no_blog_1-6-12I have been told “no” in the last month more times that I have heard it in my entire life. With my book, Spin Your Web, coming out on Feb. 1st, I’ve had to humbly ask others for their endorsements, favors, and support.  I’m usually the one that other come to for guidance and assistance so I feel very out of my element doing so.

Having to put myself out there so much and receive so many rejections in return is quite humbling but when life gives me lemons, I like to not only make lemonade but also seek out the lesson that the lemons have been trying to teach me. This reminds me of what I tell my clients, “Do not to focus on the rejections but rather on the possibility of what’s to come.”  Every failed relationship is an opportunity to re-examine your actions, needs, and desires to lead you closer to finding a perfect match the next time.

Especially with online dating, if you put so much expectation into each email that you send or date that you attend, you will burn out…and fast. What if, instead of seeing an unanswered message or date without a return call as a rejection, you said, “Thank you,” and thought of it more as G-d or The Universe protecting you from the wrong relationship?  You really have no idea what is going on at the other end of the computer.  That person could already be in a relationship, inactive on the site, looking for something very specific, or just not be a serious dater.  There are so many possible reasons that he or she didn’t respond, so whipping yourself into a frenzy about what’s wrong with you as a person is just not productive.

What is helpful is to look for patterns.  Are people not even looking at your profile after reading your email? Then you need to re-examine what you are saying in your email and take a second look at your primary picture. Are they looking at your profile but not emailing you?  Perhaps it’s time for a profile polish or refresh.  Or maybe you have a lot of first dates than never become second ones.  Could you be giving away too much for a first time meeting?

Whatever you do, keep yourself in a place of positivity. The next date might be your perfect person and you have to offer up the best YOU possible on that date.  Dating can be humbling just as doing anything in life that requires you to ask for something because there is always the possibility of receiving a no or sometimes worse yet, radio silence.  But it oftentimes takes a no to lead you to a yes, and in dating it takes just one yes from the right person to change your life forever.

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