for myself than through the eyes of his ex. He understood and appreciated the honesty and moved away from the subject quickly. But it did stick in my craw and I ended up canceling a future date.
3) No dates that involve eating until AT LEAST the fourth date—I know Dear Mrs D says Date 3 can be a dinner date, but after messing that up on Date 2 and having brunch with a guy that I was seriously considering getting to Date 5 with (sex!), I decided that to eat with someone is just as intimate as sleeping with them. From food in the teeth to ketchup smeared across the cheek, eating is just not attractive on anyone. Especially when trying to carry a revealing conversation. And if you have stomach issues, all the worse. Who knows why someone’s getting up to use the restroom after eating? To wash their hands? To check their teeth? To poop? Date 3 is way too early to be thinking about a potential mate’s bowel movements. If you’re easily grossed out (like me), wait until Date 4 to eat together.
4) Use mouthwash, some sort of body spray (cologne or perfume), and brush your teeth—Stink is unforgivable.
Some may say that I’m way too vain, picky, hard on people—whatever it may be, but remember, for me this is fun. As it should be. You’re potentially meeting your soul mate, so why not be on your best behavior, act courteous, smell and look good, ask questions, be honest and leave the drama in the past? Online dating is a great way to meet any type of person you choose, but you’re doing the choosing, so BE CHOOSY.
Have fun, date often, and enjoy the ride!
If you still need help with how to present yourself on a date, join Dear Mrs D’s webinar about surprising ways to look sexier this Tuesday, November 12th!