Sometimes, making the decision to break it off with the person you’re dating can be the hardest part of dating. It’s not always easy to step back to think, “Is this actually my best fit? Is this person my soulmate?” And, even when you know you want out of the relationship, often you don’t know where to begin the discussion. Like I always say, you have to look at finding your ideal mate as your job; your mission that you’ve chosen to accept. Have you ever bought a pair of pants that looked great online and then found they fit terribly when they arrived? If you want a refund, you have to take initiative and send the pants back
As much as we’d like for everyone who looks good on paper to be as great as we imagine them to be, sometimes we realize that over time our vision of the relationship is better than it is in actuality. Knowing when a relationship is not serving us is one of the most frightening, and also one of the most liberating, things each of us can do. I can’t tell you when that is, but I can say that when you know, you know. Usually people ignore their inner voice that tells them it’s over then they spend months going back-and-forth with the hope that fate will intervene and end it for them or miraculously turn their mate into the person that they’d hoped they could be.
Don’t put yourself through the unnecessary stress. In most cases, you can tell if a person is not the right fit within 3 dates or less. Yes, the rule of three strikes again. You will notice that this is when the cracks begin to show. After a mere three dates the emotional investment of both parties should be relatively small, so shouldn’t be too hard for you to throw that trout back in the sea and keep fishing.
I always recommend communicating your intentions as soon as you set them. When you don’t at least give a “sorry it’s not working out for me” email or call you leave the door open for them to try and open it again. As long as you’re direct and honest about your feelings, no one can fault you. But make sure your message is clear and that you take the responsibility upon yourself rather than throwing it on them.
With online dating it’s possible to make a clean break as you won’t have to see each other at parties by mutual friends or at work every day or talk to their mom when you run into her at the grocery store. As long as you end things in a cordial way, you’re free and clear to start dating someone else right away.
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